Jonghyun was staring to suspect something.

Although he didn’t show it much, there were times Kibum was sure he was going to ask the question he dreaded most and when that time came he wouldn’t be able to lie. Kibum didn’t lie by nature.

But Jonghyun never did ask. Instead he busied himself even more with Sekyung, which left Kibum even more heartbroken and it was only thanks to the other three he was able to pull it off in front of Jonghyun or the camera. When he was left alone, however, it became another story. He was always close to tears and he didn’t have much energy left after using it to put up a front that was not his true self at all.

He ended up going out more and more with his newfound friends in the 91-line. It helped him take the stress away, especially when he now had a sprained ankle to boot, and he would come home drunk more times than not. Minho accompanied him several times to look out for him, like he had promised him.

Kibum was dragging himself to the dressing-room one evening after they had just finished filming a show. He was exhausted and ready to keel over at any moment.

Jonghyun had run off after hearing that Sekyung was in the same building while Minho and Taemin had gone to the bathroom. Jinki was shuffling along beside him, both too tired to speak.

Jinki was about to open his mouth to say something, probably about dinner, when they opened the door to their dressing-room and saw a sight that Kibum thought was going to scar him for the rest of his life.

Jonghyun was huddled up in the sofa with Sekyung and they were kissing. Mouth. To. ing. Mouth.

Kibum thought he was going to pass out on the spot. The image was sending his brain into overload and Jinki barley managed to suppress a surprised sound before Kibum turned around and ran out of the room. He couldn’t anymore. He had to get out of that room, that corridor, that building. Right now.

Tears had started to fall down his cheeks once he was out in the lobby and he was sobbing uncontrollably, not caring about the staff looking at him worriedly. He hated the unfairness of the world. He hated how he was forced to be the best-friend-that-was-more-than-a-brother. He hated how he had to watch Jonghyun be happy with Sekyung when he loved him to no end. He hated how he wanted to take Sekyung’s place and be the one kissing Jonghyun although he knew Sekyung deserved to be with Jonghyun. He hated Jonghyun because he was doing this to him without even knowing. And he hated himself because he loved Jonghyun.

Kibum couldn’t really see where he was going and bumped into someone hard.

“I-I’m s-sorry.” He sobbed and looked up into Minho’s concerned eyes.

“Kibum?” He murmured and without a second thought Kibum flung his arms around Minho’s waist and squeezed him tightly, looking for comfort.

He heard Minho say something to who he assumed was Taemin over his head and the other started to run in the direction Kibum had come from. Then he felt Minho put his arms around him and lead him to a bench in a more secluded area. To Kibum's great relief he didn’t ask anything and let him cry until he calmed down. Kibum couldn’t handle questions which he didn’t have a proper answer for at the moment.

When Kibum was done Minho stood up and pulled him to the bathroom.

“Wash your face.” He ordered as soon as they were in front of one of the sinks.

Kibum complied obediently. The cool water felt good against his cried-out eyes. When he was done he dried his face and took a shaky breath. Then he set his shoulders and looked up at Minho, ready for whatever was to come. He must have looked completely torn because a frown appeared on Minho’s forehead and he put an arm around his shoulder.

“You can’t go on like this.” He said gravely. Kibum breathed out.

“I know.” His voice cracked a little. “But what am I supposed to do? I have no experience at all in this area and it’s hard to be stuck in-between being more than a brother but at the same time not enough.”

“You need to tell him, Kibum.” Minho pressed. “You need to work this out together.”

“I can’t.” Kibum sounded as desperate as he felt. “It could destroy everything, Minho. Not only because Jonghyun and I wouldn’t be able to be like before or the band might break up, but because homouality isn’t as kindly looked upon as you’d think.”

Minho’s frown deepened and he bit his lip thoughtfully.

“I know.” He muttered. “But it’s not like you like men in general, right?”

Kibum blinked. He had never thought of that. He had been so strung up on the fact that he liked his best-friend-who-is-a-boy that he didn’t even pause to think if he actually was homoual or not. He realised now that he preferred girls rather than boys. A small burden seemed to lift from his heart and he felt his shoulders relax a bit.

A little smile appeared on Minho’s lips when he saw the expression change on Kibum's face.

“Really,” he almost chuckled, “leave it to you to overreact and go full out on things.”

“Well, sorry,” he growled, “that’s who I am.”

Minho started to laugh. “C’mon, let’s go back.”

He took hold of Kibum's elbow and led him out of the bathroom. The small relief Kibum had felt was short lived, however, and died out as soon as he saw that Sekyung was still in their dressing-room. The atmosphere wasn’t the greatest either and it looked like Taemin had fought with Jonghyun by the way they were on the other side of the room from each other.

Kibum changed clothes quickly and texted one of his friends begging them to meet up. He wouldn’t be able to handle the atmosphere back at the dorm and he wanted to drink with his friends to forget for a moment the pain that seemed to have settled its roots deep in Kibum's heart.

The conversations in the room weren’t pleasant and Jinki who almost never got angry was at the brink of raising his voice. Minho kept close to Kibum who didn’t as much as glance in the direction of Jonghyun and Sekyung on the sofa. Taemin was still sulking in his corner.

“Er... I-I’m going out... with some friends...” he managed to choke out after he was done removing make-up and changing clothes. He wanted to get out as fast as he could.

The other’s looked up at him as if they hadn’t seen him properly until now, except Minho who was still keeping close to him.

“Okay.” Jinki said and gave Kibum a silent message with his eyes saying that he better not ruin their image. He was already angry at Jonghyun for not taking precaution when anyone could have walked in on him and Sekyung.

“Do you want me to come with you?” Minho whispered as he followed Kibum to the door.

He shook his head. He needed to be free of the name SHINee for a while and be just Kim Kibum without having to worry about if his feelings were showing or not.

“I’ll be fine.” He murmured back.

After being out until he was absolutely sure the other band members had gone to bed (and he was absolutely sure he had drank until he forgot) he started to make his way home. Kibum would never admit it but he was more drunk than he had ever been in his life and he walked around feeling extremely sorry for himself and the sad fate he had. He wanted to shout the unfairness to the world but no one was around to listen.

It took him at least ten times longer to find his way back to the dorms.  When he finally managed to find their building he got stuck standing outside their door, fumbling with the keys and trying to make the world stop spinning for God knows how long.

Someone must have heard him because the door swung open on its own accord without Kibum even having to put the key in. Kibum almost started laughing at how he had worked this incredible magic.

But to Kibum’s dismay Jonghyun was the one who appeared on the other side. His eyes widened in surprise when he saw Kibum swaying slightly where he stood and eyes unfocused.

“Key?”

Kibum glared at him.

“Bummie is an unlucky person.” He muttered.

Jonghyun gaped at him. “What?”

He tried to get past Jonghyun but toppled over and landed flat on his face inside the hall.

“Kibum?!” came Jonghyun’s alarmed voice from above and he knelt down beside him to help him into a sitting position after quickly closing the door.

Kibum’s brain faintly registered the pain and that Jonghyun now had come much too close for comfort. However, he was too drunk to care.

Jonghyun grabbed his shoulders and shook him gently.

“Kibum, get a grip.”

He tried to catch Kibum’s eyes but they couldn’t get a proper focus in his drunken state. So Kibum breathed out right in his face and started laughing. Somehow that action was hilarious.

“Yah, Kim Kibum, are you drunk?” Jonghyun asked and wrinkled his nose.

Kibum stopped laughing to take up his glaring at Jonghyun again.

“Wass it-” Kibum hiccupped and missed the ‘to’ part. “-you?”

Jonghyun looked at him worriedly. “I should get Onew here. I’ve never seen you this drunk. You’re not even acting pretty.”

Kibum grabbed his arm.

“Bummie thinks... you sssschould not.” Then Kibum started to giggle and put his right index finger to his mouth. “’Cause Bummie has a... schecret, ssssshhhh.”

Now Jonghyun looked really worried. “C’mon, Kibum, let’s get you to bed.”

“Bummie don’ wanna!” Kibum complained and slammed his hands and legs to the ground, both sounding and looking like a four-year-old but not caring at the moment. “’S’a loooooong way to there.”

Jonghyun looked to the ceiling in exasperation. Kibum wondered if he would find an answer written there and looked up too.

“Whoa. The world is schpinning again.” He giggled.

Jonghyun snapped his head back down immediately to look at him at those words.

“Don’t you dare throw up here, Kim Kibum.” He said warningly.

“Watch me!”

“Jonghyun? What are you doing?”

Jinki’s sleep filled voice seemed to appear out of nowhere to Kibum and he grabbed onto Jonghyun tighter with wide eyes. “Jjong, Bummie hears voices.”

“No, you’re not.” He said. “Onew, Kibum’s seriously drunk. I think he must have downed every bottle available at the place he was. We have to get him to bed.”

Kibum heard the voice of the leader agree and he was hoisted up into the air with one arm around Jonghyun’s shoulders and the other around Jinki’s. He didn’t even have time to set his eyes on his bed before his eyelids drooped and he fell asleep standing up.

Needless to say, Kibum woke up with the worst hangover he had ever had the next day.

A/N: Uuummm... yeah, I don't know what to say about this chapter to those who read, but yeah... I didn't really like this chapter... comments as per  usual xP I hope somone enjoys it at least :/

Also, this story has become longer than I expected >_< It will have an end though, it's just taking a few detours on the way -.-'