"I'm leaving."

Jinki's eyes shot wide open as his ragged breaths are let out from his mouth. Cold sweat drenches his body, him shaking uncontrollably from this nightmare-- no, it isn't, he painfully reminds himself-- the reality. He carefully closes his eyes, his mouth spewing calm yourself down Lee Jinki you know better than to break down yourself-- but it hurts.

It hurts to know that it's reality and you can never change it.

He remembers those words Jonghyun spat to him, the other members' eyes widening at the realization. He remembers the fury of words Jonghyun let out, as Taemin tried hard not to break into tears, as Kibum's lips were pursed shut, as Minho tried not to slap Jonghyun. 

"I'm ing leaving, I don't want to do this anymore."

He can remember himself trying to struggle to form coherent words-- trying to calm down Jonghyun, but the man himself slammed his palms on the table. He screamed I'm tired of this I don't want to be stalked again I want to quit this it's ing terrifying you are all so dumb I don't want to be an idol I want to be a ing singer not some person who does fanservice--

And Kibum snapped.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU'RE LEAVING US?!" he shrieked in frustration, pointing an accusing finger at Jonghyun. "ARE YOU REALLY THAT SELFISH, KIM JONGHYUN?!"

He can remember Taemin whimpering and Minho hugging him, looking warily at Jonghyun and Kibum, sending a pleading look at Jinki.

"Y-you're leaving us, J-Jonghyun-hyung?" Taemin croaked. "B-but-- but why would you-?"

"I'm ing tired," Jonghyun growled. "Having to do what this company wants me to do, complying their orders. I'm not a ing ragdoll."

Jinki could remember himself breaking into tears, four pair of eyes looking at him in surprise. He remembers the agonizing pain in his heart, the realization that his efforts was not good enough to keep the group together, the realization that he did not try hard enough for Jonghyun slashing his heart. The leader's sobs wrecked his whole body, as he gasped for air-- and fell right in front of Jonghyun.

"Onew-hyung--" Minho rushed to his side, but Jinki blocked his actions, his cheeks streamed with tears.

"Go then," Jinki whimpered. "Go then, if you think that it's the best for you."

Jonghyun left.

SHINee disbanded, and the five are only a history now. They all disappeared to the civilization, blended in, and forgot.

But the leader never forgot that it was his fault for letting go.