"So what did you want to tell me?" Jong In asked, quietly watching her as she took a seat and merely stared at her interlaced hands.

"I uh... huh, this is harder than I imagined" She mumbled to herself.

"Is it bad? Did you... did you cheat on me?" He asked, his throat going dry at the last few words that passed through his lips.

Her head snapped up as she stared at him in surprise.

"No! I would never— No, just no! I wouldn't do that!" She exclaimed, the thought itself making her shake her head. Never. She would never do something like that to Jong In, "The thing is, before I met you and I mean really met you as in talking and stuff... I wasn't clear about what my relationship with Taemin had been"

She peeked up at him uncertainly to find that he had pulled up a chair and now sat directly in front of her. His brown eyes were drowning in anxiety as he looked at her through a film of long lashes, lips slightly parted as he held his breath for her next words.

"We weren't just friends before. We actually tried the dating thing for a while" Sun Ae finally blurted out, eyes closed before she slowly gained the courage to look at Jong In.

"You two tried the dating thing? H-how long? Was it serious?" Jong In asked, his voice void of any emotions. She stared at him for a few seconds, trying to gauge his reaction, but she couldn't get anything.

".... For a few years. Um..." She paused, a sudden onslaught of past emotions and memories flashing past in the blink of an eye, "We had been friends for so long, that I guess it just kind of turned into more one day, so yeah, it was serious"

"How long ago was this? When did you two break up? Why? Why didn't you tell me?" He asked and she heard the oh so subtle infliction of betrayal in his voice.

"It was a couple of years ago. We dated since before his debut and for a while afterwards and we just broke up because what we felt wasn't enough" She whispered, her own words echoing in her mind. It wasn't enough. It felt so much more real to say it out loud to someone else, "I don't know, but we broke up. It just wasn't working and I didn't tell you because I didn't want to make things weird between us. I was your best friend's ex girlfriend and I knew you wouldn't have even looked at me twice if you had that hanging over your head. I just... I guess I wanted a chance to start something new with the first person I had started to like again in a long time" She confessed, her eyes stinging for reasons she couldn't fathom and she met Jong In's gaze.

He looked at her silently, his eyes were a mix of so many emotions she couldn't pick one over the other out.

"You're about to cry" Jong In stated hollowly, "You still love him don't you? Does he still love you? Was I your rebound? What, because we look similar?" He asked, suddenly rising to his feet.

"No no! Rebound? You could never be just a rebound! Jong In you're a completely different person. To me, you're different. You mean so much to me. I—" She stopped, suddenly choking on her words, "I don't love Taemin like that anymore, he's just my friend, I don't love him like I lo—"

"You're not answering my question, you know don't you? That he still loves you? You know that don't you and you still kept him around? You still thought it was a good idea to date me and have him there?" He asked angrily.

"Fine! Yes, I know alright?! But it doesn't change anything about us! I didn't want to make things weird. I didn't want you two to hate each other because of me!"

"Then stop seeing him. Cut off all contact... so that I can trust you again"

"I can't" She said, her voice wavering as she stood up, "He's my best friend..."

"He's your ex-boyfriend!"

"He's my friend! I won't push him away! Jong In why can't you just understand? It's not like I'm sitting here hanging out with him every day, but you will learn how lonely the life of an idol is sometimes, you should know from being friends with Taemin! I can't... despite everything... I can't just stop being his friend. Trust me" Sun Ae said firmly, tears sliding down her face. She could see it in his eyes. She could see the outcome of this conversation.

"How can I trust you when you didn't even tell me about dating him?" He asked, fists clenched. He couldn't do this.

"You lied to me too! And the only reason you came out with the truth was because you had to! I could have kept this a secret forever!" She yelled, why was telling the truth backfiring?! Shouldn't it help? Shouldn't it help them start over with each other?!

"I... I have to go" Jong In whispered and he turned for the door.

She stepped forward and grabbed his arm.

"Don't. Don't go. Please" She whispered and he froze.

"I can't think with you here. Seeing you right now makes me angry" He said and it was the truth. He needed to think. He need to look at this rationally like he knew he could and if he stayed here he would let his emotions get the better of him and he would say something he would regret. He didn't want to hurt her because he knew he could trust her, but it was just too much right now. He came here expecting to apologize, not expecting something like this to be thrown at him, "You're right... I wasn't honest either, but still... I need to think. You understand right?" He said.

She bit her lower lip to keep her words at bay. The fine taste of copper dripped into and she forced herself to let go. He didn't even wait for her to say another word before he stormed out of her apartment, slamming the door shut on his way out so that it seemed like a trembling echoed through the whole place. Sun Ae stared at the ground before slowly heading to her door and locking it shut. When the bolt slid into place she walked numbly to her kitchen and a laugh of disbelief escaped her.

What had just happened?

She turned off the stove and stood still, replaying their conversation in her head. Had she made a mistake? Should she have never said anything? The voice of reason tried to comfort her, by saying that it was normal that he was acting this way. Anyone would be mad. He needed time to cool off it told her so her tears stopped flowing and all that was left were small hiccups for breath and when those faded away, when there was no more physical trace of her pain, she walked back into the living room, sat on the half of her couch that was still unbroken and waited.

After a while, light completely faded from the window and she looked out into the night sky.

She stood up and went to her room. Her steps faltered as she walked in and saw random articles of his clothing lying around on her floor from the nights he had come after training and just left things lying around. It didn't even feel like her room anymore. It was infused with him and she couldn't understand it because the last time she had felt like this was with Taemin and the last time she had checked her feelings weren't this strong for Jong In yet... but as the crushing feeling in her chest explained to her, they were. She hadn't even had the chance to congratulate him on his teaser, or tell him how proud she was of him. She sighed, placed her phone besides her, making sure it was on loud, and laid beside it.

He would call.

~~~~~~

"You've been over a lot for the past few weeks honey" Sun Ae's mom said not unhappy, but just a bit worried. There was something in the look of her daughter's eyes that was sad.

"Have I? Well then I'll make sure to stop by only every other month then" She said with a small laugh as she rested her head on her mother's shoulder and they finished watching the movie playing in the living room TV.

As the credits rolled around, Sun Ae popped another handful of popcorn into and grinned as her mom shot her a false look of disgust.

"You're going to gain weight at this rate" Her mother teased as she went over and pulled the DVD out.

Sun Ae grabbed another piece of popcorn and popped it in as she laid back on the couch and patted her flat stomach playfully.

"Ew. This is why I get called over?" A teasing voice echoed from the entrance way and Sun Ae shot up into a sitting position.

She gave her mom an annoyed glare as she tried to chew the popcorn stuffed in as fast as possible while Taemin shrugged off his coat.

"Hi mom!" He said with a grin and Sun Ae choked on a piece of popcorn. She shot them both a disgusted look as they hugged warmly and her mom gushed over him and his new performance. Like it wasn't enough that she treated him like a son, she also had to stay up to date on his performances.

Sun Ae snorted, like it wasn't all for that lead singer Jonghyun anyway. It wasn't Taemin's version her mom had bought for that Sherlock album she thought laughing freely.

"I'll leave her to you, she's been painfully obnoxious lately" Her mother said as she gave her a kiss on the forehead and walked out.

"Nice pajamas" Taemin said, collapsing into the space besides her.

"Only pajamas I had here" She said with a shrug as she smoothed out the creases on the large pink bears on it, "We're never mentioning this pair of pajamas again unless you want to revisit the camp incident of 2001"

".... Understood" He said, his expression going somber and she laughed.

"Do you want to go on a walk. It's dark out, but I've got a few flashlights from our explorer days" She said with a bright smile.

"I actually... was only planning to stay for a while. I have plans in a little while. Why don't you ask Jong In?" Taemin asked watching her carefully.

"Hmph, what a good friend you are. Got a date with the girlfriend?" She asked with a roll of her eyes.

"Yup"

"Well get going jerk" She snapped.

"Don't be mad—"

"Relax, I was joking. I actually don't mind" She said with a smile and he nodded, wondering why she felt the need to fake a smile for him, "I will call him then. Now get out before my mom comes back and starts planning our wedding" She joked and he laughed.

"...Are you sure?"

"Yeah! Just go"

"Fine. Talk to you later?"

"Yup! Bye!" She called out as she fiddled with the remote and flipped channels on the TV until she heard him leave. As soon as the door shut she turned off the TV and stood up from her parents' comfy leather couch.

She walked up to her old room, full of stupid posters and albums and she smiled. She reached under her bed and pulled out a box. It was full of Polaroids, pretty rocks, a few sticks, and one large flashlight. She smiled as she picked it up and tried the switch a few times. Despite its age, light came alive brightly. Turning off the flashlight she sighed and reached for the phone besides her.

The days had passed by painfully slow. As if every second felt like a minute and every minute dragged on like an hour. She didn't cry again, she didn't know why, but she couldn't cry. In the back of her mind, she knew it was because she was in denial. She didn't want to accept that there was the very real opportunity that what she had with Jong In was over. Every time her phone rang she would reach for it in a hurry and feel the same disappointment she did when it wasn't Jong In until finally she just didn't bother with expectations.

Sun Ae stood up and sat on the edge of the old bright green and blue comforter and went to the phone call screen. She had called him a couple of times in the first few days, but slowly her pride came back. She wasn't the type of girl to sit there and beg for a guy to take her back she told herself and it kept her from calling, but tonight... she missed him more than usual. So she slowly went to the first number on speed dial and pressed call. The phone rang until it went to voicemail and she hung up and tried again. This time she listened to his pre-recorded voice as it came.

She waited for the beep that allowed her to talk, "Jong In... I love you" She heard herself blurt out. She wasn't even entirely sure if her words were 100% true, but they were the first thing that came out. She sighed, why did even have to open with something like that?, "I'm going on a walk and it occurred to me that it would be nice if you were here. I'm sorry for lying. I'm sorry for not being honest, but... if you really can't forgive me then let me know you're just being cruel now" She waited, dead silence on the other line before adding one last thing, "I want you to know, that I'm really proud of you though. I saw your other teasers so yeah... Just call me whenever"

She hung up the phone and a bitter smile made its way onto her face. She wasn't entirely wrong after all. Dating an idol was a bad idea. It's just that this time, it was because of her own fault that this was happening.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Hi guys! I spent the weekend focusing on my other fic so that means I'll spend these upcoming weekdays writing for this fic as much as I can so expect a couple more chapters throughout the week! In other news (completely unrelated) I preordered my first ever kpop album ever! EXO's XOXO repackage and I regret nothing! I mean I really just have to take another look at the Growl MV and all guilt at wasting some of my summer job money is completely erased lol now I'm planning on ordering a few more posters when I save more money which means basically no soul will be allowed in my room because most of my friends are not kpop friendly ;-; and they can't appreciate how handsome my biases are -_____-

So yeah I'm just excited so I thought I'd share that! Thanks for reading! ^^