You got me caught in all this mess

I guess we can blame it on the rain

Going home, waiting for the bus,

minding my own business

Just another day of my uncomplicated life

when rain decided to fall

I was starting to get wet

until suddenly I wasn’t

An umbrella was over me

held by a boy

a stranger from school

He was smiling

and unexpectedly

he didn’t feel like a stranger to me

I don’t recall exactly

how we became friends

He was lively and fun

my polar opposite

and was very easy to like

which is disturbingly good and bad

Good because he makes me believe

in the best of people

Bad because I have never really liked anyone

not how I find myself liking him

more and more

My pain is knowing I can’t have you

I can’t have you

I have taught myself

to close off from feeling

to be self-sufficient and independent

to not want or wish for things

But he went past my barrier

through some unknown secret door

and latched himself permanently within

On the outside my walls look intact

But inside I’m crumbling from the pain

of wanting and wishing

I now understand

why ice yields to fire

because yearning can melt

even the coldest of hearts

I catch my breath

The one you took the moment you entered the room

My heart, it breaks at the thought of her holding you

Irony is the incongruity

between the actual and expected results

of a sequence of events

It is humor

based on tragedy

The one guy that got close

just happens to have a girlfriend

She looked perfect

And so does he

They looked perfect for each other

I could not compete with her

But I wonder if she feels as intensely for him as I do

Tell me does she

look at you the way I do

try to understand the words you say

and the way you move

Does she get the same big rush

When you go in for a hug and your cheeks brush

Lately he’s been hugging me a lot

not that I would complain

but does it mean anything

When his cheeks graze mine

when his face is buried in my hair

and I could just drown in his scent 

when I could also feel his heart beating fast

or when his hands linger a little longer on my shoulders

before letting go

Tell me am I crazy

or is this more than a crush?

I know I shouldn’t feel this way

and I’m doing my best not to

but he’s making it hard for me

Every second I spend with him

just makes me fall for him more

He’s not being so subtle either

I’m not sure anymore what to make of his feelings for me

He seemed confused

but I don’t want to push further

I am never up for being happy

knowing I have hurt another

I don’t know who to blame

Him, for making me feel like this

me, for allowing myself

or the rain for making us meet

So I distanced myself

and wished him the best

It was all I could do

aside from loving him on my own

Maybe I’m alone in this

But I find peace and solitude knowing

If I had but just one kiss this whole room

Would be glowing

We’d be glowing

We’d be glowing
 

Then one day he appeared at my door

pushing me in and holding me tight

My mouth frozen in midsurprise

when his lips were suddenly on mine

I close my eyes

and bright lights flash

A thousand fireflies in the air

a hundred fireworks exploding

a dozen meteor showers

a radiance that rivals the sun

It was everything and more than I’ve imagined

It was perfect

When he let me go

this is what he told me:

“She doesn’t look at me the way you do,
doesn’t try to understand the words I say,
and the way I move
I don’t get the same big rush,
when I go in for a hug and our cheeks brush
Tell me am I crazy, or is this more than a crush?”