Tangerines*

*A/N : Tangerines= Kissing. With one wall conversation I had with Siv, she tried to enlighten me about the different levels of intimacy categorized into citrus fruits such as limes and lemons. Since Siv shot down my idea of kissing being lemonade (if you squeeze the fruit, you get juice right?) I decided upon another member of the family which our Dara is known for, Ms. Tangerine.

I can't write limes or lemons, but I could try tangerines.

Ji and I have been officially going out for sometime now. We started out as friends back when we were trainees but somehow our feelings for each other grew. We had a mutual understanding as some people would call it but still it is not the same as a commitment.

 When I say official it means he has just recently confessed his feelings. Actually I made him do it, threatening him that if he doesn’t I’ll find other guys who would, and  not to boast or anything, there are a lot of them.

To everyone, he may look confident and sure of himself, but when I try to discuss with him what kind of relationship we have, he tries to avoid the subject. I have never been the kind of girl who wants to stay in the dark, not knowing what his intentions are so I gave him the ultimatum.

They say actions speak louder than words. True, but guys shouldn’t hide behind these lines. Girls are not psychics and some of them could be dense. It is also very distressful if a girl is caught between wondering and assuming.  

Besides, whichever girl doesn’t want to hear the 3 words, right?

So he did tell me that he loved me and that he couldn’t think of anyone else he would like to spend his life with. He even had us wear couples ring. It was a joyous moment for me knowing that he loves me as much as I love him and that he is thinking of a future with me.

Yet I feel discontented with the affection he’s showing me. He’s always so guarded and protective of me that even as a boyfriend he would only like to hold hands and give me chaste pecks on the cheeks or a smack on the lips.

I would probably live to be 30 before he decides to give me a real mind-blowing, toe-curling, bells ringing, fireworks in the sky kind of kiss. Is it too bad and shameful to want someone you love kiss you passionately?

I was so intent wanting to solve this problem that I consulted the internet. The internet has lots of interesting things about me and him especially the fanfictions. Fans nowadays are so imaginative they could already see the chicken before the egg has even hatched. If only they knew, we haven’t even done it let alone kiss passionately.

“Omo! These fanfictions are way ahead of us.” I thought and blushed deeply. I learned that such things are called limes and lemons, and kissing for tangerines? It is interesting to know that they actually got the idea from my Etude CF.

To get inspiration for kissing, I tried the advice of one writer to observe the clouds and watch romantic movies. Good thing it was a free day for us girls.

I went out and stayed by the Han river looking at the clear blue sky. So much for clouds as none were in sight. So I returned to our apartment.

I brought DVDs with me and some tangerines, as I suddenly felt the urge to eat some.

 I was busy watching the movies and eating my tangerines when I heard the doorbell.

I opened the door to see who it was and found him outside so I invited him in.

“Oh! This is a nice surprise. I didn’t know you were free.” I said and hugged him.

He patted me awkwardly on the shoulders, probably surprised at my action. “Well, we finished our practice early and I thought of spending time with you. What were you doing?” he asked.

“Well, we have a free time and the girls were out so I’m just watching DVDs by myself and eating tangerines. Come in and join me.” I said.

He sat on the sofa rather awkwardly a foot a way from me. So I scooted closer and rested my head on his shoulder. Good thing he did not move away and obliged me.

“Ji, let’s pretend we are out on a date at the movies” I said, knowing we can’t do a thing like this in real life.

“I would like that” he said. He seemed to relax and draped his arm over my shoulder allowing me to sink into his arms.

He was busy watching the movie and I was also busy eating my tangerines, when the kiss part was shown. I must have been too intent watching and eating at the same time that I was unconscious of my actions.

I was slowly nibbling the tangerines while the juice was dripping on my lips. I would stops and my lips before proceeding again to the pleasurable sensation of nibbling.

I wasn’t aware that Ji wasn’t watching the movie anymore but instead was watching me with different interest. I heard him say my name “Dara…”

“Hmmm?” I said as I turned to look at him. I only saw him for about a second with the look of longing in his eyes, before I felt his lips on mine.

He kissed my lips thoroughly, with feathery light kisses everywhere. And like the tangerines I was nibbling, he then nibbled my lips slowly. I could not even begin to describe the sensation, it was so much more than I imagined.

My hands seemed to move on their own. One hand clutched at his shirt over his chest and the other on his nape not wanting the kiss to end.

He must have felt the same way I did because he shifted his hands with one caressing my back and the other cupping my cheek further crushing my lips. He was more aggressive than usual but I liked it, savoring the open-mouthed kiss. I didn’t know lips were capable of being so rough and gentle at the same time. I responded with the same urgency.  His mouth was like a drug I could not get enough of, lulling me with their movements.

And when I thought I could not feel anymore pleasurable than this, he my lower lip and blew his hot breath over my mouth, making me gasp and shudder. The parting of my mouth allowed him access to the recess of my mouth. I felt his tongue flick mine, inviting me to do the same. I my tongue brushing his. I felt him search the insides of my mouth, tasting every sweet inch of it, playing with my tongue. I did the same and explored his.

I know now that we were doing the French kiss or soul kissing as they say. And they have a point. The kiss was very intimate that one’s soul might very well kiss another’s.

Suddenly the doorbell rang, the girls must be back. Ji and I froze and stopped what we were doing. We were self-consciously fixing ourselves, blushing profusely. He was coughing, pretending to clear his throat and returned to watching the forgotten movie.

I stood up and opened the door, welcoming the girls home. They were surprised to see Ji.

“Jiyong oppa, we did not know you were here.” CL said.

“I just came by to visit Dara.” Ji said.

“But why are the two of you blushing?” Bom said, with mischievous eyes, smelling something was up.

“Oh! Oppa and unni were watching DVDs. How sweet!” Minzy gushed.

I was thankful of Minzy’s innocence.“Oh yeah! We were pretending to be out on a date since we can’t go out much” I said

“That’s right” Ji interjected. “But it seems late now and I must be off, otherwise the boys will worry. I’ll be leaving you girls now. Take care of my Dara for me will you?”

“Yeah, Oppa! We always do” CL and Minzy chorused.

I walked Ji to the door, feeling uncertain of what was going to happen next. We haven’t discussed yet what happened a while ago.

Before heading out he kissed me lightly on the lips before whispering “Did you know I love you too much that I have been restraining myself for the longest time, lately it seems that it is getting harder.” He said.

I was touched by his respect for me “You don’t have to, not all the time, anyway. I love you so much too, Ji that I want to be able to share everything with you. And that kiss was special to me”

“Thanks for the date” I said

“Well, we could go out again next time” he said, winking at me and flashing a mischievous smile.

“Yah! Don’t be so used to it.” I said blushing.

“I was just kidding” he said. “Seriously, I would not push you to do something you don’t want to. I’m fine with the way things are. Just don’t eat tangerines in front of me, okay?”

“Okay” I said. “I don’t mind the kissing Ji. But I’m happy that you are willing to wait.”

“It’s not that I want to wait it’s that I intend to marry you first” he said winking, before walking away, leaving me speechless.

I entered the apartment and found Bom waiting for me, the 2 young ones already asleep in their rooms.

“Yah! Dara, what did you and Ji do when we were away?” Bom asked.

“We talked, watched the movies, had tangerines” I said.

“Oh! He hasn’t made a move yet” Bom said, looking disappointed for me. “I’ll go to sleep then. Goodnight”

“Goodnight. I’ll just finish watching the movie.” I said and plopped down on the sofa.

My mind was not focusing on the movie, recalling our kiss. I smiled to myself as I looked at the tangerines, thinking I would never think of them the same way again.