Once you have loved someone, you’d do anything in the world for them

 

    ...except love them again- Anonymous

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2 years ago

 

 

Dara was in the hospital when she met him.

 

 

“Hi! I’m Kwon Jiyong. I’m a volunteer at your service. What’s your name?”

 

“Sandara Park.” She said at the cute guy flashing a warm smile at her. It was weird how her heart skipped when he smiled.

 

“Well, Sandara, you can call me Ji. Today I’m in charge of assisting and entertaining you. How’s that sound?’ he asked

 

“Ah great?” Sandara did not know how to react. She wasn’t used to being fussed over by a guy.

 

“Well, what do you want me to call you?” he asked

 

“Dara, my friends call me Dara” she answered shyly.

 

“Well, Dara, I think this will be a start of a beautiful friendship.” he said and smiled.

 

Dara could not explain why, but somehow this stranger made her happy.

 

 

 

 

 

Everyday since then Ji would be the one to assist her. He would read her books, help her eat or accompany her to stroll around the garden. He was very patient and kind with her.

 

She learned a lot about Ji, how he works as a freelance graphic artist. How he volunteered at the hospital because he had an ex-girlfriend who died there.

 

Dara understood Ji a lot and it seemed Ji understood her a lot as well.

 

How she was sickly most of her childhood days and how she only had a few close friends. How her parents were protective of her, not even letting her get a job despite finishing a business degree.

 

Her parents were even thankful of him, seeing that she was achieving fast recovery. After a month she was deemed improved and stable to go home.

 

Dara thought that she would not get to see Ji after that and was saddened. On her last day at the hospital, she talked to Ji.

 

 “Thanks a lot Ji, for all your help, for always being there when I need you” Dara said.

 

“You don’t have to. Dara, you should know that even if I was just a volunteer, everything I showed you were real and that I think of us as friends.” he said.

 

“Sure. Well, this is goodbye then.” Dara said.

 

“Why goodbye? You don’t want to see me after?” Ji asked pouting.

 

“I do—” Dara said before she could help herself. “But I wasn’t sure if you wanted to” Dara finished and bowed herself, embarrassed of her audacity in asking Ji.

 

“Of course I want to” he said.

 

Dara felt her cheeks reddening. She never had a guy say such things to her. All her life she has shied away from boys afraid of heartbreak. But with Ji, it seems that her heart is going haywire from all the fluttering and pounding.

 

 

 

 

Dara and Ji had been in constant communication since then, calling and texting each other. Her parents even trusted him to take her out to movies.

 

 

It would seem that they were unofficially dating.

 

 

Dara was getting confused of her feelings for Ji, somehow they seemed deeper than just friendship. Sometimes Ji would also act differently around her, as if they were a couple. Ji would always hold her hand while walking or let her head rest on his shoulders when they are watching movies or when she’s sleepy.

 

One day, Dara summoned the courage to ask him.

 

“Ji, we’re friends right?” she started.

 

“Yeah, of course” he said.

 

“But sometimes we seem like more than friends, right?” she inquired.

 

“Sometimes, yes” Ji said not looking at her.

 

“Do you want to stay friends?” Dara queried.

 

“No, do you?” Ji said and stared straight into her eyes.

 

“Me neither. So what does that make us?” Dara asked.

 

“More than friends.” Ji said and claimed her lips.

 

And so they became a couple. Dara had her first boyfriend and first kiss.

 

 

 

 

It was a happy relationship between Dara and Ji, both showing each other so much sweetness.

 

More and more each day, Dara felt more in love with him. She was sure it was love, otherwise she could not explain how inexplicably happy she is when with him and the way her heart would recognize his presence.

 

Even in a crowd of people, she could find Ji, the beating of her heart serving as a compass, pointing her into his direction. It was uncanny how her heart recognizes him.

 

 

On their first anniversary together, Dara decided it was time to fully admit her feelings to Ji.

 

“I love you” she said. “You don’t have to say anything. I don’t want to pressure you just because I said it first. I love you enough for the both of us. And I want you to know that my heart beats only for you”

 

Ji was silent, teary-eyed and staring straight at Dara.

 

“I know” he said, and captured Dara’s lips in a passionate kiss.

 

The kiss went longer and deeper than she expected. Nibbling each other’s lips and playing with each other’s tongues. Their hands were busy feeling each other under their clothes and caressing each other’s face.

 

Dara thought that she didn’t mind if Ji would be her first, feeling Ji’s hand ing her blouse.

 

But then Ji suddenly stopped what he was doing. With much effort he released Dara from the kiss and pulled away.

 

“I’m sorry” he said looking away.

 

“It’s okay, I wanted it too” Dara said awkwardly, fixing herself.

 

“Still, I shouldn’t have crossed the line” Ji said.

 

Ji took her home, driving in silence, seemingly lost in his thoughts. Dara thought that he must have felt guilty of pushing her limits.

 

When they reached her house, Dara gave him a peck on the lips and stepped out.

 

“Good night, Ji. I love You”

 

“Good night, Dara. I’m really sorry”

 

 

 

 

It has been a week since then, and Ji was nowhere to be found. He was neither in his house nor in the hospital. His phone was out of reach.

 

Dara was becoming more concerned each day, wondering what happened.

 

One day, a package came in the mail for her. Dara was shocked to see its contents.

 

Inside was a picture of Ji and a girl, his ex-girlfriend. With it were numerous newspaper clippings of a car accident which involved the girl.

 

“So this was how she died.” Dara thought.

 

At the bottom was a letter from Ji

 

 

 

 

Dara,

 

I am terribly sorry. I love you and I love her. Am I pathetic to love two people at the same time, one dead and one alive?

 

She was my girlfriend for 2 years. The day she died was the day I planned on proposing to her, but she rejected me saying she has met someone else. She was driving away with him when she got into an accident.

 

She wasn’t really bad, maybe she really just fell out of love. But I have always felt this connection with her like a thread connects her heart to mine.

 

I brought her to the hospital barely alive. She was still able to ask for my forgiveness, and I told her I’ll stop loving her until the day her heart stops beating.

 

Am I pathetic then to keep my promise? I love two people at the same time, one dead and one alive because of the other.

 

I’m sorry Dara for not telling you. I’m really really sorry.

 

But I am not sorry for loving you.

 

                                                                                                                                                             Ji

 

 

 

 

 

Flashback

 

Dara was a sickly child growing up. She had rheumatic heart after getting sorethroat a lot of times. One of her heart valves was affected, however with time, the defect has dilated her heart so she needed a heart transplant instead.

 

She was in a long waiting list along with other patients. It was lucky one day, her doctor called and said they have a match. Her parents were happy to have their only daughter get an extension for her life.

 

She underwent the operation without a hitch and spent the rest of her hospital stay in recovery.

 

 

 

 

Jiyong was still feeling sad from the loss of her girlfriend. Not knowing what to do. He volunteered at the hospital hoping to meet the person who received her heart and so he came to meet Dara.

 

Initially, he only planned on befriending her, knowing that his ex-girlfriend’s heart was still beating was enough for him. But he couldn’t help himself from the tug in his heart that he would feel when he is with Dara. The thread connecting his heart to hers seem to pull him closer.

 

When Dara asked him if he didn’t want to be just friends, he grabbed the opportunity. He was selfish for doing so, but he did not want to be lonely.

 

More and more days passed, and he felt himself falling for Dara. And with the more he fell, the more he became confused. Did he love her only because she had her ex-girlfriend’s heart? He wondered whether hearts recognized each other, even when the owner is different.

 

                           

 

 

However, Dara’s parents found out about him and his past. They were disappointed of how he lied.

 

“Jiyong, how could you do this to Dara? She is not the same as her. Did you purposely let her fall for you because she reminds you of your ex-girlfriend?” Mrs Park said.

 

“No, I swear I didn’t. I admit to wanting to meet the person who received her heart but I did not plan on making her fall for me” he said

 

“But it would seem Dara has no choice in this. We’ll never know if she loved you for the right reason” Mr Park said.

 

“I am sorry sir. But I also love your daughter. And I myself am wondering. But I do understand your worries. Please give me time” He pleaded.

 

Mr. Park’s brows furrowed looking at Jiyong and then he nodded. A look of understanding passed between them.

 

“We’ll give you a week Ji to break things up with her and please do it gently” MrParksaid.

 

 

 

When Dara told him, she loved him and that her heart belonged to him. Ji felt the tug in his heart. Could love remain when the person is separated from his heart? Or is love transferable just like the heart? He didn’t have the answers. He only knows what he feels.

 

He kissed Dara like he never did before almost getting carried away until he felt the scar on her chest, reminding him of what he must do.

 

He honoured his word to her parents.

 

 

 

 

Present

 

It’s been 2 years, and Dara was slowly picking up from the mess Ji caused. Her parents were always pushing her to date their friends’ and associates’ sons, hoping she will meet someone. But then something unexpected happened.

 

 

 

Dara was attending a party with Seungri. He had an easy-going personality and was very charming. It was easy to talk to him. With just a few times they’ve gone out together, she was already comfortable with him. And now, that they are dating, she was glad she made the right choice.

 

 

Flashback

 

She was crossing the street when suddenly her heel broke causing her to fall. It was embarrassing to fall in the middle of the street so she picked herself up, only to feel her hurt ankle.

 

Suddenly a hand appeared and helped her up. He took her arm and wrapped it over his shoulder so she could lean on him and put his arm on her waist to support her as they walked and crossed the street. Dara was blushing as he did so, her first time being close to a stranger. He sat her down on a nearby bench and introduced himself.

 

“Lee Seungri, rescuer of fallen angels” he said smiling and extended his hand.

 

Dara blushed at his statement. She noticed that he was cute with a friendly smile.

“Park Sandara, very much in your debt and thankful” she replied and shook his hand.

 

“Iin that case, wait here” he said and left to go to the convenience store nearby. When he returned he was holding an icepack and two ice cream cones.

 

“This is for you” he said, handing Dara the ice cream. “And this is for your ankle” placing the ice pack.

 

“Thanks. You shouldn’t have. You’re too kind” Dara said.

 

“Nah. This is nothing. I do this everyday you know?” he joked. “Besides it’s too hot out, it’s nice to have someone to share ice cream with”

 

They were having fun talking about random things. Dara noted that he had a playful character, always able to talk animatedly or think of funny things to say. She can’t help but enjoy his company and laugh.

 

“So where do you want to go?” he asked after they have finished their ice cream.

 

“Huh?”

 

“To buy shoes? Don’t tell me you want to walk barefoot?” he asked teasingly.

 

“Oh shoes! Maybe the mall.” She said.

 

“Ok, I’ll help you” he said and scooped her up, carrying her bridal style.

 

“Ei! Put me down. People can see us. I can walk fine. My ankle does not hurt anymore” Dara protested, feeling her cheeks burn.

 

“I know you can, but what kind of guy am I to let an angel get her feet dirty?” he said, making Dara blush further.

 

 

 

 

They saw each other frequently since then. He reminds her a little of Ji she thought and the pain in her heart came rushing in. She wished Seungri could help her forget.

Her parents welcomed him, happy to see their daughter moving on.

 

Unknowingly, Seungri too was suffering despite his good-humoured ways.

 

One day, after they watched a marathon of “Summer Scent”, Seungri opened up to her.

 

“You know, I’ve often wondered whether the heart remembers feelings after it has been transplanted to another person. You think it’s possible, Dee?” Seungri asked.

 

“I wouldn’t believe it either, but it happened to me.” Dara said and recounted her story with Jiyong.

 

“That would sound unbelievable if only I didn’t believe you” Seungri said. “Can I see your scar?” he asked politely.

 

Dara ed her blouse partly, slightly revealing the faint outlines of her scar.

 

Seungri gently touched the scar staring at it with awe.

 

“I wish she’d remember me” he said then burst out crying.

 

Dara held him tight, trying to console him.

 

When he was a little pacified, Seungri recounted how she lost the girl he loved.

 

“We were bestfriends and I grew to love her. We were out on one of our weekly get together. I was planning on confessing to her that day when we were stopped by a thug wielding a knife. He grabbed her bag and stabbed her before running away. It was so fast I was not able to protect her. I brought her to the hospital but she did not make it. Her parents had her heart donated, knowing it was one of her wishes. They did not blame me for what happened but I blamed myself. I did not even get the chance to say I love her!” Seungri cried in anguish.     

 

“Shhh…” Dara tried to calm Seungri, holding him and patting his head.“Don’t blame yourself. I know she knew you loved her.”

 

“Still, I wish I could have said it to her” he said.

 

“I know we’re both hurting. I’m thankful of everything you’ve done for me Ri, but I feel you need me more now. If it would help you, I could be her for you” she said.

 

“You’d do that?” he asked, with hopeful eyes.

 

“Yes I would. As long as you need me” she said.

 

“If I couldn’t love anyone else aside from Ji because of this borrowed heart at least I’d make up my mind to try to help Seungri” Dara thought.

 

“I’ll try to make you happy with me, but just say so and I’ll set you free.” Seungri said.

 

 

 

 

 

Her thoughts were suddenly cut when she felt the beating of her heart.

 

Lub-dub-lub-dub-lub-dub

 

“No. Could it be?” Dara was frantically looking around, searching for him.

 

The noise seemed to be vacuumed away and the people seemed to be a blur. She spotted him standing a few feet away looking at her.

 

Her compass still works. Damn her heart for being a traitor. In the first place it wasn’t really hers.

 

She wanted to leave immediately and avoid Ji.

 

She asked Seungri to take her home and he obliged, sensing she was distressed.

 

 

 

 

 

Reaching her house, Seungri spoke up first. “What’s wrong, Dee?”

 

“I’m sorry Ri.  I thought I could get over him but then I saw Ji today and it still hurts. I like you a lot but I don’t want to use you. You deserve so much more” Dara said through her sobs.

 

“I hoped I could make you forget too and I hoped you could make me forget her too.  But you’re right; we shouldn’t be using each other to forget.” Seungri said while wiping her tears.

 

“If you want we could just bang each other’s head. Amnesia would be a lot easier” Seungri kidded.

 

Dara laughed despite her tears. Seungri was still Seungri.

 

“The Jiyong you are talking about, was he the guy staring at you?” Seungri asked.

 

“Yes,Why? Do you know him?” Dara was curious.

 

“No, but he looked familiar. I think I saw him at the hospital the same day my friend died. He brought in a bloody girl” he said.

 

“Oh! That must have been his ex-girlfriend, my heart donor” Dara said.

 

They were both lost in silence after that. “Is this the part where we say goodbye?” Seungri asked.

 

“No but this is the part where we stay friends. Thanks for everything and for understanding, Ri” she said and gave Seungri a soft kiss on the lips before parting.

 

Maybe if she met Ri first, she could have loved him. But could she really? when her heart belonged to Ji.

 

 

 

 

 

Ji saw Dara with another guy, she seemed happy with him. “Has she moved on? Has she forgotten about me?” he thought.

 

His heart was still tugging at him just like before when he sees Dara. He loves her. When he thinks of Dara, he is no longer reminded of his ex. He remembers Dara and all the times they’ve shared.

 

When Ji asked for time from his father, he meant it that he’ll wait to find out if Dara felt that way because of the heart transplant. This also allowed him time to examine his own feelings.

 

And seeing her earlier with someone hurt a lot. “Did I push Dara too far, into someone else’s arms?” he thought. If she has moved on then he should be happy for her. Maybe love like the heart is not transferable. At least he could prove it to her father, even at his own expense.

 

He saw her leaving with the guy. And thought he looked familiar.

 

 

 

 

 

Dara was due for her check-up and went to her doctor. Everything was going well and her body was coping up. No signs of rejection.

 

Before leaving, her doctor handed her an envelope. He said it was previously owned by the heart donor and her parents requested him to hand it to her, if her transplant went well.

 

Walking home, Dara opened the envelope and saw a heart-shaped locket. She read the letter first then opened up the locket. She was surprised to see the picture inside.

 

 

 

 

 

Dara came to see Seungri.

 

“Hey, Ri. I missed you” she said.

 

“I missed you to Dee.” He said. “What’s up?”

 

“A lot, actually.  Do you still remember that day when you brokedown?” Dara then asked trying to start the conversation.

 

“Ugh! Are you seriously reminding me?” Seungri asked.

 

“Yes, because I was right.” Dara said, and showed him the locket.

 

 “Where did you get that?” Seungri asked, recognizing the locket.

 

“It was a gift from my donor’s parents. They said she always wore this and since they couldn’t throw it away they decided to give it to me as I already have her heart. They wanted me to decide what to do with it.” Dara explained.

 

“She loved you too, you know” Dara said as she opened the locket revealing his picture.

 

Seungri was speechless then suddenly tears were leaking from his eyes.

 

“I want you to have this, Ri. Maybe God made a way for us to meet so you won’t have to pretend not to be lonely. I may not love you as much as she did but I love you enough to care that you are happy.” She said and placed the locket around his neck.

 

“I love you” Seungri was able to say finally, placing his palm on Dara’s chest.

 

“I know Ri, I know. I love you too” Dara said, holding his hand over her heart.

 

 

 

 

 

Ji visited Dara’s parents.

 

“Good day Mr. Park, Mrs. Park.” He greeted them and bowed. “I’m sorry for coming unannounced. I wanted to tell you that I’ll be leaving Dara alone from now on. I saw her with someone else and she seemed happy. I accept now that maybe she loved me before because of her heart transplant” Ji said.

 

“Are you saying you’re giving up Jiyong?” Mr Park asked. “I thought you were tougher than that.”

 

“No. not giving up. I will never give up loving her. It’s more of stepping aside. I won’t bother her if she loves someone else.” Ji said.

 

“She does love Seungri” Mrs Park said. “But not in the same way she loves you.”

 

“Huh?” Ji was becoming perplexed. “But I thought we have agreed that she only loves me because of the heart transplant?”

 

“Who told you she had your ex-girlfriend’s heart?” Mrs Park asked.

 

Ji was suddenly dumb-founded. When he learned that a girl named Sandara Park had a heart transplant, he just assumed that it was her, especially when he first saw her and felt the tug in his heart.

 

“You mean to tell me, her heart donor was someone else?” Ji was able to say.

 

“We knew from the start who the donor was, only we didn’t tell her. When we saw you becoming close, we let the two of you be, until you both fell for each other. We were happy that our daughter has fallen in love. Being protective parents, we asked around and we learned that you had an ex-girlfriend who died and donated her heart. We thought that that was probably why you came to her in the first place. We were disappointed that you lied to her.” Mr Park explained.

 

“We knew you really loved her when you kept your distance from her and allowed her time.” Mrs Park said. “We persuaded her to date several men but no one seems to catch her attention. Not until Seungri.”

 

“Why? What about him?” Ji asked, curious of him and his connection with Dara.

 

“He’s the bestfriend of her heart donor.” Mrs Park said.

 

Ji was even more stunned of this revelation. “Wait, does this mean that Dara loved me for me?” he thought.

 

“Jiyong, I want smart grandchildren. If you’re a smart man, you’d be running to find her now.” Mr Park said.

 

“Thank you, Thank you” Ji said bowing in front of Dara’s parents.

 

He left searching for Dara.

 

 

 

 

 

Dara was coming home, having made Seungri truly happy again. She was listening to her I-pod, humming along to a familiar song.

 

 

I heard from a friend today
And she said you were in town
Suddenly the memories

Came back to me in my mind

How can I be strong

I've asked myself
Time and time I've said
That I'll never fall in love with you again

A wounded heart you gave
My soul you took away
Good intentions you had many
I know you did

I come from a place that hurts
And God knows how I've cried
And I never want to return
Never fall again

 

 

Lub-dub lub-dub lub-dub lub-dub lub-dub

 

 

“Ji…”

 

He was running when he stopped and saw Dara rounding the corner before their street.

 

She suddenly stilled and looked up, their eyes meeting. She walked towards him, removing her earphones.

 

Ji was standing at the corner of their street, waiting for her. He felt his heart give a tug and started walking towards her.

 

She saw him approaching and her heart continued to pound. Despite everything, her heart continues to do its frantic beating for him.

 

As they neared each other, both spoke in unison “I know”

 

“Your parents told me” he said.

 

“I found out from her parents” she said.

 

“I’m sorry Dara, your parents meant to protect you from me. I respected their decision so I stayed away from you. It helped me realize my feelings for you. I also hoped that when I try to get you back you’d love me for me.”

 

“So are you here to get me back? What if I love Seungri? This heart belonged to him” Dara asked.

 

“I love you, Dara., you and only you. I never thought I could love again until you came. I was confused before whether I loved you because I thought your heart was hers but I no longer care who your heart came from, only that it beats for me. Will you accept me and love me again?” he asked.

 

“I’ve already loved you once, Ji, and once is enough for me. I also love Seungri” Dara said.

 

Ji looked crestfallen. “Am I too late then?”

 

“I love him because he is my friend, and some part of my heart feels a sense of loyalty to him because for some time before this heart loved him. And you… I could never love you again…” Dara said.

 

“because I have never stopped loving you in the first place. I love you, Ji, you and only you. This heart I claim as mine beats only for you. And even if this heart should waiver, know that my love for you won’t.”

 

Ji pulled Dara and held her in a tight embrace. Dara hugged him back just as tight, so close their hearts almost touching. Not wanting to ever let each other go, feeling each others’ hearts speak a language as old as time itself: love.

 

Hold me, Hold me
Don't ever let me go
Say it just one time
Say you love me
God knows I do
Love you
Again

 

 

 

 

_____________________________________________________________________

 

Why Again?

 

For Jiyong, it was a second shot at love.

For Seungri, it was a second chance to express his feelings.

For Dara, it was a second life.

 

Ji loved Dara initially thinking she had her ex-gf’s heart and learned that he loved her for her.

Seungri had hidden his love for his bestfriend and missed the chance to tell her, so Dara gave her the chance.

Dara needed a new heart to keep her alive. Meeting Ji and falling for him as well as meeting Seungri was an act of fate.

 

 

Is love transferable like the heart?

 

I don’t know. Maybe it’s not the heart who dictates who we love. Fate has ways to make us meet the right person at the right time, the seed of love already planted only to bloom for the right person at the right time.

Dara met Seungri who was loved by the previous owner of the heart, but she did not love him in the same way. Dara may have felt an echo of the previous owner’s love but her love for him was really only as a friend.

Dara met Ji and there was an instant connection they both felt for each other. Soulmates, perhaps? A heart could be changed but not love. Dara loved Ji with a borrowed heart. The heart was borrowed but the love was all hers.

 

 

Once you have loved someone, you’d do anything in the world for them

     …except love them again- Anonymous

 

I do not take the meaning of this literally. “Once you have loved someone, you’d do anything in the world for them” True, love makes us believe what we would normally treat with doubt. It makes us do things we never thought possible.

“…except love them again” For me, this means you can never love again someone you have never stopped loving to begin with. Because true love never goes away nor stops, it goes on and on, again and again.