Prospective

Definition         Adjective 1 likely or expected to happen, likely to become or be;

                                           2 looking towards the future

They say that anything could happen in the future.

If that were true, I wonder what mine will be like.

My name is Park Sandara. This is the story of what comes after I fell for a boy.

They called me Stargazer. They think I don’t know but I could hear the whispers behind my back. I don’t mind, my favourite flower is a stargazer.

It started in middle school. During a camping trip with my class, there was a meteor shower.

I suddenly remembered the story my grandma told me about falling stars. During a meteor shower, if you close your eyes then open them, the first person your eyes lay upon is meant for you.  

“It wouldn’t hurt to try” I thought, looking at my classmates. There were many boys in my class after all. “Here goes…” and I closed my eyes.

Someone accidentally bumped me from behind and I fell forward bumping into someone else who broke my fall.

I opened my eyes and found myself staring into dark eyes.

“Mianhe” I said as I pulled myself up, staring at the boy.

“It’s okay. It’s not your fault.” He said. “I also did not see you”

The other kids were laughing at me, saying I fell because I lost my head in the stars.

Is he the one? From that time on I would always look at him and follow him silently.

We’ve been classmates since kindergarten and in every class. But he did not see me. He only had sights for other girls.

He would only borrow my notes. I could not refuse since it is the only interaction we have. I was hoping that he would notice me eventually.

Did I read wrong into the sign? I looked to the heavens for answer and found myself loving its beauty hence starting photography and joining the astronomy club.

I prayed that the next time there will be a meteor shower; his eyes would only be for me.

I have been feeling tiny chestpains and palpitations lately, and I feel easily tired out most of the time. My parents decided to bring me to a doctor.

“I’m sorry but your daughter has ASD (atrial septal defect). Her heart has a hole which was probably undetected when she was a child only now it is causing her problems. I advise that you should ease her of stress and other strenuous activities” the doctor said.

“Is there any cure?” my parents asked.

“We could try for surgery but you have to do it abroad. The chances are good especially since she’s young.” The doctor replied.

“Ma, Pa, I want to try the surgery. If it turns out okay then good if it doesn’t at least I tried” I said.

I was suddenly scared of the future. I still had many dreams and I wanted to do more things. I have yet to find out if he was the one for me. But how could I do that now when the future is uncertain for me?

My parents agreed and I was set for operation after graduation.

I was mindlessly walking when I heard him call me.

“Sandara! Wait!” he called after me.

I turned around and saw Kwon Jiyong before me. “What?” I said.

He looked stricken, just staring at me. “Do I look different? Does my sickness show” I thought and felt tiny pricks in my heart.

“What now?” I repeated.

“I’d like to ask a favour” he said “Could you tutor me?”

I raised my eyebrows. Is he playing with me? “Are you sure you’re asking the right person? This is the first time you actually asked me anything aside from my notes”

“You see, I’m really deep into failing. I would not bother you if I have any other choice.” He said.

Oh, so he couldn’t find another girl to tutor him then. This sent tiny pricks to my heart again.

“Ah, so you only came to me because you have no other choice?” I said eyeing him with distaste. “But what about my choice? What if I don’t want to?”

“Please, please reconsider. My future is at stake here and I don’t want to disappoint my parents” He said.

Hearing him talk about his future and his parents, made me soft. I could understand that he is also scared about the future.

“Consider me doing this favour for them, ok?” I said. “I just have one condition”

“Sure name it.” He easily replied.

“Don’t fall in love with me” I said, looking deep into his eyes.

A minute must have elapsed and still he was speechless.

“Gotcha!” I said and smiled.

“Ah! You almost had me fooled.” he said. 

And so I became his tutor. I tried to kid about my sickness. I could not tell him seriously, afraid that I would not get the chance to at least be close to him just this once. Considering this as the last thing I could do for him.

After all, I’m just the girl with her head lost in the stars. There’s no way he could possibly fall for me right?

I tutor him after class every Mondays at the library, Wednesdays at his house and Thursdays and for the whole day on Saturdays at my house. 

I never knew he could be talkative and funny. He would amuse me with his stories, making me laugh or smile. I was shy to tell him stories about me. He might think my hobbies were weird and I’m afraid to let my secret slip.

One Saturday afternoon we were studying, he said he was bored.

“Sandara, I’m bored.” he said. “Could we do something else today?”

“Like what?” I asked.

“You could tell me something about yourself” he said.

“Hmm…” We’d be going away next week; this could be our last time together. “I think it’s better if I show you”

I invited him to my treehouse to let him see the pictures I have taken. He seemed to genuinely like them.

I invited him to try stargazing so he would understand why I loved the heavens. That night a meteor shower came.

“Omo! Did the heavens answer my prayer?” I thought. I was happy and sad at the same time.

“Sandara…I love you” Jiyong said with his eyes staring into mine.

“Jiyong…I---

He did not let me finish what I wanted to say as he pulled me close and claimed my first kiss. I felt my heart beating erratically. He pulled from the kiss leaving me breathless.

He looked at me with hopeful eyes.

I love him. But I don’t want my heart problem to be a burden to him “I’m sorry. I can’t”

I left with my heart in pain.

I left school early and did not tell Jiyong. I wanted to fix my heart before I could face him and tell him I love him in person without my heart problem getting in the way. I don’t want to give him false hopes that everything will be okay.

I left him the pictures I’ve taken and a letter explaining my side. I hope he forgives me.

They say that anything could happen in the future.

I know now that it is true.

My operation was a success. I returned home with a fixed heart.

And found the boy I love waiting for me.

My name is Park Sandara. This was the story of what came after I fell for a boy.

He loved me too.

A/N

 Jiyong was not aware but back in middle school when they saw the meteor shower. It was Sandara he saw first.