The whole affair was beginning to annoy him. 

Scratch that, he’d been annoyed at the first instance of it. It took all he had not to electrocute the man where he stood the first time he stepped in front of her highness — his precious Seeress. It was only an innocent brush of shoulders. Not too rough. Not too forceful. Not at all threatening.

So some of the Boards didn’t like the entire Tree of Life given system that was the Seeress of EXO and her Guardians, fine. He could accept that. He could look past the man’s actions because of that. He could even ignore the second rude gesture that was the man practically throwing their rations of lunch where she sat so close to her face he almost injured her. 

Food was a prized commodity in Sector E.

Apparently, the Council had been squeezing their rebellion where it hurt: their stomachs.

As long as the Boards resisted against the constant pressure that was their iron fist, the Council would continue to limit how much food each Rank within the Sector received weekly. 

The portions were meager at this point.

So there would be some disdain towards the addition of six new mouths to feed, fine. 

But the third assault the nameless man committed against her highness was unforgivable. 

After being granted freedom to walk as they wished through the Boards’ headquarters and Sector E itself for these past three days, the man thought he also held some kind of liberty to allow his hands to touch her as he pleased. More specifically, to physically shove her as she exited the room the Boards’ Leader, Henry, gave her to sleep peacefully in. 

Under the guise of helping her, as he put it, “get a move on,” the guard with enough of a bad reputation to warrant Chen knocking some sense into him via electrotherapy already pushed her into the hallway wall, her head banging hard against the concrete surface. 

So his following reaction was justified, was it not? It was fine to grab the man by his neck and send the power of several lightning bolts cackling through his body until his eyes rolled to the back of his head and he began drooling at the mouth, was it not?

Apparently not, as he heard his precious Seeress’s voice above the sound of thunder drumming against his ears. 

“Chen, Donghae’s had enough.”

Because the nameless guard had a name. And, unlike Chen, her highness had deemed it fit to know it. Not only because she could see what Chen could not: the sights of over half a dozen gun barrels that were aimed at his head. Rather because the last thing she wanted was for his hands to be stained with the blood of a fellow Exotian — for the second time.

Chen found himself back in solitary confinement, separated from the very woman he was defending in the first place, due to his own hastily-made mistakes. 

Looking back on it, there were many different ways he could have reacted to the guard’s, Donghae’s, transgressions against her highness. 

He could have verbally abused him until his throat went raw and hoarse due to sentence upon sentence of vile words he had the confidence he could spew like vomit. He could have attended to their Seeress first, denying the man the attention he desired to obtain through his actions in the first place. He could have walked away all together, pretending he didn’t see it for the third time. 

He could have done a lot of things. 

All of which wouldn’t have involved using his abilities to push the man to the brink of death. 

Close enough to the river’s edge to feel the water at his toes as it washed up on the shore before him. Teetering over the top of that spike in his heartbeat, the inevitability that he’d fall to the flat ground before him so near he could practically taste the iron in his mouth. Just the slight flexing of digits away from being dead.

Just plain ol’ dead. 

Just a millisecond longer and Donghae the abrasive guard and member of the Board would be no more. 

Saying how scared that made him would be obvious at this point. 

And yet, it was his immediate, gut reaction. 

His first instinctual response was to kill another living, breathing human being. 

He laughed ironically at himself, the sound echoing across the room in a way so familiar to the growl of a beast hidden within the depths of its cave that he couldn’t stop himself. 

He just laughed and laughed and laughed. 

But the act didn’t make him happier. The smile on his face failed to reconcile his past mistakes. In fact, nothing happened at all. He was just laughing to himself like a madman, wishing they’d never let him out of his cage. 

Luna placed the tray on the floor a good ways away from me, still keeping her distance — both physically and mentally. I don’t blame her. I’m in the business of biting. It’s hard to be sarcastic when there’s no one around to laugh with. 

“So I’m stuck bringing you your lunch from the inside of a cell again because one of your Guardians couldn’t keep his power in his pants.” She blurted, clearly frustrated with the once more disastrous situation Chen and I had gotten ourselves into — both of us now restricted in solitary confinement for an unspecified amount of time.

“I don’t blame Chen for his behavior. I’ve wanted to raise a hand against Donghae since his comments towards Lay two days ago.”

I wasn’t in the business of blaming anyone though. 

It feels better to own up to a bad situation that I had a hand in than to cheat or lie my way out of taking responsibility for whatever cards I played. 

“About him being as useless as all the dirt that has failed to bring us something as great as the patch up north that bred the Tree of Life?”

“It doesn’t exactly steady my hand to hear it again.” I laughed, just for the sake of the action itself, “Lay’s power grants him the ability to remained unbiased. To never one-sidedly help one person over another. To always think about someone else, no matter the consequences for himself. And he’s got a calming personality and soothing temperament to match.” 

“I get it, your Guardians are amazing.”

“Our Guardians.” 

I corrected her as I stood from my bed, descending down on my knees to retrieve the food she had brought. The food she promptly kicked towards me, sending it toppling over onto itself, as she irritatedly repeated herself. 

“Your Guardians.”

I went to work reorganizing everything on the metal tray before me, thankful none of it had fallen onto the floor. That none of it would have been wasted. In whatever place she is in her mind, Luna seemed to have forgotten why she served me food so disdainfully in the first place.

“They’re here for all Exotians.”

She scoffed at my response, arms crossed stiffly against her chest. 

Against me and everything I lived for. Not strived for. Not stood for. 

Who I lived and breathed to be.

“They’re here to protect you from all Exotians.”

I couldn’t say anything against her. And she noticed that — even if I didn’t want her to.

Turning away from me, growing distasteful at the very sight of me, locked up as I was, she took my silence as an attack on her intellect, “Yeah, I’m well-read enough to know the history of this planet. The one not censored by the Council.”

“Then you know what happens if I die.”

I felt myself on the brink of tears.

“If that’s your indirect way of asking if I poisoned your food, I didn’t.” She shoved her hands into her pant pockets, still glancing anywhere, practically everywhere, but at me, “Fear not, for death will not claim your beautiful and privileged life today.”

“I’m not fearful of dying.” I straightened up, food tray in hand, “I’m scared of what’ll happen to those I leave behind if I do.”

And, for whatever reason, just as I managed to keep myself from crying, she managed to do the one thing she had been yelling at herself not to this entire time. Not just now, but before. All the times we’d met before. As soon as she first laid eyes on me, her first thought was:

Don’t sympathize with her.

But, she did. 

Contrary to what she wanted, she gave me a piece of personal advice. Contrary to what I wanted, I was reminded once more of how precious my life was to twelve others. 

Specifically those twelve out of millions of others. 

Others here, there, practically everywhere. 

“Then you’re dumber than I thought. Only those who’re scared of dying truly appreciate the act of living.”

I’m scared. 

I’m terrified to the point of being reduced to child-like immaturity, in fact. 

But, I can’t waste time being fearful of the inevitable. 

The aftermath of it all is something Luna fails to grasp completely. Mostly because she isn’t me. Because there are others she cares for. Other values worth living to strive for. Other people worth breathing to survive for. Because we’re so different, she can only manage to sympathize with me.

“Our names are very similar, you know?” 

And yet, there’s one thing innately similar about us, I think.

“If that’s your way of asking if I’ll talk to you like this again, don’t expect it.” Luna spared a single look in my direction, only to quickly divert her eyes once more, “I was stupid to think I could gain anything from this.”

“I’ll see you tonight.”

I spoke with a smile.

Chen couldn’t sleep. 

After tossing on his worn down cot for a handful of hours, he merely gave up. A part of him didn’t think he deserved to sleep. That same part of him thought he had to make up for what he had done by harming his body through this denial to rest. Another part of him just wanted to close his eyes. 

To forget everything, to pretend he wasn’t even here, and maybe he wouldn’t be.

Maybe he’d be back at the Hall of the Guardians, back home, one week prior to this. Like none of this happened. Like he let none of this happen.

But, when he opened his eyes, he was met with that same flickering lightbulb on that gray ceiling above him.

And he’d sigh, only to try his mantra again. 

He couldn’t sleep. 

No one could, apparently. 

There had been a constant low hum of noise outside his door for some time now. The guards were restless, constantly walking back and forth and back and forth. The inescapable, continuous repetition had driven him to the brink of sanity. 

“Don’t you think we’ve all had enough for one night?”

He remembers yelling out. Out of all things, he remembers that. The reason his memories that followed were less memorable wasn’t due to their uninteresting nature. Not in the least.

Rather, he didn’t think it were possible to feel as crazy as he did then.

Then, a brief moment he recalls started in the time it took him to blink just once. Enough to lull him to sleep, just one more blink. Enough to make him think he was dreaming, as she appeared in an instant. 

Right there and then, sitting at the foot of his rickety cot, her highness sat. 

Smiling.

And before he could ask why she was there, why, of all places, she graced his dream with her presence, she answered his thoughts.

“I don’t know if you knew, but I’m turning into quite the troublemaker as of late.”

“Don’t get ahead of yourself just yet, your highness.” He joked, sitting up to meet her gaze, face-to-face, “I mean, have you ever tried to kill a man before?”

She saw through his sarcastic facade. His humor put in place to make a mockery of himself. For the sake of protecting himself, he shone an unforgiving light on his actions, deeming them inexcusable. 

And he didn’t want to be pardoned for them.

And she wasn’t trying to play the role of his righteous savior.

“If you’d like, I can read your mind. I can say it if you can’t. I can help you, support you, be there for you, just like you are for me.”

With patient hands and a poised frame, she sat before him — as out of place as white on rye. 

He didn’t bother separating himself anymore. Not when the opportunity to tell her everything arose. Not when she was ready to hear it, because she wouldn’t have come to him like this if she wasn’t. Not in his dreams or elsewhere. Not anywhere.

“When I was seven years old, my uncle came to the Hall of the Guardians, desiring the right to take me back to my parents.”

And he was scared of nothing more than that.

“I was little, but I wasn’t ignorant. I knew what I was capable of. I knew how dangerous I was. Excuses are the last thing I can make after, as he physically tried to take me away late one night, I killed him. I killed him for trying to rip my world as I knew it away from me.”

Than being cast away from the one person he believed needed him.

“A single spark was all it took to make his heart stop beating. A simple tensing of my chest and when I opened my eyes, he wasn’t moving anymore.”

Who he wanted to be needed by.

Who didn’t want to be his sole reason for living, as she said, “And what are you going to do now?”

He was teetering on the brink of insanity.

And she asked him what he was going to do about it? About the problem he’d been running away from since then? As though he knew. As though he’d known all along.

“Question,” he rose his hand into the air, even if she was the only one to see it, because she was the only one to see it, “how in the EXO planet do you always know what to say? And don’t say it’s because you can read my mind, because that answer is boring and something we can both agree is not the reason at all.”

“I don’t,” she shook her head, hair disheveling without the aid of a gentle breeze, “You’re just  always wondering on your own. Daydreaming, thinking, pondering everything endlessly.” 

As though he’d never stopped daydreaming, thinking, and pondering endlessly long enough to realize it.

Did she think he’d had enough by now?

She did. 

Enough of fulfilling his own prophecies. Of pessimistically judging himself harder than anyone else. Of refusing to take his mistakes in stride for the sake of his future?

Of living, as he’d been doing all along?

“It’s not exactly a redeeming quality.” He laughed.

Living, something that came to him much easier than he thought it would — as it should.

“Redeeming or not, it’s who you are.”

Smiling, she still was. 

Postures slightly slouched, growing tired as the night went on, yet still smiling, she asked, “Now, anything else I can do for you?”

She didn’t assume she knew best. She didn’t follow through with some blind guess. She asked him, inadvertently, most likely without even realizing it, what he wanted. He had been held, comforted like a child, one too many times in the past. He had been pitied, for losing a loved one he never knew, one too many times in the present. And now that he was given a choice that quite possibly extended beyond those two options, he honestly didn’t know.

He didn’t know what else to expect. 

He didn’t know what else he wanted. 

As her eyes stared on at him, waiting without expecting a single thing, he honestly didn’t know.

No.

No, that was a lie. 

And, it always had been, hadn’t it?

He knew what he wanted. He simply felt too guilty to say it before. He simply hadn’t stopped feeling guilty long enough to realize it before.

“I want to wake up from my nightmare.” 

From his self-fearing nightmare he’d dreamed too long to remember he was living. That he was breathing and striving for a reason. For his own reasons, for the reasons of others, for the guilty desires he wanted.

And with steady hands, her fingers reached out to cup his chin, to pull him close, to softly lay a kiss on his lips. A mixture of admiration, adoration, and love settled at the pit of his stomach by the time she pulled away.

“Good morning, sleeping beauty.” 

She whispered betwixt a still smile. 

“Good morning, my Seeress.” 

He answered back, not wanting of anything more than the grace of being allowed to sit there with her just a bit longer. As, on the brink of darkness, the moon’s reflected light shone through the small window above them, accentuating ever more her image before him, each curve so real to the point of disbelief. 

He didn’t think it were possible to feel as crazy as he did then, surrounded by all that silence. Comforting, reality more than anything he could have desired.

If memory serves correctly, there’s a saying that goes: “Birds of a feather flock together.”

Perhaps a troublemaker with a purpose was the worst kind, but he couldn’t help but feel as though while his past mistakes couldn’t be erased, as long as his future intentions remained as they were, he could continue on — nightmares a thing of the past.

Intentions that, while still of the trouble-making kind, held the desire to do right, to live the way he wanted, no matter how many wrong turns he made along the way.

She stumbled into him, catching herself on his clothes. Weighing him down, she apologized for the umpteenth time, “I’m sorry, Tao.” Her face paling, she palmed at her surroundings, feeling for the comfort of any flat surface within arm’s reach, “It’s always you I seem to break down in front of.”

“Don’t be stupid, your highness. There’s no reason to apologize.” Helping her sit down onto the creaking bed in the room she was supposed to stay in, that she, with his help, escaped from momentarily — like a dream — for Chen’s sake, he couldn’t have felt guiltier for her current condition.

Rough breaths. A disoriented gaze. The combination of both her legs and arms failing on her causing her to fall into him. 

None of this was her fault. 

“I’m getting called that a lot recently.” She mumbled, hung up on the words he had said over ten minutes prior, the passage of time turning against her after she exploited it — for Chen’s sake. “I’m starting to wonder if the adjective suits me more than I originally thought.”

“Let’s just sleep, okay?” Tao chanted, remembering her words from a better time, in a much happier situation, “Because I’m tired, and you’re tired, so let’s just close our eyes and sleep.”

“That sounds nice.” Her muffled voice vibrated against his collarbone, playing against his ribcage.

He hummed to himself, holding her weak body in his arms, until he felt her breathing steady. And, even then, he was hard-pressed to leave her. 

“I’m the stupid one,” he scolded himself, because he knew she’d be hard-pressed to ever do so herself. 

That night, she dreamt of Chen’s voice and Tao’s hands. She wouldn’t remember the specifics the next day, but she woke up with a smile on her face. A smile that shoved whatever she saw far into the recesses of her mind, shelved somewhere out of sight, to be forgotten along with her dream the morning after.

To resurface much faster than she had originally anticipated. 

All whilst the clatter outside of her cage grew louder by the second.

A/N: Happy Birthday, Suho? I know, this chapter didn't have any Suho in it ('cause it honestly wouldn't fit at all). Still, it's for him. Pretend this all makes sense, and it will eventually.

Happy Birthday, Suho!