“What is it, Kai?” I asked as I took a seat down onto my bed, slowly and steadily. He had been pacing around my room for a long while now. As though this wasn’t already enough to arouse my curiosity as to what he wanted to talk about, the current expression on his face made me willing to endure whatever test of time it would take before he finally let loose the words that ran through his chaotic thoughts.

I’ve never mentioned this before, mostly because I never noticed it until now as Kai rarely stayed quiet while around me long enough for me to, but, his thoughts are always like that. They’re a jumbled mess. I can’t decipher them no matter how hard I try. I told him this on one of the days I had called him using his Calling Stone, and he laughed. I wasn’t trying hard enough, he said.

I don’t think it’s a matter of trying hard enough though.

I think it’s a matter of Kai himself.

Kai is the creator of his thoughts.

Kai himself is the one who so wildly ordered them, skewing his points and distorting his phrases to the point where all I could hear were incoherent words.

Comparatively, D.O.’s thoughts are as clear as day. There’s not a single incomplete thought. Nor is there a single attempt on his part to forcefully morph his thoughts into entities which fail to embody the meaning he is trying to convey.

It’s just a trick Kai plays on me.

A ploy he’s created to lead the conversation.

And I’m willing to let him lead me on, as he done in every single conversation we’ve had in the past. I’m willing to let his thoughts remain in such a disordered fashion until he himself is willing to sort them out. The first step to fixing them is for he himself to realize what it is he’s doing to them and why. But, he hasn’t yet. So, I’ll not say a single word about it.

Finally, after a good three more paces, he said something, “Do you remember your parents, your highness?”

I felt my heart freeze, my chest constrict, as the question left his lips. Not because I didn’t like the question. But, because I didn’t know how to answer. Because I didn’t really have an answer.

“No. I don’t.” I responded, my tone unchanging, “I vaguely remember light brown hair and shining brown eyes but, was it my mother? My father? Was it both of them? I can’t remember anymore.” I shook my head upon seeing the look of confliction on his face, as though he was worried for me, “It’s not something that troubles me. My aunt lost most of her belongings in a house fire, including their photos. So, remembering what they look like is difficult when not even a hint of them was left behind. Impossible even, as my mother died before I could even see her and my father, well, I was two at the time he died.

But, how it felt to be with my father, that I remember. I know I was happy. I don’t know why, but I was. I’ve created in my mind a picturesque image of him, you know? I think anyone without parents at such a young age would do so. I can see him smiling. I like to imagine he had a manly, handsome charm about him. I can feel him holding me up, high above the ground. I like to imagine he was tall, too. But, really, it doesn’t matter what he looked like. He made me happy. And thoughts of my mother make me happy too.”

Kai was staring now, staring as I once more had no idea what words he was trying to string together in his mind in response. But, the blank expression on his face told me that he was waiting. He was waiting for me to continue. The slight part of his lips and the upward turn of his brows told me he wanted to hear more.

But, there was nothing more to hear.

“That’s it. That’s all I remember.”

And it’s really all I need, isn’t it?

He gulped down, clearing his throat before in a voice akin to a whisper, he said, “And if you could be with them now, if they were alive to be there for you, would you go to them?”

Would I choose my parents over this life I lead now? This life as the Seeress of Exo.

Would I choose my parents over Exo Planet? Over the Exotians?

Over the Guardians?

“I would.” My answer was resolute. I would choose my parents. Even though technically by the customary laws of Exo Planet, once I completed high school, I would have to leave them anyway. I would have my own apartment assigned to me, as I did even with them gone, and then I would apply for a job to pay for said apartment whilst going to college. An upper level education institution that my parents would have paid for instead of the small pocket of money my aunt had saved up for me. “But, it would only be to tell them that this, being the Seeress of Exo, is something I have chosen for myself. You all gave me plenty of chances to back out and I almost did, but, as you said when we first met, I couldn’t stay away from it. I still can’t. So, I would thank them for being there for me, and I would visit them every so often, but I would come back here every night in order to serve the Exotians and Exo Planet in any way I can. In order to be with you all.”

“You’re abnormal, your highness.” Kai shook his head, the corner of his lips hitching upwards. I let the silence wrap itself around us, comfort us, for a moment longer. Only for a moment. Because I was curious now that the question was up in the air. I was curious about Kai’s parents.

“What about your parents, Kai?” I hadn’t specified anything like “do you remember them?” or “do you miss them?” because unlike Kai and the other Guardians who knew I had grown up with my aunt, Luhan supposedly having told them, I didn’t know anything when it came to their own childhoods. I didn’t even have an inkling of an idea when it came to that subject.

Kai seemed stunned by my question and yet again, more whispers left him. I had to lean forward. I had to concentrate on every syllable so that I could catch each fleeting word.

“I was chosen by the Tree of Life upon birth. All of the Guardians were. There are signs, you know? Signs that made our births different from other children. The day Tao was born, moonflowers sprung up everywhere on the planet for just that one day. It was as though the planet and the Tree of Life itself was welcoming him, the last of the Guardians born with the power given by the Moon. When I was born months earlier, it was sunflowers that seemed to grow in every gray garden, no matter how small or how unkempt. That’s half of how we were found.

The other half is the mark we have upon birth right here,” Kai reached up, patting down onto his chest, right above his heart, “over our hearts. It’s a symbol that represents the power given to us. Where it’s placed is symbolic apparently. Though, I never paid much attention to what it meant, Luhan or Suho or D.O would know what it means.” He looked as though he disliked that fact. As though he wished he had paid attention in the past. “Mine is a triangle of sorts. It’s hard to describe really. But, as though they were drawn on our bodies with brown felt marker, they’re there. It's there every morning for me before it disappears when the sun falls and it's there every night for Tao, before it disappears when the sun rises.”

It was night out now, meaning Kai’s own mark had long since faded away a good two hours ago. I wanted to see it though. I wanted to ask him if I could see it. Which meant that question would have to be left for another day. 

“As soon as I became a Guardian of the Sun, I was taken from my parents and brought to the Hall of the Guardians. Those before us were in their fifties but for some reason, they all looked so young. They had their powers stripped from them by the Tree of Life. They told us it was punishment for what those who came before them did. But, I don’t believe that.” He stopped himself, caught himself, as though this was something he wasn’t supposed to say. Something he wasn’t allowed to elaborate on. And, he effectively changed the subject, “They’re the ones who taught us how to control our powers. They stayed until I was eight, so around eight years in total, before leaving. I don’t know where they went. But, I saw my mentor as my father and my mother. He’s the one who raised me alongside everyone else. He’s all I know.”

“And if you could live with him again, would you?” I asked as he finished, posing to him the same query he had to me.

Kai laughed at that question. He laughed in a way that reminded me of a child’s laughter. And it were as though the person I was looking at was not the eighteen-year-old Kai but the eight-year-old Kai. An energetic, just as mischievous, eight-year-old Kai.

“He’d laugh at me for saying this, he’d even call me cheesy but, yeah. I would. I would just so that I could boast to him about the fact that I found our Seeress. Me, the kid who couldn’t even teleport with the weight of his own clothes on and always ended up wherever he went.” And I laughed at that as Kai continued to reminisce with a large smile on his face. A smile he then directed towards me. “And then I’d come back. And I’d tell him it’s because her highness is waiting for me.”

“It’s normal though, isn’t it?” I asked as I stared on at his smile that spread so large it seemed to shine just as brightly as the morning sun. “Isn’t it normal to want to be with the ones you love?”

And Kai’s smile faded, the sun setting and disappearing beneath the horizon as quickly as it had risen as he muttered his next words. As he said them beneath his breath as though they contained a secret for my ears and my ears alone, “Until the very end?”

And I understood now.

I understood what it was that seemed to haunt him so much it drove him into frantic pacing just earlier. Those mumblings of inconsistent thoughts, of garbled words, were starting to make some sense now.

Just for now.

“Even if you could live with your mentor, you would choose to return here for the sake of Exo Planet.” I wanted to choose my words carefully, to give him hope of some kind that what he’s doing, what he’s done, is right. But, it came out differently. They came out with a lot more of my personal bias hiding beneath them than I had intended, “That’s your choice. I think all we can give to the Exotians is a choice. Whatever choices I make when I see my visions and whatever choices you make when you react to them are not chosen out of malice. They’re chosen to give Exotians the right to choose their future for themselves. A right that shouldn’t be so easily ripped from them by some higher entity or some accidental, random incident.”

I paused for a moment, somewhat stunned by the words I was saying. The words that answered the question of, “What can I do for Exo Planet?” The question I was always afraid to ask. Yet here I was, answering it. The answer was within my reach the entire time. 

“There’s that saying that goes, everyone deserves a second chance. Everyone deserves a second option, Kai. You gave those people a second option.” I peered up at his head that hung low, his eyes staring at the ground beneath his feet as though he wished to be buried there. Buried there so that he didn’t have to make decisions like the one he had today. Today, when he must have saved them. When he must have saved that couple from dying amidst the fire and the rock. Why else would his facial expression match the feelings I had when I watched them in my vision? “Are you regretting it though?”

No.

I heard his thoughts for what seemed like the first time in so long. I heard his thoughts as he raised his head, his eyes meeting mine with not a single drop of remorse to be found in pools of deep brown.

No, I don’t regret it.

“Good.” I nodded, leaning back onto my hands as I sat more steadily on my bed before I addressed a matter that seemed to be much more pressing than the one we had just discussed, “Then, can you tell me why you’re really here?”

Yes, Kai. I know that despite all the words that have passed between us, this isn’t what you came to ask me. I know.

He receded to one knee then, gazing up at me with determination reflected in his eyes, “Your highness, I have a request to make from you.”

I knew the request before he even made it.

We’re quite alike, I think.

Kai and I.

There’s a time when you have to sit and ask yourself, is this really happening? When you feel like your world is being turned upside down, despite how abnormal it already was. It’s a question that always has the answer of “yes,” but you ask it anyway. Because you can’t believe it. Because life decided to throw a curb ball at you when you were just starting to get in the grove.

And when you get that first strike, you think, what happened? What did I do to cause this outcome? No, I know what I did. And it was foolish of me to think what I did would be accepted with open arms. That I would be accepted with open arms.

And even though I was okay with being foolish, even though I was okay with not being accepted so quickly because realistically it wasn’t possible, this, this was something I couldn’t simply take in stride so easily.

This, the news broadcast that I’m currently watching with the Guardians as we eat dinner. The news broadcast regarding the recent subway tunnel collapse in Sector A that’s playing in the center of the circular table we’re gathered around.  

A woman with flowing golden ringlets spoke to the camera in a monotone voice as the rubble of the used to be subway tunnel lay behind her, “This afternoon’s tragic event has displaced thousands of Exotians as smoke from the blast underground has risen into the city and caused a black fog to appear overhead. Many Exotians will even go without lights on this dark night as the explosion destroyed the electric generators that were being housed underground as well. At a time like this, we can’t help but wonder, where are the Protectors of the Tree of Life that arrived on the scene earlier today?”

“I can move the air somewhere else, I can’t clean it. What do you expect us to do about the mess?” Sehun grumbled as he bit down onto his spoon, chewing down on his rice with a frown pasted on his face. All whilst he thought not all too kindly about the woman on the screen in front of us.  

“People can live without electricity for a few days.” Chen scoffed, as his eyes seemed to bore holes into the woman’s head. “As though we could have stopped the electrical generators from being blown to bits.”

“The Protectors were here when it happened so could they not have stopped this horrific event from occurring in the first place?” The woman stared into the camera, eyes pleading, lips pursing, “Families of all ranks must now live in discomfort for an extended period of time. Times that are going to get tougher here in Sector A now that the whole area has gone dark for an unspecified amount of time. Could nothing have been done to stop this destruction from happening at all?” Exotians walked slowly behind her, all of them working to move the rubble from the streets as neither a single car nor child could be seen. 

It was depressing to watch.

It was purposefully depressing to watch.

“We can’t stop an explosion from happening. But, we can stop anyone from getting hurt by it.” Chanyeol clenched his fingers around his glass of water at his side, the liquid seeming to slowly come to a boil.

“We saved people.” Tao mumbled beneath his breath, his words filled with hurt.

“And all of those who survived with no injuries are failing to be mentioned.” Lay added, his body still sore from the amount of energy he had used in one day to heal every single person Kai and Chen pulled from the collapsing tunnel. An amount he didn’t regret using in the least.

“Even if there are those who don’t acknowledge it, or believe we didn’t do enough, the fact that we did something remains. The fact that we didn’t sit back idly and watch means something to every single person you all saved today.” I looked at each of them, pride in my chest no matter what the woman on holovision said. Even at the utterance of her next words, I felt pride in them.

Instead, it was myself that I was left to question.

“As we know, the Seeress of Exo has complete authority over the Protectors of the Tree of Life. What she commands them to do, they do. And yet, according to eyewitness reports, only six, half of Protectors, were sent to combat this sudden catastrophe. Did she not promise that she would be together with us every morning and night of every day? According to recent events, she is only half with us, it seems. She can only stop the aftermath of the explosion and not the explosion itself? Is this what we deserve? A Seeress who only half-cares? A Seeress who promises a mile but only gives us half instead because her legs started to tire out? I ask you, citizens of Exo Planet, do we not deserve better?”

There was an eruption then. An eruption not on holovision but in the dining room I now sat in.

First, the holographic screen in front of us was shut off, as if remotely. It was Luhan’s immediate response, without a doubt, he having been there with us as he always is as he watches from his room, to the woman’s words without adding a single one of his own.

Then, Chen and Tao both dropped their utensils as though ready to spring from their chairs and go running to the location of the news broadcast right then and there. The room began to both heat up and cool down at the same time. My right arm felt as though it was getting dangerously close to the stovetop and my left arm felt as though I had dunked it into cold water; Chanyeol and Xiumin having both relinquished control of their abilities to their currently raging emotions. Baekhyun cursed beneath his breath, his teeth biting down onto his lower lip as he was at a loss of words to say. His mind repeated to me over and over words of reassurance that were coming so fast and without rest that he simply couldn’t get them out of his mouth coherently.

And lastly, Sehun stood up abruptly, his hands slamming down against the table with a force that caused the dish and silverware to tremble against the glass top. With eyebrows tightly knit, furrowing downwards, and lips a firm line, he glared at me. He glared at me harshly before storming out of the room.

“Leave him be.” Kris spoke as Suho almost moved to a stand to go after him, “He’s probably going to see Luhan.”

“Your highness, I,” Lay began, his voice cracking, a slight stutter creeping into his next words, “I’m sorry.” Kai stared on at me. That same confliction and worry I had seen earlier today displayed there on his face.

But, Lay shouldn’t apologize. And Kai shouldn’t look at me like that. They did nothing wrong. It is not their fault as they seem to think it is, as they all seem to think it is right at this very moment, that the woman on the news broadcast described me the way she did. This was the outcome of the decisions I had made. It wasn’t something I liked, definitely not. But, it was not their fault.

“Please eat, your highness.” D.O smiled softly at me, gesturing to his own food as he spoke. And there was a small whisper afterwards. A small whisper that hoped I would not be affected by this. That wished for me to continue on no matter how hard it was.

Please.

I nodded back before picking up my utensils once more to continue eating.

To continue eating as my own troubles ate away at me.

A/N: 

One day late, just one. Did I make up for it with a Kai scene? I think I did. I certainly enjoyed it, after all. (That and the news report scene, no matter how messed up that was. It was exciting, in a way.) 

Also, I'm going back and naming all the chapters because I can. Let's see what nonsense I come up with! Yeah!