It happened before it happened. It happened before they all gathered together in the living room in front of the holovision. It was a secluded incident that led to something much larger in scope, much more problematic, later on. He wished he wouldn’t have stayed quiet. If he had said something, it wouldn’t have gotten out of hand. If he had done something, maybe they could have avoided all of it.

Maybe they wouldn’t have had to been brought up so high, so high it were as though nothing could touch them, nothing could faze them, only to be sent slamming against the unforgiving ground. But, regretting it wouldn’t change anything. Regretting it wouldn’t take him back to that day, that morning, when Kai walked through the door of his room. When he posed to him that innocent question that triggered something neither of them would ever be able to undo.

“Luhan,” Kai was hesitant at first, the way he called his name was soft, stuttering. He gathered his courage right after however, his voice becoming clear and determined, as he started again, “Luhan, has she ever talked to you about her parents?”

By “her,” it was obvious he meant the only her that the two were destined, fated, to serve under. Her highness. Her highness’s parents. In all honesty, he knew the insinuations of such a question. And yet, it seemed like nothing. Just passing conversation. It seemed harmless. And yet, it was the most harmful question Kai could have ever asked.

“No.” He responded, because she hadn’t. They had talked about many things. They had talked about the weather. About her duties as the Seeress of Exo. About what it meant to be dedicated to those duties. And at one time, they discussed the topic of loneliness. The loneliness of the planet. Of the people. Of her highness herself. Because she was the only one. The only Seeress of Exo. They, the Guardians, were there, yes. But, there are twelve of them. There is only one of her. What comes along with such thoughts are feelings of helplessness. Of weakness. But, her weaknesses made her strong. Her willingness to admit her weakness was one of the many things he admired about her. One of the many things that paralleled his own self completely.

But, the weakness that Kai was referring to was one that, in hindsight, made her stronger. And yet, all the more weak. It’s an interesting contradiction to think about. But, he immediately knew it was not something he wanted. Seeing her change like that was the last thing he wanted.

He’s getting ahead of himself. He’s revealing too much of the near, the immediate, future. He needs to focus on the past. Right now, right then, as that single, negative response left his lips, Kai was smiling. It was faint, it was fleeting, but it was there. That smile of gratification. Of satisfaction. Of a multitude of things even Kai seemed unaware he was displaying so vividly with that single, small gesture.

Jealousy.

It’s not a word Luhan had the opportunity to think about lightly. It’s not a word he thought of again for a long time after that one moment, as Kai smiled due to his answer.

But, that single word did, in that one moment, come bubbling to the surface, a fiery lumping forming in his throat, scratching at his vocal cords, causing him to stutter slightly as he asked, “Why?”

“It’s nothing.” Kai shook his head, his shoulders shrugging nonchalantly, “I was just wondering, is all.”

Wonder.

A single wonder brought them down from their high.

If a single wonder did that, then the range of things that could do the same was seemingly infinite.

There was something profound about the scene I presently saw right in front of my very eyes. There was no doubt that this was even more beautiful than the garden hidden within the Hall of the Guardians. This, countless Exotians all bathing themselves on the firm bed of flowers that appeared early this morning. The explosion from days before, the discomfort and the feeling of weary helplessness in the face of a tragedy that hung in the air as thick as the fog that hung above them, all a memory that seemed so far away. So far away from the smiles and the laughter. So far away from the gray and the black. So far away from the sun that shone brightly in the clear blue sky.

It was a sun I hadn’t seen in a long while. It was a sun that no one had seen in so long it felt like a lifetime. It was a sun that Xiumin, Suho, Chen, and Tao ran beneath, bounding towards the flowers like children on a playground. As though they had never seen such flowers before. As though the flowers in the Hall of the Guardians, no matter how beautiful, no matter how moving, didn’t even begin to compare.

Their black cloaked bodies fell against the flower bed, blues and reds and oranges and yellows and greens and pinks engulfing them as they yelled to each other, playing, teasing, and laughing so loudly, so boisterously, that I couldn’t help but smile. That I couldn’t help but watch. And I wasn’t alone. Countless other had stopped to watch as well, realization dawning upon each and every one of their faces. Dawning upon each and every one of their minds.

Those black cloaks. It’s the Protectors.

The Protectors of the Tree of Life are here.

If they’re here, then is the Seeress of Exo here as well? Where?

And one by one, each glance fell upon me. Silence filled the air, the only sounds ringing through my ears being Xiumin’s yell, Tao’s and Chen’s laughter, and Suho’s reprimands towards them for being so loud and unruly, even though his smile stretched so wide across his face.

And I felt something. I felt a hand on my shoulder. I didn’t have to turn back to know who it belonged to. I didn’t have to call his name out loud to make it known to him that his support along with the support of the other eleven Guardians meant the world to me. That they’re support made me feel like I could do anything if I wanted it enough.

Just like almost each and every door in the Hall of the Guardians, if I wanted it enough – in Luhan’s words – it would open. If I wanted it enough, anything could open. If I wanted it enough, anything was possible. A lush bed of flowers growing over unfertile concrete was possible. A long forgotten sunny sky was possible. Fulfilling the expectations and the hopes of each and every Exotian who stood around me, more and more gathering around me by the second, was possible.

I wouldn’t let them down, I promised myself.

I would do everything I could and everything I wanted to for them, I decided.

I wanted to, right at this very moment, lay in my own bed of flowers, I concluded, my feet carrying me forward. With each step I hastened my pace. With each step, I heard the thoughts of those around me grow louder, singing out in harmony a melody that made that balloon in my chest swell so much I could feel my eyes begin to water.

With each step, I heard:

She’s just like us. She’s happy too.

I am happy.

With the pivot of my foot as I faced my back towards the rainbow hued body of life behind me, I heard:

All of this feels so surreal. But, this is reality isn’t it?

It is reality. It’s a reality that I’ve been wanting to show you all for so long now and only now was I able to.

With the molding of my back against the soft grass beneath me, I heard:

I want to follow her. I want to lie there too.

Then follow me. Let’s lie down together. Let’s enjoy this moment to the fullest. Let’s remember it until we pass on and return to the planet beneath our feet. Let’s embrace this miracle that isn’t my doing but the doing of each and every person living on this planet. Because we’re changing, this happened. Because we’re changing for the better, this happened. Because impassivity, it seems, is a word that not just I, but many others, have grown to disdain.

Grown to not remember the meaning of as the small talk begins again. As laughter fills the air once more. As countless Exotians dive into the pool of flowers I now lie against. As I hear Kris in the distance, his voice expressing his disbelief in my choice of action once more but not once admonishing me for it. As I felt Sehun and Kai crash down beside me, challenging each other to see who could reach the top of the large patch of flowers first – Kai ultimately winning in the end. As I heard Lay and D.O speaking with our fellow Exotians, their voices filled with pride. As I felt Baekhyun dump loose petals down onto my head, causing my closed eyes to flutter open to find him looking down at me with a smile on his face. And he soon left, joining Suho, Xiumin, Chen, and Tao in their play, his voice skimming across my mind before he disappeared from view.

I guess I’m not the only one who’s happy you’re our Seeress.

I guess not, Baekhyun. Because I’m happy too.  Because I’m happy you’re all happy too. That the Exotians are happy. That the planet is seemingly happy. Happiness, it’s so hard to describe and yet right now, at this very moment, it’s almost palpable, a sweet taste spreading across my palate. My teeth shuddering as the honey like feeling slides down my throat until it hits the pit of my stomach, sticking there. Warming me to the bone.

But, as I sat up, petals falling from my face, drifting down onto my lap like soft, weightless feathers, I noticed something. I noticed someone in front of me, staring. Unmoving. Seemingly unfeeling. And my fingers twitched, my heart dropping, my ears ringing.

Because something was wrong.

And that’s when I spotted something else. Something crawling on my trembling fingers, softly prickling against my skin. I rose my hand, catching it with my other palm. And I approached him. I approached him without a plan of what I was going to say. Without any idea if what I was saying would help in the least.

I just said what I saw.

I just said what I could see.

That’s all I did.

And though I didn’t expect him to be, I would never know how grateful he was that I did.

He wanted to smile. It was the one gesture he had the ability to produce with ease. It was the one gesture that, for some reason, wasn’t coming to him as easily as it usually did. It was the one gesture that should have been the normal reaction. The expected reaction. And that he wasn’t able to provide it didn’t go unnoticed, no matter how much he wished it would have.

There was her highness, his Seeress, walking towards him. Causing his lips to tremble in trepidation. Causing his mind to drift, panic filling him to the brim. How would he explain himself? How would he explain why he wasn’t with the others, enjoying the scene that displayed itself so beautifully in front of them? Should he even try? Was it worth the effort?

Effort.

A word she didn’t seem to know the definition of. As though everything were effortless, she stood now only a mere two feet from him, her closed palms raising from her sides before there it was. Before, as she opened up her hands, there was a single red spotted ladybug, lingering on her fingertips for only a single second before it opened its wings and flew away, disappearing somewhere up into the air above the two of them.

And she spoke, her voice as clear as the day that hung above them, “Do you want to fly away from here too?”

How did she know? Had she read his mind? But, he hadn’t been thinking it. He hadn’t been thinking anything. He had simply been standing there, his mind blank, his eyes steady. And yet, she knew. She knew that his subconscious was currently screaming at him to pivot on his heel and run. To run somewhere, anywhere, as long as it wasn’t here.

It wasn’t because he disliked his Seeress. Quite the opposite in fact. He adored her as much as each and every other Guardian did. He couldn’t ask for more from her. He would never ask for more from her. He could still remember that overwhelming feeling, that feeling he had always wanted, rushing through his veins, making him feel as though he were flying high on cloud nine, when her fingers merely skimmed against his Calling Stone. When she so desperately wanted to run herself from the situation she had been transported into and that same desire washed over him, singeing him at the ends like molten lava. Burning him until all he was was black ashes of his former self. Whoever that was. If that person even existed in the first place.

Chanyeol is the name his parents gave to him. The parents he never met. The parents he’ll never meet. He must have looked like a Chanyeol to them. He must have, as a baby, acted like a Chanyeol would act. He must have, right?

Was he still that Chanyeol? Was he someone else completely? Was he someone at all? If so, who was he? A person who wants to run away. Yes, that’s all he can attribute to himself. That’s all he could be sure was a part of a self he himself created. That and that the girl in front of him, his highness, the Seeress of Exo, was someone he cherished above all else. As much as the planet itself. Whether he was born this way or not didn’t matter. He was sure what he felt for her was real.

That’s why he wanted to talk to her about it. About, well, everything. Because her existence was something that made him feel real. Like Chanyeol.

But, that’s also why he couldn’t say it now. That’s also why he held back again, shaking his head in denial in response to her question. Because he felt like if he said it, if he said everything, he might lose the copy he was now. The duplicate of his mentor that he was now. And that was the person she turned to. That was the person she knew. Would she accept him if she were to find out he was someone else entirely? If she were to find out he wasn’t someone else at all? He was scared.

Fear.

Admiration.

Two feelings he could be sure were his own. And for now, that was enough for him. For now, he didn’t need anything else. He’d take it slow. No matter how knowing her next, single syllable was, he’d play ignorant.

He’d smile, putting in all of his effort to do so.

He’d shake his head, walking past her with a nudge of his shoulder against her own.

He’d pretend for the umpteenth time.

“Why?” She asked, as though his denial was such an obvious lie it need not even be addressed. And he departed from her side then, just like he planned he would.

Because he had time, didn’t he?

He had all the time in the world to take it slow, to find out who Chanyeol was, didn’t he?

She’d still be here for him, slowly and gently speaking in that soft tone of hers, knowingly and unknowingly untying with ease all the knots that had become so convoluted over time he wasn’t even sure where they began and ended, wouldn’t she?

Wouldn’t she?

Fear.

He was right to feel such a thing.

He shuffled through them. Page after page after page. Searching and searching and searching but for what? For what when there was seemingly nothing? When all there was was dead and even looser ends? But, he wouldn’t give up. No matter how hopeless it all seemed, no matter how much she would tell him he didn’t have to, he wanted to. He wanted to find it for her. To find that which she could only dream about. That which she could only wonder about. To present it to her in a neat fashion, with all the loose ends tied up nicely and all the dead ends nowhere to be found. To watch as her smile bloomed on her face as his own had when she talked to him that night. That night after he saved the couple named Derek and Kalil. He wanted to return the favor.

He wanted to give her something. Because, he truly felt like he was just taking. Taking and taking and taking without giving a single thing back. So then, this was the least he could do, wasn’t it? It would make her happy, wouldn’t it?

He didn’t know then how wrong he was. He didn’t know then that venturing to the Council’s Court so late at night, teleporting into their hall of records that seemed to stretch on forever beneath the large gray building, and shuffling through her files as he presently was would lead to such a discovery.

He didn’t discover it then, however.

Then, he continued to look over his shoulder, every little noise, every little palpitation of his own beating heart in his ears, setting his nerves aflame. He couldn’t be caught here. He had to be as inconspicuous as possible. He had to, as Luhan always made sure to do, leave not a single trail of his presence here. Which brings up the question of, why did he not ask Luhan for help regarding this situation?

It was his gift to give.

That’s all.

It was something he felt he needed to do by himself.

Only then would it mean anything. Only then would he feel as though that upward curve of her lips was for him. It was a selfish thought. He always was a selfish boy, even when he was younger. He said what he wanted. He did what he wanted. He thought as he wanted. He lived as he wanted. And that was the epitome of selfish. So, he convinced himself his current actions were not just for him. He convinced himself that if he found it, no matter how small, then they could figure out what happened before. They could figure out why she only showed up now. They could possibly figure out what happened during those ambiguous eight years of her life. He was selfish and self-convinced he was selfless.

The duo was not the best of combinations. The duo was one he’d do away with soon – keeping one while tossing the other.

But, that he held onto it, that he continued to pursue that which he so selfishly desired to know, to show, what he always wanted happened.

What he yearned for happened.

Who he yearned for came out.

But, he didn’t know that now. Now, as he peeked over his shoulder again, coffee brown eyes narrowing, black irises darting this way and that, a guilty conscience was plaguing him.

A guilty conscience he selflessly maintained even when he received what he always wanted.

A/N: 

Something big is going to happen soon. The tension is rising. What will happen? When will it happen exactly? You'll just have to wait and find out. In the meantime, I'd like to take a second to appreciate exactly how many of you guys there are. I don't think it has hit me yet (even now) -- how many readers I have. It's amazing to me. Thank you. I wish I could say more but, all the love I recieve from you all, all the comments and the feedback I adore, is overwhelming and really, that's all I can manage. I hope you liked this chapter. I hope you like every single one to come.