Sunday; 27 January 2013. 

"You know I'm not going to believe all these, right? So just stop it." U-kwon's tone was cold. 

"Kwonnie, why can't you understand? I'm acting like this because I want to keep everyone out of trouble. Why don't anyone just see that I'm doing this for their own good..." 

"Even if you managed to keep us safe, do you know how hurt are we on the inside? Perhaps it will even cause more harm than you expected. Why don't you let us make the choice ourselves? I'm sorry if this comes out a little harsh but you have rights to decide for us." 

"I have the rights if I'm the one that is going to put all of you in danger." I shot back, a little pissed. 

U-kwon sighed, "Do what you want, okay? Since this is what you want, fine, I will listen to you. I will pretend that I don't know anything and I didn't overhear the conversation you had with your brother that night. I will leave you all alone."

U-kwon emphasized on the last two words, his words were stabbing my heart like a dagger. 

I nodded, "Good. I have to go now, I got schedules later on." I said and turned around, walking away from U-kwon. 

*****

Monday; 4 February 2013. 

"Did you get everything? Your passport, clothes and other stuffs you might need over there." Mirae asked for the last time and all of us nodded. 

"Well, let's go then." She pulled her luggage behind her and walked out of the dorm first. I followed behind her while adjusting the strap of my backpack. 

I didn't pack as much as the rest of the members. We were going there 2 days before the showcase to practice and we will be leaving right after the showcase. There isn't much things that we will need. 

"Are we going to share a van with them? It's too small, isn't it?" 

I looked at the direction she was looking. B.A.P and Block B were all there but none of them glanced toward my direction. Not even one. 

I could feel my heart sinking but I ignored it. I kept telling myself that all these that I'm doing, it's going to be worth it. I just want them to be safe but why can't they see my good intentions?

I'm not going to deny that I'm not affected by the way they are treating me. Even though I was the one who wanted this, I just can't help it but feel down. 

I tore my eyes off them when Youngjae turned towards my direction. I fixed my eyes on something else and let my mind wander off. 

He will not hurt them right? As long as I give me what he wants. I can only pray that he would leave them alone. He can hurt me for all he want but not them. 

I snapped out of my trance when someone held my arm and shook it lightly. 

"You okay? We have to get going." I turned and met eyes with Yuna. "Yeah, I'm fine. Let's go." 

The 19 of us were split up into 4 vans. I was in the same van as Yuna, Youngjae, Daehyun and U-kwon. Is heaven playing a trick on me? Why must I be in the same van with all the ones that I've probably hurt the most. 

"Uppie, can I change vans with you?" I stopped Jongup who was walking towards his van. 

He look between me and the van he was assigned to, "Erm, it's all guys in that van. If it's okay with you, then, sure." 

"Yeah, it's okay. Thanks." I smiled lightly at him and headed towards the van. B-bomb, P.O, Zico and Jaehyo were already in the van. I climbed into the van and took the last seat that was not occupied. 

"Oh? Yeojin? What are you doing here? Isn't Jongup supposed to be in the same van as us?" B-bomb turned and looked at me the moment I sat down beside him. 

"I changed vans with him." I replied. 

"Why? I thought you were close with all those that you were in the same van with?" B-bomb's eyebrows furrowed slightly in confusion. 

"Something happened and I'm not really on good terms with them." I can't hide the sorrow in my voice and I guess B-bomb caught it. He nodded and turned his attention back to his phone. 

I turned my head to face the front and Zico's head was popping out from the front row of seats. He was looking at me, with a unreadable expression on his face. 

I blinked for a few times, hoping that he got what I was trying to say. 

"Nothing, nothing is wrong. I was just wondering if everything is okay." 

I smiled a little, "Everything is fine." 

He looked at me for another second or two before giving me a simple nod. He turned back towards the front and the van started moving. 

I let out a soft sigh and took my phone out from my bag. A text message? 

I slide the unlock bar and tapped on the message icon. 

From: Youngjae

You changed vans? 

I stared at my phone, a weird feeling taking over me. 

To: Youngjae

Yes. 

From: Youngjae

I really don't understand you. There isn't a need for you to be doing all these. 

My grip on my phone tightened, it really do hurt hearing that coming from someone who you thought knew you the best. 

To: Youngjae

You really don't understand me. I can't stand seeing someone I love being hurt because of me. I can't. So there's definitely a need for all these. 

From: Youngjae

Just stop all of these, would you?! Just take it as I'm begging you. Just stop. 

To: Youngjae

I won't. No matter what you or others tell me. 

I chucked my phone back into my back, leaning back against the seat. I stared at the ceiling of the van and sighed again. Why can't I have a peaceful life. 

*****

Around 30minutes later, we arrived at the airport. I got off the van and slung my bag over my shoulder. 

I nudged Zico who was standing beside me, "Let's hurry and go inside before B.A.P arrives." 

He glanced at the sea of vans standing not far away from us and nodded.

"You guys done? Let's go." Zico told B-bomb, P.O and Jaehyo. They nodded and we started making our way into the airport. 

There wasn't any reactions from the fans, well we are not the reason they are here anyway. They were all holding placards in their hand and a camera in another. 

The 5 of us checked in at the counter and went inside the departure area without waiting for the rest. 

"Pabojin, are you hungry?" P.O asked while looking at the different shops selling food. 

I froze a little at what he called me and I stopped walking suddenly, causing Zico who was walking behind me to bump into me. 

"Wow. You okay?" Zico walked around me and stopped in front of me. 

"Y-yeah." I stuttered. 

"You don't sound okay. You can tell me if you want to." 

I looked straight into his eyes and I kept silent for a short while. "If someone distance herself away from you to protect you, would you approve of it?" 

Zico's eyebrows furrowed a little, "That will depend on how close I'm with her." 

"What if the both of you are very close?" 

"Then I will object the decision she made."

"Why?" 

"If she means a lot to me, how would I even agree with her decision? Instead of letting her protect me, I will choose to face it together with her." 

I slowly looked away from him, deep in my thoughts. 

"That's what you are doing to Youngjae sunbaenim and the others, aren't you?"

I nodded slightly while looking at the floor. 

"I guess they are thinking the same way as I am. Maybe you should talk to them." I lifted my head up and saw B.A.P walking towards us. 

I shook my head, "It's not the right time to. Let's hurry and go." 

"If it isn't the right time now, when will it be? Until the time when you have drifted away from them so far that it can't be saved anymore?" 

"I'm not ready to talk to them, okay?" 

"You are just finding excuses for yourself." Zico raised his voice a little and B.A.P were just a step away from us. 

"Whatever." I muttered and turned to the other direction, walking away from them. 

*****

The 19 of us have already boarded the plane and each seated at our own seats. I was sitting beside Youngjae and Daehyun was beside him. 

I didn't bother to request a change of seats with anyone because I felt really tired, physically and mentally. 

I leaned back against the cushioned seat, hugging the pillow tighter. I shut my eyes, drifting off. It was the first time I'm on a plane but I'm not feeling anything at all. 

My eyebrows furrowed instantly when someone was nudging me. I opened my eyes reluctantly and slowly adjusted to my bright surroundings. 

"Do you want to eat?" I squinted my eyes to get a clear view of Youngjae and shook my head in response. 

My eyes finally adjusted to the bright lights and I realised that Youngjae was still looking at me. 

His eyes shifted from my eyes to my face. 

"What?" My voice was slightly hoarse. 

"You okay? You look really pale." 

My hands went up to my cheek unconsciously, "I feel fine." I lied to him, my stomach was a little queasy and my head felt light. 

He nodded and turned his attention back to the movie he was watching. 

I knocked my head lightly as if it would make me feel a little better. I massaged my temples, hoping that this will make it better at least. 

It isn't working at all. I sighed in frustration and let my arms fall back onto my lap. 

I stared out of the window although it was dark outside and I couldn't see a thing at all. Thoughts began invading my mind, not giving me a single bit of peace. 

Since it was nothing but darkness outside, there was a reflection of the things around me on the window. My heart skipped a beat when I saw Daehyun staring at me through the reflection. 

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