I haven’t been sleeping for a while now she though as she lay on her bed wide eyed at 3 am. Recently she had trouble falling asleep and once she did eventually sleep she could not be bothered to wake up she wanted to remain in her dreams longer. She was tortured by him she was sure she no longer loved him and she was 100% certain that she did not want a relationship with him. It had been so long now, years in fact since she has broken up Jiyong but having comeback after being away for a few months made her uncertainties creep back. Now that he was back she would occasionally think about him without meaning to, over silly things really like when she would be out eat his favourite meal, whilst shopping and seeing something he would like, all the little things really that she learnt from their time together.  She knew this didn’t mean anything because every single time he would go or was busy with Big Bang and then come back she would feel exactly as she did now. It was unexplainable she knew full well that she didn’t want him back and that she didn’t want him back but somehow she felt a need to be around him.

Her need for him was unexplainable she would dream about him, nothing special just having conversations with him telling him everything she wished she could tell him in reality. She would dream of him telling her that he loved her and that he needed her and instead of feeling happiness she would feel pain, she would wake up with a very heavy feeling like she was barely holing in her tears. Even in her subconscious she knew that she could never be with him yet this didn’t stop her needing him.  She was convinced she was crazy.

The only solution she could think of was to cut him right out of her life that way she would never have to think of him again. This desperate need for him was only prevalent when he came back so avoiding him and ignoring his existence may stop her feeling so lost without him. She gave this serious contemplation as she held her phone on her hand on the contacts list ready to delete his number and him forever out of her life, he finger hovered the “delete” option s as she urged herself to press it, she couldn’t, she wasn’t prepared to lose her last connection she had to him. She threw her phone on the bed and she lay there disappointed with herself, still unable to sleep.

She closed her eyes “maybe I am crazy” yes maybe this was true but she couldn’t erase him when she had been so happy with him, when she felt empty and numb without him, he had been her first love she could not simply erase him however much she may of wanted to. She reminded herself of that day she first met him, the first time she had YG family meeting, she scoffed at herself how at that time she had only taken an interest in him that his charm was the most appealing even in a room with TOP and Se7en. Then she had been the one that had caused heartbreaks, she had been used to guys chasing her so she never really cared for them much they were like windows providing a pleasant view. Yes at the time she had been a lot younger and more arrogant one might say.

In all honestly she was unaware that he liked her too, well he was a ‘bit’ of  a flirt and had pretty girls surrounding him, some inhumanly beautiful like her now best friend Dara. He would sit next to her and yawn continuously as to get closer to her stretching his body towards her. At the time Bom did not think much of it she actually though he needed more sleep. Over time she took more and more notice of him and he she was unsure how or when but she became infatuated with him, she clearly remembered on the day when he first properly made eye contact with her his eyes seemed to sparkle and her heart beat furiously, she recognised the signs instantaneously she read too much soju manga not too. It was preposterous at the time she dismissed her feelings and only saw his bad sides, the GD that was always surrounded by girls, the one who was always getting into trouble,  she really did not want to get mixed up with a guy like him, she especially did not want to end up with him. So in response to her growing feelings towards him she started to resent him. She would ignore him and make rude comments towards him; she was even convinced she hated him. Now thinking about it she cringed she had been so childish. Miraculously G Dragon asked her out and she said yes, out of curiosity when she had been dating him for a long time she had asked him why he asked her out despite her being she a towards him he had told her “I think I was too much in love with you not too”. Bom snapped back in the present she feeling the impact of his words even now, she let a tear slip “there is no way I can forget these precious memories”  she thought.

As there was no way to escape him she wished to be let go off him and she hoped to find someone she could at least feel half the love she had felt towards G Dragon with someone else, so she could show him she had moved on and truly mean it.