"Jung Jin Joo is a toymaker who dreams of making toy's that last a generation.

What happens when a famous toy lover decides to start his own toy line? How will she survive when a certain someone isn't pleased."

STORY LINK

✏Originality: 27/30 (how original your story is)

Your idea is intriguing… Definitely not the weird toymaker material^^

✏IdeA: 21/30 (how interesting your ideas are) -

 I see potential but with your story in its beginning stages, I can’t say much. With more progress, the story will get better and interesting.

✏The Idea Presentation: 21/30 (how you present the idea itself) -

❥This is where we have a problem. I don’t know if it’s just me, but as far as I could see, you lack details. These details had me confused on where the story was going and who you were talking about. There’s also an issue with the dialogue in the second chapter. It was too long that it was hard not to skip over. From my experience, long dialogues like that tend to bore other readers. You could cut the dialogue in multiple parts and add some thoughts from the other characters. If we compare characters to real people, they don’t tell everything in one go. Sometimes, they stop to drink, shiver, play with their fingers or look away from their companions. Have them animated. Pauses are natural.

❥ Another problem is that I don’t know the difference between your characters except the basic things like Nari almost killed herself. There’s also Jinjoo who is successful in her work but a sad background. I don’t know any physical characteristics of your characters. Visualization is important and personality as well. 

❥ It made me too much of me but I have a problem with Nari getting over her depression and fangirl with Jinjoo for BigBang. I know she can be a strong character but after almost killing herself, I don’t think she would be that cheerful as if nothing bad happened. She could be happy but not that much.

✏Bonus: 7/10 (determines whether the reviewers would want to read till the end) -

I can see myself reading it if the story improves. In my opinion, as long as you have the right element, you have a great story.

Suggestion : (by the reviewers itself)

Add more details.

Make drafts before posting official chapters.

You can also compile ideas in a separate file when you’re not writing for the story.

Maybe along the way those ideas will fit in nicely with your story. Most of the time, ideas don’t come immediately when you’re writing the story. It could happen when you’re eating or just talking to your friends.

SCORE: 76%