Sehun and Eunjae were best of friends. They have known each other since childhood days. They played together and grew up together. One fine day,Sehun got an offer from SM Entertainment to become a trainee and to be put into a boyband named,EXO-K. Sehun,of course,gladly accepted since it was his dream to be a famous and well-known star.

The first person he broke the news to was none other than his bestfriend,Kim Eunjae. Eunjae was happy of course for him since he is close to achieving his dream. But,what happens when Sehun totally forgets about his own bestfriend after entering the music industry and becomes well-known?

And to add to that,Kim Eunjae was diagnosed with cancer and she doesn't have much time left.

Can she meet her bestfriend before she leaves forever?

STORY LINK

✏Originality: 15/30 (how original your story is)

-I would say this plot is pretty clique as readers would normally know what would eventually happen in the end-- unless you have a few twists. 

✏IdeA: 20/30 (how interesting your ideas are) -

Not bad for Chapter 2. I was shocked when he literally pushed and not even recognizing her! I'm wowed from that scene. You know, how can you not know your best friend? ^^ It ended really sad though. T-T~ 

✏The Idea Presentation: 20/30 (how you present the idea itself) -

It's good, but there were too many flashbacks, resulting it to be a little messy. You could try writing the flashbacks from their happy times to the death of hers, then start writing out the part where Se Hun regretted his actions.

✏Bonus: 5/10 (determines whether the reviewers would want to read till the end) -

Not quite, but I'll still read it though as I'm curious on whether you are planning to have twists and so. But when you tagged that it was going to be an angst, I somehow figured how the ending would turn out. 

 ⇓-by the reviewers- ⇓

✏Grammar: 2/5 

For grammar, I was confused by the use to past and present tenses. It seems more proper if you'd used past tense, as you're telling us about something that has already happened. For example, the first chapter. When you told readers it was already a flashback, you should be using the past tense afterwards(not italicized words). 

Example: I remember it as if it was yesterday. I told him not to do promises he can't fufill. It has been years since he entered the place and not a single call from him,not one.

Suggesting: I remembered it as if it were(this part is an English subjunctive*) yesterday. I had told him not to do promises that he could not fulfill(vocab error). It had** been years since he entered the place. But there wasn't a single call from him, not even one. 

Example: I try to understand the fact that... ...

Suggesting: I tried to understand the fact that... ... (If you tried, means it has already past. Therefore past tense is used for 'try'.)

✏Punctuation and Extras: 3/6

For punctuation, you're supposed to leave a space after the comma.

Example: It's okay,tomorrow will be ... ...

Suggesting: It's okay,[SPACE]tomorrow will be ... ...

Also, when you had opened & closed inverted commas in for

this: "I crossed out today's date on the calander. There was one more week to my best friend's, Sehun's, birthday. I sat the calander down and my eyes fell on the photo placed on my bedside table."

I think you should remove them as I assumed you were trying to narrate or referring to the OC's thoughts. If they were to be thoughts, remove the inverted commas and I would suggest you to remain it originally the way it is for narrating, and italicize it instead for thoughts.

Example#2: "I need to stay strong."

Suggesting: I need to stay strong.

Error: "Huh?!",then I lean over ... ...

Suggesting: "Huh?!" Then I lean over ... ...

After ending a speech, there shouldn't be any commas but instead, a spacing or continuing/starting with other sentences. 

Another error.

Example:  "Eunjae here *coughs*,I wanna wish you a happy birthday my best friend! You're finally turning 18! I'm sorry that I couldn't be with you on this special occasion. As you can see I am not capable of meeting you,at this kind of state. *cries* I'm sorry for the other day. I realised that I was wrong...*Coughs blood*."

"Omg! I'm so sorry *wipes of the blood*. Anyways I wish you a happy birthday,have a blast and hope you will be more successful in the future!"

Suggesting: "Eunjae here," she was coughing."I wanna wish you a happy birthday, my best friend! You're finally turning 18! I'm sorry that I couldn't be with you on this special occasion. As you can see, I am not well enough to meet you at this kind of state." She stared crying as tears dribbled down her pale cheeks. "I'm sorry for the other day. I realised that I was wrong..." She paused as she coughed out blood. 

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry." Wiping away the blood off , she continued. "Anyways, I wish you a happy birthday. Have a blast and I hope you will be more successful in the future!" 

You should not be lazy by using short forms. Short forms aren't supposed to be in stories. And using asterisks(*) to show her actions aren't correct either. You should explain them out instead. 

*refer to this link where wiki talks about your error. [CLICK HERE] 

The past subjunctive exists as a distinct form only for the verb be, which has the form were throughout:

Past indicative: I was, you were, he/she/it was, we were, they were

Past subjunctive: (if) I were, (if) you were, (if) he/she/it were, (if) we were, (if) they were

In the past tense there is no difference between the two moods as regards manner of negation: I was not; (if) I were not. Verbs other than be are described as lacking a past subjunctive, or possibly as having a past subjunctive identical in form to the past indicative: (if) I owned; (if) I did not own.

It's okay if you don't understand. But just take note that if you were to be talking about something that might come true but in reality it would not, use 'were' instead of 'was'. 

** Present tense of 'have': 

Have (regardless of singular or plural)

Past tense of 'have': 

Singular: Has

Plural: Have

Past participle of 'have': 

Had (regardless of singular or plural)

As you were talking about something of the past and still ongoing, you should use 'had' instead of 'has'.

✏Thoughts for this story:

Your story's plot might be clique, but it ended really sad and the scene of her getting pushed and not recognized(sorry, this part's amazing~) was the best. While the ending went really agonizingly sad. Se Hun wasn't even able to say goodbye nor see the last of her! Keep it up~

62/111

SCORE: 55.85%