Why do I bother liking Chan? Sometimes I tell myself, "Cassi, get a grip on reality." It's the truth. I'm so hung up over this boy I barely even know. It's true - we are now friends, but at the same time, we have never hung out. 

I know I say that he's perfect. But... he's too righteous. This is said according to Min, though. 

Now, I know what you're thinking. I'm best friends with Min... Min is friends with Chan... he's gonna help me get Chan... meanwhile in the process I will fall for Min. 

NOOOOOO. 

Now, lemme tell you a little sum'n, sum'n. 

I'M SHALLOW PEOPLE. SHALLOW!! And I will straight up tell you right now that Min is NOT attractive. He is hilarious, flirty, and a pretty good friend when you need him. He's witty and nice enough, but he's just not good looking. He's got the nerdy Asian boy thing going on for him, glasses and all. But, I'll tell you now, for what he's got, he will be fine. His personality shines through though, and I know he will be fine. Please, the boy has better friends than I do. Sigh.

But I do have to tell you guys something. I think I owe it to tell the truth. 

> Min: cassi i have to tell u something

> Cassi: uh oh what?

> Min: i was talking to chan and he brought up a girl

> Cassi: ... oh... who is she?

> Min: from his Bible study group

> Cassi: hahaha i knew he liked someone from there i had a feeling

> Min: so yeah it's time to move on ;)

Min likes to kid and joke around. He doesn't understand just how much I like Chan, and I suppose he really has no reason to. Does it make any sense for a girl to pine away after a guy who shows zero interest? 

Yeah, yeah. I'll admit I did shed a few tears. Actually, I cried myself to sleep. What was I expecting? Some high school fantasy where I end up with the guy of my dreams? Well, this isn't that part when he makes me feel like I'm living the teenage dream. We won't run away and never look back.

It's not the fact that Chan doesn't like me back. It's the fact that NO guys seem to be interested in me now. Am I that repulsive? I can't even date in high school, so why am I trying so hard? 

I just want to be loved. 

I guess that's too much to ask for.