MYUNGSOO'S POV.

At Australia. 

 So, it's finally a new life. Any minute now, I'll be surrounded by girls because I'm so handsome and I know it. I mean seriously, who can't actually prevent my handsome and y face. I saw Krystal, one of my childhood friends who actually confessed to me that she had a crush on me. She ran to me and hugged me so tight getting all the attention of the others. They stared at me and smirked. Other girls started to notice that it was me and they pulled Krystal away from me, back to my normal life. Ugghh.. I miss this. 

  As I walk to my classroom, I saw Krystal who was sulking as always. She's always like this whenever she's jealous. I walked to her and looked at her as I always do, she looked at me back and hugged me. My hands were just inside my pocket, I didn't hugged her back. I never usually hug her back, she'll think that I'm sick or something. She's pretty though but I don't know why I never fall for me. She's nice, sweet, y, she's perfect but I have no idea why I never loved her at all. I admit that I tried to but seriously, I failed to do so.

  When finally, classes started. I was there in front of Krystal's chair, she's always with her sister Jessica which make people think that they're actually twins or something but for me, I don't think so. I only like Krystal as a friend and I believe that wouldn't change. Each day, Krystal wants to get my attention, she even treats me like I was his boyfriend so my classmates in here starts to gossip about us, I just found it really weird for me. I hope that people won't mistake my kindness for flirting, I don't really flirt unless I have do it or I need to.

  Each day Krystal always gets my attention well yeah, there's this half of me saying that I like it but there's half saying that she's annoying. Weird, isn't it? But for now, I wonder what Jiyeon is doing. Is she thinking about me like I do? I don't think so. She's probably happy with her Ljoe, they're probably having right now but.. she's innocent so I don't think so. It's for the best that I moved into my old country though because she's taken and I don't want to interfere their relationship, I would probably be called as a son of a or something. 

  When school finished, I went home as I usually do but before going home I went to the grocery store just to buy what I need. I remembered my mother, she took good care of me to be honest. I miss her like so much, she was the reason why I changed into a different person.  I was only 4 years old when my mother died, I took care of myself and I survived. 

  My past hurts me a lot. Whenever that moment comes through my mind I tend to punch the wall and blame myself. I love my mother so much but I had nothing to do, it's already in the past. I still can't move on about what happened to her, she only wanted some people to buy food from her but how come people intended to push her away and ignore her even though she has done nothing. A lot of things are really wrong about this world like people who don't care about poor people who need their help but instead they ignore them and leave them all alone. My mother was dying there and I was asking for help from people but what did they do? They only stood up there and did nothing but they stared at me like I was the one who killed her. 

  It hurts so much knowing that you grew up without your mother beside you, 4 years wasn't enough. If only she was here, she would probably teach me on what should I do. I don't understand why some kids doesn't appreciate their parents, I never met my father and I don't think he is looking for me. My mother never told me about him but all I knew is that he left us when my mother was pregnant, she was always there for me, telling me what's right or wrong but now I'm stubborn. 

  Each day, I used to go to her tomb but whenever I do, I tend to cry and even cry myself to sleep. It's just so hard to grow up without a mother who cares for you so much and then one day you'll see that she's dead even though you were still young that time. It's just so hard. Those people who have mothers, how come they don't appreciate them? If I were them, I would take care of her all the time even if I get married, she'll always be beside  me, every time, I'll take good care of her but now, it's all too late for me to blame myself because whatever I do, nothing's going to happen.

  Even if I cry, even if I hurt myself, even if I torture myself and even commit crime, nothing would happen. I couldn't kill myself because I appreciate how God made me and I don't want to disappoint him for giving me a chance to live one life. But there's always this question which is always in my mind is that Why must people die if they could actually live forever if they can? Why does my mother have to die because of me? Why? Why do I have to suffer like this? She means so much to me and I lost her after all these years I have been wasting all my life thinking about my mother whom died in a car accident because of me. I realized how stupid I was to cross the streets those old times. 

  I remember how my mom used to treat me. Whenever it's morning, she's the first person I see every time, she gives me a kiss on my forehead and says "Good morning, my little baby." I always smile whenever I hear that from her and each night, she kisses my forehead, she sings for me each night and she even hugs me until I sleep. I miss those moments that I cherish with her, I guess it's all gone now. If only I could bring back time I would but there's no such thing as that. I cried as those memories started to appear through my mind. 

At school.

  As I was walking through the hall way of the school, I was fixing my locker which was a big mess until there was this girl who went to me, she wanted to tell me something but I ignored her and kept on fixing my things. When finally, I finished. I immediately closed and locked my locker as I walked fast and I left her, dumbfounded. I looked back and I saw her with her teary eyes, I couldn't resist it. I told myself Don't go back and I succeded on not going back. 

  When I was walking on my way to the classroom, I saw Woohyun, one of the best player in school and one of my best friends. He walked to me and gave me a soft punch in my shoulders, he smiled at me and gave me a manly hug as always. I smiled at him as he gave me a welcome back hug.

  "Dude, long time no see." He said it like he never saw me for years. Well, this dude would always be the same, he's also dating this girl named Hyomin. They've been together for like 2 years from now. She was also the reason why Woohyun stopped being a player. 

  "Yeah." I said in a cold tone. My face was really expressionless like I didn't care at all, my face was always like this. When he saw Hyomin coming, I suddenly remembered Jiyeon on how annoying she was back then. Yes, I admit. I do miss her but I also have to forget that I even met her, this is for the sake of her relationship and for the sake of my feelings. 

  Maybe I should get a girlfriend in order to forget about Jiyeon but who? I walked to the Canteen and I saw Sungjong, one of the best gay friends I have. Well, he's not literally gay. I mean gay means happy, right? But the thing is I don't want to love anymore. So probably I'll be a player again. I laughed at my own thought knowing that I'll be back to the old me. 

"Starting tomorrow, see old me. Alright?" I muttered to myself knowing that the old Myungsoo will be back finally. The one that has a lot of fans and especially the one that cares about nobody but myself.