Chapter 1
So NOT Gonna Let You GoCan I ever forget you
Can I get through this alone
Am I strong enough to endure this
- Fixed Star, Infinite
Freedom.. Nervousness.. Regrets..
That's what you are feeling right now. You don't know why you've made a very hasty decision about going to Korea without telling anyone. Your mind was in a total wreck and now you're here in a foreign (not so foreign since you are korean) distant land and you wouldn't deny the fact that you are already a thousand miles from the ones who've caused you some problems. Though the problems are still there indeed.
You hesitatedly raised your hand, closed your fist and make an ok sign to call for a cab but there are no vehicles stopping infront of you. You don't even know if this is how you call a cab in Korea. Though you know how to speak in korean, you were nowhere near their actions since you grew up in New York.
A lady with the same amount of luggage stopped by your side. You eyed her through your peripheral version and watched her actions carefully. She raised her hand and cleared before she said, "TAEKSHI!". Then a taxi pulled in, in front of her.
You pretended to fix your hair as the lady looked at you. Then, she entered the taxi. Leaving you in the same place, she left you.
"So that's how you do it? I'll just say 'taekshi'. Then a cab will stop infront of me. That's easy" You frowned and nodded slowly.
You tilted your head to your right and look if there is a cab nearly approaching you. You cleared your throat and shouted, "T-TAAAAEEKSHI". Letting out the most high pitched voice not knowing what kind of intonation you are releasing.
Just then, A group of teens passed by you and let out an irritating laugh as they looked at you like you did the most embarassing thing ever but you kept a straight face and glared at them.
Then, a silver colored car pulled in, infront of you. The driver came out and carried your luggage to the back of the car. You slowly entered the cab and eyed the place for the last time.
You fished something at your bag as the driver entered the driver seat and closed the door. You revealed a small note and passed it to the driver before he hit the accelerator and drove off.
You bit your lip as you looked at the window. *Well, I'm here right now! I should break off a new start and change for the better*
Change for the better. It echoed on your mind.
You watched the scenery got erased with spots of blur. You genuinely eyed the skyscrapers being replaced by uneven ones in just a single wink of the eye. The car stops infront of a shop due to a traffic jam.
You saw a little girl looking at the window of a toy shop. She's just staring at the doll displayed on the glass and you could feel her longing gaze for that doll. Her mom held her wrist and pulled her away from the store but she would not squirm from her place. She tapped the glass signalling she wants her mom to buy her the doll. She was not even this close to crying when her mother dragged her into the store. The car immediately moved which halts the scene of the girl and her mom.
You ducked your head low. If she only knew that everything in this world is not meant to be yours. I wish life is as easy as begging your mom to buy you a doll because she knows you would not leave that store in the first place. As years gone by, Life gets harder than it seems.
Your life flashback before you. You saw visions of how your mom used to support you in everything you do. The day you've first met Sara, your bestfriend and the day Kai asked you out on a date. You smiled, Those were the days
The thrill and fun you would feel whenever you are dancing wouldn't leave your mind. The fact that things are much more easier then even though people used to call you strange and creepy because of your demeanor. Even though you and Sungjae, your brother, would bicker at the silliest things and make up after getting treated to an ice cream parlor by your mom. Even though, you couldn't feel your dad's love when you are at your best and he would always scowl on you when you did even the littlest mistakes you can make. Although there's a huge hole bore in you, You managed to feel contented, then.
Everything happens to fall apart when you found out that you were just a second family of your dad since he married someone, somewhere here in Korea. Maybe that is why you're mom would always hide her sobs whenever the two of them are fighting over some issues you couldn't understand when you were still a little kid.
When you were young, you wouldn't understand why you can't see any picture of your mom in a wedding dress and your dad in a tuxedo, in any of the frames displayed in your house. You always thought wedding is a gateway to the fantasy of marriage wherein everything happens.
After some changes and decisions, There were so many adjustments that happened in your life. You were forced to study more about numbers and anything calculative and you don't even know why because your mom knows you were more of a talent person than the brainy one. She started being paranoid and workaholic and the only time you two could talk is by arguing and you were tired of it. You started to ask yourself why can't they understand you.
Everything felt right when your one and only bestfriend secretly enrolled you to an underground dance school. You tried to juggle both studies and passion and even though you know it is hard, you still managed to cope up with it. In that place, Everything felt like heaven. For the first time, You felt like you can do everything without worrying. And the thing that made you call that place, perfection, is because of Kai.
Kai is the one of the best dancers anyone would swoon and want to date. With his flawless dance moves and to-die-for features, everyone would kill just to be his girlfriend though he would be the least of your priorities because you didn't go there to flirt and have some sort of distractions. You've always known him as the jerk who doesn't know anything but flirt with girls. He used to date 3 or more at a time but everything changes after he became your partner for a school activity.
News are spreading in your school that Kai broke up with all of his 'girlfriends' and started to be 'more' focused on dancing. Since then, he would always talk to you and be your friend at the most rigid times. And sometimes, He would break off with his friends just to stay till midnight to be with you.
You started to break the jerk impressions of Kai on your mind and accepted him as a friend. You would hear news that Kai would do the things he doesn't normally do because of you and then there's this news about him liking you but you decided to just ignore it and focused more on your friendship.
It's not like you don't like him. It's just that you are starting to develop some feelings for him and you are scared to feel rejected, once again. You are more contented about your friendship. Just him, being there for you makes you the happiest person in the world.
But Kai break off the friendship boundary just as soon as you started to fall in love with him secretly. He asked you out and told you that it wouldn't hurt to give the two of you a try. You don't know why but that send so much butterflies in your stomach and the two of you started going out, since then.
With him, You felt the sweetest hues of life. You never thought you would be happy with someone since you've already experience neglection through your own family. You experience all of your firsts because of him and even gave him the greatest gift a man would get after marriage.
You only know love then and you were too naive and dumb to believe a guy's sweet and euphonic words. Until you've realized that being with him is the biggest mistake of your life.
It was your second anniversary as a couple when you decided to surprise him at his house at the suburbs. You knocked on the door but no ones answering so you decided to open the door. You called out for his name but no one's responding. You heard some weird noises coming from his room, so you immediately went to his room and...
"Miss, this is it" The driver announced by looking at you through the rearview mirror.
You immediately snapped out of you thoughts. The car stopped at a two-storey house with modern exteriors unlike what you've seen on Korean houses whenever your mom would watch some mellow and cheesy korean shows. You immediately gave him the money and then held the latch of the car.
The driver opened the trunk of the car. He carried your suitcase and then placed it on the ground. You waited for him to leave as he close the back door then you smiled, "Kamsahamnida". You bowed and said the word in foreign dialect.
The driver scratched his nape and immediately drove off leaving you at the middle of the serene neighborhood. You held out the note and scanned the place. You're already here, in your sister's place. You are not sure if you are going to press the doorbell since you were not the one of nicest persons she've met when she was in New York since you're too cold to her.
And yet you have no choice, since you don't know anyone who lives in Korea except for her and her husband. *I should go now*
You took a breath, "This is it. There's no turning back now".
You raised your finger arms length and pressed the doorbell. A loud tingling sound resonating the place and then you heard a very familiar guy's voice.
"Who's there?"
"Hey brother-in-law, Long time no see" You let out a smirk as you held the grills of the gate.
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