I am so cold. I am shivering now… Hyukkie… where are you?

Last time I sat here soaked in rain you came running to me. You idiot! Didn’t you know at that time you’re so ill yourself?

… But… where are you now? Hyukkie? You said you would always be there for me…

It’s pouring rain again. I was sitting on the same bench in the park.

Hyukkie is gone. He would not be running to me. What am I doing here?

I lay down on the bench hugging my knees. One might think I was cold due to the rain, the wind and the fact that it was night time.

But I knew better. The cold didn’t come from outside. It’s the void left in my chest, in my soul when Hyukjae was wrenched from my life that’s responsible. It’s the knowledge that in the years stretching ahead I would be left alone without Hyukjae. I felt so ripped apart, unprotected and frightened.

Give me the brightest sunshine and the warmest weather. I would still shiver. I would still feel the agonizing cold, which was here to stay, to haunt me… forever…

Hyukkie… I miss you… so… much…

Leeteuk came. He stood beside the bench, holding an umbrella above me. ”Donghae, go home. Please.”

My body refused to move. In fact my whole-being had lost the strength to move. “Why?” I murmured.

“You’re going to get ill.” Leeteuk said.

I closed my eyes. “Hyung. I mean… Why should I go home? Hyukkie is not there…”