Chapter 5 - Your Love

My Heart

If I thought nothing could be more haunting than losing Hyukjae in my life; or carrying on alone, I was wrong. I was totally wrong.

 

That being slowly approached me. I could feel it breathe chilling air against my nape. My heart threatened to jump out of the ribcage. I dared not turn my head. I was in total panic I couldn’t command my body anymore. Fear overtook me completely. I wanted to scream for help but it’s like my throat was clogged. There was nothing I could do except silently praying for its mercy.

 

The next minute I felt like being pressed against the door from behind. Shuddering of my body got more vigorous as whatever behind me was colder than ice.

 

“Donghae…” The whisper was right beside my ear. It was like ghostly whistles hissing through the air. I got goose bumps all over.

 

“Donghae… I’m here to tell you the truth. Listen carefully.” That was followed by shrieking laughs.

 

“The truth is… He does not love you anymore… Your Hyukkie does not love you anymore…”

 

NO!! That’s not possible!!

 

The shrieking laughs lasted even longer this time. “Donghae you’re so hilarious you really make me laugh. How can you be so sure?”

 

He was here. Hyukkie was here. He revived me by telling me he loves me!!

 

“That’s why I have come to tell you the truth. Those were your own imaginations Donghae. You missed him so bad. You wanted his love so bad you’ve been imagining things.”

 

NO!!

 

“Mark my words Donghae. I dwell in both worlds. I met him and it all came from your Hyukkie’s mouth. Oh by the way he’s no longer yours. You cannot imagine how horrible things are after you die. Since you’re the very cause of it; you brought all these to him, he can only hate you now. Stop imagining his love for you. That’s over. That’s no more. Hyukjae does not love you anymore… He – does-- not -- love -- you – an – y -- more…”

 

Blood flow stopped. My heart stopped. I felt my blood turn cold and my heart turn into ice. My world was snowing. I was covered with snow in the snowstorm.

 

Hyukkie hates me…? He does not… love me… anymore…?

 

Satisfied that I was totally crushed, it left. Shrieking laughs were fading away. My body went limp. I collapsed onto the floor.

 

If I was a prey I was one too easy not to crush. Or… that being, whatever it was, was a predator too good to overlook my weakness.

 

No… No… NO!!! This can’t be happening!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

 

No idea how long it took me to regain strength. I staggered up, banged open the bathroom door and rushed into my room, yelling and choking on the way. “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! I won’t believe this!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!”

 

I buried my face in the pillow and sobbed aloud.

 

All other members rushed in. Leeteuk kneeled down beside the bed and rubbed circles into my back. “W… What happened Donghae?”

 

I rolled over and threw myself to him. I wrapped my arms tightly around his neck and cried into his shoulder. “H… Hyung… te… tell… me… it’s… it’s n… not… true…”

 

“What?”

 

“Hyuk… Hyuk… kie…” No coherent word could form between my sobs.

 

Leeteuk embraced me tight and continued patting my back. “Donghae calm down. We’re all here with you.”

 

I clung onto him like my life depended on it. I sobbed as hard as I could, as long as it took. Nobody urged me. They all stayed and waited patiently.

 

“It… said Hyukkie doesn’t… doesn’t love me… anymore… Tell… tell me it’s not... true…” Finally I managed to finish.

 

They all sighed at the same time. Leeteuk was still being very patient. “Donghae of course that’s not true. How’s that possible? You should know it. Stop imagining things.”

 

Did I imagine it?

 

Gently he laid me back down on my bed. Wiping away the tears on my face Leeteuk said. “You must be too exhausted Donghae. Now rest and don’t think about anything OK?”

 

I looked at him and nodded.

 

Did I imagine the being…? Or did I imagine Hyukkie…?

 

Actually I couldn’t do what I agreed. I kept thinking. The questions kept popping up in my mind…

 

……

 

My eyes were wide open. Yes they should be. I blinked a couple of times to confirm. Yes my eyes were wide open. It’s just… I couldn’t see anything.

 

I extended my arms to feel my surroundings. All I could feel was icy cold stone floor beneath me. I tried to listen only to be deafened by the suffocating silence. Slowly I got up. Where am I? What happened?

 

I was wondering what to do as I turned around. Nevertheless I still couldn’t see anything. Moments later I could feel, though very mild, air flowing. I closed my eyes to concentrate. Air was flowing from my right to left. I decided to walk towards right.

 

My footsteps echoed loudly inside… the tunnel. Yes that should be a tunnel.

 

I walked…

 

And walked…

 

And walked…

 

Nothing… there’s nothing… still I couldn’t see anything!!

 

I quickened my steps as I started to panic.

 

I started to run. I found myself screaming. “Help!! Anybody? HELP!!!!”

 

I ran and ran and ran like crazy… All I could see was darkness. All I could hear was my footsteps echoing my heavy breathing; my quickened heartbeat filling gaps between my screams.

 

When I was close to breaking down I saw a dim light in front of me. (Gosh… finally…)

 

Feeling relieved I took a deep breath and slowed down. Gradually my breathing and heartbeat returned to normal. As I got closer to the light I made out a silhouette of a black-robed figure. I halted.

 

The figure had his arms folded inside his robe. I couldn’t see his face which was hidden in the hood. The light I saw came from a sphere of blue flame hanging in the air beside the figure. It gave no warmth. It’s like the black-robed was radiating darkness and chill; any warmth or light around.

 

My body began shuddering.

 

“So we meet again Lee Donghae.” The figure spoke and started moving forward.

 

I quickly turned around and started to run. When he spoke I knew it. It’s the being again!!

 

Our steps echoed loudly inside the tunnel. It didn’t make any sense. I was running as fast as I could. I was running for my life. That black-robed was taking his time. He was taking a leisure pace. Nevertheless he was still closing in on me!!

 

His ear-scratching, heart-paralyzing laughs shook the whole place.

 

“This is where he was in; where you brought him to. Feel the chill. Feel the fear, the agony, the despair. FEEL THE SUFFERINGS YOU IMPOSED ON HIM!!”

 

It was totally dark ahead. I couldn’t see anything. Nevertheless the black-robed was the darkness of darkness. He was the source of darkness. All I knew at that moment was to keep running, to keep myself from being engulfed by the ultimate darkness.

 

Soon it was painful to breathe. There was a burning sensation in my chest. My knees threatened to give in. My legs threatened to fail me. Nevertheless I ignored those. I had to keep running. I had to…

 

Since I couldn’t see anything I didn’t know there was a stone wall ahead. I ran straight into it and got stars in my head the next minute. Shaking my head I scrambled myself up. I extended my arms to feel the way. I had to keep going…

 

After taking a right turn there was light and I saw him. I saw Hyukjae. And I was frozen at the spot.

 

Hyukjae was crawling on the floor. His arms were bruised and wounded. His hands and fingers were covered with blood. Slowly he approached me. He extended his shaky hand and grabbed my ankle. I gasped as the grip sent burning pain all over my body.

 

But no pain could compare to what was going to follow.

 

Hyukjae looked up at me.

 

His face was scratched and stained with blood. But that was not the most horrible thing.

 

It’s his eyes. I had never seen a pair of eyes like that on him. It’s like they wanted to bore holes in my head. His glare was soaked and dripping with rage, hatred, grudge, resentment, disgust… He gritted his teeth, hissing curses…

 

Honestly at that moment I would rather die.

 

My knees gave way. Like a deflated balloon I sat down and collapsed. Though that was the most horrible scene ever I couldn’t take my eyes off him. I just let his stare consume me, destroy me, crush me, burn me to ashes…

 

(… Please… I beg you… just kill me…)

 

Somebody dragged me up and pulled me away. My legs couldn’t support myself. That somebody put me onto his back and started to run.

 

It took some time for that haunting image to fade in my mind. Only until then I could spare a moment to figure out who’s carrying me.

 

(… Hyukkie…? Is it really you…? Am I imagining…?)

 

No matter what it’s comforting resting on his back. His body was warm and the way he carried me made me feel secure and protected.

 

(… I don’t care if I’m now imagining… I wish this moment never ends…)

 

I had no idea where he was taking me. Hyukjae didn’t hesitate at any forked road. Although the place was dark, nevertheless wherever he was there was light. I hugged him tighter and buried my face in his shoulder.

 

We reached the end of a tunnel and he stopped. Slowly Hyukjae put me down. I looked around. Bright sunlight was shining outside. It was a big contrast to the darkness inside. If there was any light in the tunnel it’s from Hyukjae.

 

Darkness was again approaching from behind. Both of us turned around.

 

Hyukjae took my hand and walked to stand between me and the black-robed. For some time nobody broke the silence.

 

“Lee Hyukjae my friend. Tell Donghae the truth. If you love him still, tell him.” The black-robed spoke with his husky voice.

 

Then the scariest thing happened. I felt Hyukjae tremble. His hand holding mine was trembling!

 

“See? I told you Lee Donghae. It’s over. It’s no more. Why can’t he say those words now? Because here no lie is allowed. Only the truth can be spoken. He cannot say it because he doesn’t love you anymore!”

 

Hyukjae turned around and looked me in the eyes. His grip on me was so tight his fingers were digging into my shoulders. Tears were trickling down his cheeks.

 

I shook my head, gripped his arms and said. “Hyukkie? Tell me it’s not true. Tell me you love me. Just say it and I trust you. Just say it!! Please!!!”

 

Instead he pointed at his heart, made a heart shape with his hands and placed one hand on my chest.

 

“It’s good that you try not to hurt him Lee Hyukjae. But no you shouldn’t keep lying. And Lee Donghae you should just accept the truth. The truth is he cannot say those words because they’re not true. He cannot say that because he doesn’t love you anymore.” The black-robed started striding forward.

 

All Hyukjae could do was to cup my face with his hands, looked into my eyes, shook his head and let tears run down his cheeks.

 

“Hyukkie…? Tell me it’s not true… Just… tell… me…”

 

Hyukjae hugged me tight. Light radiated from him and turned the whole place white.

 

And I was sent back to reality.

 

Maybe… by holding on to the knowledge that Hyukkie loves me, I can live…

 

Your love to me… Hyukkie… is my last hope…

 

On the battlefield between life and death, that’s my last line of defence… the last thread tying my soul with my flesh…

 

Tell me you love me… Hyukkie… why didn’t you tell me…?

 

 

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A/N: This chapter is so long!!! Good that I had the easter vacation!! Next chapter will rightfully be short!!

A/N2: You may have noticed that so far in this story Hyukkie didn't say a word. Why didn't Hyukkie speak? It's bcoz... um... I made that rule. Remember in chapter 11 of the prequel Hyukkie couldn't make a sound even when he's screaming. So... na... nono. Not so easy... Souls cannot communicate like that. BTW remember this rule when you continue reading. VERY IMPORTANT!!!

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PURPLEDREAM_girl #1
Chapter 8: This is so so so so beautiful.... Hyukkie only belong to hae & hae only belong to hyukkie... Its really the best best Eunhae moment.... Its Eunhae forever!! Haiz , I just can't stop crying... Its too sad... This can't be happen in the reality.. Eunhae couldn't separate... Btw, love your story...
yolohyuk
#2
Chapter 8: ahdhdhdjkdldld i feel myself tearing up unfff ;;;;;;; this is just sad, oh my, the best eunhae moment tho not really the best moment we want. Uhuhuhu 8(
Thanks for sharing~
park_jinchan
#3
Chapter 8: so so so beautiful!!!!! ㅠ.ㅠ even though it crushed my heart and scared the hell out of me with that creepy hooded guy.... i was so touched specially when the fans continued to shout eunhae. ㅠ.ㅠ
bluerose24
#4
Chapter 8: Seriously like seriously seriously I cant imagine super juniour without hyukjae nor how the members will react if that would happen! Really there must be some magic when people lose their dearest,can go on in their life after that! That's the hardest thing in life and u can do absolutely nothing to change it ..till the end I believed u'll relive hyuki and made something about it but this is how the bitter reality works so BIG applause for ur hard work author nim ~
Aftan6 #5
Chapter 8: So much angst !!! Went thru pkts of tissue for this . It's jux too beautiful ....
ireadanything #6
i cry at the part where donghae can''t take it anymore.. i think the part where the boy come to save hae from suicide is the best, coz that boy also don't know why he was there either.. God, this is like the best story ever.!! =)
Fnandaa
#7
Chapter 8: there where some really fluffy parts but
The rest you would see me tearing hahaha
Good job
Thanks for sharing.
weeheealaska2701 #8
Chapter 8: mann i can't even count how many times i've read this ._. and i keep crying EVERY TIMEEEE
this is like the ultimate ace, it never fails to make my heart melt
thank you for this story, really :P
loveshannonxx
#9
Chapter 7: So if I understand Eunyuk died because of a car accident but God gave him a second chance, he knew his time was comming so he wrote the letter. And that young fellow got Eunhyuk's heart ? That's why they could hear each other right ? This...is...the BEST !! OMG, I ended up here since I read Road to Redemption and I can say Im your fan keke I just really love your storys and your writing. If you become famous later and write books later, Im going to buy it :) seriously not kidding but maybe I am a little over excitited, Im not lying tough :3
saymyname
#10
Chapter 8: Omg this is just an amazing piece >< So sad yet meaningful ugh