“……”

“Hey!! Hello? I’m talking to you!!” Leeteuk pushed my forehead.

“Aw! What? Sorry hyung…” I rubbed the part of my forehead where Leeteuk just poked me.

We were sitting in front of his Macintosh in which he had his latest demos stored. Leeteuk looked at me again. “I guess you were somewhere else. Now listen.”

He clicked the “play” button and as usual, a perfectly composed piece of music came out of the computer.

When it ended Leeteuk took my iPhone and downloaded the demo into it. “Donghae pls do the lyrics for me OK?”

“…… What’s the theme?”

“Life is precious.”

“……”

Leeteuk put his hands on my shoulders and looked into my eyes. “Donghae… I know it’s harsh. But please be strong. He would not want to see you like this. Remember he always wanted you to be happy…”

[I could not bear seeing the tiniest trace of sorrow or pain on your face. I just couldn’t…]

Tears threatened to escape my eyes. I took a deep breath and fought them back. I closed my eyes and nodded. OK Donghae… get a hold of yourself… try to be strong… for Hyukkie…

I went back to my room, put on the earphones and started working on the lyrics. That song was a typical piece consisting of part A, part B and chorus. My usual way was to start with the chorus and soon it was done.

After that I worked on part A. It’s always tricky how to build up from there to the chorus. Part B is too short to squeeze that in… and Leeteuk your chord progression is… I have to admit it’s amazing but it’s giving the lyrics composer a lot of headaches…

I played the song million times, revised the lyrics each time I did but still the flow from part A to B to chorus was awkward. It’s just not graceful… I need to discuss with Hyukkie…

……

I dropped my pen as I felt a twinge in my heart, which was again being eaten up by the void… Checking the time it’s 1:30am. I collapsed onto my bed, wrapped myself tight in the blankets and shivered as the void started warmth inside my body.

……

“Donghae how’s the progress on the lyrics? We need that urgently!”

“It’s almost done Mr. Kim. Just some minor adjustments to do.”

“But the due date was 2 days ago!”

“I’m sorry Mr. Kim. I know but the schedules have been really packed…”

“Stop saying that! Everyone has packed schedules. We cannot delay the production further. No matter what WE NEED THAT TOMORROW!!” The line went dead but his bellow was still echoing in my head.

I rolled my eyes and sighed. It’s the same Mr. Kim who squeezed those promotion events in our schedules, on top of all normal, already tight activities… He couldn’t expect me to work on the lyrics when I was busy signing posters and albums our fans brought along in various fan meetings or road shows right?

Anyway I really had to get this done today. After finishing the day’s schedule I locked myself up in my room. Taking out my drafted version and putting on my earphones I tried to concentrate.

In the living room Yesung and Heechul were arguing. Obviously Yesung was upset since Heechul had somehow mistreated his turtle, his best friend and pet…

(Gosh!!! Give me a break!!)

Puffing out my cheeks in annoyance I quickly put on my jacket, grabbed the necessary stuff and rushed out of the dorm. I found myself a quiet spot in the park and tried to work on the lyrics again.

BEEP!!! It’s Mr. Kim who’s calling…

“AHHHHHHHHHH!!! GIVE ME A BREAK!!!!” I screamed at my cellphone (without picking up the call). The next minute I switched it off.

I took a deep breath to calm myself down. Thank God there was no more disturbance and I could finally bury myself in the song’s emotions. All 3 parts, A and B and chorus, were done but the turns were still not graceful.

(Part B is too short. Why do I always face the same problem? I need to discuss with Hyukkie…)

Checking the time is 1:30am. Soon I would see him. I could not help it. The thought of him just brought the sweetest smile onto my face.

Suddenly someone gripped my forearm and dragged me up. Before I could comprehend I found myself running with that other person. Looking up I saw it’s Leeteuk. “Thank God I found you. We need to run. Everyone’s looking for you. What’s wrong with your phone?!”

“Why? I switched it off… What happened?” My heart was pounding hard and I was sweating all over. A sickening feeling was starting to form in my stomach… telling me it was something big…

“Hyukkie’s car crashed! We need to rush to the hospital now!” The next minute it’s me who’s dragging Leeteuk forward as we ran.

[After recording KTR it was already very late. That feeling came again. I jumped into my car and started the engine quickly. I had to rush back to the dorm as soon as possible. I had to see Donghae or else I just couldn’t stop worrying.

Since it was late there was not much traffic on the road. I called Donghae again.

“Hi this is Donghae. Hyukkie is mine. Please leave your message…” Without me noticing the corner of my mouth curved into a smile before I sighed and ended the call. Anyway only 10 mins to go.

The car entered a tunnel. I checked the time. It’s 1:13am. The feeling hit me again. Gosh what’s this? I hope Donghae is OK… Stepping on the gas pedal I speeded up.

Frowning I shifted my eyes back to the road. A truck was pulling over. What?! In a tunnel? In the blink of an eye the truck was already right in front of me. I stepped hard on the brake…]

… If I didn’t switch my cellphone off… If I would have picked up Hyukkie’s call at that time, nothing would have happened… nothing would have changed… It’s my fault…

Hyukkie was worrying about me. He cared too much for me. Therefore his car crashed… It’s not fair…

There’s no way I can redeem myself…

I pushed all blankets away from me. That left me shuddering. I determined to let the cold seep into my body as I closed my eyes. I deserve to endure all tortures… warmth and hope and joy have nothing to do with me…

……

Light poked my eyelids, causing my brows to furrow.

Slowly I opened my eyes and located the source of light. That left me stunned and speechless.

Hyukkie…

He was sitting on the edge of my bed… radiating light. Wearing the most charming smile on his face he was looking at me with eyes full of warmth and love.

“Hyukkie… I…” I choked on my own tears.

He hushed me by putting his index finger in front of his lips. Gently he shook his head. He reached out his other hand and brushed away the strands of hair on my forehead, wiped away my tears and tenderly caressed my face. His touch felt so warm… which made me weep even more. It’s the warmth I longed for so much ever since I was locked up in the prison of darkness.

Hyukkie… don’t leave me… pls stay…

As if he could hear me, a trace of sorrow crossed his face. He just shook his head without saying anything; and continued looking at me.

At that time the idea of Hyukjae leaving again was too horrible to bear. I couldn’t control myself and my body just acted on its own. I sat up and wrapped my arms around him.

Puff…

He… vanished… Like sparkling dust Hyukjae just vanished… I looked down at my hands. Puffs of smoke were drifting away… In my head I could hear the shrieking laughs of the void. There was no escape. I was claimed back by darkness… agony… despair… nothingness…

I jumped out of bed and yelled. “NO!!!! Come back!!!! I beg you… Hyukkie… COME BACK!!!!”

…… The silence was so deep I could clearly hear my own heart beating…

“HYUKKIE!!!!!” I fell down on my knees. Tears just kept flooding out of my eyes.

Hyukkie… It’s entirely my fault… I deserve to endure all tortures…

I’m sorry…

---------------------------------------------

A/N: Leeteuk was not being harsh. He cared for Hae. By giving him sth to work on he hoped Donghae could get out of the bitter memories sooner.

A/N2: There will not be any update next week. No one should be upset and there is no room for sad stories. Next week is Hyukkie's birthday week and everyone should be busy celebrating!!