It felt like I had been sleeping for days. My stomach finally decided to loudly protest to its owner who had been ignoring its needs.

I blinked my eyes a few times and took a deep breath before getting out of bed.

OK Hyukkie… I try… Maybe… I can live. By holding on to the knowledge that you love me, maybe I can live.

… But… still… he’s gone... Donghae you’re alone…

… Let’s not think about that.

I shook my head as I walked towards the door, trying to shrug the thought off. It was something I was not ready to deal with yet. I pushed the thought away so that it would not haunt me… for the time being.

All other members in the dorm turned their heads to look at me when I opened the door.

When my eyes fell on Leeteuk he looked away for a brief moment. I walked towards him and wound my arms around his neck. Softly I spoke beside his ear. “Hyung… I’m sorry…”

Leeteuk hugged me back. “Donghae… there’s no need to apologize. It’s good to see you get better… We all love you…” He hugged me tighter and started sobbing.

Slowly one by one all other members came to embrace us.

“Yes we all love you Donghae.”

“Whenever you need us we will be there.”

“Forever we will stand by you.”

“You are not alone. We are all here together.”

“Be strong Donghae. You can do it. Together we can do it.”

“Thank you everyone… thank you…” I buried myself in their embrace. For a long time we were there, crying into each other’s chests, clinging onto each other, patting shoulders of each other, looking into each other’s eyes, acknowledging understanding and sympathies.

Thank you everyone… I know I’m not alone…

Soon I resumed practicing and rehearsing with the other members. They constantly kept an eye on me. I was never left alone. During breaks someone would surely come to accompany me. They knew in the past Hyukjae and I were like twins. Whenever there was a chance we would just stick back together. By accompanying me they hoped I would not be reminded that someone was missing…

But I was still very much aware of that.

And I couldn’t be blamed. We were preparing for a show for Hyukjae, one serving as a memorial to him.

The arena was full and empty at the same time. There was not a single seat left unoccupied. It was definitely full.

It was undoubtedly empty because one person was missing.

The show began. When I walked on stage the whole arena was filled with chants of “Eunhae” or “Donghae”. It was the first time I made appearance in public after a long time. Time had been standing still for long…

Eunhae. Pls continue to chant Eunhae. We will never be separated. Never!

It was exactly the same songs of ours we were performing. It was the same notes, same tempo, same melody, same rhythm which were coming out of the loudspeakers. It was the same control panel with the same technicians. Even the crew coordinating rundowns, handling various arrangements, managing the whole performance was the same.

But things were not the same anymore.

We had devoted a whole lot of time for the show. However it was still extremely difficult for everyone. No matter how many times we practiced, we still could not get used to the routines. They remained awkward. They were just not right.

Never before had we been feeling so incomplete. Never before had we been feeling so distant towards the moves and dance.

In the past it also happened that not all 13 of us went to shows and performed. Sometimes it was 12. Sometimes it was even down to 11, when some members could not make it due to other commitments. But we were always sure we were 13.

And now we were…

THIRTEEN of course!! What are you thinking? We are and will always be THIRTEEN!!!

I was certain everyone was aware of the awkwardness in the arena. It was just too obvious. And I had never imagined we would one day be giving such a performance, one that broke everyone’s heart, including our own.

Honestly it was a torture to me. I very much wanted to just run away, lock myself up again, just give in and break down. But I kept reminding myself I had to continue. I had to fight. It’s all for him. I was doing this for Hyukjae. And he deserved everything from me.

At the end of the show the big screen behind the stage was showing clips of him, of our shows in the past, when things were complete and perfect. Silently we stood on the stage, holding hands and watching.

Hyukjae was smiling and chuckling. That was charming and beautiful. He was telling jokes and making funny faces. That was cute and lovely. He was rapping and dancing. That was fierce and cool…

Hyukkie you’re the best. When you smiled my heart melted. Your jokes lighted up the darkest corner in my heart. You yourself were the dance which my heart followed. Without you… things can never be complete…

Some were sniffling. Some were weeping. Some were sobbing. Some were crying out loud. Some were calling his name…

And my heart was shattered to pieces…

The evening ended with his name filling every corner of the arena, flowing with every breeze of wind. It ended with him filling all our memories, our each and every single heartbeat, each and every single tear we wept…

Leeteuk came to sit beside me in the van. He took my hand. “Donghae, you have done well.” I squeezed his hand and gave him a smile.

Turning my head I looked out the window. I had been keeping myself occupied with the show’s preparation. Now it’s time to face the reality.

Hyukkie is gone. Donghae you have to carry on alone.

Just the word “alone” was haunting enough. Deep down inside I was still not sure about it. Can I really do that?

I squeezed my eyes shut to rid the thought from my mind; as I felt the void getting bigger again. It was still there. It’s reminding me of its existence.

The van stopped at the SM entertainment building. Leeteuk had some matters to deal with before heading back to the dorm with us together.

While we were waiting in the van an idea suddenly came to my mind. I got out of the van.

“Donghae where are you going?” Sungmin asked.

“Don’t worry. I’ll be back soon.” I answered and rushed in without looking back.

I stood at the door of room 327. It’s SM entertainment building, room 327. I opened the glass door and walked in. Since it’s already late it was dark inside. And I didn’t switch on the light.

It’s here. It was right here when I first saw Hyukkie. That was the first day I arrived, my first day as a trainee.

Actually that day didn’t start well. Appa accompanied me from Mokpo to Seoul. I was quiet during the whole journey. I was scared about what’s going to come. I was not prepared to leave my family and friends, to move to Seoul on my own. Everything was so different here.

I dreaded my steps towards the building. When appa was handling the paperwork with the receptionist, I sat down in a corner and looked around. People were rushing in and out, here and there. They were chatting, chuckling, discussing. And a group of people were frantically arguing about something…

It all just made me feel more alone.

The moment came. Appa came to me and kneeled down. He held my shoulders and looked me in the eyes. “Donghae, my son. I’m so proud of you. Be good and work hard to be a good singer.”

My eyes were fast welling up as I threw myself to him, holding him tight. “Appa!!”

Gently he patted my back and kissed my cheek. “My son… I know it’s difficult for you. It’s difficult for me as well. I love you so much this is killing me. I’m sorry… that we have to part…”

Cupping my face with his hands appa said firmly. “But I know you are strong. Donghae, show appa you can handle this OK?”

I bit my lip and nodded. No matter what I would make appa proud. I was determined.

But I didn’t tell him I hid and wept immediately after he left.

Some time later I wandered around the building. For some reason I was drawn towards the dance studio, room 327. And there I saw him. There I saw Hyukkie.

He’s practicing inside with some choreographers. And I was not the only audience. I entered and settled myself beside a group of other trainees. Nobody bothered to ask why I was there. It’s like it was normal there would be audience.

When Hyukkie finished he was surrounded by a group of other people. The smile on his face was so bright it’s like he was radiating light. Moments later they left the dance studio together. Nobody noticed me. What mattered was, Hyukkie didn’t notice me at all.

Since then I couldn’t take my eyes off him. I had developed radars which could locate Hyukkie accurately whenever he was around. My eyes only saw him…

And Hyukkie you cannot imagine how blissful I was when you finally noticed me in the subway. My whole world turned bright, even the stars were shining.

And then we became close, we were assigned the same dorm, we made our promise, we made debut together in the same band group, we were always there for each other… Life couldn’t get better…

They said good things never last. The moment you get it, the next moment you lose it.

And then… life didn’t get better… indeed…

OK let’s not think about it.

I dragged myself out of the trance. Looking up at the ceiling I closed my eyes.

Then it struck me. Right at that moment I felt it.

I was standing alone in the dance studio. What I felt was hard to describe. Something changed, be it the temperature, the magnetic field, the weight of the air surrounding me… I held my breath…

……

Knocks at the door swept the whole thing away. Leeteuk opened the glass door. “Hey Donghae! Stop wandering around! Are you ready to go?”

I quickly walked towards him. As we left I couldn’t help turning my head over my shoulder. What was that?

After we got back to the dorm I went to the bathroom to wash my face. I splashed cold water onto my face, drew in a deep breath and looked at myself in the mirror.

It happened again. Something changed. The air surrounding me felt different. I saw nobody except myself in the mirror… but… I could feel there was another being. I could feel I was being looked at. No this is not Hyukkie. The stare was like that from a predator. That being wanted to engulf me, to crush me...

I heard rasping breaths… I heard husky whispers… The chill was floating in the air…

Those sent shivers down my spine. My body began shuddering. The awful feeling in my stomach made breathing difficult. Quickly I turned around, stumbled to the door and grabbed the doorknob. I was sweating all over and my heart was pounding hard against the ribcage. I was on the verge of tears when…

The –

Door –

Would –

Not –

Open ---

THE DOOR WOULDN’T OPEN!!!!

------------------------------------------

A/N: Happy Easter everyone!!

A/N2: In the story it is assumed that Super Junior is always 13. Um... actually the assumption is valid. Super Junior is always 13!

A/N3: The story just decided to develop on its own. It's taking a little detour before returning to its writer's original plot (if it returns at all!!). The void just developed into a being on its own. Honestly I didn't plan this!!

A/N4: Going forward just do not read in the middle of the night (especialy U Stiki!!!). And do not close the door when you go to the bathroom (if possible). I will be writing in the middle of the day so I should be fine. Guess I should watch "Mystery 6" again during my Easter vacation right?