Sitting in the van on the way to one of the filming location. I open the curtains looking at the almost dark sky. The sight through the window was only grass and trees. I sighed, I’ve been sitting in the van for an hour but all I see is grass and trees along the way.  Looking back up at the sky it seems like it’s going to rain very soon.

        After the sitcom drama I receive many non-acting jobs like variety shows, magazine photo shoots, radio shows and commercial. It was only recent that I’ve accepted a new movie and I’ll be acting out as the main actress’ daughter. The filming of the location is mainly in the rural areas where hours of travelling required.

        Out of boredom I grab my tablet, I still got Internet signal so I decide to go online and check out the news. I was just mainly looking at fans responses for my new movie until I got bored of it. I was staring at my homepage that is set to a search engine and I randomly type in ‘Amber Josephine Liu’. A part of me wished there would be update news about Amber. Unfortunately, results of ‘Amber Josephine Liu’ are some old granny, beauty salon or someone on Facebook who have the exact same name. I look through a few pages with the similar results and not what I was looking for. I suddenly thought of the name that Sulli once mention about Amber going to do the dance tour with. Was it Jack…Colin? I type his name on the search engine and results came back that there is such person. I read his profile and found that he’s a really famous hip-hop dancer. I even found his Twitter account and out curiosity I click on it hoping maybe there’s some news of his where about. But other than casual talks with his friends there weren’t any info about his where about. I close the tablet and threw it aside.

        I plug in my earphones blasting my favorite music and close my eyes waiting for the ride to stop at the filming location.

        The van rocked to a stop all of a sudden hitting my head against the seat. I wince in pain rubbing the back of my head. Pulling out the earphones I can now hear the pouring rain hitting against the rooftop of the van.

        “What’s going on?” I asked not knowing why the driver stopped all of a sudden.

        “It looks like we have to pull over until the rain gets lighter.” The driver said. Junho watches as the heavy rain pouring down hitting against the front window blocking the view in front.

        “I guess we just have to wait.”  He said and took out his phone dialing the number to the director. I sighed and stare at the pitch-black view of nothing but grass and trees. Every time it rains it reminds me of the day I first saw Amber.

        We end up staying in the van for a long five hours. The heavy didn’t seem to stop at all and the filming got cancelled for a reschedule. Nevertheless when the rain gotten lighter we drove to the nearest hotel to stay overnight and the filming will resume in the early morning.

I came the set in the early morning, it was really cold and the ground was all muddy from the heavy rain last night. I stretches my arms and legs out facing the green grass, I inhale the after rain smell and it somehow freshen up my mind waking me up from my sleepiness.

        I went over to the little wooden house that is used by our staffs. Inside I changed into the clothing that I’m supposed to wear. I came out wearing the cotton pants and shirt with a pair of fabric shoes. The role I’m acting as is a kid from a very poor family living in the rural area with her mother. The plot will focus on how the mother raise the kid and going through challenges to earn a better living for her daughter. I remember I almost cried while reading the script.

        When I got the call from the director I prepared myself for the filming.

The filming of the movie ended after a three months intense filming at the rural area. Since it takes about four hours to drive back to the city most of the staffs, actors and actresses stayed at the nearby hotel that takes an hour from the filming location.  I could almost say I was disconnected from the world without the technology and Internet.  I don’t know how I manage to survive but I did.

As usual after the movie filming I was busy with promoting the movie on different shows and magazines. I heard from Junho that the reviews of the movie were very highly rated by both audiences and professionals.  At that very moment I just didn’t know how to react on this news and of course I didn’t think of any winning awards because this movie got nominated for the Blue Dragon Film Awards.

        Winning the new actress award wasn’t something that I’m concern of but of course if I did won I would be extremely happy about it. But if I didn’t there’s no lost for me.

        I took a long break before another filming starts I just felt like I have been spending a lot of time working and have neglected my studies, friends and family. In that two months time I spent every day like how I did before I debut as an actress. I went to school every day early in the morning, hang out with my friends and spent time with my family at night watching random variety shows with him.  I only went back to the company for some training twice a week.  But training was not how it used to be, especially dance classes when the instructor is not Amber anymore.

        “Soojung, great to see you here. I was going to call you anyway.” Junho said as we both bump into each other in the company. I followed him to the empty conference room like how we always for a new filming.

        “So how was your break?” He casually asks to start a conversation.

        “It’s great. Get to spend time on my studies, friends and family.”

        “That’s great. So are you ready for another filming or do you want to take a longer break?”

        “I’m ready to go back filming.”

        “Good to hear. I got a really good offer from Director Woo, the one who filmed the Chinese movie Red Cliff.  He has watched the movie you filmed, it’s unfortunate that you didn’t win the new actress award but he was very interested in you working in his new movie. The movie is confirmed with Victoria Song as the lead actress and I thought this will be a great opportunity for you expanding your career overseas.” I listen carefully to what Junho was telling. It was my first time receiving an offer to film overseas and I never thought I would have the chance to.

        “The filming will take place in Beijing.” My face lightens up by hearing the word ‘Beijing’ remembering that Amber is currently in Beijing. Maybe I’ll get to see her.

        “So what do you think? You would be leaving Korea for at least three months.” Junho asks for my opinion when I kept silent.

        “I’ll do it. I would like to accept this movie.” I accept the offer without taking another thought. I can see Junho was surprise at my respond but quickly the surprise expression turn into a smiley expression.

        “I’m glad you want to do this I was worrying how I can convince you. After all you’ll be away from your home country for the first time.” Junho look a lot relief knowing I agree to accept this job.  I know this might not lead to Amber but even if there’s a one percent chance I don’t want it to slip away.

At the filming set I was sitting under the umbrella waiting for my turn to film. Feeling bored I grab my phone connecting it to the Internet. I type in ‘Amber Josephine Liu’ again on the search engine but the same results show up again. I then click onto Jack Colin’s Twitter page, the page that I check often hoping to find some news about Amber. To my surprise there was a hint of their where about. His latest tweet mentioned ‘Amber’ and there was a photo attached to it. I quickly click on the photo loading the photo. I jolt up from my sitting position when I saw Amber with a group of people. I think I saw the name of the place. Just when I was about to zoom in the photo I was interrupted.

“Miss Jung please get ready in five minutes.” A man speaking Mandarin said to me, all I understand was my name and the five fingers he raise up. I guess I must get ready in five minutes time. I wasn’t sure if that what he really meant by my translator just went to the bathroom so I gave that man a nod. He left back to the crew and I quickly save the photo in my phone and prepare myself for the filming.

        “He said to get ready in five minutes.”

A voice said and this time it’s in the language that I understand. I turn around to meet eyes with the Chinese girl, Victoria Song.

Victoria is the lead actress in the drama that we’re filming now.

I gave Victoria a thank you smile before I got up and enter the set for the filming. I was surprise and glad to know Victoria can speak Korean. Her Korean is very cute with a heavy Chinese accent but she speaks very well. I heard from Junho that she used to model in Korea for a long time with big stars like Rain and Lee Jun Ki. With two or three NGs I finished my part and the director was very pleased with the result.

“Alright everyone thank you for today.” The director said. Even though I don’t understand but I remembered that line because every time he said that people would be leaving and packing up. I also pack my own things getting ready to leave.

“Krystal, we’re going to have dinner together with the crew do you want to join us?” Victoria said and her eyes were like hoping I could come. I thought for a moment as my mind wonder back to that photo giving out the clue of Amber.

“Victoria can you do me a favor?” I asked with pleading eyes. After knowing Victoria for a month she’s been very caring for me especially knowing that I don’t understand the language here. There’s only her that I can depend on.

“Sure what is it?” She walks closer closing our distance.

I grab my phone and found the photo I saved from earlier.  I zoom into the photo so that the sign on the background is visible even though it’s blurry. I show the photo to Victoria and she leans in squinting her eyes to look at it.

“Do you happen to know this place?” I ask hoping she would say yes.

“Hmm…” Her brows frowned like she is thinking hard. “Ah that’s Baby Face, it’s a popular club in Beijing.”

I almost want to jump onto Victoria and hug her tightly.  “Take me there.”

“But Krystal you can’t enter you’re only seventeen.” She reminded me and I felt like my chance of seeing Amber has just wash down the drain.

“Well I can always take you there once you’re over eighteen.” She said trying to cheer me up but when I’m eighteen Amber wouldn’t be there anymore.

“So do you want to have dinner with us?” She asks again.

I nodded since it’s better than eating alone and also you can eat more delicious food when you’re with the locals. I followed them and we enter a restaurant but not those fancy ones.

“The look of this restaurant might not look appealing but the food are delicious. It makes you want to come here again and again.” Victoria explained seeing the curious look I had. I sat down with Victoria sitting beside – she was the only one that I could converse with from the group. Most of the time I just sat quietly and ate, like what Victoria said the food here are really delicious. I just kept eating and eating while everyone was talking in a language that I don’t understand even though Victoria tried her best to translate.

After the dinner I bid everyone goodbye and Junho came to pick me up. We sat in the car as he starts talking to me about tomorrow’s schedule. I got back to the hotel shortly, feeling all tired it felt like my arms and legs are disconnected from my body. At a time like this when I’m alone and tired I tend to think of Amber. I wonder what she’s doing right now?

There are times when I felt so lonely and empty that I touch myself imagining it was Amber. And when I woke up knowing that I’m alone again I cried.

I took a warm shower before laying myself on the bed. I grab the remote control turning the TV on hoping the sound of the TV would make me feel less lonely. Looking to the right I saw the pink llama sitting there staring at the TV. I remember I had a hard decision whether I should bring that llama or not, I should be forgetting Amber but my heart misses her so much. All these lonely times I only had the pink llama with me. I grab the pink llama doll hugging it tightly as I stare at the TV not knowing what they were saying.