I woke up feeling sore all over and I had a terrible headache. My teeth chattered as the cool air blew against my bare skin. Bare skin? It took me a few minutes to notice my state of . I tried to remember what happened last night, but all I could remember was someone kissing my neck. I noticed blood on my thighs which confirmed what just happened. I freaking lost my ity to someone I didn’t even knew. I freaked out for a bit but this was not a time to panic. It was already morning and I had to leave before my father call the police and file for a missing person report. And so I gathered my clothes and went inside the bathroom to clean the blood off me. I quickly dressed up, not even bothering to check myself in the mirror, and walked downstairs to look for my best friend.

I almost got lost inside Seungri’s house but I was glad to find the main hall, which I may add, was a mess. There weren’t any other people left, but there were trash everywhere, which wasn’t really my problem. 

I held my temples and massage them as I felt my hangover become worse as each minute pass. I was about to grab my phone and call Jiyong up to ask him where he was when he suddenly appeared with a glass of water and an aspirin in his hand.

“You’re a life saver!” I said as I grabbed the aspirin and put it inside my mouth. I didn’t even needed water to wash it down my throat. 

“Hey! That was supposed to be mine.” He said. But I just ignored him, he was the reason why I wasn’t a anymore—he left me alone last night.

“Can we just leave?” I said. It was in question form but I said to sound like it was a command. 

“Oh, is it the time of the month?” Jiyong said as he began to tease me. I remembered that I bleed and I could have sworn that I would have had a break down if only I was in my own room and only if I was alone.

Jiyong and I went out of the house and walked toward his car. I wasn’t really in the mood for pep talk and all I wanted was to get home. But I guess, it was Jiyong’s turn to be talkative now. (Now, you see why we’re best friends? It’s like once someone’s mouth shuts off, the other ones’ mouth activates.)

“I guess Jinah was upset that we broke up last night. But the break up was good—heck, it was the best! But I don’t think she and I had the same opinion. I didn’t even see her this morning. You see, I kind of wanted to puke as soon as I woke up and I had a terrible headache and so, I looked for an aspirin and I was able to find one. Well, I got back inside the room and she weren’t there already, not that I care. And so, I just went downstairs to get a glass of water since you know I couldn’t swallow the aspirin without water.” He said.

I didn’t really listen to it since despite swallowing the asprin, my headache didn’t seem go away and Jiyong’s nonstop chattering was only making it worst. 

And I was so happy when Jiyong stopped the car because I noticed that we were already in front of our house. I jumped off his car and ran inside the house, without even saying goodbye, and proceeded to run towards my room.

As soon as the door closed, all the tears that I had been trying to keep for the last hour pour down as if my eyes were broken pipe lines. I covered my mouth in the fear of being heard by anyone and I didn’t want anyone to know what I’ve been going through. But as soon as my cries became louder—and much more difficult to suppress, I moved inside the bathroom and turned the shower on. I stood in front of the shower, letting the water soak my clothes as I started to rub myself. I rubbed myself to remove the dirt I acquired but even soap and water—or even the strongest antiseptic—couldn't remove the dirt that tainted me.

I leaned on the wall and let my body slide down the floor. I moved my legs towards my chest and hugged it. I stayed like that for an hour, not even minding how wrinkled my hands were. I turned the shower off and removed the clothing I had before I dried myself with a towel. I was too weak to get dressed and so, I just took a dry bathrobe and wore it before I jumped onto my bed and forced myself to sleep. Maybe, by the time I wake up, it would realize that it was only a dream—only a horrible dream.


But, if it was a horrible dream, I wouldn’t have found myself (after two months) biting my fingernails as Kwon Jiyong stood in front of me, trying to convince me to say what was wrong. I couldn’t even look at him anymore. I was ashamed of myself and at the same time, I couldn't help but blame him too.

“Dar, you got to say what’s wrong. How could I help you when you won’t say anything?” He asked me for the nth time already. I knew that he was looking at me, but I avoided his gaze. I stared at his feet as if they were more interesting that his face. I wanted to run outside, but he locked me up here in his room. I was sitting on his bed and I was ready to jump out of the window—urgh... only if his room wasn’t on the second floor.

That’s when I realized that I was trapped. I couldn’t run away from this anymore. I had to tell him.

“Ji, I’m pregnant.” There, I said it. I was 18—and I’m pregnant. Just great.

“What? How could you be pregnant?” He said with a hint of disbelief in his voice.

“You know, it happens when a girl and a boy have an and they forgot to use protection.” I couldn’t believe that I could joke in this kind of situation. I saw him looking at me and he was dead serious.

“But you don’t have a boyfriend D. And you just came back two months ago! You couldn’t possibly date someone by that time.” He said as he was trying to find a plausible reason for my pregnancy.

“Seungri’s party.”

“Oh ! I shouldn’t have had break up with Jinah. God! D—did some jerk touch you? God! I won’t forgive myself.” He said as he was starting to make himself feel guilty. Well, it was his fault anyway. He left me during the party. He left his female best friend in a party full of drunken wolves ready to eat me alive.

I stayed silent as I let him blame himself.

“Who’s the father?” He asked me as he sat on the bed beside me.

I took a deep breath before I sighed.

“That’s what I’ve been asking myself too, Ji.”

“What do you mean that’s what you’ve been asking yourself too?” Jiyong asked. I was about to answer when he beat me into it.

“D, don’t say someone drugged you and you!”

“I think I was drugged, but I wasn’t really . If I remembered correctly, I actually enjoyed it while it lasted.But I just... I just ed up Ji! And this is my punishment!” I said as I covered my face with my hands. I was trying not to cry because in the first place, I never cried in front of any human being. I always put up a brave front and I must not show my weak side. But no matter how much I tried to suppress my tears, I just couldn’t. Before I even notice it, I was already bawling.

“Oh God! D, don’t cry! ! You know I don’t know what to do when girls cry.” Jiyong begged. But I lost control over my tear glands already. No matter how much I commanded my tears to go back, it wouldn’t. I guess I lost my control over anything when I made that mistake. The more I try to stop it, the more tears flow out of my eyes. I thought I was gonna die due to dehydration when all of a sudden—I stopped crying.

You know why? Because Kwon Jiyong hugged me...

“D, stop crying okay? Because if you won’t stop crying, I would go crazy since I don’t know what to do. But, all I know is that whatever happens, I’ll be right here for you. That’s what best friends do right? We stick with each other through thick or thin.” He whispered to me as he rubbed my back, giving me comfort.

I cried once again. But this time, not because of my problem. But because I knew that even if I have this problem, I wouldn’t be alone. I have my best friend with me. And the thought alone comforted me.

“Thank you Ji. Thank you.”