Kazu had woken up so early before the sun rose thinking that Jun woke up without even telling him. Instead of seeing such a cheeky yet handsome smile on his face and a slight tease playing in his eyes, he saw him still sleeping so peacefully just like the time after the accident. Kazu winced in pain, not from physically hurting, but mentally from the memory that still lingered in his eyes. He's told himself so many times to stop remembering that piece of memory since Jun was besides him even till now. But every time he saw Jun like this, it just kept coming to him. He hated himself for what happened that day, for not being so fast in running in time to save Jun from that horrible car crash. Once again Kazu winced in pain, hitting himself harshly on his arm until it turned dark purples and blue.

"Nino, that won't help Jun-kun..."

Kazu jumped up and immediately hid his blotched arm behind him. He had completely forgotten Ohno came to visit the day before and even offered to stay, not only because of Jun, for him after hearing gossips from nurses in the supermarket that he would soon become a patient. For one thing, he was glad Ohno was here, but at the same time, he just wanted to be alone with Jun.

Ohno held out his hand. "Give me your arm."

Kazu shook his head and backed away slightly when Ohno's hand tried reaching for his arm. But it was no use since the space behind him was so small that he didn't have space to move around. He felt warm hands gently touch his arm before pulling it out from his back. Kazu looked away, ashamed that he had done this to himself without thinking.

"How long have you been doing this?" Ohno asked him so gently that he felt tears threatening to come out lf his eyes.

"Today," he lied to him, hoping Ohno would believe him but he didn't.

"Nino, don't lie. It's obvious you've done this since you first came here."

Kazu shook his head furiously. "I've only started today!"

"Nino... You don't have to keep doing this, you know? Jun-kun is going to be alright."

At that moment, Nino threw his arms around Ohno's neck and placed his head on the broad shoulders. It's not that he needed Ohno, but he needed this kind of support, a support that would tell him everything was going to be alright. As the man’s arms went around his waist, Kazu cried even harder into the already soaked shirt while telling himself that this was all his fault.

The pain couldn't stop and it refused to no matter how hard he bit on his sleeves. It was already wet and he swears he can taste his own blood soaking into the light yellow sleeve. At the same time Jun pulled away from the sleeve, he can see blood dribble lightly on the white floor, making the whole entire floor light pink just from the small dribble of blood.

All around him, even the wall of now frozen pictures were stained pink. Despite how much pain he was in, he struggled to go closer to the wall, bringing his wobbly hands on Kazu's smile. He can tell he was a bit older in this one-somewhere near the end of junior high-since there really was no difference. As soon as his hand touched the thin lips, the pain grew even worse.

Kazu stopped crying and he pulled away when he heard a struggled groan from where Jun was laying. He turned around almost immediately and saw his friend's body jerking in different ways while his face showed no change. Jun was screaming though without expression, causing Kazu to become curiously worried. As soon as Jun's body, once again, jerked up and to the side, he pulled his arms from Ohno and put his arms protectively all over the body.

"Oh God!" Kazu muttered out loud as his friend's body continued to jerk under his grip. Behind him, he heard Ohno shuffling to his feet and soon, a nurse and doctor worriedly came running inside. They were the exactly the same people who had treated Jun when he woke up; except his friend was deep asleep, internally struggling from something he didn't know.

"J!" Kazu yelled, "Please give me the pain! I deserve it!"

"Ninomiya-kun!"

"Nino!"

Both the doctor and Ohno behind him yelled in unison. He can tell they were worried about him also, but he didn't dare take his eyes off of Jun's face. He wanted to force him to wake up, to tell him he didn’t deserve the pain since it was all his fault in the first place, for being his friend, and for showing up in Jun’s life in the first place. No matter how hard he tried to shake the struggling body, Jun’s eyes refused to open for him and just continued to scream and jerk all about.

“Nino, please, you don’t have to do this also. It’s not your fault,” Ohno told him in a whisper, his hands going around to grip his weak arms.

“It is my fault!” Kazu told him. “It was clearly mines ever since I met him...”

“It’s not your fault,” Ohno repeated in a soft whisper that his voice sounded like a lullaby, “Now let go, let them do their jobs.”

Kazu was reluctant to let go at first, but he decided to listen to Ohno in the end. As he slowly pulled away, he immediately regretted it but Ohno’s reassuring hands were his arm gently like his mother would when he was feeling down. He felt at least better, glad that he had accepted Ohno’s offer without hesitation.

After finally sitting down, he looked down at his arms and then his legs, realizing by then he was in need of Ohno’s help. Silently telling the doctor to take good care of Jun, he asked Ohno to him to the kitchen, glad that there was already someone working there at such an ungodly hour.

All these images proved he was right about the feeling of knowing Nino from before. Images of his innocent and cute smile, his crying an stead stained face, and that adorable laugh of his were all clouding up his mind altogether so painfully as if these memories were fat and couldn't fit into the door altogether. On the other hand, Jun tried to smile from all this flooding memories but all he could do was scream as he clutched his head on both sides.

Then it changed. The Kazu that was invading his mind changed to an adult version of his friend. The sight in his eyes was unavoidable as many images of a pained Kazu flashed in all together. They were all in different situations but Jun could tell which was which since he could clearly remember now.

He felt bad, so bad for making Kazu sacrifice so much for him just because he had carelessly gotten into an accident. He can see Kazu always trying to explain everything to him over and over again until he saw a tired expression on his face at the end of the day. In those memories, he never really cared but learning all of this happening to his most special friend did he notice. It was his fault for making that kind of expression on Nino's face that he can't forgive himself for causing such a thing to happen. Kazu must hate him for this too.

As the memories continued to painfully flood his mind, he felt something tug so distressfully in his chest. He wanted to grasp it, to stop it from hurting in his body but it wouldn't. This feeling... What kind of feeling is this to cause such a pain throb against his chest just thinking of his friend in this way? Jun had no answer even if he tried to find it in the memories, he still couldn't find one. However, as the throbbing kept going on his mind, he felt a small hand, so small and warm land gently and softly on his forehead. During that time, everything: the walls, the floor, the pain, and the memories stopped as the hand caressed him so softly on the head. Jun looked up, and saw a small boy with an innocent, but worried, smile on his small and thin face.

"Kazu?..."

"J," Kazu smiled as he bent down so his forehead was touching his forehead, "It's alright. Here, hold my hand."

Right after the child Kazu pulled away, a hand shot out and Jun immediately took it. As soon as he grabbed it, he felt his and Kazu's hand grow big and he was instead facing an older version of Kazu. It was out of impulse and Jun found his lips crushing so hard onto Kazu's thin lips. He s an arm around the thin body, pulling him closer and his hand pulling his head to deepen the kiss. Even if Jun couldn't forgive himself, Kazu made him feel so helpless that all he needed was him and nothing else. Pulling away, he embraced the thin man and buried his head so deep into the crook of his neck.

"Come on, J, I'm waiting."

Nodding his head, he pulled away and once again held so tight onto Kazu's hand. It felt so right, so warm, and so loving in his hands. Smiling one more time, Kazu led him away towards a mahogany door not long from where they were standing.

"Oh-chan, when do you think J will wake up?" He asked his friend as soon as they got their food and sat down not far from the overview window.

"It feels like soon," Ohno grinned before digging into the food before him, "So soon."

Kazu wanted to question him even more but he wanted to eat his food in silence and besides, Ohno was too busy stuffing his face and murmuring yummy or tasty from time to time. Thinking if was for the best to keep quiet, he too started stuffing his face enjoying the food like he hadn't since the past few days.

The two of them went for seconds before deciding to head out for fresh air. As soon as they arrived on the roof, Kazu had never felt so refreshed in such a long time since he’s been camping besides his best friend. Taking in a deep breath, he heard the wind blow past him and the busy cars and airplanes already making the world alive as the sky light up in reds, yellows, and oranges. He wished Jun was here to watch the sunrise with him because he realized they had never done it before; not even once when they were kids. Sighing, Kazu walked backwards to a bench he spotted earlier, and sat there along with Ohno.

“J will hate me when he remembers,” Kazu spoke up after a few moments of silence and leaned back into the bench.

“He won’t,” Ohno sighed, “He’s been besides you all these years despite him losing all his memories. He would thank you for that, not hate you.”

“I know,” Kazu grumbled, “It’s just that a month ago, he learned about the accident from Sakurai-san and I didn’t tell him about it when clearly I knew. He hated me for it, Oh-chan, he hated me for not telling him.”

“That doesn’t mean he’ll hate you for it, Nino. As long as he remembers again, I doubt he’ll hate you for it.”

Kazu sighed, wondering if what Ohno was telling him was somewhat true. For all those past years, he had done nothing than stay besides his friend, always supporting him no matter how tired he was. But given the fact that Jun losing his memories was his fault in the first place, the only person important to him might stray away from his life. Kazu shook his head of those thoughts, telling himself that maybe Ohno's words might do him some good. If maybe Jun remembers, he’ll tell him he was sorry and he will see if he’s worth staying besides him after. Silently thanking Ohno, he stood from the bench and headed back to his friend’s side.

Jun was just three steps away from the only door standing on the white area with Kazu so silent standing besides him. Even if he knew he wasn’t the real Kazu, he still didn’t want to let go of the hand he was holding. However, the silent Kazu urged him to keep on going, telling him that he was waiting for him to wake up. Jun didn’t want to leave however, afraid that Kazu will tell him he hated him for making him do all the work. Just as he was about to turn around, he felt hands on his back, pushing him towards the door. Turning around, Jun gasped when he saw the many faces he’s seen in those replay of memories. He was glad his evil stepmother wasn’t there but both of his mother and father were pushing him towards the exit, with huge and encouraging smiles on their faces. Even Aiba-sensei and his doctor were there smirking and motioning their hands towards the mahogany door.

Jun couldn’t be more thankful enough to all of them. Taking one huge breath, he turned back around, walked closer, hand in hand with Kazu, and finally pushed the door open. There he saw, lying his head on his arm, was someone he’s been wanting to hold onto. After one final look at everyone around him, he then took a step outside of the door and another one until the white and bright light blinded him once more...

He opened his eyes, scanning the whole area and realized he was in a hospital, just like when he woke up after the accident, with Kazu sleeping or resting besides him as if he never left his side. Jun smiled once he looked down and saw a mess of black hair resting besides his arm. He didn’t feel weak at all so he used his other arm to the mess of hair besides him. At that moment, Kazu’s head went up but Jun didn’t pull away. He knew just how much he had wanted to see Kazu again after those flash of memories that he couldn’t take his eyes off of his tired, yet beautiful face.

“J?...” Kazu finally spoke in a whisper for only him to hear. He nodded at the mention of his nickname and soon, he found arms going around his body.

He heard him sobbing and scolding him, telling him not to scare him anymore like that. All Jun could do was smile as he nudged his head into his friend’s neck while holding him so dear in his arms. Neither of them wanted to pull away from each other, and neither of them spoke after and just stayed in each other’s arms. He moved a little to his right, making enough space for his friend to lay besides him also. Once Kazu slipped under the blankets they now shared, Jun pulled the thin body closer to him and pulled his friend’s head so close to where his heart was beating fast.

“J...does J hate me?” Kazu whispered so lightly but Jun can clearly hear him.

“I don’t hate you, Kazu. I never did.”

“But it was my fault,” Kazu whispered in a trembling voice, “It was my fault for getting you into--”

“Kazu, I never once thought it was your fault even now. Even if I had forgotten so many important things, I can’t bring myself to hate you. You’re supposed to be the one that hates me for being so harsh and forgetting towards you...”

“I don’t hate J!” Kazu almost shrieked, his arms holding even tighter on his body, “I can never hate J!”

“Then what?” Jun squirmed lower so he was facing his friend’s teary face, “What do you feel towards me?”

“I... I love you J...”

Jun smiled. “Not guilt even if you knew you had to stay besides me?” Kazu shook his head so furiously that he can see honesty playing in his eyes. “Then...would you forgive me if I kiss you right now?

As soon as he asked him, Kazu looked away from his eyes and a red tinge overcame his milky white cheeks. Jun brought his hand up, caressing the blush as he continued to stare at his face. Even if he had kissed him before he remembered everything, he felt so much different towards him. After what seemed like forever, Kazu gulped and finally nodded his head so shyly and his eyes went straight to his. Cupping both of his cheeks, he pulled Kazu so close to his face until their noses were touching each other. At the same time Kazu closed his eyes, he did too and moved closer and closer until he felt trembling thin lips on his.

“It’s ok, Kazu,” Jun whispered, “I won’t bite.”

Once again, Kazu nodded and Jun crushed their lips ever so gently against each other. Kazu was very slow in reacting, but soon, he found himself melting so fast under Jun’s soft kiss and gentle touches. For once, maybe, he can finally forgive himself since Jun told him he didn’t hate him at all.

Jun pulled away after, panting from the loss of breath while Kazu did the same. As soon as they regained both their air, they stared into each other’s eyes before opening their mouths to let out, what seemed like forever, a round of laughter they shared before all of this happened. Tears, tears of joy, were in their eyes as they continued to laugh at themselves. After finally letting out the tension in their hearts, Jun pulled Kazu towards his body and told him in a whisper for only him to hear

“I love you Kazu, and I don’t think I’ll ever stop loving you. Thank you for staying besides me all this time... I’ll love you no matter what.”

As soon as he said those words, he felt something wet land on his clothed chest followed by Kazu nuzzling his head on his chest. He never once thought that those feelings throughout all those years were love until he realized it for himself. He never once thought about Kazu’s feelings towards him all those years, and for making him suffer from keeping those feelings inside of him all these times. Pulling Kazu closer towards his body, he swears he’ll never let something bad happen to him anymore, and everyday, he’ll tell him just how much he loved him to prove it. Smiling silently to himself, he placed a kiss on Kazu’s head before closing his eyes to remember such a moment like this.

END