Jun had just finished his breakfast while he was already cleaning up the dishes, and pots and pans he used that morning. After cleaning them spotless, he dried them until the cloth had become soaked before putting them back to where they belonged. By then, Jun had finished getting ready and was already near the door. However, his friend stopped halfway the open door while the look on his face was trying to tell him something. Kazu rolled his eyes before washing drying his hands on a towel and heading to the piano.

“Don’t worry,” Kazu smiled, “I’ll practice.” After having said so, Jun’s expression was replaced with a relieved one and Kazu couldn’t help but turn around and smiled a little to himself. Once the door finally closed, Kazu started playing with the keys, learning the sounds and the way he felt against his fingers as he played them one by one.

He was a little rusty at first but after a short session with Jun yesterday, he felt a bit confident with his skills. Kazu closed his eyes to recall the time when he had piano lessons as a kid. He only remembered short bits of where the fingers belongs, and the appropriate way to move them across the keys. However, his memories of those days were leading him to the day when Jun’s body flew across the street. Kazu’s eyes snapped open, not realizing he had banged so hard on the piano keys that his hands were turning white.

Kazu stood up from the chair, unable to continue practicing since his hands trembled so bad even if he slipped them in his pockets. Deciding it was best to continue when Jun comes home, he just walked over to the latter’s empty room and trashed himself on the fluffy bed. It smelt so much like Jun, but it was weak until he pressed his nose against the pillow. It was almost like when they were kids when he was always besides his best friend, to hold his hand and smell that familiar fragrance of spring from Jun wafting in the air. Smiling, Kazu snuggled closer to the pillow all memories of the bad past completely forgotten.

“J...” Kazu called as he stared at the pillow, “Did you know? How much it meant to me when you finally woke up after a month? But you probably didn’t since you didn’t know who I was.” Sighing, Kazu slipped himself inside of the blankets and rested his body under the cool sheets.

“But I’m still happy,” He told the pillow, “I’m happy you still choose to stay by my side.”

“J... I think... I think I like you...” He confessed particularly to no one. There, he said it. He didn’t know how he felt like this until he started to remember the horrible past while telling himself he couldn’t live without Jun. He tried it once. He tried to kill himself along with Jun, but he didn’t have the confidence. That same day, he thought that what might happen if Jun were to wake up to the world without him by his side. With this thought in mind, Kazu couldn’t do it.

When finally he woke up, he wanted to tell him he was sorry but the look on Jun’s eyes that day wasn’t meant for him. It was until the doctor told them that Jun had a bad condition of amnesia that he learned Jun doesn’t even know who he was, and what they did. When Jun first called him by Nino instead of Kazu, he was tempted to cry in front of him and tell him to call him by the nickname he liked going by. However, he remained quiet whilst trying his best to help Jun. Nevertheless, he always stuck besides him despite the fact that Jun won’t remember him a few days later and so on.

“J? Can you hear what I said?” He asked the air, hoping that Jun can really hear him. “Well it’s fine if you don’t. I still have you besides me.” He felt like some weight was lifted off of him after finally being able to say what was in his chest; though some weight still remains because he had no confidence to tell Jun. He decided to get out of the bed since he realized that Jun might be home soon. Time was fast when he spent his time on his friend’s bed, but when he was with Jun, time was nothing. Once the bed was fixed, Kazu fixed himself a snack before resuming his piano practice.

As time passed by and the light outside was getting dimmer in their living room, Kazu stopped playing, worried that his friend might have been lost on his way to and from the doctor’s office. He knew he shouldn’t have sent him alone but at the same time he felt like it was right to make him at least independent. Kazu grabbed his phone and speed dialed his friend’s number. It was silent for a few seconds then it started ringing. He put a hand on his hip, waiting for Jun to answer but strangely, the sound of Jun’s ringtone was oddly in the house. Putting down his phone, Kazu walked around, following the sound until finally, he found Jun’s found hidden in his bedside drawer.

“Damn!” Nino cursed, “J must have forgotten it while he was rushing.”

Taking the phone with him, Kazu fixed himself a little bit before heading back outside. He remembered the doctor’s address since he was the one who wrote it down for Jun and headed towards the street leading to it. Maybe Jun might be there still, or might not be. As long as the doctor tells him he had seen him during the day, then he has no choice but to find him in the streets. Making turns and rounds, Kazu can see the street sign but was suddenly stopped by something standing in his way.

“Ugh!” Kazu groaned as he fell to the cold ground. “Ouch...”

“I’m sorry,” a sleepy voice apologized, “I didn’t mean to.”

“It’s ok,” he grumbled, though he was mad since this person was just standing there. Dusting dirt off of his clothes, he was about to stand up when a hand shot out. Kazu accepted it and was helped to his feet. Just as he was about to head towards the street, he was once again stopped by a hand grabbing his arm.

“Nino? Are you looking for Jun-kun?”

“Wha-- Oh-chan?!” Kazu gasped as he turned around and finally saw who it was, “What are you doing here?”

“I live near here,” the man grinned, “But are you looking for Jun-kun?” Kazu nodded his head furiously since maybe, Ohno might have seen him pass by.

“I saw him go inside of that apartment in Aoyama street. I helped him get here because he was lost.”

“So he was lost? Well thanks for escorting him, I’ll go and fetch him now. B--”

“No it’s ok,” the man stopped him again, his hand grabbing his wrist. “I’m sure Jun-kun knows where you live. I promise you that he’ll be home before 10pm.”

“How are you so sure?” Kazu asked him, “I don’t think he’ll find it until tomorrow morning...”

“I’m sure because he circled the street near the cafe about five times so he can pick up the address to your house by then. Can I walk you home?”

Kazu wasn’t so sure. But then again, Ohno had told him many times in the past that Jun was the type to come around the corner since he’s told him so much about his childhood friend. He was glad that he became friends with Ohno a long time ago; though he felt like he was going against Jun ever since he had been spotted through the cafe windows after waking up from the drunk mistake the night before. Taking one more look at Aoyama street, Kazu gave in and finally accepted Ohno’s kind offer.

The walk was very quiet but it didn’t feel awkward at all. He was used to Ohno’s quiet personality since it was very relaxing as if he was the air around them. Taking a few turns and stops, the two of them finally made it to the front of his building. Kazu bowed politely, thanking him for escorting him and for telling him that Jun was fine. He was about to head for the automatic door, when once again Ohno’s hand grabbed his arm and was forced around. it was all too fast that he didn’t realize he was in the other man’s arms until he felt the latter’s arm hold him tightly. Using his best force, Kazu pushed Ohno to the floor, his hands scraping lightly on the floor.

“What’s the matter?” Ohno asked as he got up from the floor. “Don’t you like me too? I’ve seen the smiles on your face when you see me.”

Kazu backed up when the man advanced forward. “T-that’s because I’m happy to see you!” He told him honestly, “I... I don’t have that feeling for you...”

“So you pick Jun-kun in the end,” the man sighed, “You know you can’t have a happy ending with him. He always forgets you and he won’t make you happy because of that. Come to me and I’ll give you a happy ending.”

Kazu shook his head and backed away again when he saw Ohno’s arm shoot out from the corner of his eyes. “I can’t leave him. J is important to me and it doesn’t matter if he can’t remember me as long as he’s by my side. I almost lost him once, and I don’t want to lose him again. I... I’m sorry if I can’t return your feelings... I know how much it hurts too.”

“Ah... I shouldn’t have hugged you on impulse,” Ohno sighed, rubbing the back of his neck as he bowed down apologetically.

“It’s ok,” Kazu told him, “But at least we are on the same boat.”

“See you next week at the supermarket again?”

Kazu bowed. “I will with J.”

He didn’t hear the man bid him goodbye but he heard his footsteps walk away. He felt like they had overcome an obstacle, but Kazu couldn’t bring himself to smile at ease. The words Ohno had told him earlier echoed in the back of his mind also Jun’s words, when he was a kid, if he believed in happy endings. Those words he said were when he was a kid without a clue as to what the adult world would be like. He had already forgotten that but after hearing Ohno’s words, he knew he was right. Jun and I can never be together, he thought, If only the accident hadn’t happened... It’s all my fault... It’s all my fault...

Turning on his heel, he let these words echo in his mind, long enough to torture himself and to tell him that his dreams of being with Jun was nothing but a mere fantasy. He dragged his feet on the way to the elevator, almost pushing rudely past someone but he swayed to the side in time the person was about to scold him. Kazu apologized half-heartedly before heading inside of the elevator and was brought up in just seconds.

He was already in their shared apartment and he found himself standing before Jun’s bed. The latter wasn’t home yet so he slipped himself inside of the bed, imagining that Jun was laying fast asleep besides him. Grabbing imaginary Jun’s hand, he pressed it against his chest and closed his eyes...

TBC