09
The Person Who Once Loved Me"Tell SNU about what unique contributions you can make to our diverse campus," I murmured, reading the application form's essay question. I looked up at Jongin who was perched on top of one of the many clustered cabinets in my father's fishing boat.
"What am I supposed to write?" I asked. College applications were harder than I thought they were.
Jongin hopped off the old oak cabinet, making the boat rock as he walked over to me, shoes skidding across the splintering floor, "I talked about dancing. You can tell them about your extra-curricular activities or something."
I stared up at him who was looking over my shoulder at the cluttered mess of papers. "You're smarter than I thought," I mumbled.
He shot me a look.
"Kidding," I laughed. It had been about a full fifteen hours or so since I "ran away" from home. I refused to go back and so Jongin refused to enter his house also. At about midnight, it became freezing outside so I brought him to my dad's small fishing boat.
I sighed, staring at the paper one last time before shoving it aside and staring up at Jongin, "What do I do about the parent consent form?"
"You can forge," Jongin replied after a moment of thinking.
"Will it work?" I asked.
He gave me a shrug, fiddling with an old, tattered oak compass that was laying on one of the cabinets, "It should."
I wasn't so sure about my decision anymore. I was indeed certain what I wanted to do- but I wasn't sure if it was the right thing. If I couldn't even answer the college application questions correctly, how would I be able to fit in with all of the other smarter kids in Seoul?
"I don't want to make you do something that you don't want to," Jongin replied carefully. He tapped his fingers lightly against the antique chair that I was slumping on, "But you need to make a decision." He must have noticed me starting to tense up because he set the compass down, pulling me in for a hug, "You know what? Let's just not think about it right now."
I nodded and Jongin squeezed my hand.
"Hey," I said, mischieviously, "Do you want to see something?"
Jongin paused before nodding with a smile. I let go of his hand and walked over to pull on a metal latch on the ceiling of the boat where a stout wooden ladder came unfolding down. I started to climb up with Jongin following in pursuit behind me.
The cold air welcomed us as soon as our heads popped up from the ragged roof of the boat. We coudl hear the sound of the waves crashing in the distant shore and water slushing beneath the boat. Small mists of the sea water sprayed gently onto our faces, the smell of the salty ocean wafting into our noses.
It all gave me a peaceful feeling. Opposite of the feeling that Jongin always gave me. Not that Jongin gave me a panicked feeling, but he did give me a rush. A rush of adrenaline and thrill; a passion and the confidence that I could do anything in the world. He made me feel like I was something special, like my existence means something to someone out there.
The feeing scared me, but it was a good kind of scared. The kind of scared that fills your life with action and force. The kind of scared that people live their lives for. Anyway, the only reason that I was scared was because the feeling was all new to me. Anything new to anyone is scary. But again, that good kind of scary.
"Woah," Jongin breathed in awe.
We were on the top of the boat where there was a flat surface wide enough for a couple of people. Jongin closed the wooden door behind him and came up to sit beside me. The black water was moving gently below us as the steady boat gave out a low, humming lullaby. From the view on the roof of the high boat, it seemed as if the shining moon and stars were enhanced and palpable.
An admiring smile adorned Jongin's face, "You can't see the stars in Seoul."
"You can't?" I laid down on the oak roof, letting my feet dangle over the edge of the boat.
He did the same before he replied, "Nope. The pollution ."
"That's weird to imagine- no stars. It's like the sky's there."
Jongin laughed, "It is ."
"Tell me more about Seoul," I said, turning on my side to face Jongin. Our faces were only an inch apart. The darkness of the night and yellow moon illuminated his already-handsome features. Our compatablility was the fact that we were laying on top of a wide surface that could fit multiple people- but chose to lay right next to each other.
"Well," he paused, "There's nothing much to say about Seoul. It's overcrowded, full of people. And there are restaurants on every single corner. It's never dark in the night because of all the night clubs and karaoke rooms that are open until morning. I like it though. The best time to be in Seoul is during the World Cup where everyone crowds City Hall wearing red and we just watch the game together. It's great."
"Woah.." Seoul seemed like a fantasy to me. I heard about it all the time, imagined myself being there, but never got close to it.
Jongin nodded.
"You know... You never really told me," Jongin continued slowly, "What happened to your brother?"
I started with a sigh, "There was a gas leak and my brother happened to be sleeping in the hull while everyone was out on the deck and... They all got out before the boat exploded except for him."
Jongin looked at me with sad eyes, "I never really knew him."
I nodded, "He was my best friend. And after he died, I swear, nothing around my family was the same. My mom and dad went absolutely crazy and blamed each other for his death. And then my dad decided to file for a divorce. My mom refused to do anything around the house and we just put her into a hospital to get her out of the way."
Jongin stared at me, his eyes filled with the same deep emotion and grief that I had felt during the times my life was falling apart. He didn't say a word, but gave me a slight nod before he s his arm around my waist and pulled me close in for a much-needed hug. In all those letters that I sent him, I told him how much I wanted him to be in Busan with me. He didn't even have to say anything, I just wanted him to ensure that there was someone in this world that could make everything better with just his or her presence.
"I was preparing for the worst. I knew that everything would crash sooner or later, but when it actually happened, it was just too much to take," I murmured.
I stared at him, waiting for him to say something. Jongin looked down, his gaze lingering at my lips before his fiery eyes stopped at mine.
"You always have me," Jongin cracked a smile and ran his fingers through my hair before they returned to his place on my waist.
"You have me too," I smiled back.
"I know but..." Jongin looked at me with a slightly opened mouth as if he was going to say something, but then shook his head, "Never mind."
"What is it?" I asked. He seemed troubled. Jongin reached towards the pocket of his dark, worn out skinny jeans, but let out an agitated sigh when there was nothing interesting but dirty gum wrappers and house keys. He was feeling for that lighter of his. I grabbed his hand that was feeling around his pocket and squeezed it.
He moved is hand away quickly.
"It's really nothing. It's just that- I just thought of my brother," Jongin grimaced, as if it pained him to talk about his family. I knew that it did. "And I thought about my mom and her husband, and how much I don't want to go back to Seoul unless you're there with me." He let out a soft chuckle.
I caressed his face, feeling about the surface of his baby soft skin. Gazing into his eyes was something that I could do forever and ever.
"Do you want to run away with me?" Jongin asked, staring into my eyes. "Just get lost in a big town and not go to college and do whatever the hell we want?"
"Yes," my mind couldn't keep up with my heart anymore. Before I could even think about it, that one word slipped out of my mouth. And now, reality was out of the question. It was ironic that I was stressing about going to college in Seoul, but didn't think twice about eloping with a boy that I meet once a year. It was because of that feeling that Jongin intoxicated me with. It was coming up again.
"I'm serious," he uttered.
" I am too."
He searched my eyes as if he was waiting for me to burst out in laughter. "...Really?" Jongin whispered.
I nodded, "Really." And I was serious. Did I want to run away and do whatever I want? Of course. And with Jongin? Of course multiplied by two trllion. If it was actually going to happen successfully was a totally different subject. I guess I stopped obsessing myself over reality after I figured out that stressing about problems wouldn't cause anything to change.
We formulated a plan in the course of two short hours. It wasn't that hard, we laughed and giggled all night like little kids. It was exciting. We couldn't get ourselves to shut up about plans about everything- how we were going to first run away to where we would live after retirement.
I wanted to stay out all night- heck all of my life- with him, but he made me go home at around three in the morning. It was weird, we were switching roles. I remembered when he used to be the one saying unreasonable things and I had to bring him back to reality.
It doesn't matter though, as long as one of us is sane, it's okay.
Either way, we gave ourselves three days to clean up business, and then head off to wherever the bus or our feet led us. Niether of us were really thinking about the risks we were taking, but if we believed that we would survive, then we would.
lol i lied about updating more often sorry :/ but 200 subs whut whuuut thank you! ✌ and would someone lovely give me your feedback on what you think'll happen in the future? i'm just curious. thanks ♡
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