Seoul, South Korea: Present day 12:07 AM



It was indeed 12 am but in Seoul, but innocent kids were still carelessly running around playing tag and screaming on the top of their lungs as their tired mothers distractingly scolded them.

The city lacked intimacy but flashed with culture and diversity. Everything from the people to the buildings were lively. The only thing that seemed to indicate that it was the dead of night was the black color of the sky. Dads were drinking, girls were dancing, moms were grocery shopping, and the teenagers were sneaking out with their friends, now that it was summer break.

Seeing all this I now understood why Jongin was the way he was. He had that lively, bustling city aura to him. He had that certain lackadaisical arrogance that most people seemed to have around here. Not only that, but I understood why he thought of smoking as a routine, like brushing your teeth and eating breakfast. Men, women, teenagers in alleys were smoking.

For some reason, smoke didn't affect me anymore and neither did pollution or small dust particles. After what I call the most dramatic disasterous moment in both my, Baek's and Jongin's lives, I hadn't had an asthma attack yet.

I thanked the Lord for the smart phones as I typed in the address Miss Kwon gave to me secretly.

After the incident, my parents wanted to slowly and painfully kill Jongin. My mom knew that he was in town and I'm not sure why she didn't say anything to my father about him; but when she heard about the boat going up into flames and I into critical condition, her motherly instincts must have kicked in.

No one would have ever known who had started the fire unless my mom started to get people to point fingers at Jongin. She knew that I was with him that night for some reason. I knew Baek didn't tell because he was supposedly by me the whole side.
 

Dad of course went ballistic. His boat. His daughter. Almost both lost the same way he lost his son. By now I was surprised that my parents weren't both dead from the pain of anxiety and stress alone.

I don't know much about what happened after my out, I just pieced together various stories I heard from other people. Truthfully, I was better off not ever knowing.

My phone blinked, stating that it took 20 minutes to walk to the designated address. I was tired already so I grabbed a taxi. Miss Kwon said that from what she knew, Jongin went to Seoul University for only a little while, even though he had already gotten in full ride for four years. However, I lived my life with stubborn faith in him. He promised that we would attend together.

So I was sure that we would. After high school ended, I got my mind and life together and worked to get noticed by SNU. Apparently my small-town background was appealing and refreshing and I got in. It wasn't any day that a girl from Busan came up to Seoul for college. Of course the whole process wasn't that easy but that easy is how I'd like to remember it.

Baekhyun stayed in Busan. He always said that he'd go wherever I went but in the bottom of both of our hearts we both knew that that couldn't happen. The days where he chased me around were gone. He would get by just fine in Busan and even if he isn't book-smart, he's street-smart. I trust that he is clever and charming enough to go wherever he wants to in life.

His mother died the week before I left and we held a funeral the day of my departure. It wasn't the sweetest way to part ways but Baekhyun would be fine. Truthfully, we were all holding our breaths for Baekyun's mother to pass and when it actually happened, even Baekhyun said that he felt like the burden was gone and his mother was finally happy and free. He healthily let out a good cry and then let it go like his mom would have wanted. He was never the type to be sad for long. Besides, he has a girlfriend that he loves now. He said that he had to be strong for her.

And I knew that he would be.

Everything around me was constantly changing and all I could think about constantly was Kim Jongin. I always remembered his little antics and his sweet deep voice and the way he would hold me. And other times I would remember our bitter farewell and then I would remember how idiotic and careless we were. We ran away. We snuck out. Disobeyed our parents. DId whatever we wanted. Lived and loved unrationally. It was childish.

What we had was part of a season that had already passed and I had to let to of it. I had to let go of us. It had already been two years since we lost contact. So many things can happen in even one day. How much could change in two whole years? 

We weren't teenagers anymore and we couldn't ignore reality like we used to.

We treated each other with such care and emotion and affection but in the back of out minds we were both thinking about the fact that we were living parallel lives. No matter how close we got, we could never meet. We were both constantly thinking about going back to the respected places we belonged to, our relationship being a dream.

The only thing I did really know about Jongin was his name and only parts of himself that he wanted to show me.

But a part of me was still a kid, and I didn't want to think like that. I still wanted Jongin, Jongin, Jongin. I wanted to sneak out and run away and grow old with him and love life with the only person I would never grow tired of. 

The taxi arrived at a sky high apartment complex made of shiny glass from top to bottom. It was away from all the nightclubs and restraunts but still in the busier part of the city. I felt my hands getting clammy as I got out of the car and thanked the driver.

The yellow streetlights lit the flower-lined sidewalk. The humid air was sticky and the sound of kids laughing and screaming wasn't absent from this part of the city either. Couples were walking around, young and old. Here, some college students were playing basketball. Over there, adults were talking about their kids and the government and the economy.

Robotic automatic doors whirred open as I got closer to the apartment entrance and I got hit with a blast of cold air conditioner. I felt my hands perspirating as I headed for the elevator.

"Twenty three," I murmured, reading Miss Kwon's scribbles, "Floor twenty three."

"Twenty three?" a voice behind me chuckled.

I turned around to see a man standing behind me. He was carrying a basketball in one hand and a water bottle in the other, and a wet cloth hung around his neck. His dark hair strung in wet, limped sections and stuck onto his moist skin.

"Twenty three," I repeated, nodding. I could have thought of something more intelligent to reply to him with but my mind was currently occupied with the thoughts of potentially being so close to Jongin.

We stared at each other and he gave me a small smile. The man was gorgeous in a mature way that Jongin wasn't.

"Well, get on the elevator, miss twenty three," he smiled, nodding towards the elevator doors now beginning to close.

"Oh," I stuck my foot in and the elevator doors popped opened. I walked in and the man walked in behind me, us being the only two in the lift.

"Um sorry, what floor?" I asked him after pressing 23.

"Twenty three," he chuckled.

"Huh?"

"You already pressed it," the man smiled and pointed at the lit up button. "Twenty three," he repeated.

"Right," I fumbled with the hem of my sweatshirt. I was never good with strangers whether they were friendly or not. Actually, I preferred unfriendly strangers. I don't have to talk to them and feel like a fool after saying something idiotic.

"You wouldn't be looking for me, would you?" he asked, cocking his head.

"Um-"

"Kris. My name is Kris," he stuck out his hand in a boyish way.

"Nice to meet you," I said, shaking his hand. His hand was wet.

"It's not sweaty, just water," Kris said, as if he read my mind. He grinned at me, pointing to his hair and raising his hands.

"Oh," I replied. I tapped my foot, staring at the elevator buttons lighting up.

5

6

7-
 

"You must be looking for Kai then, huh?" Kris asked.

That got my attention.

Kai. That's right, he goes by Kai here.

"Yeah, Jongin. Kim Jongin?" I stared up at Kris hopefully. I felt my heart beat accelerating in my chest. His name was practically shunned from our neighborhood after the incident. Even Miss Kwon didn't want to mention his name. It took all of my courage to ask her for Jongin's address.

"Mhm. We're the only two on the floor," He replied with a shrug, "Are you two friends?"

I stared down at my fidgeting hands, not knowing what to label myself as. More than friends? Were we still Lovers?

Strangers?

"Something like that," I replied. I looked up at the buttons lighting up again and sighed. This elevator ride was excrutiatingly long.

"Probably more than friends seeing that you call him by his real name," Kris figured, "Why are you coming to see him so late?"

"I don't know," I replied truthfully.

Kris talked too much. He stared at me thoughtfully and I tried my hardest to look away.

"He probably isn't even home."

"Huh?"

"Kai. Jongin. Whatever you want to call him. He probably isn't home."

"Why do you say that?" I inquired.

"He has a lot of houses and I don't think he particularly enjoys this one very much," Kris winked at me.

The elevator dinged and the doors opened. Like Kris said, there were only two apartment doors on the whole floor. I figured that the apartments must be awfully big. 

"After you," he said, holding the elevator door open.

I nodded and thanked him before searching my bag for the scrap of paper. Kris watched me and I could hear him smirking.

"The one on the right is Kai's."

"Oh. Thanks," I said, hanging on tightly to my bag with one hand and quickly trying to pet down any fly always or stray hairs. I approached the door and Kris stood by the elevator as the door closed.

I raised my hand against the metal door and I felt myself seriously contemplating whether to knock or not. My heart dropped to the bottom of my stomach and for some reason, I felt discouraged and I let out a whimper.

"Are you okay?" I hear Kris ask behind me.

I was not okay. I did not know what I would do if 'Kai' opened up and he didn't know who I was. Worse- I did not know what I would do if he had a lover or if he grew bitter towards me.

I was scared out of my mind. I turned around and dropped my hand to stare at Kris. He was leaned up against the wall, arms crossed, watching me carefully. His eyes practically bore into mine. He reminded me of Jongin in a sickening way.

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to creep on you," Kris said, eyes growing wide. He held up his hands in a "I surrender" position. He did that a lot. He did that back in the elevator too when he was showing me that his hands weren't sweaty.

I didn't say anything but give him a little smile. I spent two years thinking about Jongin non stop and what was holding me back now?

Kris crooked his head and stared at me sympathetically, lowering his hands."Hey no really, are you okay?" he repeated. I could tell that I probably looked like an emotional mess. Kris looked uncomfortable at the sight of me so distraught so I turned back towards the door. I stared at it, wondering if Jongin was on the other side, watching TV choosing to ignore the knock on his door at such a late hour. What if he was sleeping? In the shower?

"Sorry," I murmured, noticing how I totally ignored Kris. I held my head low and cursed at myself. What was I even doing here chasing after a love long gone?

I could hear Kris' footsteps comig closer to me. He gently pushed me aside and knocked on Kai's door.

Loudly.

"Kai?" he called.

I stared at Kris in absolute horror.

"You wouldn't have done it," Kris shrugged. He pat me on the back, "See you." I couldn't even find the strength to look up, just in case the door opened. What would I say? I bit my lip.

Hi?

Remember me?

Yet I knew that Kris was right. I would have probably thought about knocking over and over again. I would have probably stood out here for hours and then decide to just go home. I wouldn't be able to sleep and I would think of one thousand what-if's and Jongin would infiltrate my mind once again and invade my dreams.

And with that, Kris left me and pulled out a key from under his doormat, opening the door to his house. He bounced the basketball one time and threw the towel somewhere into his house.

"Hey," he called before going inside.

I looked up, still bewildered. My knees were going to go weak.

"Don't worry too much he's not even home."

And with that Kris was gone.

I turned back to the door and raised my ear to Jongin's door. There wasn't any noise.

I wasn't sure if what I felt was relief or anger, but I turned away with my fists clenched.

What was I supposed to do now?

- - 

i know you guys have been waiting for the present and hereeeeeee i present to you the present!
i'm seriously contemplating happy ending vs. angsty ending and i have both written out...
either way i hope you enjoy!