"I'm sorry" was the last sentence that I had said to Jongin that summer. He didn't smile, but just nodded with a straight expression and ran his hand through my knotted hair.

"I promise I'll come back next year," was the last sentence that Jongin had said to me after planting a kiss on my lips. We were both seniors in high school now. It was a crucial time in our lives but I held on to his promise and believed that he would come back. He did, of course.

The long year without him was even longer than the years before combined.

Jongin wasn't really that informed on what was going on in my life so I didn't expect him to comfort me through what had happened in the past ten months. We both changed a lot. I grew out of my awkward stage that year and grew an inch or two. Jongin never went through an awkward stage but he came back to Busan a whole couple of inches taller- his muscles more defined and his tan skin even tanner. His face was growing a little stubble and his voice deeped a whole pitch or two.

It was amazing how much a person could change in a year. Jongin must've felt the same way because he just stared at me when he pulled his sunglasses off of his chisled face.

"Hi pretty," he murmured. Jongin didn't wait for me to respond, but just pulled me into a tight hug, whispering into my hair, "I'm sorry."

"For what?" I mumbled into his shoulder. I caught my breath. I had been forgetting to breathe. I noticed that I did that a lot when I was around Jongin. He was just that breathtaking. I wasn't even sure how to react when Jongin knocked on my door. I wasn't expecting it. I had thought that I would pick him up at the bus again, but this time, he came to me. I forgot to breathe when I saw his face, too. I loved the feeling. The feeling of seeing someone that you love after a long period of being away from each other. It's nice to see the changes, and to see that they're still alive, healthy and well.

It's heartwarming to be reminded that even though Jongin has a life of his own, he still hasn't forgotten me.

"For not writing back to you... And for yelling at you- last year," Jongin chuckled a little at the last part of his sentence. He must've realized how ridiculous that sounded.

He grew up.

I looked into Jongin's never-changing eyes and just his cheek, "It's okay." I said that it was okay now, but when I was going through all the in my life alone the past year, I vowed to myself that I would never forgive Jongin for never writing back. I even called him multiple times to be brought to his voicemail or be answered by a maid.

But now that I was in his presence, and now that he was apologizing with his own voice, I couldn't bring myself to stay angry at him. I had enough of it, anyway. I had to fight hard with my own self to act as if I forgot about Jongin.

"It's not. I heard about you losing your house, the divorce, your mom, and your brother and I couldn't bring myself to write you back. I was just so... busy," Jongin sighed.

Busy?

I nodded, even though it pained me that he was too "busy" to write me back.

I guess I understood, I couldn't expect Jongin to sit at his desk for an hour and write to me like I did. But those letters that I wrote to him weren't full of empty words and running on fake emotions. The letters I wrote him were my escape from reailty and he was my outlet.

So he heard about my parents' divorce after my brother dying in the fishing boat while out at sea. He heard about the house finally going over to the bank. He heard about my dad having to work three jobs and he heard about my mom being admitted to the mental hospital because of the stress and he didn't even write back one word. One sentence. Nothing.

I hadn't really realized all the things that had happened in my life since he was MIA. I hadn't thought about it. Everything was a blur.

Now that I did think about it, Jongin met me at a very strange time in my life.

"It's okay," I said again, my voice a little shaky this time from the tears in my eyes threatening to fall.

I don't think that he knew how much I needed him when he wasn't there.

"I'm here now. You can tell me everything," he whispered, squeezing my shoulders and wiping my tears with his thumb, "I'll always be here."

Those words made me cry even more. He wasn't always there. He had said that last summer and it was just an empty statement. He knew well enough that after high school passed by, our nights together would just become memories.

We wouldn't even remember the fights and sordid moments. We'll scribe onto our hearts only the memories that we want to hold on to. The bad memories will be like a nightmare that was never dreamed.

There was a clap and a rumble in the sky. Jongin and I looked up to see dark, gray clouds rolling in, accompanied by a couple drops of cold rain.

"What's wrong with the weather?" Jongin asked, "It's never like this."

"I don't know," I replied truthfully. I did have to admit that the weather had not recovered from the winter storms. Maybe even the sky was weeping for us. The angels knew that Jongin and I would become history.

"Let's go in," he said, dragging his suitcase and wrapping his arm around me. I looked up at the quickly darkening sky once more before shaking my head and letting Jongin lead me into my house. I knew that it was only Jongin, but I felt embarrassed that I was in such a pitiful situation with financial issues. It seemed as if my white shack of a house ha donly deteriorated with time. Even though my mom went literally insane after the break up, she was the one that kept my small house presentable. I was busy with college applications and dad came home almost never.

"So you basically live alone, now?" Jongin asked, setting his suitcase by the door. He invited himself inside, slipping his shoes off and immediately walking to the pictures on the wall and taking a look at them as if he had never seen them before. A small grew on his face when he saw a picture of my family back when we were an actual family.

"Cute," Jongin commented.

"Thanks," I smiled back, watching his every move as he made his way to the worn-out couch and plopped himself down.

"Listen," Jongin said, shifting on the couch to get comfortable. I sat down on the floor in front of him, looking up into his eyes to show him that I was paying attention.

"Hana!"

A familiar voice eched through the shabby walls of my house. Jongin frowned and looked doutside towards the screen door, as did I. Not that I didn't already know who it was.

Baekhyun stood at the door wearing his usual wide grin on his face. I looked towards Jongin to see his eyes narrow as a ticked off expression shadowed his handsome face. Jongin looked towards me and blinked before straightening his expression and putting on a blank facade.

"Hana," Baekhyun repeated again as if I didn't hear him the first time. Baekhyun moved into Busan about a week after Jongin left last year. He ended up being the same age as me and was a witness to my erratic, unpredictable Junior year. It was just unevitable that we became friends. He ahd hinted to me that he had feelings for me. I hinted back by talking about Jongin 24/7. Nevertheless, the boy persisted.

But no matter how hard he tried, all I could ever love and think about is Jongin.

"Hey Baek," I smiled. Baekhyun's eyes that were resting on Jongin flickered back to me. His eyes were so clear I could practically see my own reflection in his orbs. They were the opposite of Jongin's dark, tempreramental glower. It was silent. Both parties were expecting me to introdue the boys to each other, but speculating from the fact that Baekhyun just interrupted a heartfelt confession-apology from Jongin, I wasn't sure if that was the greatest idea.

"This is Jongin, Baek," I said hesitantly after about five more seconds of debating. Jongin was practically dissecting Baekhyun apart. But unlike Jongin, Baekhyun was a very palpable, happy go lucky type of guy. Everything that he did was pure hearted and everything he was thinking was displayed on his innocent type face.

Baekhyun's soft gaze hovered over to Jongin, "Nice to meet you." He smiled.

"Same," Jongin replied lackadaisically, studying Baekhyun's every move.

There was a silence.

"Did you need something?" I asked Baekhyun.

"Huh? Oh yeah. I mean, no," Baekhyun gave an embarassed grin. His cheeks flushed a soft pink color. Jongin rolled his eyes in distaste. "I just wanted to see you," Baekhyun turned to Jongin, "I hope I didn't interrupt anything."

"You did."

"Jongin," I grunted.

"It's fine," Baekhyun interrupted, "I'll come back some other time. It was nice meeting you... Jongin."

Jongin nodded stoutly.

I mumbled an apology as soon as Baekhyun was out of hearing distance.

"Is that the friend that you made?" Jongin asked, ignoring my apology. He was mad. When he gets mad, the whole entire world knows. There's this scary aura around him that warns everyone.

"So you did read my letters," I stated.

"Don't avoid the question," he snapped.

There was a pause. We were both staring at each other. Jongin was looking down at me in hostility as I was looking up at him, confused at why he was so fractious all of a sudden.

"Yeah, that is the friend I made," I answered eventually, "Is there something wrong?"

"Well I didn't think that your friend would be a male," Jongin played with the already torn fabric of the antique couch.

"Do you not have female friends?"

"Not ones that barge into my house. And I don't live alone."

"He's my friend Jongin," I emphasized the word 'friend' but by the looks of it, Jongin still didn't seem to understand.

"That's how we started out."

"So can I not have friends?"

"I didn't say that," Jongin grit. His previously collected manner shot up into chagrin in a split second. He was practically on the edge of that couch, fists gripped tightly as if he was to throw a punch right there and then.

"Baekhyun just wanted to say hi, what's so wrong about that?" I exclaimed.

"You're so damn stupid, Hana! He likes you and you can't lie to me saying that you didn't already know," Jongin huffed.

My face grew bright red as I felt tears coming, "You don't know that."

"I do. He looks at you the same exact way I do. I don't want you talking to him."

Another silence.

"You're not even there when I'm alone. I had at least Baekhyun but now you're forbidding me from seeing him?"

Bang.

I knew that I hit a sensitive sopt. Jongin's jaw slightly dropped before he shook his head and got up from the couch. "I shouldn't have come back," he mumbled as he grabbed his bag and reached for my screen door. He moved slowly.

Jongin wanted me to hold him back as much as I wnated him to walk back and give me kisses like he used to.

But me, Jongin, and our relationship couldn't keep up with each other. I don't think both of us could get to the fact that we're both changing into different people. Just as if you see someone everyday, you can't see the changes daily. But if you're away from them for a year, they could seem like a totally different person. As for Jongin and I, our relationship was barely keeping up with our changing selves.

He was right. I guess that I barely knew him.

omg i have like no time to update :/ 3 ap classes, cross country team, crew (rowing) and volunteering twice a week... yay to anti-social life -___-
anyway thanks for reading and commenting and subscribing! i will update more often ♡