Dinner wasn't awkward.

Nothing can be awkward when Byun Baekhyun is around. He was one of those people that filled the silence and gave life to awkward pauses and clacking of silverware. He couldn't stand quiet and it was evident in his actions and words and the way he carried himself.

He would make a conversation out of the smallest thing, the scar on my dad's left hand, my mom's shabby teacup collection. It didn't matter what Byun Baekhyun talked about, he just had to constantly be talking.

I was somewhat- no, very- jealous of this attribute of his. I wasn't introvert, but I rarely went out of my way to make a conversation with someone when it wasn't necessary.

What can I say, Baekhyun's friends with everyone.

It was quite reasonable to say that my parents both were very fond with Baekhyun. Anyone could see that by the way they smiled dazzling smiles towards every action he did, every word that popped out of his mouth.

"How's your mother, Baekhyun?"

I hadn't said one word this dinner, just nodded when the time was appropriate and put in my two-cents worth of "yeah"s and "I agree"s.

"The doctors said that she'd soon be blind by Novemberish... but I'm just hoping for the best."

There was a brief silence. I looked up, confused. I didn't know what was going on. My dad was shifting uncomfortably in his seat and pensively chewing away at his food and my mom had her hand on Baekhyun's, rubbing it sympathetically.

"Well, we're here for you Baekhyun."

"Thank you, Mrs. Lee," Baekhyun replied brightly. He glanced over at me, his gaze shifting to my food. "You've barely touched anything, Hana."

I looked down at my plate. "I'm just not that hungry tonight," I replied with a small smile.

"Here," Baekhyun grabbed his fork and reached over, taking all of my broccoli and heaving it onto his plate. "Better? I know you hate broccoli."

"He's a charmer," my dad grinned.

I stared at Baekhyun who was happily eating away at the broccoli I detested so much.

And for a second, he didn't look as bad as before.

After dinner, I was washing the dishes with my mother. Baekhyun had left already after a game of chess and dad was in his work room constructing a miniature ship model made out of small wood pieces. My dad would spend all the extra time he had on his hands at home working on ship models.

I would think that he would want to detach himself from everything about the sea when he was on home, but everything in his life seemed to revolve around the ocean. Although it had become a job, a chore even, he still had his roots of dreaming about sailing the open waters.

I guess that's what passion is.

Washing the dishes was always the same. My mom would wash the dishes with soap and hand them to me who would rinse and dry.

Doing dishes was never particularly exciting but today, we were both especially quiet.

"Hey, mom?" I asked.

"Hm," she hummed back, handing me a cup with her gloved hand.

"What's going on in Baekhyun's family?" I asked. I pretended not to be so interested but I would be lying if I said that I wasn't. It didn't hurt to ask. Besides, he was my best friend before he became my... admirer.

"His mom's sick with a virus and the doctors aren't really sure what's going on. She gets really bad panic attacks so Baekhyun can't stay home for most of the day because her doctor is the only one that could be near her. You know... just in case anything happens."

"Oh," I said silently. I was still holding the same cup as before and realized the pile of washed dishes that I still had to rinse off. I had been too busy thinking.

"Is that why," I started.

"Yeah," mom interrupted, adding another dish to the soapy pile, "That's why he's always over."

"I didn't know that," I muttered under my breath. I immediately felt guilty. It isn't home sweet home to everyone and I was frankly too engrossed in my own troubles- forgetting that others were going through pain as well. I had to admit that Baekhyun was good at hiding his emotions unlike I was. It made me feel dirty and egocentric.

It made me wonder if Baekhyun was good at acting like he was happy because he was used to doing it so much.

False facades have expiration dates. Besides, even happy people aren't always happy. Sadness is a sickness and everyone gets sick.

Perhaps he brainwashed himself into making himself think that he's happy.

Who knows, maybe at two in the morning, he sat on his bed weeping and cursing at why his life is so terrible. That's what really matters. Not the fake exuberance he drew on his face with a smile.

"Well obviously," my mom snorted, "You didn't ask."

"You didn't tell me," I retorted.  My hands reached for another soapy dish to rinse off.

"Would you have cared?"

"Yes!" I exclaimed, "He's my friend. Of course I would have cared. If I had known I would've treated him better."

Mom reached over my side of the sink to wash off her hands and then wiped them on her apron, leaving dark splotches of water marks. "That's why he didn't want you to know, Hana. He wants you to treat him well because you like him for a person, not because his mom's sick or because you feel pitiful towards him."

That was enough to shut me up.

And with that, my mom left me to do the rinsing.

But by now the bubbles on the surface of the white dishes had already evaporated. 

It was at times like this that I realized that no matter how impractical my mother can be, she was wise beyond her years. And that fact pissed me off. For some reason, I couldn't stand the fact that she had the power to impact me and make me think.

I hated the fact that people had the power to make me feel like a grain of sand.

The next day, Baekhyun was at my house again. I recalled what my mother said and tried not to treat him any differently, but it was hard.

I didn't notice it before my mother told me, but Baekhyun's smile didn't look so bright as I thought it was.

His eyes were twinkling, but they twinkled with sadness. I never looked at him straight in the face and had always just passed him by. I never noticed and it made me feel remorseful because Baekhyun would always know whenever something was wrong with me.

"Have you eaten breakfast yet?" I asked Baekhyun.

He was sitting on the couch reading a book. One of my dad's books about ancient sea creatures, to be specific.

"Not yet, I kind of wanted to eat with you," he smiled.

"Really?"

"Really." Baekhyun set the book down on the coffee table.

"Then let's go to the diner," I said. I played with the hem of my blouse. I felt bad. I wouldn't have offered if I didn't know what I knew now.

Baekhyun's face lit up and he practically jumped to feet. "Seriously?" his smile widened.

"Yeah, I'm ready to go now if you are."

"Great," he slapped his hands on his knees and stood up. I started walking towards the front door before notifying my mother that we were going out. Mom stuck her head out of the kitchen and gave me an odd look. I turned away before she could silently scold me with her eyes.

The walk to the diner was full of chatter. Of course, it was Baekhyun. Quiet obviously made him uncomfortable.

"What are you going to get?" he asked once we walked in. There were two restraunts in the town. One was on the hill overlooking the docks in one of the white lighthouses. It sounded pretty amazing but the only reason that people even went was because it was the only nice "sit-down" restraunt we had in town. The interior design was alright. The food was alright. The scenery was alright. It might've been exciting to someone that didn't spend their whole life staring at the same water and dock for their whole life but it sure didn't look great to me.

And the second restraunt was this diner. It isn't much of a restraunt but more of a... well, diner. But unlike the lighthouse restraunt, the diner boasted about its good food and 50 years or so of experience. It sold practically everything.

I scanned the 50's style diner looking for a booth to sit when my eyes passed over someone staring at me intently.

"Jongin," a whisper left my lips. I could see Jongin at one of the tables with his eyebrows raised, twirling a fork in his hand, sitting across from his aunt looking as handsome as ever. There was a small smirk on his face.

Maybe it was too obvious that I pitied Baekhyun.

"What?" Baekhyun asked. His eyes followed my gaze to meet Jongin's orbs.

"Oh." Baekhyun narrowed his eyes.

Jongin lifted a hand to wave. Baekhyun mirrored his movements.

"Let's sit over there," I pointed at the booth furthest away from where Jongin and his aunt were sitting. I would feel terrible if Baekhyun would have to be forced to be the third wheel along with Miss Kwon.

"Sure," he agreed and grabbed my hand, gently pulling me towards the booth I had pointed at.

"Baekhyun what are you doing?" my words came out slurred and quick- panicked.

"What?"

I pulled my hand out of his grasp, "You know what."

"Oh. Sorry. I keep forgetting that you're not mine," he laughed bitterly. We sat down on opposite sides of the table and I ordered what we usually got at the diner. Baekhyun usually got pancakes for breakfast but today he got clam chowder.

I don't know why that striked me so odd.

Baekhyun began to start babbling about something again. I let my eyes drift over to where Jongin was glaring at his eggs. He must've noticed my sorry gaze burning a whole in his head because he looked up. Then he rolled his eyes and went back to glaring at his eggs.

I wanted to run over to him and explain what was going on and why I was out with Baekhyun but I couldn't just leave the table and interrupt Jongin and his aunt's breakfast.

But then I thought to myself a little more, blocking Baekhyun's voice out. And then I realized that I didn't understand why I had to apologize to Jongin.

I didn't have to.

I wasn't the one who grabbed Baekhyun's hand and I even rejected him.

He had no right to be mad.

And suddenly, I felt frustrated. Jongin should've understood. I looked over to him once again to see him getting up with his aunt. Jongin didn't even look at me once, an angry expression masking his handsome face.

He knew that Baekhyun and I were just friends. Jongin was so hot-headed.

"Hana?"

"Huh?" I turned back to Baekhyun who was smiling.

"You're out of it. Not enough sleep last night?" he chuckled.

"Oh," I let out a small smile, watching Jongin walking away through the window, the anger practically radiating off of him.

"Yeah. Not enough sleep."