"Are you okay?" Jongin asked, looking down at me in worry.

I nodded in response. This morning had been painfully awkward. My father and brother had left again for the sea and my mom didn't even wake up in time to see them off. When my mom finally did wake up, she was cranky, telling me that I painfully reminded her of my father. I loved my mom, I really did. But sometimes, her anger would get to her and her bitter side would come out. In the past years I lived with her, I learned that she has to heal on her own. I'd usually leave the house and sit on the beach for hours alone, but now I had Jongin.

I smiled and nodded, "Of course. I'm just a little tired."

"You. Tired?" he responded, "You don't get tired." I couldn't feed Jongin lies, he knew me too well. But the fact that I was tired wasn't a lie. I wasn't physically tired, but I was emotionally drained. My mind was tired.

"I'm human, how can I not get tired?" I laughed dully.

"No, really," Jongin said.  He scoot closer to me and wrapped his arm around my shoulder. We were sitting on the beach together- I had finally taken him to my favorite place in town. It was indeed summer but surprisingly, the clouds came rolling in this morning along with the chilly breeze. It was only 1 in the afternoon but the sky looked as if it was midnight. The weather left me with much to think about. It deepened my already desolate mood and got me worried about my brother and father who had taken the boat out early in the morning.

"I have something to tell you, pretty," Jongin mumbled into my hair.

"What is it?" I asked.

"I was going to tell you earlier but I forgot about it," he started. Jongin reached deep into his pockets and took out a lighter and cigarette. Oh. It was probably a touchy topic. Jongin lit his cigarette and took a puff as I watched the smoke being dispensed into the already gray air.

He continued to speak after a couple of smoky puffs to calm him down. Meanwhile, I held in my breath. 

"I have a new stepdad," Jongin finally said. I looked up at him, a curious look on my face. Something like this wasn't something that you just forget to tell someone. I approached the discussion with caution.

"How is he?" I asked slowly.

"I like him a lot," Jongin said to my surprise. But on contradiction, darkness clouded his eyes as he let go of my shoulders and took another puff. Jongin shut his eyes and let the smoke and chemicals go through his body, fogging his mind and putting him to peace once again before he opened his mouth to speak, "The first day he came... I didn't like him. But the more I get to know him, the more I like him. He said that we would go hiking together sometime and boat in the Han River. And he really loves my mom and he's pretty cool with my dad too- My original dad I mean." Jongin took another puff. "I almost contemplated not coming this year because of all the stuff that Sungtae said that we would do together."

"Sungtae?" I asked.

"Yeah, stepdad," Jongin murmured.

I smiled and nodded, "He seems like a good man. I'm happy for you." But on the inside, I sighed a last time before resting my head on Jongin's broad shoulder. I didn't want to think about the fact that he has a life outside of our summers together. I wanted him to come every year no matter what. I wanted to believe that Jongin wasn't hoarded with girls at school that were in love with him like I was. But how could I even say that? Out of twelve months, Jongin and I spend two with each other. For all I know, Jongin can have a girlfriend back in Seoul and I would know absolutely nothing about her.

"How about your dad? Did he leave this morning?" Jongin asked.

"Uh huh. With my brother," I replied.

"And your house?" Jongin asked, lingering his words.

"It's going to be the bank's soon. We got the foreclosure mail again but my dad threw it away before he left. It's like he's trying to run away from reality. He doesn't want to believe that he works so hard and allowed my brother drop school to work for nothing. But no matter how many times he rips up that paper with the foreclosure stamp on it, it can't change the fact that we haven't paid our rent for three years now."

"I'm sorry," was all that Jongin could say. I don't know if it was because of the gloomy weather, but I felt bitter towards Jongin. He didn't know what it felt like to be in financial issues. He just buys whatever he wants without thinking twice about the price. I looked down at my diamond studded watch that Jongin and gifted me. I wasn't sure if it was studded with real diamonds but the watch looked awfully expensive. He had ripped off the price tag before giving it to me. He didn't want me to worry. He knew that I would.

"I wish I could help," Jongin added. That was the thing. He couldn't help. No one could help.

I shook my head, "You don't have to."

"What are you going to do about college?" Jongin asked. I looked up to see him looking down curiously at me. I looked back out to the sea, the dark waves crashing loudly and violently into the deep, mysterious ocean. The clouds appeared to be thick wisps of smoke similar to the result of Jongin's cigarette puffs. I wonder if the clouds looked the same from where Youngwoon and dad were.

"I don't know."

"Aren't you smart? Eemo always tells me how hard you work during school and how you always get awards and stuff," he said.

"It's a small school in a small town. I'm the only one that takes the schooling seriously," I replied, "And my family has barely enough money for a house, how am I supposed to spend thousands on something that I don't need?"

"You know that being too selfless isn't a good thing, right? What do you want to do?" Jongin murmured, playing with my hair. I moved my hair away from his grasp.

I sighed, giving in, "You know I want to go to college but my family doesn't have that kind of money. I'm going against people from Seoul who've studied all their lives and invested hundreds of thousands of dollars into schooling. How am I supposed to compete with them?"

"Don't think like that," he furrowed his eyebrows, "I think you can do better than all of them."

"But the reality is that I can't," I cut him off. I knew I was being a downer but I didn't want to burden my parents with more troubles than we already had.

Jongin gave me a look before he pulled me into his arms, rocking me back and forth, "Or you can just move up to Seoul with me."

"We're just teenagers," I muttered.

"I know, but later when we're older. We'll both go to Seoul University. You're wasting your whole life if you stay trapped in this small town. Think of all the amazing people that you have yet meet, all of the places that there are to go. Doesn't it make you wonder what kind of things you'll do when you grow up?" There was a twinkle in Jongin's eyes as he talked, warmth and passion coating his voice. "You have potential to be so much more than you think, Hana. You don't have to stay in this town your whole life and do what everyone tells you to do."

I stared up at him curiously. I never thought of my life like that. I thought that I was more of a "go with the flow" kind of person. But the way Jongin worded his phrases made me think. What if I don't want to stay in a small town on the outskirts of Busan for the rest of my life. What if I do want to do more things in life than marry who my parents tell me to marry and quit my education after high school? To me, it sounded crazy. My whole life had been planned out for me by my parents. By what my society and community wanted me to do. And I was surprised that I had just realized it.

"What do you want to do?" Jongin asked me again, looking at me mischievously.

Good question. In truth, I wanted to do everything. I wanted to work with kids, help people that I didn't know, travel the world, take pictures, meet new faces, and just live life as blessings are thrown at me. It sounded like an unstable and ambiguous future, but with Jongin, maybe, just maybe, I could do everything that I wanted to.

"A lot," I replied.

"Then do it," Jongin said as if it was just as simple as those three words, "Your future is rotting in this small town. Do you want to die here?"

I stared at him. No, I answered in my head.

"I didn't think so," Jongin replied before I could say anything. I stared up at his gorgeous face, giving him a small smile before sinking into his embrace, closing my eyes and letting the breeze circulate through my body. If only everything was as simple as Jongin put it to be.

"Hana! Hana!"

Jongin and I both looked up to see one of my mom's friends calling me over from the edge of the hill. I sighed, getting up, and walked over to her, hand in hand with Jongin.

"Your mother is looking for you," she huffed as soon as we were in hearing distance.

"Are you the messenger?" I joked, chuckling. Jongin stabbed me in the stomach and I looked up to see the lady glaring at me.

"I'm serious."

My smile disappeared from my face and I nodded.

"Do you want me to come with you?" Jongin asked.

I looked up at my mom's friend who was giving Jongin a death glare, "I think it's best if you go home, son." Jongin glanced at me curiously before nodding.

"I guess I'll go then," Jongin said, squeezing my hand and winking before walking off. The thirty second walk home was as awkward as awkward could get. My mom's friend just kept blabbing on about how upset my mother was right now and how much trouble I would be when I got home. Why would I be in trouble? I wasn't really sure. All I did was give my mom time to cool down.

But as soon as I shut the screen door, my mom whipped around, grabbing me by the sleeve. Her eyes were bloodshot. She had obviously been crying.

"Where were you?" she screamed. I winced. My mother looked as insane as insane could get. I wasn't sure what came over her, but her hair was disheveled and her eyes were wide with panic and frustration. I looked around to see where my mom's friend went but I couldn't see her anywhere. Maybe she had gotten scared and left. Maybe this was a trap. Even if this was my own mother, I had never seen her in the state that she was in now.

"I was at the beach," I mumbled a reply, trying to ease out of her death grip. But her fingertips grew red as she grasped my wrist even harder.

"With Jongin, weren't you?"

"Yeah," I answered her. My mom let out something between a scoff and a laugh. I wasn't sure why she was laughing but it didn't seem like her mind was stable right now.

"You were with him last night, weren't you?" mom demanded, her voice rising significantly.

I looked down, a bunch of thoughts going through my head. She wouldn't kill Jongin, would she? I nodded.

"Don't you dare see him again," she spat. My mother's actions infuriated me. She disappointed me. I hadn't done anything wrong to deserve this treatment and I was just standing here, helpless yet innocent as ever, with a teary glaze in my eye that was threatening to fall. I didn't understand why my mother was taking her anger out on me.

"Why?" I dared to ask, "Why are you acting like this?"

I was terrified of my mom. I was scared to stay in the same house as her and I was scared that her mental condition would only deteriorate from here. I was scared that the only person that I had to depend on was to leave in a month and leave me alone for another ten. And I was scared because I knew that tomorrow, it would be as if nothing happened. My mother's smile would return on her face and her eyes would twinkle as she spoke to me lovingly. I think that's what scared me the most.

"I'm just trying to protect you," my mom's words rolled off of her tongue like butter. I stared up at her, appalled as she brought me close into a hug. Her breakdown ended quicker than I speculated. My warm body was in contact with her frighteningly cold one.

"I have lived twenty five years longer than you," she purred into my ear, "Just trust me. You'll be safer not knowing him."

I stood still and quiet, not knowing how to respond except for the hot tears running down my face. I knew myself that nothing could make me voluntarily separate from Jongin. The one and only friend and person that I truly loved in the world was someone that I had to stay away from? I guess life was never fair.

"It's because I love you."

No, those words are definitely what scares me the most.

More tears fell down my cheek as I shook in her arms. My mom took her cold fingers and swept them across my forehead, moving my bangs out of my eyes. I was crying not because I was sad about leaving Jongin, but more because I was terribly petrified of my mom's words. Why didn't she want me around Jongin? I knew him oh so well, but I didn't at the same time. In all truth, I had only seen him four months out of all the teenage years I had lived.

Mom let go of me as she wiped my tears and then wiped hers, "Clean up now, dinner's in thirty minutes.

Oh, someone save me.

everyone just flatters me so much ;__; thanks for reading!