₃₅ The Truth Comes out

“I really want to get Donghae something.” I frowned while I walked around the mall with KyuHyun and Heechul. Our relationship bloomed so beautifully, and I knew that Donghae deserved so much more than what I am able to give him. I looked through everything and nothing seemed good enough for him.

            KyuHyun smirked, “Why don’t you get him an engagement ring?” he glanced at the jewelry store and then winked at me.

            Heechul stared at him with wide eyes, “You can’t be serious?” His jaw dropped and he stared at me, “It’s way too soon for that!-”

            I laughed, and cut him off when I spoke, “Yah! Relax, I know that its way too soon for a proposal…” Though I would really love to propose to my baby Hae he’d make the perfect husband. I smiled by the thought and shrugged, “I want something meaningful, but maybe not that meaningful yet.” I teased KyuHyun and he only smirked in response.

            “Get him a puppy.” Heechul mumbled as he stared at the small dog pound inside the mall. “It’d be perfect! It’s something you can both own, share and love while your relationship blooms more and more.” He smiled proudly at himself.

            My jaw dropped, “THANK YOU!!!” I tackled him with a hug and he only laughed and embraced me tightly. “This is the perfect graduation present!” I ran into the pound and smiled when I saw the cutest puppy I’ve ever laid eyes on; she was a german sheperd.

            Graduation came by sooner than I had expected. I was talking to Heechul and KyuHyun about any future plans we can make before we separate (temporarily, of course) when my baby Hae approached us and embraced me sweetly. I smiled happily and hugged him tightly, “Sorry…am I interrupting?” I pecked his head and held him tighter before I whispered, “Of course not” I pecked his lips and he smiled sweetly. He nearly glowed in his sapphire blue cap and gown, and I really loved how adorable he looked.

            Heechul and Kyuhyun mumbled a goodbye and walk off. I knew they weren’t mad, but they seemed a little frustrated. I’d make it up  to them eventually.

          “I have to tell you something Hyukkie…” He sounded hesitant and his smile didn’t reach his eyes like it normally did. I didn’t even think something could be wrong since I was so excited to show him my surprise.  I scooped him up into my arms and carried him towards my car.

            “I have a surprise for you.” I announced excitedly and Donghae pouted gently when I set him down.

          “A…surprise?” he sounded shocked.

          I nodded and we made our way into my car, so I could take him to my house and show him our puppy. I had to bite my tongue or else I would accidentally blurt it out. “Hyukkie….I have to tell you something first,” He said softly.

          “Hae tell me later! I want us to have dinner together and then…” I linked our hands together, “give you your surprise. You’re gonna love it!” I grinned happily.

          He chewed on his lower lip before he nodded, “Kay…I’ll tell you later then…where are we going to eat?” He smiled sweetly, but I only started the car and winked at him. I knew he was going to love where I planned to take him.

          “You’ll see” I drove off and smiled to myself when I parked in the restaurant where Donghae works. Donghae instantly giggled when he saw where I took him to eat.

          “You brought me to the seafood restaurant I work at!” He grinned and I only smiled as climbed out of my car. We took off our gowns and tossed them to the back seat. I quickly latched my hand to Donghae’s and smiled sweetly at him.

          “Well don’t you love seafood?” I asked with a sweet smile and he only grinned and nodded in response. We made our way inside, and as much as I hate admitting it, I can’t stop fantasizing about Donghae. I know it’s normal since we’re in a relationship and we really love each other, but I can’t help but feel somewhat dirty when I think about him in that way. He always had a sweet, innocent smile on his face, and I wanted to slap myself every time our kisses became too heavy and my thoughts would go straight to the gutter. I tried to ignore that feeling as we ate because damn did he look adorable when he happily chewed on his sea food.

            Once we were finally at my place, I dragged him up to my room because I was anxious to show him our puppy. Donghae sat on my bed, “okay! I’m ready!!!” He smiled happily, and he even seemed just as excited as I was to see what his surprise was. He tapped his feet on the ground and stared at me.

          I sat beside him and grinned, “Excited?” I teased and he nodded eagerly. I leaned closer to him and whispered. “Do you love me?” I knew he did, I could feel it, but I wanted to hear it once again. He stared at me and smiled widely before he nodded confidently. “How much?”

          “A lot!” He grinned and leaned closer to me. “It’s hard to really explain Hyukkie” I grinned, satisfied, and pecked his sweet lips gently. I wrapped my arms around his waist and pulled him onto my lap. “Well…you know I love you and I wanted something that we could both have…and share” I grinned, but he only looked even more confused.

“Hyukkie please, just tell me the surprise! The suspense is killing me!” He wailed childishly, and almost kicked his feet around. I couldn’t help but laugh. Aw my baby is so damn adorable.

          “You’re so cute” I pecked his forehead then whispered. “ok…ready?” I grinned. I loved to , but he didn’t seem to get it because he nodded quickly.

          “You sure?” I teased and then he pouted. Aish, I give in! He wins with the simple move, but then I figured I could get a kiss out of this. I almost smirked mischievously.

          ‘YES!” He started shaking his shoulders around and I laughed. “Not funny!” He pouted and I don’t know how I didn’t attack his lips right then.

          “I think you should convince me.” I laughed when he kissed me quickly. “That’s it?” I teased, and he groaned, wrapped his arms around me and kissed me softly. I became lost in his sweet lips, and our kiss slowly deepened further.  

          I wrapped an arm around him and pulled him as close as I could manage while my other hand pressed on his thigh. I was so lost in the kiss that I didn’t realize when Donghae pushed against me and whimpered, “N-No…wait H-Hyukkie.” Donghae pushed me a bit and I suddenly felt the need to breathe, so I quickly pulled away. We breathed heavily ad I smiled a bit and said, “Sorry” before I pecked his cute head.

          He smiled sweetly, “I’m dying of suspense! Just tell me please.” SungMin poked his head into the door and I stole a glance.

          “Ok.” I said simply and SungMin nudged the puppy into the room and I smiled when Donghae noticed her; the puppy wagged her tail happily when she was beside our legs. He looked at her and his eyes widened before he slowly picked her up and set her on his lap. The puppy Donghae’s fingers and wagged her tail happily while Donghae held her. “He’s sooo cute!!!!” He scooped her up in his arms and held her happily. I smiled happily. I felt so relieved that Donghae liked his surprise!

          “Uhm…it’s a girl,” I chuckled, “But I’m glad you like her” I smiled happily while I watched my baby’s face in complete admiration.

          He grinned, “She’s perfect” he whispered but then frowned, “Does she have a name?”

          “No…I wanted you to name her.” Plus I with names. I really had no clue what kind of name to give her.

          “But if she’s OURS should we both name her.” He grinned. Well, he has a valid point. I smiled and nodded.

          “Well we’ll think of a name later, I really don’t feel like thinking” I wrapped my arms around him and pecked him softly. “So anyway, what school are you going to? You have options, I assume,” I don’t know why but I was so sure Donghae would go somewhere close by so we would be able to meet as frequently as possible.

 “I do have options…” he spoke softly. “But not the kind that I want” He chewed on his lower lip and avoided my eyes. I felt my heart sink; I knew something was wrong by the way he looked. I ran my fingers down his arms and he looked up into my eyes and whispered something that made me feel like a part of me died. “I think…I’m going to a school that’s about three hours away.”

          I was completely shocked. I never expected this. “Three….three hours?”

          “Yea…”

          SungMin walked into the room and waved happily at Donghae before his eyes stared at the puppy, “Don’t you just love her?” He grinned happily but then frowned when he noticed something was wrong. “What’s with the sad faces?” He took the puppy from Donghae’s hand and petted her gently.

          Donghae rested his head on my shoulder and pecked my neck sweetly. I tried to keep my mind clean, “Hyukkie we wont get separated, ok? If you want…I wont go to the school and there.” He nodded. I didn’t want him to make sacrifices for me. I don’t want to get in the way of his future goals. I frowned and shook my head, “You have to go…” I whispered and wrapped my arms around him.

          “Do not! I can always go to school after you’re done.” He smiled widely and I only stared at him.

          “But DongHae, I don’t want you to be behind because of me.”

          He stood up and took the puppy and my hand, “I think we should talk about this outside” He pulled me up from the bed and we walked out of my house. “Don’t you think I’ve waited for you long enough,” he pouted, “Hyukkie I don’t want us to separate.” He stared at me with sad eyes and I really didn’t know how I could refuse his suggestion. I would work extra hard to be able to support us while he goes to school. We walked into the woods slowly.

          “I know baby.” I frowned and pecked his lips, “Are you sure?”

          He nodded with a sweet grin, “Positive!” He stared at our puppy and smiled happily, “You know…I think I should make us a graduation cake!” He beamed and I smiled with him.

          “Can it be strawberry?” I asked as cutely as I could manage and Donghae nodded and smiled widely, “Thanks baby” I pecked his head, wrapped my arms around him and said in a happy tone, “You’re the best.” What would I ever do without you, baby Hae.

            We walked around the woods for a bit longer, and Donghae didn’t set our baby down at all for fear that she would get attacked by bugs. We smiled happily at each other as we made our way back towards Donghae’s house. For some odd reason, our puppy started barking (in a very cute fashion, I should add).

            “Hi Donghae.” His uncle approached us and I felt suddenly ashamed of myself for being so rude to him when we first met. Sure, he still gave me a bad feeling, but now that I’m with Donghae I felt forced to be polite to everyone in his family.

            “H-Hi…Uncle HyunBin…”

          I smiled at him and waved lightly, “Hi, Sir, I’m Hyukjae…we haven’t properly met.” I say as sweetly as I could manage, and I even gave him a charming smile.

          “Nice to meet you.” He mumbled then looked back at Donghae, “Heard you graduated today…congrats. I think we should celebrate.” Donghae didn’t seem too happy with his suggestion and I knew that there was something wrong. I could feel it. It’s weird, but I tried to ignore it. What could possibly be wrong? Maybe Donghae just doesn’t feel like being around his uncle today…

          Our puppy barked, and barked, so I reached out for her, “Hey,” I petted her gently while she growled at Donghae’s uncle, “relax sweetie, it’s only Hae’s uncle.” I said sweetly and Donghae nudged me towards his house.

          “We need to talk Donghae.” His uncle told him, and Donghae didn’t respond. Should I leave?

          “Well we’ll wait inside your house then.” I tried to be polite, so I grabbed our puppy and then stared at Donghae. His face told me a million things at once, but I wasnt sure as to what was going on with him, so I preferred not to assume instead. I frowned, “What’s wrong?” In his eyes, I saw fear…but that can’t be right… I tried not to think about it, but my heart didn’t want to let it go; it pounded nervously inside my chest.

          “We can talk some other time…Uncle…” Donghae grabbed me and dragged me towards his house. “BYE UNCLE!” He said before he slammed the door shut. He breathed deeply and I stared at him.

          “DongHae that was rude.” I frowned and then inspected his face. The fear was still there, “Baby…what’s wrong?” I leaned closer to his face, cupped his cheeks and felt tempted to kiss his lips.

         He took a deep breath before he looked me in my eyes, “Hyukkie…I have to tell you something…and I don’t know how you’re going to take it…” He gulped and he breathed deeply. I felt scared, and somehow I knew that whatever he had to tell me…would break my heart. I could feel it by the way he trembled.

          “Just tell Donghae…you’re scaring me.”

          “Come on” He took my hand. “I should show you my sketchbook,” He took me up to his room, released our puppy on the ground and then closed the door. He grabbed his sketchbook from a drawer, sat on his bed and set the book down on his lap. I sat beside him and felt really confused. I didn’t know why I felt so afraid to hear what he had to tell me.  

          “I’m afraid that you wont see me the same way anymore Hyukkie” He spoke softly. He stared into my eyes and took a deep breath. “But you have the right to know…” his voice trailed off. My heart beat accelerated and I felt myself shaking as I stared into his eyes. I was worried, but I forced a small smile. There was no way I could ever stop loving Donghae, no matter what he had to say.

          “My feelings for you will never change” I said sweetly then pecked his lips to urge him to go on.

          “Just tell me” I encouraged and  then pecked his cheek. “please” I pleaded in a whisper and Donghae nodded.

          “I’m not sure how to begin….” He chewed on his lower lip nervously and the action only made me even more nervous than before. “Where do I begin?” He whispered softly and looked like he was ready to cry as he stared at his sketchbook. “I was too afraid to go inside this room when I was little….for the fear that I would have to endure another loveless night.” He spoke softly, and I forced myself to be strong, for him.

“DongHae…I don’t…” I don’t understand. I shook my head slowly in confusion, but Donghae only smiled sadly at me. My heart clenched from the sight, and I became uneasy as he handed me his sketchbook with trembling hands. I took it but remained confused.

          “Read the last passage” He whispered, and I quickly complied and flipped to the very last page. I stared at it, my eyes scanned through the words written on there, but what caught my eyes  the most were lyrics inked in blue. My heart beat increased as I read them in my head. 

2am

Where do I begin?

Crying off my face again

The silent sound of loneliness

Wants to follow me to bed

I’m a ghost of a boy that I want to be most

I’m the shell of a boy that I used to know well

          “DONGHAE!!!!” His uncle yelled from outside, and I noticed how scared Donghae looked. He panicked and stared at me but then closed his eyes before he spoke, “I’ll just say it…when I was nine…in this room…I-” Tears welled into his eyes, and I felt myself on  the verge of crying as well. I didn’t want to believe it, but somehow I knew what he tried to say to me.

          “DONGHAE!!!!” His uncle screamed once more from outside.

          Donghae stared into my eyes and trembled in fear, so I placed my hands on his arms and nodded slowly. “Go on” I whispered. I didn’t want my own voice to fail me.

          He sniffled and then looked at me with teary eyes, “I was ,” it was a barely audible whisper, but the three words burned into my heart and I was completely frozen. No. No. Not my baby Donghae. How could something so awful happen to my innocent angel? My eyes widened and I tried to say something to him, anything to console him, but I wasn’t sure what to say to him.

          Tears fell from my baby’s eyes and he grabbed his sketchbook and placed it in front of me so I could read the passage. I stared at it, and tears escaped from my eyes as I scanned through it. My heart hurt, and I wasn’t sure if my heart could handle everything he said in the passage.

 I never understood what he was doing

Now that I know, I wish that I could just run off somewhere far away. So far that everything that happened becomes irrelevant. I wish a car would just come by and run me over, knocking away the memory of how he killed me.

          Or maybe death is a better outcome.

            I closed shut my eyes tightly, tears streamed down my cheeks and I tried to force the image of my baby being suicidal away, but it marked me permanently. But in matter of seconds, my sorrow was replaced with anger, hatred and revenge. There was no way in hell I could ever let this go. I loved Donghae far too much to allow his Uncle to wander around carelessly while my baby had to endure so much pain from him.

          “Please don’t do anything…it’s in the past!” He nodded and forced a smile.

          “DONGHAE!!!! I AM NOT GOING ANYWHERE!!!” His uncle spoke again, and my anger was only fueled.

          I looked at Donghae, and forced a small smile, “I’ll read this later” I pushed the sketchbook towards him, “I’m afraid if I read it all…I might just kill him.” I wanted to kill him now. I slowly stood up.

          “But…where you going?” He asked and I only walked out of his room. I’ve never felt hatred this strong before, and I really couldn’t keep it bottled up inside. I needed to hurt him for what he did to my innocent baby.

          “NO WAIT HYUKKIE!!!” 

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This wasn’t supposed to be so short…*hides* but I seriously don't think my heart (or your hearts) are ready for the depression Hyukkie is about to hit... /sobs/ 

Thanks for reading :)

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