₂₆ Until You're Mine ♥

~~~

‘Have I mentioned how nice Hyukjae looks in the color blue? The way the color complimented his pretty fair skin today had me at loss for words. Today, when he sat beside me-without noticing my eager expression, of course- I wonder if he notices the way he chews on his lower lip when he stares at the board deep in his thoughts. I always feel weak kneed, and my heart begins to beat at such a rapid pace that it begins to worry me for loving him so much. I don’t want to scare him away with my constant growing feelings, but I can’t seem to stop my heart from falling deeper and deeper in love with him. 

            I wonder if he even notices me. T~T Of course, in some sort of confusing way, I hope he doesn’t notice the way that I eagerly glance at him, the way that I tend to blush whenever he’s nearby and I do something stupid-luckily, he never notices, or if he does, he never says anything- and I seriously hope he never catches me staring at him or he could possibly see how much he means to me just by staring into my eyes.

            I feel so stupid sometimes because he’s never given me any ray of hope, and I’m not one to want things that I know I could never have. Every night I sit beside my window, close my eyes and become lost with the sound of his soothing melody he plays through his piano. His music has always made me feel safe, protected and a wave of serenity. I always fall asleep to him playing his music; it makes me have the sweetest dreams.

            Looks like my state of mind has finally gotten the best over me; it has taken over me and made him as the center of my universe. (Along with my siblings, too) I need you next to me, Hyukjae, but I know that that is only a distant dream that will forever stay that way; only a dream. It’s ok, though, because knowing that he’s happy has always been enough for me to get by. If I wrote down each time I thought about him, I would seriously needs dozens of sketchbooks-’

            “Hey are you ready?” SungMin called from the stairs, dressed in tight blue jeans and a simple white shirt that looked really loose on him. He smiled at me when I finally tore my eyes away from the sketchbook and stared at him. I sat in the couch, with the sketchbook in hand, and I was completely lost in every word in the page until SungMin spoke. “Hey…” he approached me slowly, “Hyukjae, what is that?” his eyes stared at the book and he only smiled.

            I closed it immediately before I stood up and smiled at him, “Nothing. Come on before we’re late.” I said simply and we walked out of the house.

            I sat in the middle of class with my math book open and Donghae’s sketchbook on top, but hidden away from sight so no one else would get a glimpse of what was going on inside his head. I smiled to myself as I flipped through the first couple of pages and stopped in front of a sketch; it was me, but unlike the other sketches where I looked perfect and even glowed through the page, I looked more of a mess and more realistically me.

            I cracked a smile as I stared at the writing about the sketch; my heart was already pounding and I wasn’t sure if it was due to excitement or because I was somewhat scared to ever disappoint Donghae. (I highly doubt me looking like a mess would actually disappoint him if he truly loved me)

            ‘Today at six p.m I saw Hyukjae fixing his car outside his driveway and he was a complete mess from the oil! His white t-shirt was stained and his usually perfect soft hands were drenched in the substance as well. I watched him from my window (no, I’m not a stalker…I just happened to coincidentally see him when I opened the window). I don’t know why the sight of him made me smile, I normally see him with a buttoned up shirt, a suit or a really clean looking shirt; I swear his skin is glowing every time I look at him. So seeing him this way was definitely something different, and it wasn’t unpleasant at all, I oddly liked seeing him with the oil stains.

            I would have offered him to help him fix his car, or help him hold the hood, or whatever he needed me for, but I would have embarrassed myself because I don’t know anything about cars other than they need gas. Aish, he seems so manly to me...while I’m…well I’m not. I watched him for a while with such fascination (well anything he does fascinates me because he’s perfect in every way to me) and I sometimes wonder what does on through his mind. Is there someone that he’s completely in love with that is constantly running through his mind? Does someone make him feel the way he makes me feel? I don’t know why the thought didn’t depress me, but maybe it’s because I just want Hyukjae to be happy.’

            Class ended sooner than I expected. I spent the whole hour lost in Donghae’s words and drawings of me. How have I been so blind that I didn’t see him always watching me? Has he really always been there and I was just too stupid to notice? I placed the sketchbook neatly inside my backpack before swinging it over my shoulder and making my way out of the classroom. I didn’t get the chance to say anything to Donghae since he was already out.

            As I walked out of the classroom, I was lost in my own personal thoughts regarding Donghae, my sweet little angel that was always watching over me. I can’t help but wonder why I always think about him. Why do I always want to see Donghae? I can’t deny that I do love being with him…but does that mean I’m falling for him. No, no I shook my head rapidly while nearly smacking my head. How can I even suggest that? I mean, sure he’s special, sweet, oddly cute with his heart warming pouts and the way he always makes sure I’m eating well and the way he makes my heart beat faster just by the way he looks at me-

            I smack my head. What am I saying?! Now I can no longer think straight, I am starting to bend-ugh just the mere thought sounds impossible. I stared at the ground as I walked towards the field. Donghae once said he wasn’t gay, and  that he loved me for me and not for my s….could that situation be the same thing with me? I frown a bit when I was beginning to panic for even admitting that there was something happening between Donghae and me. I do love seeing him, I cant deny that. I do love being with around him, I can’t deny that either. Could I ever picture myself taking him out on dates or holding his hand publicly, or giving him a sweet kiss…- Oh, but I have already imagined that many times in my dreams.

            In my dreams the feeling was always pleasant and addicting even. I close my eyes and stop walking while I smiled to myself and thought about Donghae’s sweet pout, and the way his eyes would soften when he’d see me. The way his smile nearly touched his eyes when he was around me like I was the most important person in the world to him. I smiled like an idiot while I thought about him.             

            “OHHH DONGHAE YOU’RE SOOO CUUUUTTTEEE!!!!!!!!!!” My eyes immediately popped open and I looked up and stared in front of me, a few feet away was Donghae-with his back to me, but facing his friend, Kibum. He was pinching his cheeks and smiling so widely and the sudden urge to pull Donghae away from him was growing as I stared at them.

            What the hell is he doing?!

            “OH YOU’RE SSOOO FUNNY!!!” he nudged Donghae’s shoulder. I could tell Donghae was laughing by the way his shoulders moved but I couldn’t see his face from this angle. I had to take a few deep breathes while contemplating my options; I could either go up to them and steal Donghae away or push Kibum away from  him.

            I wasn’t sure what was going on anymore but then I see him tickling Donghae, and just the sound of his laughter made me somehow calm down. Donghae wants me to be happy…why can’t I wish the same for him? I frown while I realized that the reason was that I was selfish and I wanted him all for myself.

            “That tickles!” I hear Donghae laugh.

            “Ohhh let me do that again then.” Kibum was flirting with him to the extreme and it was seriously starting to tick me off.

            “YAH.” Donghae pushed him away but they were both laughing, “Stop touching me!”

            “You know you like it.” Kibum laughed.

            I approached them and they continued to laugh until they saw me; Kibum quickly hid behind Donghae while Donghae brightened up as soon as he saw me. He smiled sweetly, so I couldn’t look at him or else I would succumb to those cute expressions.

            “I need to talk to you.” I glared at Kibum, but meant to talk to Donghae.          

            “Me?” Kibum held onto Donghae tighter, he looked scared for some reason. I wouldn’t actually hurt him, maybe threaten him…maybe tell him to get away from Donghae before I break his nose.

            “No.” I say under my breath. “You.” I glanced at Donghae but then glared back at Kibum.

            Donghae nods and approaches me slowly. “We still having a sleepover, right?” Kibum asked, it sounded like a joke but I didn’t find it funny at all so I just glared at him and his huge grin wiped off; he walked off quickly.

            We walked in complete silence. I really didn’t know what to say. What am I supposed to say? Why are you flirting with your best friend when you’re supposed to be in love with me? Ugh, that just sounded so pathetic...why do I always do this to myself? I just keep confusing my own feelings by becoming jealous so easily.

            “Are you mad?” Donghae glanced at me and frowned when I remained quiet. “Seriously, Hyukjae.” He stops in front of me but I kept a blank expression when he began to speak, “You are the most confusing person on this planet!” I know I am, I confuse myself all the time about how I feel for you Donghae. He crossed his arms and his lips formed into a pout-he was seriously breaking me, “First you say you’re straight and that you could never be with me but now you get pissed off at me because Kibum, who has been my best friend since elementary school!” he stared at me, “I don’t understand you so please…talk to me.”

            You and I are having the exact same problem. I don’t even understand myself anymore.

            I smiled at him, “Who says I was mad?” I smirk and walked past him, I was heading towards the parking lot and I have no idea why. I just really wanted to go somewhere but no place seemed to clear my head enough for me.

            He walks after me, “B-But you looked mad! And now you’re walking away from me!” He followed me and I quickly stopped, but he ended up bumping into my back and stumbling a few steps behind.

            I turned and stared at him, “I have no reason to be upset Donghae, you are free to do whatever you please and with anyone you please, so no, I am not mad. I just feel like you’re trying to make me jealous.” I cocked an eyebrow at him and crossed my arms across my chest. Finally, I diverted his attention from my obvious jealousy and towards him.

            Donghae’s cheeks turned pink, “M-Me? W-What? Psh…no..why would I?” he looked around and looked really nervous.

            “Uh huh…” I was actually really amused by the pink on his cheeks, it was so his color. I hid a smile by masking it with a smirk as I slowly approached Donghae.

            He chewed on his lower lip and stared into my eyes, his eyes seemed to slowly grow, “You’re so handsome when you’re jealous.” He says breathlessly and smiled sweetly; his smile nearly touched his eyes.

            My heart skipped a beat by how beautiful he looked, but I forced myself to focus. I laughed because even if it was cute, it was funny because I wasn’t jealous, “Donghae, complimenting me won’t fix anything.”

            “You said you weren’t mad.” He smirked triumphantly and I nearly cracked right then. Damnit. “So you are jealous, huh. Kind of odd for someone who shouldn’t care about what I do or with who I interact with.” He grinned and shrugged innocently.

            I was taken back by his words. It seems Donghae knows more about myself than I do. Maybe he does notice that I care so much about him…maybe he notices that I’m falling in love with him while I’m completely aloof to everything.

            He giggled cutely, “What’s wrong? Cat got your tongue?” I laughed, I was completely amused with him.

            “I’m not jealous.” I say simply, but I was really trying to convince myself more than anything.

            “Uh huh.” He giggled, “Keep telling yourself that and maybe it’ll actually be true.” He stuck his tongue out at me and I only shook my head and looked around; my smile never faded. “Admit it, Hyukkie, you like me.” He grinned.

            I stayed quiet.

            I really liked when he called me Hyukkie, it was like his voice just went even more innocent than usual. What isn’t about him that has attracted me so much to the point where I’m beginning to doubt my own uality?

            “Relax, Hyukjae, I’m just messing with you…I know you’re straight, ok.” He shrugged and looked away from me.

            I really wanted to say something, to tell him what’s been going through my head the past few days, but I can’t seem to say it. I don’t want to give him false hope. I want to be sure of my own feelings before I ever mention anything to him.

            “Hi Oppa!’ Hyoyeon grinned and pressed her hands on my shoulder while she says, “You look so handsome.” I just smiled at her while Donghae kept looking away, he probably felt as uncomfortable as I did.

            “I should go…” Donghae mumbles and walks off slowly.

            I watched him walk off and felt a lump in my throat for not saying anything to him. “Hyoyeon…can this wait? I have to go do something.” I stared at her and she only pursed her lips and shrugged.

            “I guess if you’re busy, I’ll just see you another time.” She smiled and hugged me before I walked off in search for Donghae. Its not that Hyoyeon didn’t appeal to me, sure she was attractive and an amazing dancer as well, but I could just never actually picture myself with her. My heart wouldn’t be happy by her side, that’s for sure, but there was something that continued to bother me for some unknown reason. I just can’t stop thinking about Donghae….

            I exhaled deeply, and stuffed my hands into my Jean’s pockets while walking around the school and looking around frantically. Where has he run off to that I can’t seem to find him?! I was walking through the hallways when Taeyeon and Sooyoung stopped before me with small smiled, “Hi Hyukjae!” they both greeted me with such happiness that I couldn’t help but smile back at them warmly.

            “Hi ladies.” Then my eyes slowly widened when I realized that they could know of Donghae’s whereabouts. “Have you seen Donghae…by any chance?” I shrugged it off and asked casually like as if I wasn’t panicking on the inside. What if he was mad at me?! Or worse…what if he’s crying?! And I’m not there to comfort him by holding him and telling him to forgive me for being an idiot.   

            Sooyoung and Taeyeon exchanged glances and they seemed to hid a suspicious smile when they looked back at me, “Well we saw him a while ago…he was walking into the theatre room...” Taeyeon said simply with a small smile.

            “You should go over there and check up on him…” Sooyoung nods and nudges me closer to the door before shooing me away, “Go on.” She winks at me and I just rolled my eyes and walked out of the building. I headed towards the theatre and stopped shortly in front of the door when I felt an unfamiliar rush running through me; a soft sound could hardly be heard from inside.

            It was Donghae’s sweet voice that filled the theatre, he sounded so distressed and even slightly depressed. It made my heart drop by the sound of it, so I slowly opened the door to make sure I wouldn’t interrupt him. He was getting so worked up, I thought he was going to cry.

            “Until you’re mine, I have to find a way to fill this whole inside. I can’t survive without you here by my side.” He stared at the keys on my piano as he sang the song whole heartedly; every word was filled with emotion, and it got to me. 

“Until you’re mine, not gonna be even close to complete. I won’t rest until you’re mine. Alone inside, I can only hear your voice ringing through the noise. Can’t fight my mind, it keeps on coming back to you, always back to you. Wanted something out of reach, it’s killing me, you’re all I seeee, yeah. Until you’re mine, I have to find a way to fill this whole inside. I can’t survive without you here by my side. Until you’re mine, not gonna be even close to complete. I won’t rest until you’re mine.” I almost started shaking by how much his words got to me, it was killing me inside to hear him say these words and in some sort of strange way I kind of liked it. I liked hearing Donghae sing, that’s for sure, but was he so upset and that was the part that I really didn’t like.

            I don’t deserve your love, Donghae.

            Each day that has gone by has made me yearn to be by your side. Is this normal? No, or course it isn’t. I really am undeniably falling in love with you, Donghae. How could I not fall in love with someone as kind hearted as you? I slowly closed my eyes and listened to the rest of his song.  

          “Just stop wondering, if we were meant to be, forget about fate and just hold me. I’m ready to begin, the waiting has to end. Right now, today, I’ve got to find away. Mine. Until you’re mine, I have to find a way to fill this whole inside. I can’t survive without you here by my side. Until you’re mine, not gonna be even close to complete. I won’t rest until you’re mine.”

          I watched his every move, every breath he took I watched him with such interested eyes. He was staring in front of him, and was completely oblivious to me watching him from the door. “My state of mind has finally got the best of me, I need you next to me.” His voice slowly drifted off and I felt myself automatically gulped when I noticed Henry-he was nearby, also watching him- staring right at me with wide eyes, but my eyes stayed on Donghae. He was staring at the piano keys and slowly running his fingers through them while lost in his thoughts.

              "Oh who am I kidding, he obviously doesn’t like me...I'm just fooling myself." DongHae says sadly; he rests his chin on his palm. His words made my heart drop, and I had to force myself to stay back and not yell at him for thinking so low of himself. "He obviously likes that Hyoyeon girl...or maybe another girl who he finds attractive." He pouts-the simple act that always got to me, I felt my knees going weak. "I should just stop my heart now before it gets its hopes up even more." he whispers sadly, he looked ready to cry so I quickly walked out of the theatre before I said anything to him.

            I don’t know how I’m going to tell him yet, so I’d rather not rush things.

            Aish, why does Donghae continue to flood my mind?! I must seriously be falling for him or else…I wouldn’t care so much!

            That song was so intense and so- ugh there were too many emotions going through me that I seriously couldn’t handle. I walked off to my car and hid inside while I tried to calm myself down. I couldn’t help but crack a smile while I thought about all of the moments I spent with Donghae.

            I treasured every moment I’ve had with him and while I reminisced each one I could feel myself falling deeper in love with him; my heart kept hammering against my chest from  how anxious I was becoming. I should just tell him! I nearly jumped out of the car, but I shook my head and thought about things more deeply.

            I smile brightly while I remembered that Donghae and I will be spending my birthday together. Then I should wait until then to tell him so it could come off as a surprise. I smiled to myself and leaned my head against the window as Donghae’s song kept playing over and over inside my head.

            To think that I was afraid to be with you Donghae, to think that I denied this obvious growing feeling I’ve had for you. Now I can’t imagine myself pushing you away farther from me. I want you beside me Donghae, I need to have you beside me.

            “Until You’re Mine.” I whispered softly and smiled to myself while picturing myself holding him, pecking his soft brown hair and telling him how much he means to me.

            Only a couple more days until the day I confess my own feelings to you Donghae. Just a couple more days until I spend a whole day with you by my side.

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I'm pretty proud of myself for updating this soon XD
You're welcome!! I just loved all the feedback, I seriously thought everyone forgot about this story -sobs-

15 more CHAPTERS TO GO AND FINALLY WE'RE TO THE SEQUEL!!! -throws confetti-

Thanks for reading!!!♥ :)