₂₇ The Lonely Little Dong     ₂₈ Car Ride

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            After reading a couple more passages about Donghae’s sweet confessions about his love for me, I began to feel guilty; I had no right to go through his things, and read his personal thoughts about me. I headed to his house because I was beginning to miss him, he was someone that was constantly invading my thoughts.

            The day was a blur, honestly.

            I just remember going to his house and asking him to help me finish moving around my furniture. He seemed a little off, and I figured it had to do with him being upset about Hyoyeon. I wanted to tell Donghae right away my feelings, but I just couldn’t. He deserved a special memory of my confession, and I was going to give  it to him.

            We were cleaning the furniture once it was moved around, and Donghae’s cleaning rag got stuck with my drawer’s handle; he yanked it open by accident. I should have realized at this moment that something was off by the way he gasped, but I was busy trying to mentally write a speech when I confess. My words were getting too cheesy, and I was no longer paying attention to what I was doing. I was sitting on my bed and cleaning the drawer on the left side of my bed and Donghae was cleaning the other one.

            He cleared his throat, “Why did you take my sketchbook?!!?!” he stood up quickly and hugged the sketchbook closely to his chest. I quickly stood, my eyes widening as they stared at the sketchbook in Donghae’s arms. .

            Donghae was blushing deeply, “I treat this like a diary.” He pouted and that just made my heart sink lower, “You read the passages didn’t you…”

            I hesitated. Maybe I can lie my way out of this… “No.” I lied, but I knew he didn’t believe me by the way his soft eyes continued to stare into mine.

            “Liar!” he sniffles, “When did you take this from me?”

            I cleared my throat and avoided his eyes while trying to remember. Honestly…I cant remember when I took it because it was months ago. I just remember it was Christmas, “Christmas morning…I snuck into your room to play your lullaby for you, but you were in the living room, and your sketchbook was on top of your drawer.” I took a step closer to him. I wanted to hold him and apologize for being an idiot. I should have never taken it, but I just became so curious with his thoughts of me that I couldn’t help it. “I’m sorry, I know I shouldn’t have taken it, but I got curious.” I pouted, “Please forgive me.” I stared at him with sad eyes and he seemed to give into my words, eyes and pout by the way he looked at me.

            He pouted and seemed more than just embarrassed; his cheeks were bright pink and I wanted to ask him why he was so worried, but I felt stupid enough. I smiled and leaned closer to him, “If it makes you feel any better, I really loved your drawings…” I run my fingers through his lips just wishing I could finally taste them, “Don’t pout, Hae.” I smiled.

            He stared at me and kept his cute pout, “You read my passages?”

            I only chewed on my lower lip and slowly nod. I really didn’t want to lie even if he didn’t want to hear the truth.

            Hae whimpers, “HOW EMBARASSING!!” he wailed and I only exhale and pull him into my arms. He sniffled while hiding his face in my shoulder. I run my fingers up and down his back and try to find a way to apologize.

            “Yah…I’m flattered, Donghae.” I said softly, “Don’t be embarrassed.” I pecked his head and held him tightly in my arms.

            He sniffled, “So embarrassing.” He sounded so adorable that I couldn’t help but chuckle lightly.

            I ran my fingers slowly up and down his back in hopes to calm him down, “Why? I already knew you loved me, so it asnt surprising to see your sketchbook filled with me.” I nuzzled my nose to his hair and loved the way he smelled. Oh god, why hadn’t I realized my feelings for him sooner?

            “You read my thoughts of you.” He said softly.

            “Oh yea, it was nice knowing that you think I look absolutely y while I play the piano.” I chuckled but Donghae wailed in embarrassment. “Yah it’s not a bad thing to know Donghae.” I laughed. “Never knew you liked me playing that much, and I didn’t realize you have liked it since you were nine.” I only smiled to myself while remembering the passage where he spoke about my playing, but my thoughts become shattered when I notice Donghae tense in my arms.

            His breathing was harsh and he sounded like he was panicking. I pulled him away and inspected his face; he looked terrified. “What’s wrong? Are you ok?” I frowned while staring into his eyes.

            His eyes were watery and he sat on my bed while flipping through his sketchbook. I just stared at him, unsure of what he was doing or why he was so upset. I was beginning to panic, too, and I had no idea why.

            He stopped at the last page and completely froze, I wanted to look over at the passage, but I didn’t want to make things worse. I surmised that the passage must have been really personal for him to be acting this way.

            He stared at a picture before clasping his mouth tightly; he began to cry heavily into his palms while I felt my heart clenching from the sight. Seeing him cry made me want to cry myself, and now I felt more than just guilty. I blamed myself for making him cry.

            I kneeled down before turning Donghae so he could face me, I peeled his palms away from his face, but he continued to cry heavily. He looked down at my chest to avoid my eyes. His eyes were turning as red as his cheeks.

            “Donghae, I’m sorry ok. Really really really really really extremely sorry. I promise I wont ever invade your privacy ever again.” I vowed earnestly as I wiped his hot tears away with my thumbs. “Please don’t cry anymore.” I whisper soothingly, hoping to calm him down.

            He sniffles and stared into my eyes; my heart was sinking, “You didn’t read all the passages, huh?” his usual angelic voice became hoarse from the heavy crying.

            I shook my head, not really connecting the situation, “No. I felt guilty enough so I only read the first ones.” Wait…why does it matter if I read them all or not? I stared at him, a bit confused, “Why?” I looked down and stared at his sketchbook on his lap; there was a drawing of a bed and the headboard resembled a tombstone. “I didn’t see this drawing.” I mumble while staring at the eeriness behind the drawing.

            I lifted the sketchbook and stared at the drawing a bit longer, but Donghae quickly took it away from me, closed it and held it close to his chest, “I should go.” He quickly stood but I held onto his arm. He avoided my eyes and stared at his shoes instead of my eyes, he sniffled.

            “I’m sorry, Donghae.”

            “I know.”        

            “Do you hate me now?” I can’t bear the thought of Donghae despising me.

            He shook his head, “No.”

            I cleared my throat. I knew I shouldn’t ask, but I really wanted to know about the drawing. “That drawing…looked pretty depressing, did a movie inspire you or something?”

            “I wish.” He whispered, and the look on his face, the way he held onto the sketchbook and kept his words short made me realize that Donghae was hiding something. Lee Donghae, the boy who truly admired me and saves me from anything, was keeping a secret. I stared at him, wanting to say more, but unwilling to bother him anymore.

            He approaches me and forced a smile, “I’ll see you tomorrow, k?” he said before walking off towards the door.

            I hear SungMin ask him if he was ok, and Donghae didn’t reply. Something was definitely wrong. I slowly sat on my bed and stared at the ground while mentally cursing myself for being an idiot.

            I couldn’t sleep  that night, instead I drowned SungMin in my problems. He was staying in my room and I held onto him while telling him everything. He mostly listened, and didn’t say much except a few words of consolation.

            “What could he be hiding from me?” I whisper while staring at the ceiling. “What would make him so upset?”

            SungMin pursed his lips while staring at the ceiling, “I don’t know Hyukjae…” he whispered, “I just know that Donghae wouldn’t get so upset if it wasn’t something big…” he bit his lower lip and stared at me, “He should sleepover here tomorrow.”

            I frown, “Why?” I loved the idea, but what would my excuse be?

            SungMin smiled, “Remember. Your birthday present?” he grinned and I smiled with him. I was excited to spend the day with Donghae, and I hope he’s still as excited as I am.

            The next night, Sungmin dragged me to Donghae’s house and he continued to pester him about sleeping over at my house. “You should sleep over and then you and Hyukjae can leave early.” He beamed.

            “But why would I if I live next door?” he frowned and I only hid a smile.

            “Just do it!” Amber yelled, grabbed his luggage and pushed us out the door.

            “But…” Donghae almost protested but she closed the door. SungMin was staying over with Henry, so he could leave us alone.

            “Don’t try Donghae, those two keep insisting on you sleeping over tonight. SungMin wants to spend the night with Henry.” I smiled at him and he smiled back; it made my heart swell up to finally see a sincere smile from him.

            “Kids.” He rolled his eyes happily and we walked to my house slowly.

            I hesitated, “Are you feeling better?”

            He smiled at me and nodded, “Sorry I didn’t mean to cry so much.” He sounded so normal now, and I don’t know if I should be even more concerned.

            We walked into my house and I just stared at him while trying to gather my words, “When will you tell me the actual reason you we re crying?” I asked softly and Donghae didn’t hesitate.

            “Never.” He said simply, and pursed his lips. “Don’t try! My lips are sealed!” he nodded while I only roll my eyes from how bad the curiosity was eating me alive.

            “I’ll get you to talk.” I hid a smile.

            Donghae giggled, “Good luck.” he smiled.

            I grabbed his luggage and we walked up the stairs. We walked into my room and I placed his luggage on the corner of the wall. “So uhm where am I staying?” he looked around.

            I turned and stared at him with a slight confused expression, “Here.” Where else would he stay? I didn’t get it.

            “In  your room?” he frowned and scratched his head softly, “And where are you staying?”

            I laughed from how cute that sounded. “You’re kidding, right?”

            He shakes his head, “Can I stay in SungMin’s room?” that almost hurt for some reason. He doesn’t want to stay with me? Do I make him uncomfortable now that he caught me snooping? Maybe he really does hate me…

            I shrug, “I guess, but do I make you uncomfortable?” I frowned and stared at him while he exhaled.

            “I just-” He paused and then quickly changed the subject, “So where is his room?” he smiled.

            I walk passed Donghae and headed into SungMin’s room. I opened the door and smiled at Donghae, “Right here.” Donghae walked into the room and smiled to himself when he sees SungMin’s stuffed animal.

            “Awww! SungMin sleeps with a bunny plushie?” he laughed and picked it up from the bed. I only smile as I watched him grin happily while staring at the bunny, “Its so cute!” He giggles and squeezes the bunny in his arms.

            “Yea, he’s had it since he was born.” I smile remembering the times when SungMin was small and would walk around with his bunny in his arms.

            His jaw drops, “It looks so new!” he sounded amazed while I smiled to myself.

            I nod, “He takes care of his bunny.” I laughed. “Well ok,  you should get some rest now…uhm…want to borrow some pj’s?” I asked once I noticed he was wearing jeans and a t-shirt. I wanted him  to be comfortable as he slept.

            He stared at me and nodded, “Please!”

            I nod and walk off to grab him a pair of pajamas and once I handed him the pair Donghae sat on the bed and took the clothes happily, “Thank you!” he beamed and stared at the bunny happily.

            I smiled as I stared at him. How can someone be so beautiful? And how could I have been so blind to not see this sooner? Donghae….for how long have I felt this way…because there is no way my feelings for you could become so strong all of a sudden. “Goodnight.” I say softly.

            “Night.” He looked up and stared at me with a sweet smile.

            I lean down slowly and peck his head gently, “Sweet dreams.” I say before walking out of the room and heading to my own room. I smile a bit while I changed into my pajamas and tucked myself into bed. Donghae is in the other room…I smiled to myself and wished he was here in my arms instead, but maybe it’ll happen once I tell him the truth.

            I lay down comfortably in my bed and close my eyes. Soon I fell into a deep sleep.

            Hours later I felt a poke on my shoulder, but I wasn’t sure if I was still asleep or if it was actually happening. I groan and shift to the side to sleep in a more comfortable angle.

            He poked my shoulder once again, “Hyukkie…I had a nightmare.” He said sadly, “Can I sleep here?”

            I opened my eyes, and I could see donghae’s cute face and him holding the bunny in his arms, but I was still half asleep. I somehow nodded and scooted over so he had room on the bed.

            Donghae climbed onto the bed and I quickly pulled him into my arms. If this was real or not, I still wanted to hold him tightly. Something (I assume the bunny plush) was in between us, but I didn’t care; I only held him tighter in my arms. His head rested on the crook of my neck and I only smiled to myself before falling back to sleep.

            I rested my head on his and gently rubbed his back to erase the memory of the nightmare. I was half asleep.

            I felt him peck my neck and whisper, “Night Hyukkie.” Before I drifted off into a deep sleep.

The following morning was the best morning I’ve ever had in my life because Donghae was in my arms. He squirmed around a bit while I slept which woke me up, but I really didn’t want to move. Once he rested silently on my chest I stirred and groaned a bit when I realized it was bright in my room. We should really go now. My arms were wrapped around his waist tightly.

          “DongHae…” I whisper tiredly.

          He exhaled into my neck and that caused me to shiver, “Hmm?” he held onto me tightly and I smiled to myself from how sweet this moment was. As much as I wanted to go out with him, staying here in his arms sounded so much better.

          “Wake up.” I say in a muffled voice. “We. Have to. Go” I struggled to say from how sleepy I was. Donghae only ignored me and wrapped his arms around me even more tightly. He was making this even more difficult on me… I leaned my head down to his ear and whispered, “Hae…” I nuzzled my nose on his ear and whispered again, “We have to go now…are you awake?”

          He shook his head quickly and that made me laugh softly. I peck his ear sweetly and smile to myself while holding him.

          “Come on, we’ll be late.” I slightly shake him in my arms in hopes that he’d get up, but he didn’t. I exhaled deeply and whispered softly. “You’re so comfortable.” So comfortable  that I never want to get up.

          “You too.” he whispered and pecked my neck, “But you’re right…we should go.” He slightly pulled away and stared at me. “Happy birthday, by the way.” He smiled sweetly at me. What an amazing way to start the day, just by simply looking at Donghae’s adorable smile.

          “Thanks.” I smiled sweetly at him. “Wanna shower first?”

          He nods, grabs his clothes from the luggage and walks over to the bathroom, “I’ll be quick! And no falling asleep mister!” he pointed at me before closing the door. I chuckled and shifted over to lie on my stomach.

            After my shower, I went down stairs and smiled happily when I see Donghae had prepared breakfast. I smile sweetly at him, “Aw you shouldn’t have.” I grin and sit down to eat slowly. He sits beside me and I smiled at him before we began to eat his breakfast. I wonder if his nightmare has anything to do with the passage that he’s hiding from me…I frown a bit.

          “So what did you dream about last night?” I asked casually.

          He shrugged, “Stupid nightmares are really random.” He almost convinced me he wasn’t lying, but something in his eyes told me otherwise.

          I rolled my eyes, “I love how you think I’m stupid DongHae,” I just wish you would tell me. I wish you would trust me enough, Donghae because I want to help you just as much as you’ve helped me.

          He pouts, “I do not!”

          “You cried like a baby after thinking I read your passages. You drew a picture of a tomb-stone like bed and you had a nightmare last night.” I stared at him, “I’m not stupid DongHae. I know something is going on, and I wish you’d trust me enough to tell me.”

          He stared at his food, “It’s nothing, ok.” He says softly.

            I shouldn’t have brought this up today, so I only exhale and say, “Let’s go.” I stand and leave my plate in the dishwasher. Donghae does the same and then we walk out of my house and head to my car.

          “You have the tickets, right?” Donghae smiled as we got into the car.

          I laughed and put my seat belt on, “Of course I do,” I chuckled. “Seat belt, please. I wanna feel safe while I drive for three hours.” I joked and Donghae laughed and quickly fastened his seat belt.

          I drive off and smile to myself while DOnghae stared out the window. “You know what I was thinking about the other day?” I asked with a small smile.

          He stared at me and shook his head, “Have no idea.” I smile. “Tell me” he grinned and I only smiled while continuing.

          “I was thinking about how you taught me how to paint the other day…” I smile, “Had me thinking that maybe I should teach you how to play the piano. Seems only fair.” I grin at him, I was excited by the thought of sharing my love for my piano with Donghae.

          He smiled at me, “That sounds like a good idea, but I’m not musically talented so you have to be really patient.”

          “I can be patient.” I say softly.

          He looked around while trying to find a way to speak his thoughts, “Hyukjae, I was just wondering….where are your parents? Why are they always gone?” he frowned and stared at me, “I don’t ever remembering seeing them…well only once, but I was little.” he shrugs, “You and your daddy look a lot alike.” He smiles at me.

          I smile a bit and stared at the road while saying, “He’s out exploring the world with my mother.” I make a turn and head into the freeway. I didn’t want to sound bitter, and thankfully I didn’t, but sometimes it hurt just to think about my parents. All they ever cared about was Luna.

          “Oh…” he stared at his hands, “Do you miss them?” he asked in a small voice.

          I laughed, “To be honest, no.” I glanced at him, “I don’t really remember what it’s like to have them around since they’re always gone.”

          “Don’t you get lonely? It’s just you and SungMin…in your house,” he said as he stared at me. Of course he would think this way, he has three siblings, so he’s never been alone.

          I smile, “Lonely? Maybe at first it was, but now that loneliness is a blessing in disguise. I’ve had so many peaceful days where I just stay behind my piano and practice until my fingers feel ready to fall off.”

            Donghae giggled, “You shouldn’t play for so long Hyukjae, you should rest up.” He inched closer to me and smiled sweetly. “You wanna know what I used to be really scared of as a kid? Well, still kinda am…but not the point!” he smiles at me, and I quickly smiled back.

          “What were you scared of? Tell me so I can fight away your fears.” I smirk to myself while waiting for him to go on.

          He grins, “Aliens.” He sounded so serious that I couldn’t help but burst out laughing. Donghae pouts while I laughed loudly.

 “DongHae, you are seriously the cutest thing, now tell me, what made you fear something sooo…uhm…fictional.” I laughed while he only sulked while watching me; his arms were crossed.

          “It’s not funny! I seriously cried so many nights because I always saw bright lights outside my window! I thought they were coming for me.” he pouts “Aliens have to be real, so anyway…since I feared them so much I had to sleep with a night light….”

          “And you still do?” I chuckle.

          He sticks his tongue out at me, “You’re not supposed to enjoy my fears!” he almost cracked a smile, but he kept his sad expression.

          I laughed, “But Donghae…it’s a funny fear.” I smile. “Don’t worry, ok?” I placed my hand on his and gently squeezed it. “If an alien ever comes, just remember my house is right next door.” I say sweetly to him and stared into his brown eyes.

          He smiles big, “Aw Hyukaje you’re so sweet!” he hugged me tightly and I tried to hug him back as best as I could while keeping my hands on  the wheel. “So what’s your fear?” he stared at me while I hesitated, “Oh, come on you can tell me!” he says happily while he looked down at our linked hands.

          “I’m afraid…of a lot of things.” I whisper. “Believe it or not.” Aish, I really don’t want to tell him. I don’t want to seem weak in front of my baby, I need to be the strong one between the two of us.

          “Tell me.” He says softly.

          “I’m afraid of the ocean.” I smile and Donghae laughed. “I’m afraid of dying alone…” My voice trailed off and he just stared at me with a shocked expression. “Ever since my parents left…I always wondered if I would always be left alone. SungMin stayed with me, sure, but it was mostly by force.” I cracked a smile, “To be honest…I cannot sleep alone in a house…the emptiness just makes me feel uncomfortable and eerie.” I cringe by the thought. “When SungMin would stay with his friends, SoooYoung would spend the night over…” I looked at him, “We were friends before we dated.” And we still kind of are but she’s more dedicated to getting Donghae and I together. Which reminds me….I need to tell her how I feel now.

          He smiles and nods, “Remember when I cleaned your wound? You asked me if you could stay over…and then you asked if…”

          “You could stay with me.” I smile while remembering that night. “Yea…I know. I really don’t like sleeping alone.” I say softly. “It’s an odd fear, I know…but being alone throughout the day is fine…it’s just at night when I can’t stand it.”

          He stared at me “Would SungMin stay in your room?”

          “Sometimes...or we’d just keep the doors open since the rooms are pretty close by.” I shrug.

          “How old were you when they left?” He my hand gently while I spoke. I figured he thought I would get emotional when speaking about my parents, but I wasn’t.

          “Six.”

          He pouts, “You were so young!”

          “They would come and go though…” I shrug. “Don’t feel sorry for me.” I flash him a glare and then turn my attention back to the road while smiling to myself. “I hate pity.” I mumble.
          He chewed on his lower lip and nodded, “Just you and SungMin” he pouts.

          I hesitated when I realized that Donghae might not know about Luna, “I-“ I cleared my throat, “I have a sister”

          His eyes widened, “What?!” he stared at me in disbelief, “I’ve never seen her!” he frowned. “Where is she?”

          “She’s the favorite.” I said simply. “So she went away with my parents on all these adventures…and got home schooling.” I shrugged because I really didn’t care anymore about being neglected.

          He stared at me, “That doesn’t bother you?”

          “Why would it?” I smile, “I love her, I do. I don’t hold anything against her when it isn’t her fault.” I shrug.

          He smiled big and leaned in slowly before pecking my cheek, “You’re so perfect.” He laughed and I laughed softly. “So what’s her name?”

          “Luna” I grin. “She’s beautiful.” I say with a sweet smile. I’m really starting to miss the little runt.

          “Does she play any instruments?”

          “No…she isn’t into that. She’s into fashion and makeup and all that cosmetics junk.” I shrug. All that girl that I will never understand.

          “So…you learned piano at a young age…I remember…why?” he stared at me. “Did the piano always fascinate you?”

          I shook my head gently, “No, to be honest, I hated it at first. I despised it even. My father would always yell at me, and say that I was worthless unless I knew how to play an instrument, so he literally forced me to sit on a piano bench and learn it on one day. He didn’t let me eat or go to the restroom or ANYTHING…all I could do was sit there and learn music. I was…maybe five.” I say sadly. “I had to practice for hours and play for him songs through the phone. He would never say ‘good job’ or ‘I’m proud of you’ it was always a ‘you can do better.” I say sadly and he squeezed my hand gently while I continued. “I played and played…and even though I hated it at first…I learned to love it because my piano was literally something that was always there for me.” He laughed. “Cheesy, I know…but I love my piano. Treat her like my baby.”

          He laughed but his smile didn’t touch his eyes, so I figured he was moved by my story. “Hyukkie…I think you’re an amazing piano player…and even if you’re daddy doesn’t feel the same way, just know that I’m proud of you.” He says softly.

          That made me smile, and almost gave me the urge to cry. “Thank you DongHae. I feel a lot better now.” I smile sweetly at him.

          The next hours we continued to talk about random things and then after a while he parks the car at a fast food place and we walk inside and order something to eat. We go back to the car and eat quietly but Donghae kept staring at my food. “You should try this, it’s amazing.” I scooped up the noodles with my chopsticks and fed it to him. Donghae ate happily and began to feed me his own food.

          I smile, “Yummy.” I say happily

          “My drink is better.” He says childishly, it made me grin at him.

          “Prove it.” I challenged him playfully.

          He hands me his drink and I quickly drank from the straw. Donghae stared at me with a triumphant smile, “Well…?”

          I shook my head, “Mine is better” I stick my tongue out at him and Donghae quickly frowned.

          “Is not!” he pouts and I hand him my drink. He sips the drink and I only stared at him and waited for his reaction. “Ok, it is yummy, but mine is still better.”

          “My food is better.” I say with a sweet smile, enjoying the fact that we’re sharing our food together.

          He smiled sweetly and opened his mouth so I could feed him more of my food; I slowly fed him and smiled at him as I watched him happily.

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Gah this wasn’t supposed to take so long!!!
I’m sorry T^T

Hope you enjoyed the chapter!! (:!!

Thanks for reading!!

14 more chapters till the sequel~♥