Best friends: Worth it?
Dear life, you [Latest Topic: I hate love;]
I know I usually give you guys advice, but I'm in a pile of crap right now.
Thoughout my life, I have learned the benefits and disadvantages of having "best friends". Best friends are companions you naturally stick to like glue. They serve as valuable partners in times of distress, lonliness, anger, and so on. Nevertheless, they can easily be the source of such emotions. Because these friends become such a great part of you, everything they do - no matter how trivial- influences you to some degree.
A good joke?
Can lighten up your mood for hours.
A fight?
Can ruin your whole day.
Because I have experienced the negative impacts "best friend" relationships can have... I'll admit, I run away from them. I fear being close to someone because I don't want to be hurt (I never thought I'd say it... but it is true). I avoid conflict and distress with a person I love (not romantically) at all costs. However, if you have a best friend, it becomes difficult. As an individual so connected to your life, conflict comes naturally. You reach a point of desperation where you fear to say anything because it will cost you a dear friendship.
I was recently invited to a party. Because of my family's economic situation, I don't have a car; thus, I couldn't drive to it myself. Carpool, right? Well, I asked one of my closest friends. I cringe at the word "closest", but it's true. And she said she could, though it'd be out of her way. I thanked her.
Today was the day of the party. I asked her if we were still carpooling. She said that she couldn't and that she was sorry. This is where I get mad.
The fact that she said she couldn't didn't really phase me. Hey, no big deal. If she wasn't going to the party, I wasn't going to crucify her. Especially since she had sprained her leg, I wasn't going to say anything. But yay for facebook. On facebook pictures were posted and she was in them. Haha. If she didn't feel like driving me to the damn party, she could have just said that it was out of her way and that she was running low on gas or something. Though I understand she may not have felt like it, as she drove me to school in the mornings (which I give 10 dollars for every month. If you calculate it considering gas and distance, I'm overpaying), I hate the fact that she didn't say it straight out.
Now I'm not even sure how to react.
Am I blowing things out of proportion? Maybe. I do think a lot...
But if I just say, "nah... I'll just brush it aside" I'll get even more pissed because she has made me angry bunches of times, of which I only confronted once. I have always considered her perspective; thus, I've rarely said anything to make her angry.
In the end, I'm just a ing coward. Right?
God. Best friends fight about the most trivial, insignificant things in the universe.
If anything, I suppose I'll stay away for the entire break.
In the end, having a best friend taught me that I shouldn't say anything for the first few days while I'm angry. If I do, I tend to say things I regret.
Simmer down, and collect your thoughts. But when you've reached a conclusion, say what's on your mind. Don't fear the idea of losing a person. If they hate you because of your opinions and ideals, good ridence.
Secondly, I've learned that I want to be a more optimistic, open person. I really don't want to fear the idea of making new best friends. I want to be a person people want to be around. I suppose it sounds superficial, but right now, I wouldn't even want to be around myself. Maybe I'll put together some songs with good music to pump me up.
Lastly, don't base your identity down on one person. You be yourself, whoever that may be.
Oh, and be friends with people who make you happy.
Whoo... writing that made me feel better.
End result, I'll probably ask her nonchalantly about it. It really wasn't a big deal. However, I do want to tell her I was disappointed I couldn't make it to the party and establish that I was confused how she was at the party when she told me she couldn't pick me up. Don't use fighting words unless needed.
CHECKLIST
- Ask her what was up with being at the party when her text implied that she wasn't... Be nonchalant about it. You've already established it wasn't a big deal. Just wish she'd tell me it was because she was lazy.
- Set dates with other people who make you happy (:
- Perk up. Be a person you want to be.
THIS WAS THE THOUGHT PROCESS OF VICHEKO.
hope you enjoyed. Feel free to comment with your opinions or advice. (:
I apologize that I haven't been responding to some of the letters you folks have sent me. I shall respond to the next one tomorrow. (:
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