“Let’s do it again”  GD says in Korean to the rest of the group and the entire team begins counting in the first steps again.

                They have been practicing like this for the past two hours and they are showing no signs of stopping anytime soon. Each one of them is a perfectionist and as soon as they learn a difficult combination, they are rehearsing that single part at least twenty times before moving on to the next section. I thought Laurieann worked us hard when the winners had to prepare for BB’s music video, but compared to GD? Laurieann is a walk in the park; GD pushes each member to reach their fullest potential critiquing each step trying to achieve perfection. Pools of sweat are collecting on the floor in different areas of the studio; everyone is working so hard.

“Devon” Teddy says calling me over; I get up from my crouched position immediately going over to him. “Do me a favor, and go pick up tonight’s dinner from this address. It’s already ordered, you just have to go get it.”

I nod taking the money from him and grabbing my cell phone and keys walking towards the elevators of the building. The ride is short and I’m exiting the building to find a car waiting patiently for me to get in.

“I need to get to this address” I say buckling my seatbelt passing the address to the driver.

               He gives me curt nod and begins driving to the destination. The ride is quiet and I'm thankful for the relaxed feeling. I think about Teddy’s words…am I’m forgiving T.O.P? Maybe forgiving is the wrong word; I’m the one who needs forgiveness even though I know I won’t ask for it. But am I really falling for him? I guess falling is the wrong word too, I’ve already fell for him. I’m not sure what my point is anymore…and then I remember it. I can’t be with him because…because…because I just can’t! That’s when I realize Teddy is right! We are both immature; and the way we hurt each other the most is trying to protect the other, instead of actually communicating to each other. I was dumb! Rushing into this too fast, is no way to go about this relationship…even if it is a possibility after everything we’ve been through. Wait so why can’t I be with him? Because you barely know him; wait that’s total bull. He barely knows me is the better answer. And also too, he keeps finding new ways to hurt you and wrong ways to make up for it. When could I tell him about all of this? Could I explain it well enough without crying? Why was I even angry? My letters…my diary…and the last person who was supposed to ever see them has them in his possession. Get it together Devon!

                Getting out of the car to go to the restaurant I feel more together than ever before. I see that we’re in Korea-Town and the address belongs to a Korean BBQ. I walk in stopping at the front counter.

“Hi, I’m here to pick up an order?” I say hesitantly not sure what name I should give.

“For who?” This beautiful Asian woman behind the counter replies.

“Uh…Teddy Park?” I try.

“And what’s the code?”

                I feel my face frown before frantically looking at the piece of paper with the address written on it. It says ‘The Leaders’.

“The Leaders?” I guess.

                What surprises me is the woman behind the counter, she starts singing the song.

“Now, every body wanna know what’s up with that boy named Teddy and what he up too” she begins before looking to me to finish it. I jump right in on cue.

“Nae meori sok garak Imi ni seonban wie yeol songarak oneulo geonban wie YEAH nareum taeeonsaseon janggungam Flow so deep jamsuham Jamsuhameun ppalleo ppareumyeon bihaenggi, bihaenggineun Fly, Fly hamyeon Teddy-”

“Okay!” She laughs. “Here’s your order.”

“Do you do that with all your customers, identify them with a song?” I grin. “If so, that’s awesome!”

“Only for high priority orders.” She explains. “Teddy and I are good friends, and you wouldn’t believe how many fan-girls have come here hoping for me to reveal any information about there whereabouts.”

“Oh right. Good point. I’m Devon by the way.”

“Paula” she smiles handing me the massive bags filled with food. “Do you work for them?”

“Yeah” I smile handing her the money. 

“So I’m sure I’ll be seeing you around” she answers cashing me out. “I promise the next time you come in it won’t be as difficult to pick up.”

“It was fun though. See ya” I smile with the bags in hand walking back to the car.

                I’ve never seen so much food in my life as I’m situating it in the backseat of the car. There is enough food to feed a small army, which considering the way everyone is working so hard they are probably starving.

“Alright, we’ve got to get back to the studio as fast as possible” I say buckling myself in.

“You got it” the driver says practically flooring it out of the alleyway.

                When we get back to the studio I’m grabbing all of the bags and making a mad dash for the elevator. I’m mentally fussing at the elevator to move faster, and when I reach my floor I’m racing towards the studio door. Everyone is split into different groups working on their individual group parts. As soon as the aroma of the food enters the room, everyone is silently begging GD permission to stop. He gives a command and the entire group gets in position to run it again. Teddy walks over to me and asks me to follow him out. He’s leading me to a conference room with a long table before leaving me to set it up. I wash down the table with some nearby cleaner before taking the plates and utensils out of the bag. I’m setting the table like it’s going to be a giant banquet for a king, making quick delicate napkin patterns to accentuate the plastic cups and plates. I’m setting the dishes on the table in no particular order before putting the drinks on the table. I’m sitting on the floor waiting patiently for everyone to get there. I check my phone while I wait seeing I have text messages from Paije and Greg. I call Greg first, knowing he’s probably just sitting at the poolside; it’s almost closing time for him I doubt if the pool is busy.

“Hello?” He says in mock surprise even when I know he knows its me. “Who is this? It sounds like Devon, but I haven’t seen or heard from her in the past week or two so-”

“I’m sorry” I smile. “Things have gotten a little crazy.”

“Yeah I haven’t seen you at all. How are you?”

“I’m fine, just-”

“What happened?” Greg says knowing something’s wrong. “Whenever you say your fine, something is either bad, complicated, confusing or all of the above.”

I let out a sigh. “I got a new job.”

“So that’s why you’ve been MIA?”

“Yeah it’s with them, I’m there new assistant.”

“So you must be happy. Spending all day with that group must be a dream come true.”

“Not exactly-” I say as members are starting to come into the room. “I gotta go”

“Call me later”

“I will” I promise. “Bye.”

“Yah! Devon! No talking on the phone!” Seungri shouts to me. “Especially if it’s not one of us” he smiles at me sitting down.

“Devon, where are you sitting?” Daesung asks me picking a spot to sit; I shrug my shoulders before motioning to the floor. “Aren’t you hungry?”

“Not really, you go on and enjoy” I smile texting Paije. “Paije says hi, by the way.”

“Really? Assistant, remind me to call her and leave a message” Daesung says like I’m his secretary who’s writing an important memo. He laughs at the small joke before beginning to eat.

                Raizo comes to me and sits on the floor next to me with an extra bowl of noodles and beef.

“I remembered how much you liked this” he says passing the extra bowl to me.

“Aww, thank you” I answer polite setting the bowl aside.

“That’s my line” Seungri whines looking at the two of us.

“Where do you think I learned to perfect it” Raizo smirks raising his eyebrows; I hear two other female dancers giggle.     

 “This kid should’ve been in a group” GD says shaking his head.

                Teddy looks over to the two of us and gives us an approving smile before returning to his meal. Everyone is talking amongst themselves except for T.O.P who I find is looking at me intensely. I roll my eyes returning to a conversation with Raizo.

“So are you still dancing?” Raizo asks me as I’m just beginning to pick at my noodles and beef.

“Every chance I can get” I smile. “We should go clubbing some time while you’re here.”

“That would be fun”

“Yes, we all should go” T.O.P adds out of nowhere.

“Because we all had so much fun the last time” Taeyang says sarcastically earning a laugh from Teddy and myself.

“Devon and I did, didn’t we Devon?” Seungri says smirking towards me and I smile back. “Yah Hyung! Maybe you could invite Jolie again…she was really nice.”

                And at that I’m laughing hysterically with Teddy and Taeyang. GD is trying his hardest not to laugh but he’s failing miserably; Daesung is looking at T.O.P whose turning beet red.

“She was really pretty, I’d approve of the two of them” I say coming down from my laughter.

                T.O.P is quiet for the rest of the dinner. After the rehearsal we’re all making our way to the elevators when I feel Taeyang tug on my arm pulling himself a little closer to me.

“You need a break yes?”

                My eyes light up as I let him guide me to his car and I get in happily. I don’t even bother looking at T.O.P, I already know he’s annoyed.

“Thank you so much” I say snuggling a little closer to Taeyang. “Today was overwhelming.”

“T.O.P was overwhelming?” He says as we’re settling in for the long ride back to the hotel. “He should give you some space and time to think. Instead he’ll try to confuse your judgment-”

“You sound like Teddy!” I say almost laughing.

“Good! I don’t want you two together either” Taeyang pouts. “I wasn’t kidding when I said you should’ve fallen for one of us!”

And that has me laughing more than anything. “Oppa, you meant yourself?”

He twists his mouth and I take that as a yes.

 “Oppa” I say whine with a laugh. “You need someone so much better than me; I’m damaged.”

“I’d rather try and fix you, then see you get hurt again” he grumbles and I’m practically tearing up from his confession. “But it’s too late…you only see him. Stupid girl” he says poking my head with his finger a little harder than necessary.

 “Do you know how many times I’ve fantasized about you saying that? That was so beautiful” I give a small watery laugh.  “I love you too you know.”

“But it’s not the same; it can’t override your obsession.” He sighs. “So instead, I’m going to help fix your heart for the right guy who deserves you. And if you still say it’s T.O.P, I’ll be watching him like an eagle so he doesn’t mess you over again.”

“Can I ask you a question?” I ask him and he nods. “Why don’t you get together with IU?”

“Moh?! IU? Waeyo?”

“Waeandwaeyo?”  I answer. “She’s beautiful, smart, she sings and dances, she’s really cute; and she’s been in love with you for years!”

“I don’t know Dev, that area is complicated” he sighs. “But who knows…maybe.”

                We both settle into the backseat until Taeyang asks the driver to turn on the radio. We sing the whole way back to the hotel and the two of us hanging out just feels normal and effortless. It’s only when I notice the car slow down at the entrance of the hotel I’ve begin to feel a little anxious. I remind myself of the schedule…Night time talk with T.O.P and then I get to go home. Hopefully he just wants a bedtime story, and then I get to be on my way. The seven of us are walking into the hotel, to the elevator that takes us to the penthouse suite and we all step out with Teddy leading us in front. I feel like I’m in high school again walking to detention as I enter the room. T.O.P motions for me to sit on the sofa and I obey as the other members spread themselves out around the suite. GD, Daesung and Taeyang all say goodnight to me before heading to their separate rooms. T.O.P disappears up to his room, and Teddy does the same going to his. Seungri surprises me by sitting in a chair across from me.

“How was your day?”

“Not as busy as yours” I say stretching out. “You should really get to bed. Doesn’t everyone have an early day tomorrow?”

“For you, I can afford to stay up a little” he smirks at me.

T.O.P says from the top banister. “Devon will you come with me please?”

                I sigh and get up reluctantly before seeing Seungri give me the ‘Fighting’ sign.  I climb up the stairs awaiting what would probably be one of the most awkward and uncomfortable conversations of my life. T.O.P is offering me to sit in a nearby chair; I don’t take it eyeing him carefully as he sits on a corner of the bed.

“Is everything alright?”

“Yes, everything is fine” I lie; I’m more confused than ever of course everything isn’t fine.

“Liar” he smiles planting his feet on the floor. “One of the many things I remember about you is that whatever you say is usually a lie or an opposite.

I roll my eyes while folding my arms. “That is completely untrue!”

“Is it?” He hedges. “When you’re fine, you’re miserable. When you smile, you want to cry. When you love someone, you ignore them.”

                I feel myself take a quick gasp at the last sentence.

“What do you define as a lie?” He says looking at me intensely.

“What did you want to see me about?” I ask trying to change the subject.

“Us…what are we?” T.O.P asks quickly. “I feel like we’re in a game, and only you know the rules.”

“You’re wrong, I don’t know what’s going on either” I admit trying to keep my voice calm.

“We should figure it out tonight” he says decidedly. “Let’s start with the letters.”

I feel my hands beginning to shake with anger; the last thing I want to talk about are those letters.

“No.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t want to talk about them. They aren’t important” I shrug.

“I disagree; they are the most important things to me now” he answers confident. “They prove that you love me; unlike your attitude.”

 I’m glaring at him, silently ordering for him to stop. “Why are you doing this?”

“Because Devon,” he speaks. “You’re not honest with me. You’d rather confess to sheets of paper than tell me how you really feel. You're ashamed to love me and I can’t understand why.”

                I say absolutely nothing, trying to hold back the water in my eyes.

“Devon…when I went on leave, I left for you; I did it so I could come back to you.”

                He’s getting up from the bed, looking down at me from the angle. He’s watching me fall apart again, and I can’t handle the tension in the room. The strain between us is thick and heavy and I can feel it allover me.  

“I’m not doing this” I say feeling a traitor tear fall. “I can’t handle anyone hurting you, let alone myself. It’s over and let’s just-”

                He closed the distance silencing my protests. His soft lips are on mine crushing the two of us together. His arms are on mine holding me in place as he continues to kiss me; his mouth is making a constant rhythm against mine that I follow easily. His hold on me grows tighter as the moment becomes bittersweet. When I finally realize how I’ve broken my silent vow, I go unresponsive and frozen. He get’s the message pulling away from my face and tries to just hold me.

“You need to let me go” I say quietly.

“No” he says firmly holding me even tighter. “I’ve waited far too long to have you in my arms again; I’m never letting you go again.”

“But you have too” I say releasing my hold around him. “This was a mistake, I shouldn’t have-”

                He kisses me again silencing me again. My greed for his lips is not helping me break away from his grasp.

“We aren’t a mistake” he says softly nuzzling my neck. “This is real, and I love you.”

                In that moment I feel an eighteen wheeler truck go through me. There is a huge lump in my throat that’s blocking my ability to breathe. My mouth is trembling to keep from really sobbing; he’s patting away my tears with his thumbs. I feel like I’m going to melt; but not in the good kind. I have dreamt about that sentence since the moment I made him my bias. But this is so much more than a fan’s fantasy; this is real life. I don’t deserve this kind of love; not after all of the pain I’ve put him through. I don’t deserve him.

“We both have a job to do” I say quietly completely refusing to acknowledge his statement. “We shouldn’t mix feelings into it.”

“You don’t want to see me?”

“I appreciate the job you’ve created for me-”

                His hands release me immediately as he’s stepping away from me.

“It’s, how you say…fine?” He laughs darkly.

                I legit want to take my own heart out and feed it to a pack of wolves. I am the worst person ever and I graciously accept that title. I exit the room without saying anything and before I know it I’m making my way back to my car to drive home.

~~~~

“Which of you guys wants her?”

“What?”

                The rest of us say while looking at T.O.P as he’s coming down the banister.

“Devon! Which of you wants her?”

“She’s not a puppy Hyung, you can’t just give her away” I laugh. He’s so oblivious when it comes to this kind of stuff.

“She’s being paid isn’t she?” He growls at me. “She doesn’t want to be around me, so which of you wants her?”

“Schedule her with me” Taeyang says and T.O.P nods before sitting next to me.

“You know you’re going about this the wrong way” I say quieter so only he can hear me. “This is not how you go about changing someone’s mind.”

“Jiyong-ah” he says annoyed. “Enough.”

~~~~

okay so im sorry this one is short, but hopefully the next one will be longer. yea, this concludes her first day at work, and in the next part time is going to fastforward. leave me a comment...idk what to think about this story anymore i kinda just wrote...let me know what you think, comments are always appreciated

much love...pce!