“Spin around” this woman the boutique barked at me.

“This really isn’t necessary-“

“Turn!”

Slowly I turn in a circle as I hear her give commands to her small team of one girl and one guy who are writing down notes. As I turn I’m amazed by this boutique. It’s fairly large and hidden in a random alleyway of the city. The concept of the store is mixed; the walls are a pristine white with simple decorations on the shelves but the clothing is vibrant and colorful. I don’t even want to think about the prices on anything in this store, but I’m fairly sure that I can’t even afford to breathe in a place like this let alone try anything on. Everyone who works in the store is dressed in all black, so T.O.P and I seem to stick out fairly well.

“You can stop spinning now” she orders and I stop immediately almost losing my balance.

                The tall woman is the head stylist of this store. Her name is Isis and she is an Amazon tall dragon looking lady with old leathery skin, that seems to just elongate across her tight collagen filled face. Her lips are full and extra pouty, almost like a fish. She’s got these big dark eyes that look like they should belong on a pug. Her icy blonde hair is pulled into a tight topknot and she’s making these quiet suggestions only her staff can hear. She finally leaves to go talk to T.O.P whose looking at an outfit on a mannequin. They are both looking at me nodding and smiling before turning back to each other. Two sets of arms each belonging to the two assistants, grab me by each side and are now taking me to a set of curtains.

“Uhm…Excuse me? Where are you taking me?”

“Lingerie first” the male assistant answers; he’s medium height with sandy yellow hair and green eyes. “Then business-”

“Followed by evening!” The shortest female assistant squeals; she has long brown hair with a pixie face.

“You know, this really isn’t necessary! I’m not buying anything” I somehow manage to get out with them dragging me to a massive changing room. “And the guy I came here with isn’t buying anything here either especially if its for me-”

“That guy said that if we listen to you, we won’t get paid” the pixie faced girl says honestly.

“And since we’re working on commission-” the guy explains.

“Unless it’s about the next outfit I’m bringing out I really don’t care” Isis steps in from behind the curtain. “Shall we start?”

                I close my eyes taking a slow even breath; I’m so upset I almost feel like I can breathe fire. Why? The man of my dreams is fulfilling another one! A shopping spree? I can’t explain why, it just feels wrong accepting it. Just like this job; it feels wrong to get paid so much money just to be pampered. I’d have to explain it to him.

“Wait here, we’ll bring our choices to you” Isis explains turning away.

“Don’t I get a say in this?” I grumble sitting on the extremely comfortable loveseat in the changing area.

                In no time at all racks upon racks of underwear are being brought to my station. Some are practical like typical pushups and strapless getups with fun colors and sweet patterns, while others are just ridiculous. Some choices look like they’ve been picked out for a high end stripper; practically revealing with their sheer lace and small ribbons. Thongs seem plentiful among the choices and I’m becoming more embarrassed by the moment just looking at these options.

“Uh…where are the granny ?” I ask totally serious.

“Honey…kiss your Fruit of the Loom’s days goodbye!” The girl says snapping her fingers.

“Okay so” the guy begins. “Choose three either pushup, strapless or a mix and then choose one of these” he motions to the stripper rack.

“What for?!” I shriek.

“Obviously to say thank you for Seung Hyun’s generosity” Isis says bringing in some more choices before disappearing.

My skin grows hot thinking of what she means. “As I’ve tried to tell you people…that won’t be necessary.”

“Not listening, just choose” the assistants say together practically in harmony.

                Buying me lingerie! How does this man know everyway to embarrass me? No one, not even Hyun Joong, has ever bought me underwear. And the only brand I’ve ever worn before today was made by Hanes; so you can imagine how I’m flipping out over this. The assistants begin pulling out different pieces with thong styled bottoms and I’m covering my face from them all. I’m becoming mortified just trying to picture myself anything she’s bringing out; let alone trying to picture anyone seeing me. I still wear a t-shirt over my one piece bathing suit whenever I go swimming.

“What about this?” the male assistant says trying to be helpful. “This is the most coverage I could find”

                He’s holding up this little black lace pushup with a small bow in the center. The pattern is intricate and it’s got these matching bikini shorts to match that have a slight ruffle skirt at the bottom.

“It’s either this or a thong” he warns.

“Whatever” I pout, picking out three other underwear sets along with the last choice. “Next category.”

“Alright…he says to choose a skirt from this rack, two pairs of pants from this one; one with a pattern, one solid. And to choose three tops from this rack or two dresses or a mix and match!” the girl says excitedly.

                In the end I pick out a black pencil skirt, that just seems made especially for my hips; a pair of pinstriped grey and a pair of solid black pants; a silky navy blue loose peasant top and a bright marigold dress with a deep v-neckline that makes my waist look smaller, my legs look toned and my cleavage happy.

“Final phase…evening wear” Isis says. “Choose One.”

                There are only four choices, each one a solid color. My eyes immediately zoom in on a flowing white dress that’s got this thin drizzled pattern on the back. It has one strap that is off the shoulder and practically spilling over to one side as it drapes lazily across the rest of the dress. When I try it on it fits me like a dream and the A-line magically disappears clinging to my body before spreading out into a mermaid style. The curtains open revealing Isis.

“He wants to see your choices for this category.”

                I sigh gathering the dress delicately before following her out to the runway area of the changing station. T.O.P looks at me wide eyed and speechless as I’m standing there waiting for him to say something. I bite my lip waiting nervously, before letting out another breath following the assistants to the other choices. The next dress I pick is a strapless warm pink color, my signature color. It always seems to illuminate my skin, not to mention give me a sudden surge in confidence. It’s a lot more flowing than the last dress, but with it’s slight gathers in the front and mini-train in the back I know I’ve made my decision before I let T.O.P see me. A pleasant smile is on his face this time when I come out and I decide that this is the one I’m going to get. I’m changing back into my clothes and when I’m finished I see T.O.P casually leaning up against the counter. The bags of clothing are already in his hand and he’s patiently waiting for me.

“How much was it?” I say bluntly and he looks at me puzzled. “I need to know how much to pay you.”

He rolls his eyes before giving a quick wave to the staff and I’m following him out. The driver is outside and he’s helping T.O.P put the clothing in the trunk.

“Hey!” I say trying to get his attention. “I need to know!”

He opens the car door jerking his head for me to get in. I obey getting in the car reaching for my purse; he slides in next to me putting on his seatbelt.

“Will this cover it?” I say giving him the folded up check.

His eyes stretch seeing the amount before laughing. “Where does a girl like you get money like this?”

“Is it enough?” I say over his chuckling.

He puts the check back in my hand. “I don’t want your money.”

“Then how can I pay you back?” I ask trying not to get upset.

“You can’t” he answers. “It’s a gift. I did it because I want too.”

“If it was a gift you’d let me return it” I challenge pushing the check towards him again. “Take it, please.”

“When you tell me why you never wrote me I’ll take it” he says giving me the check again. “In the meantime this is a gift.”

                He knows he’s got me trapped; either way he get’s what he wants. I cross my arms and lean back in the seat accepting the gift because there is no way I’m revealing anything today. He seems satisfied as we travel to our next destination. We’re making our way to a small deli getting sandwiches and we’re eating outside underneath one of the huge umbrellas at a tiny table.

“Tell me this” he begins before taking another bite. “Is that money from the hotel? Like is that your pay for the job?”

I nod getting a drink from my water bottle. “Half now, half later.”

“Half!” He exclaims. “You're getting $20,000 just for hanging out with me?”

“Pretty smart huh?” I let out a small laugh. I’m too late and I know he sees it, but I go back to my façade quickly.

“Why so much?” He asks after a minute or two.

It takes another minute for me to decide to be completely honest.   

 “Because I feel if we have to suffer from each other’s company, one of us should make bank.”

                The way he’s looking at me now makes me feel horrible. I promise the next time this whole “honesty” urge creeps up I’m gonna lie right through my teeth. I never want to see that look on his face again.

“So it takes that much money for you to see me?” He says quiet watching my face. “It’s a good thing I’m rich then” he smiles bitterly finishing his lunch.

                I want so badly to cry, but my eyes won’t tear. Why can’t I just shout the reason?! I didn’t know how to write it! Didn’t he see my numerous attempts in the box? I’ve completely lost my appetite trying to stomach his words. I’m cleaning up after the both of us and we make our way back to the car before driving to another part of town to meet Teddy at the studio.

“You look so sad” T.O.P says to me. “Is it about me?”

“When is it ever not?” I smile and it seems to light up his face too.

                His mood seems lighter and for me that’s all that matters; my situations can wait. The ride is quiet and in few more minutes we’re getting out of the car again to go into another building. We walk inside and it’s a private studio and when I remember the address I’m flipping out.

“Do you know who owns this?” T.O.P asks curiously as we’re walking down a hallway.

“If she does I’m totally impressed” I hear a new voice say from behind us. “No one ever knows about this place.

                I’m flipping out because Pharell is standing less than two feet away from me. He is so beautifully short and muscular with his fitted red tee shirt and black baggy skinny jeans. He’s  got a red and black baseball cap turned backwards and he’s giving me a kind smile.

“Are you T.O.P?”

“Neh!” he answers excited. “I-I-I had no idea you would be here!”

                It’s so adorable how T.O.P and I are both almost spazzing out over meeting Pharell. The cutest thing about it, Pharell is spazzing over meeting T.O.P.

“Well when Teddy said you needed space to record, I told him you could come here”

“Thank you” T.O.P ducks his head in a bow.

“No thank you! It’s an honor to meet you!” Pharell smiles. “I saw one of BIGBANG’s concert’s in Japan when I met up with Nigo and you guys are just killer! Like ya’ll don’t even know!”

“Thank you so mu-”

“We should talk about a collaboration!” Pharell say cutting T.O.P off.  “You, me, Snoop? Jay-Z? The possibilities are endless!”

                With each artist Pharell is naming, my eyes grow brighter at the possibilities. Hearing the possibility of T.O.P collaborating with these main stream artists is just a dream come true. They continue talking until Pharell turns his attention to me.

“And you are?”

“Speechless” I say totally becoming caught up in his perfect face. His smooth almond skin with his slanted dark eyes. His smile is just beautiful, two rows of even pearly white teeth.

“Okay but what’s your name?” He asks with a laugh.

“D-Devon!” I burst. “Devon Ashford” I say a little calmer.

 “Yeah, you too. I’m guessing you're a fan?”

“Yeah, sorry about spazzing over the address; I just flipped out when I realized where we were” I explain. “I never dreamed I would ever be in this building, let alone standing in front of you” I grin.

                Teddy walks out saying something in Korean that has both Pharell and I shrugging our shoulders to each other.

“Sorry to break up this fan-meet, but he’s got some singing to do” Teddy reminds all of us.

“Of course, go on in. I gotta peace out anyway” Pharell says backing up away from us. “Nice to meet you all, and we’ll have to go get food or something.”

“Yeah no doubt!” T.O.P shouts back and I’m pursing my lips hard, keeping from squealing at the cutest sentence I’ve ever heard from T.O.P.

                Pharell leaves and T.O.P and I are following Teddy to one of the booths. I make my way over to one of the long leather couch that’s lined against a wall. Just like at YG there are two mafia boss looking leather chairs stationed in front of the sound board. T.O.P wastes no time before stepping into the booth putting on the headphones. He catches my eye and gives me a wink that stops my train of thought for a half-second before I roll my eyes. He smiles and nods his head signaling for the start of the music and Teddy starts.

                T.O.P’s voice has to be one my favorite things about him. It’s so deep and almost raw; his singing voice is able to match that same rugged quality that is found in his rapping. It’s beautiful and listening to him record his individual parts for BIGBANG’s upcoming albums is just amazing. The part that I love most about watching T.O.P perform is how he’s so focused on the music. Like he doesn’t allow anyone or anything to distract him, not even himself. I appreciate that the most, because he’s not so focused on his problems with me; in the booth it doesn’t affect him. With each phrase he’s putting his best effort and he’s the first one to stop the recording take in order to make it better. Watching him work with Teddy is almost inspiring; the way they are able to bounce ideas off of each other is incredible. Almost all of the critique’s are in Korean unless they are making some other kind of reference; but even with the language barrier I’m still mesmerized by the level of talent I’m surrounded by. T.O.P is coming out of the booth and I change my position on the couch to one where it doesn’t look like I’ve been swooning and spazzing over. He sits next to me on the couch and I get up walking to the mini fridge where I’m grabbing him a bottled water. I open the top and pass it to him. He looks at me a while before nodding taking it away from me. I’m trying my hardest not to watch him drink, but I even find that attractive just thinking about the cool liquid filling his mouth before swallowing; watching his throat muscles move, flexing the strength in his neck-

“Moh?” He asks noticing that I’ve been staring too long.

“Hm?” I say coming back. “Do you need anything?”

He shakes his head finishing the rest of the water. I find something else to look at. “We’re almost done.”

“Okay” I say stretching a little. “You okay Oppa?”

“I said I’m fine” T.O.P says tired.

“I meant Teddy” I say slowly.

“Yeah I’m good” Teddy says playing with some sound levels. “Seung Hyun, you ready?”

T.O.P is still looking at me hard when he nods and get’s up to go back in the booth. He puts on the headphones and steps to the microphone as Teddy begins pushing buttons to a song T.O.P can only hear. The song is recorded with effort as it doesn’t flow as smoothly as with his ones for BIGBANG. Teddy gives a thumbs up to T.O.P who nods and is coming out of the booth.

“That song is about you, you know” Teddy says bringing down the volume to another song.

                I can’t answer him like I want to because T.O.P is walking to where we are.

“I’m going to the restroom, and then we can go?” T.O.P says and both Teddy and I nod as he’s leaving.

“That song isn’t about me” I say confident.

“But it is, I’d show you the translation but I don’t want you falling for him even more, you're already in deep as it is” Teddy says slightly annoyed.

“I am not-”

The look he’s giving me now stops me from completing my sentence. “Unlike the popular vote, I don’t approve of you two.”

“Why not?” I say almost hurt until I remember that it’s not supposed to make a difference; I’m giving him up I remind myself.

“Both of you are too immature to be together. You're a young love sick fan but what’s his excuse? He’s twenty-eight and still unable to tell the girl he loves how he truly feels. So until he can man up, I don’t want you with him.”

                My eyes and mouth pop open wider, I can’t believe what I’m hearing.

“You both hurt each other for stupid reasons, and he just uses your love for him as a joke. You deserve better than that, and all of the sappy love songs and shopping trips are not enough to make up for him acting like a jerk!”

I’m watching Teddy pace a little in the both as we’re waiting for T.O.P.“Why are you getting so worked up?”

“Because! I can already see that you’re starting to forgive him! It’s too soon; he knows nothing about you. Unlike you, he hasn’t been in love with you for six years…he only knows that your pretty, smart and are semi-unpredictable.”

  “It doesn’t matter-”

“You’re right because I’m not letting you get back with him until he’s convinced me he’s ready, arresso?!”

                I’m watching Teddy storm out of the studio trying my hardest not to laugh before following him out. T.O.P is stepping out from a side bathroom before letting me pass him so we can get to the car. The ride to the dance studio is uncomfortable, thanks in large part to Teddy who sits in between T.O.P and I spreading himself out. I’m smiling the entire way at Teddy’s determination. Laurieann Gibson has given  permission for BIGBANG to use her private studio in New York and it’s only like fifteen to twenty minutes away from Pharell’s studio. The three of us are getting out of the car walking into a corporate building that looks like it’s entirely made of windows. We’re making our way across the lobby into the elevators preparing our ascent to the 7^th floor where the studio is. We’re the first one’s here and Teddy directs me to set up a list of props in certain categories, before taking T.O.P out of the space. I take out my iPod and turn it to BIGBANG’s Tonight as I’m dancing with the microphone stands.  I quickly situate five of them in a V-formation, before doing the same for a set of chairs. I’m over at a station setting up different microphone styles when a pair of strong arms grabs my waist from behind spinning me around in a circle. I can feel from the hold that it’s a guy, but I can tell from the arms it’s someone I’ve met but haven’t seen in a long time. As soon as he puts me down I’m spinning around to see his face and he’s smiling from ear to ear bringing me into a giant bear hug.

“Raizo!” I scream. “OH MY GOSH!!!!! HOW ARE YOU HERE?!?!?!” I’m squeezing him tightly as he wraps his arms even tighter around my body.

“I know right! It’s been so long girl!”

I pull back looking at his face; he’s definitely grown up since the Global Event. He’s more filled out but still a little shorter. Instead of being totally thugged out, he’s wearing a tight fitting wife-beater shirt and baggy grey sweatpants. His hair is now an auburn color and pulled into a high topknot.  

 “What are you doing here?” I ask again totally excited about seeing him. “Wait a sec! DO YOU WORK FOR YG?!”

He’s nodding enthusiastically before explaining. “Thanks to T.O.P, after the music video he had me set up an audition with YG himself! They wanted to sign me to a group to debut, but seeing as how I can’t sing or rap I asked to be a backup dancer instead. I’ve been touring with most of YG’s artists; even helping out Se7en at his tour in Taiwan. I mostly help out 2NE1 when they perform in Seoul, but I’m so excited to be back with BB!”

“That’s awesome!” I say completely excited.

“Yeah, everyone’s been really nice!” Raizo says happily. “They aren’t kidding when they say YG Family.”

“I’m so happy to see you” I say hugging him again. “And that your doing so well.”

He smiles as I feel him give me a final squeeze before I let him go. “So why are you here?”

“Long story” I sigh. “Short version? I’m working as an assistant to BIGBANG.”

“That’s cool” he nods as more dancers are entering the studio.

~~~~

alright, so this day is going to have another part to it. i don't want to rush through it, so i hope you guys don't mind. also too, Raizo is apparently making a comeback...he popped into my head and was like "Devon needs a friend who's gonna be there where all this drama takes place, so send me" and i was like i love you so i said okay lol

so yeah, leave me a comment you know i love hearing what you think,

much love...pce!