I was ready to begin crying at that moment. Joon wasn’t going to kill me at all. No, that would put me out of my misery too quickly. He was going to torture me. Joon was going to torture me.

                I watched as he walked closer, the smile still on his lips. He knelt down next to me and moved my head so that I was facing his again. I didn’t want to see his face at all. He moved my bangs from my eyes and then rested his hand on his knee.

                “So how’d you get Seungho to lie for you? What did you use to convince him?” he asked.

                I stayed silent. I had only asked and Seungho had agreed, though hesitant at first. What was I supposed to say, my lips? I moved my eyes from his face and looked at the chain on his neck. I had never noticed it before.

                “Answer me,” he demanded.

                I flinched at the coldness in his voice and glanced at his face before I got the courage to answer him.

                “I told him,” I whispered.

                I never knew that my voice could get so soft. It was barely audible to me.

                “Speak louder and clearly when you answer me,” he commanded.

                “I t-told him that I was going to leave,” I said louder.

                “You told him and he just let you walk out the door? Did he think I would fall for his distraction? Do you think I'd be so dumb to not think that a girl like you wouldn't disobey orders?” Joon was pissed off. I saw his grip on his gun getting tighter and swallowed my fear.

                “You can make the rules and you can tell me what to do but you can’t control who I see. You're not my dad, and you don't control my life,” I couldn’t believe that I was actually speaking clearly. I couldn’t let Seungho get in trouble with them all though. I was the new girl; it would be okay for them to hurt me, no big deal. But Seungho was a brother. I couldn’t let their relationship weaken because of me.

                “When I give orders, I expect everyone to follow it,” he declared.

                “You can’t give orders without giving a reason why,” I argued. If this was going to be my last day, I decided that I had a right to at least fight back a little bit.

                “But I do, so it up and deal with it,” I looked up at his face and he was glaring.

                “Jerk,” I muttered.

                I felt my cheek begin burning and realized that I was looking down at the ground instead of at his face. It took a few seconds before I became conscious of what happened.

                Joon had slapped me. At the realization, I felt the burning in my cheek more and the pain spread through my face. I felt tears welling up again and held my cheek. My hands were cold from being planted on the ground and it felt soothing on my burning cheek. How dare he hit me?!

                “Don’t start mouthing off at me. You don’t know at all what I’m capable of,” he grabbed my face and turned it towards him, again.

                The tears began to fall down my face again. What had I gotten into?

                “You piss me off. I would just kill you now, but easy doesn’t make me happy. I’m gonna make you regret that day you decided to take a short cut; gonna make you regret ever staying in Korea, you got that? And it’s not gonna take a day or two. This is gonna be days, maybe even weeks. Hell on earth? This’ll be worse,” he backhanded me and I fell on my back.

                The tears wouldn’t stop now. The pain was worse and I wanted to run, to get away from him. But I knew he would find me and when he did, it would be worse than now. I had to survive this; give him what he wanted, the torture, and then go on with life. I wasn’t going to let him break me. Not now, not ever.

                He walked towards me and I saw that he was even angrier than before. Was it because I wasn’t fighting back anymore?

                He grabbed my hair and began to pull me up to my feet. I cried out in pain and held his arm, trying to lessen the pain but he only pulled harder.

                “This is nothing, Chaerin, compared to what’s gonna happen to you,” he began pulling me towards the house. In what seemed like forever, he pulled me down to the basement and into a room that I hadn’t seen before. He threw me on the ground and I looked up to see only him standing there. Was he going to torture me on his own? Who knew what he would do to me without anyone watching; then again, that was his point.

                I heard the door open and close again. Great, more people to torture me.

                “Joon,” the voice was familiar. Seungho?

                I saw Joon turn around and then saw Seungho. What was he doing here?

                “Joon, don’t do it. She’s not the only guilty one.”

                Seungho, shut up! I wanted to yell at him to leave and let Joon do whatever the hell he wanted. He wasn’t supposed to get in trouble with me. That wasn’t my plan. Why was he coming into my plan and ruining it?!

                “Seungho, you don’t have to try and stand up for her. She’s guilty and she knows it. She’s ready for her punishment and I won’t let her get away with disobeying me,” Joon seemed to be smiling as he said it.

                “Then punish me too. I helped her.”

                “Seungho, just leave. The other men are coming and they’ll deal with her after I’m done. Don’t worry; she won’t die any time soon.”

                “I helped her. I gave the secret way to leave and I made sure to try and distract you so that you wouldn’t notice for very long. I’m just as guilty as she is. If you’re gonna punish her, then I have to be punished too. Maybe even worse,” Seungho was serious.

                “Hyung…” Joon’s voice was hurt.

                Wait…‘hyung’? I had never heard Joon use any type of honorifics with any of the others. I looked at Joon’s face and saw that he was pleading with his eyes. I began to feel even worse about what I had done. Joon’s desperate face was heartbreaking.

                “If you don’t punish me, then you break your own rules. If you break your own rules, then it’s all over. You don’t have a choice,” Seungho walked over to where I was on the ground and went onto his knees. He didn’t look at me.

                I heard the door open again. This time I knew that it was the others coming in to help with the torture. Seungho shouldn’t have been here. Not next to me on his knees. It wasn’t right.

                “Seungho? What’re you doing there?” I heard G.O’s voice and looked up to see his confused face going from Seungho to Joon to me and then back to Seungho.

               G.O was going to hate me even more for being responsible. Seungho was going to be tortured and it was because of me. Was I exaggerating when I said that I didn’t have the best of luck? Of course not and this was proof.

                “Take them into different rooms. Chaerin will be punished for disobeying my rule and Seungho will be punished for helping her do it. Both will be in isolation for as many days as I feel are appropriate,” Joon ignored G.O and looked at the men that had come in, “leave the girl in here. I’ll deal with her first.”

                The men hesitantly walked over to Seungho. They surrounded him but didn’t lay a finger on him. They were afraid of what he would do. Of course they were. Seungho probably had a knife on him somewhere and he could cut them up so quick they wouldn’t even know what happened. I watched as one of them slowly reached out to hold Seungho’s arm.

                “When I tell you to do something you do it instantly! What the hell are you waiting for?! Take him to another damn room!” Joon was more pissed off than before.

                I looked again to Seungho and saw that he was standing up on his own. The men quickly grabbed onto his arms and began walking him out the door. I gulped as all the men left, even G.O. Dealing with me first meant that we were alone.

                “Stand up,” he commanded and I did. My knees were shaking and it took every ounce of strength in me to keep myself from falling right back onto the ground.

                He began walking towards me and I held my breath. He was going to hit me again, I could feel it. He was probably going to use a weapon on me too. At this point, it seemed as if he would use anything to torture me and make me plead for death. I wasn’t underestimating him anymore. I had already learned my lesson.

                “So you thought being in this gang was a joke, didn’t you?” Joon asked and began to circle around me as if I was his prey.

                I didn’t answer him. He knew that my answer was a definite yes. I had never believed once that they were an actual gang. I had barely even seen the other men that were under him so it seemed clear to me that they weren’t a gang, or, at least, not a very threatening one. Oh boy, was I wrong.

                I was on the ground again, holding my cheek as it began to burn once more.

                “Did I not tell you that you were to answer my questions?” I knew he was fuming and yet his voice sounded too calm.

                “Yes, I did,” I answered quickly. I didn’t need another reason for him to hit me again.

                He chuckled and knelt down, grabbing onto my hair and making me face him.

                “This joke just got serious, didn’t it, Chaerin?” he sneered at me.

                “It seems so,” I said and instantly regretted it. I hadn’t meant to say that out loud at all. Now I really looked like I needed to be punished. His sneer turned into a glare as he backhanded me again.

                “So you still haven’t realized how grave of a situation you’re in right now. That’s fine; I’ll be teaching you that messing with MBLAQ means messing with your life. You got into this gang real quick. You were innocent looking so I gave you the choice; the only decision I ever regret making. Get up.” he demanded, walking away from me.

                I slowly stood up again and faced him. This was just another endurance class with Mir and Thunder. The only difference was that the instructor had changed into Joon. Class was over for the day and reality had stepped in.

                “The only way to fully torture you and make you learn to never disobey me again would be to cut you up slowly into small pieces. But I won’t do that. Not this time. It seems you’re just going to have to get beat repeatedly for a few days. Tedious for me, but I’ll enjoy it,” he walked closer to me.

                I closed my eyes and waited for another slap. I felt pain on the back of my head as he grabbed a hand full of my hair and pulled me closer to his face.

“On second thought, I have something better,” he said and threw me to the ground. I heard him shout for the men again and the door opened, two men walking inside. They quickly went to Joon and bowed their heads in front of him. He motioned me with his head and began walking out of the room.

I was pulled up by the men and they began followed behind him. I almost let them drag me because they were walking too fast and I didn’t want to go anywhere Joon had in store for me. I knew, however, that it would result in a worse punishment if I resisted so I tried to keep up with their pace.

He walked deeper into the basement till we reached the end of the hallway. Oh no, it was an isolation room. He was going to put me into solitary confinement. I could do this, I thought to myself. The most he would keep me would be 3 days. I could handle that. I could just close my eyes and try to sleep, sing if I had to.

“Please, don’t,” I still tried to protest, knowing that no matter how much I begged him, he would still put me in there.

He opened the door and the two men pushed me into the room. By the time I turned around to plead with him more, he had already slammed the door shut.

I felt for the back wall and sat against it. Maybe I could start counting. That’d pass time quickly.

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten…

---

Mir was pacing around in room above the basement. He stopped abruptly and turned to G.O.

“Joon hyung’s being a bit too harsh, isn’t he?” he pouted, looking at G.O, “I mean she doesn’t deserve to be locked up.”

“Joon’ll be Joon. She’s ain’t gonna die in there,” G.O shrugged.

“And where’s Seungho hyung? What’s happening to him?” Mir started looking around, hoping to see Seungho walk into the room.

“Joon’s dealing with him. Seungho has to be punished too. He broke the rule as well and knowing Seungho, he’s asking for the full punishment,” G.O crossed his arms across his chest and sighed.

“You don’t mean…” Mir held his pinky finger and widened his eyes when G.O nodded.

“That’s full punishment for someone like Seungho.”

---

I woke up to the darkness in the room. How long had I been asleep? Had a day passed yet? There were no windows to let me know the time, no other door besides the one I was sitting in front of. I closed my eyes again, wishing to sleep again but I couldn’t. I had slept as long as I could have. There was movement from the corner of my eyes.

“Who’s there?!” I demanded. How could there possibly be anyone else in the room but me? I had to know who this person was.

“Who are you?” I asked again.

There was shuffling in the room and I knew for sure someone else was in here with me. I guess the person wanted to stay silent. That was okay though, as long as I knew there was someone else here with me and I wasn’t alone. I had nothing to be afraid of if Joon had put the man in with me. He had already said that he didn’t want me dead.

“Joon’s an , isn’t he? Doing this to us; keeping us in isolation,” I wondered how long the other person had been in this room. Maybe he was put in here while I was asleep? I heard noise outside the room and quickly stopped talking to the other man.

There was a small opening on the bottom of the door and someone slid it open and pushed a tray of food inside.

“You have to eat your food, okay?” I heard someone say. This voice was familiar.

“Who is it? Mir? Thunder? Please let me out of here. I’ll start listening to Joon. I’ll try not to go against him. Please let me out,” I begged but only to be rejected. The person closed the door and went away.

I sighed and went back to the wall. I didn’t want to eat. I wasn’t hungry.

It felt like two days had already passed. I didn’t know what else to do anymore. I had counted to a hundred many times, had sung as many songs that came to mind and even recited some poems that I had learned as a child. What else could I possible do?

I could handle this though. I wasn’t going crazy like a few of the stories my father had told about solitary confinement. The guy in here was probably crazy, that’s why he wasn’t talking, but I was fine.

I stretched my arms out and suddenly felt the walls in both of my palms. Why were the walls closer than before? Was Joon going to kill me this way? Was he going to have the walls squish me?! I wasn’t going to stand for it. No, not this time. I felt the walls getting closer so I began to scream.

“Help me! The walls are moving! HELP!” I screamed, hoping that someone was there and would run to my rescue. No one came and so I decided to go for the next step.

I began banging on the door and screaming. Someone had to save me. They couldn’t let me die in here. Not now, I was too young. I hadn’t done anything that bad to be killed this way. I didn’t want to die.

---

                “Noona, ask Joon hyung to stop it already,” Thunder put his hands over his ears, trying to stop himself from hearing Chaerin’s screams. He sat down on one of the chairs and pouted, looking up at Bom.

               “You know I can’t do that, hon,” Bom placed a hand on Thunder’s shoulder and sighed, “once he’s set his mind to it, nothing can stop him, you know that.”

               “You’re not allowed to talk to her,” Joon walked into where Bom and Thunder were and glared at the both of them.

                Thunder looked at the ground, afraid to say anything to Joon at his current state. Bom crossed her arms across her chest, raising an eyebrow and giving Joon a “you’ve got to be kidding” face.

                Joon looked away quickly, not wanting to see the disappointment on his sister’s face. He was the leader after all. He had to do it for his boys who she lied to as well, had to show her that he was in charge. He had to prove to himself that he was the only one in charge.

                Joon flinched slightly as he heard her scream again and walked out of their sight so they wouldn’t see.

                Thunder pouted at Bom again and she shrugged.

                “Give him time.”

 ---

I had screamed for about a day. No one came and I stopped screaming all together. I didn’t know what else to do. I was going to die in here and no one cared. I went back to the wall and sat down again, burying me head into my knees. Tears started to flow down my cheeks and I couldn’t help but think of the smiling faces of my family. What would they say? My father was always against me staying in Korea without them with me. He would feel so guilty for letting me. I thought of my brother who was always mean to me yet never let anyone touch a hair on my head. I thought of my mother, how devastated she would be. My family.

---

                Seungho was looking into the mirror in his room and cleaning the cuts on his face as Joon sat behind him, arms crossed.

                “I don’t understand what her deal is. Is it so hard to listen to me? And why’d you have to go and help her? Did you want to get beat up? And did you have to be beat up by me?” Joon asked, annoyed that he couldn’t understand why Seungho did what he had. Why Seungho did most of the things, for that matter. He looked at his knuckles and rubbed them with his fingertips, then looked back at Seungho’s face through the mirror. He’d messed up his own brother’s face.

                “Look, it’s not that she did anything wrong. She just wants freedom. We took that away from her,” Seungho put a small bandage on his cheekbone and turned to face Joon, “She's used to being on her own and now she has to listen to someone like you.”

                Joon seemed offended, forgetting that Seungho had ignored the second series of questions he had thrown at him.

“Someone like me? What's wrong with me?”

 “Joon, you’re kidding, right? You're a kkangpae leader. People in dramas make fun of guys like you,” Seungho sat down on a chair, shaking his head.

“...when did you start watching dramas?” Joon raised an eyebrow.

“Shut up, that's not the point,” Seungho crossed his arms and looked away.

“Yeah, whatever. Don’t come crying to me when the main character dies.”

“She doesn't die, Joon. If you watched, you'd know she gets pregnant and the mom dies, preferably either by a car accident or cancer. Take your pick.”

“I'm not even gonna ask anymore...”

---

I didn’t know when I had slept, but when I woke up, I was still in the dark. How long had I been asleep? I felt fully rested; it had to have been a day or so. How many days had gone by? I had been here for more than a week, that was for sure.

Joon wasn’t trying to punish me. He wanted to kill me. They all did. That’s why nobody was coming in to save me. They all wanted me gone. I was too much of a hassle for them and they wanted nothing to do with me.

The secret, it was because I knew that secret that I was being killed. It was because of that for sure. Joon and G.O never wanted me in the group. Seungho, Thunder and Mir were too nice to me so I knew that they had to have been faking it. They were all lying to me; all going against me. It was a conspiracy to get rid of me.

I tried looking around the room and saw a shadow. It was coming closer to me. They had put somebody in the room so that he could kill me! I hadn’t done anything wrong and they were going to kill me!

I began to scream. If anything, my screaming would stop the person from coming closer for a while. I screamed louder and louder, hoping that I would be able to somehow break down the doors with my screaming. I began punching around the dark with my fists but felt no one there. How was he able to see me?? I felt tears again and let myself cry once more, still trying to scream and punch.

“It’s all over for you, little girl,” I heard a whisper in my ear.

That voice. It was that same voice; the one I had had nightmares of for years. It was that man again. He had come back for me like he’d promised. The man my father shot to protect me. He was back. He was the one that was going to kill me.

Crying was the only option I had now. The man was too powerful for me to fight off.

The gun.

He had a gun on him.

If I could get the gun, then I could shoot him and kill him first before he killed me. I would kill everyone who wanted to kill me. Yes, I had to find the gun.

I began looking around, feeling on the ground for a gun. It had to be somewhere.

“You won’t find what you’re looking for. The gun’s with me. You’re a goner,” I heard him laugh. It was that same disgusting laugh. I hated it. He needed to die.

“Get away from me!” I screamed at him, covering my ears. I didn’t want to listen to him anymore. No more!

I heard the door unlock and I stopped screaming. He was here to kill me for sure. He was messing around with me before but now he was here to kill me. He had been talking to me through the wall…that’s why I couldn’t find or hurt him. He was going to come inside and finish his job. I held my breath.

The door opened and the light of the hallway blinded my eyes. I squinted and saw a man’s silhouette. I tried to make out who it was and then saw his gun. Oh, God, it was him. My father hadn’t killed him when he shot him. He had gotten away. He was going to kill me.

“Please! Please don’t kill me!! Please!” I screamed at him, “I didn’t do anything wrong! Please don’t do it!” I cried harder than ever. I was going to die.

I tried to take in a breath to ask him again but couldn’t take in enough. I tried to breathe again, but somehow couldn’t. I was crying too hard to even breathe.

“Chaerin…” I felt arms around me.

I tried to scream again but this time, I fought back. I began sending wild punches everywhere. I tried to scream again, fighting his embrace. I used what I had learned in class, sending out punches every which way, he wasn’t going to get me. He wasn’t. I could survive, I could fight him. Silent tears streamed down my face, arm reaching to hold me still.

 “Chaerin, listen to me. I’m not here to kill you. You’re not going to die. It’s me, Joon. I’m not going to hurt you. I promise,” I heard the voice whisper into my ear. This voice was different…

Joon? This man was Joon? He wasn’t going to hurt me? He didn’t want me dead?

“I’m not going to hurt you,” I heard him say again, “I never will.”

Thank God. Thank God, thank God.

I didn’t care that it was Joon. I didn’t care that he had hit me and put me into this place. He had come back to save me. The man wasn’t going to kill me. I held onto him and cried, but this time they were tears of joy. I wasn’t going to die. Joon had come to save me.

I felt him pull me into a deeper hug and I let him. He felt warm and safe. He started rubbing my back and I slowly began to calm down. I wasn’t going to die.

“I’ll never let anyone hurt you,” I heard him mumble into my hair.

And I trusted him.