His breath tickled my neck and I turned around quickly, hoping to give a glare before responding. Very bad move. The moment I turned, I realized why his breath tickled me; he was incredibly close to me. His face was centimeters from mine and I tried to push back into the door, hoping that some way, somehow I would be able to get further from him. He, on the other hand, didn’t move back at all.

“Well?” he prompted, a smirk appearing on his lips, his eyes piercing into mine.

I succeeded in giving him a glare but couldn’t come up with a response. Come on, Chaerin, think!

“Get out of my way,” I muttered and used all my strength to push past him. What the heck? He didn’t even move an inch. He smiled and changed his position, bringing his head down to level with mine. This guy was strong…and I really didn’t like him hovering over me the way he was.

“I don’t think so. Where were you going, Chaerin?” he asked, well, demanded.

“Nowhere that you need to know. Now get out of my way,” I would’ve crossed my arms to show him that I was getting impatient but there was a minor space problem. He chuckled and brought his face closer to mine. Really? Did he have to get closer?

“As long as you’re a member of this gang under me, you listen to every word that comes out of my mouth and answer every question truthfully. You know what’ll happen if you start disobeying. I still don’t like you,” he whispered.

I swallowed the fear that started to build up and continued to glare.

“I just wanted to go out with a friend. You can trust me, you know,” I rolled my eyes. I was getting used to the no space between us. That probably wasn’t a good sign, though.

“No, I don’t trust you. I don’t trust women at all,” he narrowed his eyes.

“Then what about Bom unnie?” that definitely threw him off. Bom unnie was a woman after all. Didn’t think of that now, did he? He moved back a few centimeters and furrowed his eyebrows.

“Bom…she’s…not a woman, okay?”

“I win,” I muttered and tried to keep in my smile.

“You were gonna go out with that damn Jiyoung, weren’t you?”

“Yes, I was. I don’t see the problem in that,” I argued. What was his problem with Jiyoung?

“Well I do. And you’re not leaving this house tonight. You can cancel your date with him.”

That made me furious.

“Forcing me to listen to you, fine; stay in this house with you people, fine; learn all this crap that I’m never going to use, FINE! But don’t you dare tell me who I can hang out with or not. You may be the “leader” of this idiotic gang, but you cannot lock me up in this house forever! You just –”

I couldn’t realize at first what was going on until I noticed that there was no space between us anymore. His lips felt warm, very contrary to his personality. For a reason that I will never figure out, I closed my eyes and kissed him back. I felt his hand on my chin as he pulled away from me, staring into my eyes with that damn smirk of his on his lips.

“Shut up and watch me.”

Joon literally locked me inside the house. Trying to make a point, I get it, but he had me in my room with the windows and room door locked. I could just unlock them and get outside, you say? Good luck with that when he switched the locks to the outside. He even assigned a freaking guy to watch over me. Inside the room. He reported to Joon every time there was someone else there to keep me from going out. I was not enjoying this and made sure to show it. And it seemed only Seungho sympathized with me.

It was during the knife training session that Seungho told me what Joon was doing was stupid. The man assigned to me was gone when I was with Seungho. Maybe he was the second in command? I wouldn’t mind; he was on my side, after all.

“I understand that you’re furious with him for doing this to you, and I apologize on his behalf, but give him time. He’ll realize how stupid this is and let you go for a reason you won’t understand. Trust me,” he said and smiled at me, ruffling my hair.

“Thanks Seungho. You really are the only one who gives a damn about my feelings,” as usual, I couldn’t help but be comforted by Seungho and his smile.

They had given me the weekend off from being trained so I hadn’t been in the same room as Joon since the other night. I was not looking forward to it at all. First of all, he had kissed me and I hadn’t even fought back. Every time I even thought about it I felt my cheeks burning. Either he was going to completely ignore it or use it to his advantage. The first time he kissed me, he was drunk. This time, it was only to shut me up and I even gave in and kissed him back. Confrontation was really going to be difficult.

I walked into the room and saw that he wasn’t there. I was praying that he wouldn’t show up and we wouldn’t have to learn anymore. I would rather have G.O teach me than Joon doing so. Yeah, that’s how badly I didn’t want to be near him. But, of course, life did hate me, didn’t it?

Joon walked into the room and upon passing me handed me a gun. I held it just in time as he let go and continued to walk. Angry much?

“What’re you standing there for? Get over here,” he said and I walked to where he was. He was acting…weird. Was it just as bad for him confronting me? Good, maybe he’d learn next time before just randomly kissing me.

“I don’t understand what more I can learn from you,” I said, hoping that he would agree and let me leave.

“Oh, you have a lot more to learn. Just ‘cause you can shoot a bit doesn’t mean you know everything about shooting,” he said. His attitude was different. He suddenly became cocky again. Great.

“You act like I think I know everything. I’m not cocky like you,” I snapped.

“It’s okay to not know everything. You were doing well trying to learn a few nights ago. I promise to teach a few more lip tricks once we’re done here,” he winked and held up his gun, motioning me to do the same.

That. Piece. Of. Crap.

“I would point this gun at you, but I know what happens next,” I muttered and did as I was told. This wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. Joon was being a jerk, but it still felt a bit more comfortable to be with him. And that was a tad bit frustrating.

Joon began to teach me how to aim well enough to get the target on the first try. I was slowly understanding, and, of course, ‘slowly’ didn’t go too well with Joon.

“All you have to do is hold it at this level and shoot without moving your arm. Why is that so hard for you?” he walked over to me, the frustration showing on his face. I frowned, annoyed that I wasn’t able to get it fast enough.

“I’m trying…” I said and stiffened when I felt his body behind mine. My heart began beating faster and I held the urge to hit my chest, hoping my heart would get back to its normal beat.

“Like this,” his voice was softer as he held my hand and straightened it out. He placed his finger over mine and pointed at the target, “all you have to do is aim carefully and shoot quickly.”

He quickly directed the gun to a different target and gave my finger a push, shooting the target down right on bull’s eye. In the midst of being amazed that I would soon learn this skill, I realized that he was still standing very close to me and his hand…his other one…was resting on my waist. Should I have turned around and slapped him for touching me? Or ignore it and wait till he backed off?

“Your turn to do it alone,” he said and let his arm drop to his side and moved next to me.

I shook off the odd feelings, my waist still warm from his touches but I wouldn't let that affect me. I had to prove to him that I didn't need his lessons.

"Shoot, would you?"

I pointed, shut my eyes, and pulled the trigger. There was silence after the echoing in my ear stopped. I opened my eyes and there was a black paper man, a bullet straight through his heart. My first try and I had nailed it. Way to go me! I smiled widely and looked at Joon who seemed both impressed and disappointed.

“Am I awesome, or what?” I asked, knowing that he wanted to insult me but couldn’t.

“Beginner’s luck,” he said and crossed his arms across his chest, “do it again to prove how ‘awesome’ you are.”

He smirked and so did I. If I got this one right through the heart as well, he would never have the right to insult me about it again! I had to get it!

I pointed at the target next to it and pulled the trigger again, this time keeping my eyes open, hoping to get it again. The noise rang in my ears and I scanned the picture to see where I had shot and smiled in triumph. I had aimed for the head and got the bullet straight through the black figure’s forehead. I was definitely good at this.

“Hah, is that beginner’s luck too?” I was proud of myself for getting it perfect on the first two tries. Anyone would be, especially when Joon was the one teaching you.

“Well since you’re so confident with that, let’s try moving targets, see how well that goes,” he smirked and took out a small control from his pocket. With a click of a button, a few of the figures began to move back and forth while the others moved side to side. Long story short, I failed and he laughed. Way to keep my confidence high. There was no way anyone could keep their pride around this guy.

I had finished training for the day and decided to ask for permission to go out with Jiyoung. Of course, I didn’t ask Joon. I went straight to the man that would definitely help me: Seungho.

I was walking to his room, hoping that he was there and stopped to try and figure out where it was again. As I was thinking, I heard someone behind me. I turned quickly, knowing that it should have been one of the boys but still scared that it could be someone else, and come face to face with none other than the man I was looking for.

“Sorry, Chaerin, did I scare you?” Seungho asked, taking a step back and studying me.

“No, no, I’m fine,” I said and moved away from the front of his door. I continued to look at him and then move my gaze around to the hallway. What did I have to ask him again?

“Is there…something you need?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Um, yes, actually. I wanted to know if you could…maybe, I dunno…um…” I didn’t know how to ask him.

“You want me to figure out a way for you to hang out with this friend of yours that Joon doesn’t like.”

I nodded, hoping that I had at least on ally against Joon. Especially one that had as much power as Seungho did. He ran a hand through his hair and sighed. Why was he sighing?

"Look, I know Joon's not a nice guy to be around, but he's got his reasons. And as much as I want to see you happy, I just can't go back on his word. Not only ‘cause he's leader but because I know he knows best."

I stared at him with disbelief. He wasn't going to help me? I watched him, and realized it wasn't that he didn't want to help me, he was conflicted. He clearly wanted to help me; from the ringing of his hands, to the sudden worried look he got on his face, and the way he bit his lip.

He stared at me and I crossed my arms telling him I wasn't appreciating his sudden desire to be a good subordinate under Joon, when, suddenly, he pulled me into a nearby broom closet.

The broom closet was small; smaller than I was expecting. The door shut quickly behind us and the room sank into darkness. I could hear the shuffles of his clothing against me, and his warm breath as he leaned closer, his cheek grazing mine when he reached behind me, searching for the light switch and flicked on the light switch that was behind me.

I shivered, crossing my arms, as he ran another hand through his hair. It was an odd habit, sometimes really cute, but most of the time it was when he was frustrated or like now. Conflicted.

"Okay." He dropped his hand, suddenly leaning closer, his eyes on me. "I'm going to do you a favor. Just ONE favor. I'll distract Joon, and whoever else. Go out the back door, do not go through the alley but head towards the back fence. One of the fence stalks has a hole, that one's loose. Just keep going through the empty lot and you'll reach the street. But be back soon. I can't make excuses too long."

I stared blankly at him. He was helping him. Seungho, one of Joon's closest friends, was helping me. Before I knew what I was doing, I started hugging him and whispering, “Thank you, thank you, thank you,” into his ear. I was in his embrace much longer than I intended to be. It was weird, now that I think back onto it, why I was holding on to him for so long. I think maybe it was because he so clearly felt like home. His smell reminded me of my brother, his warmth reminded me of home some place I knew I wasn't going to be able to see for awhile.  And when his arm s around mine, it felt mutual. It was like finding something that I hadn't realized I had missed until that moment. And it was scary, nerve-wracking to think that there was something I could relate to, that I had a conscious feeling of something I loved like home towards one of these guys.

I pulled myself back when my mind drifted onto territory I knew I wasn't prepared for, his chin was resting on my shoulder and before I could pull completely away, the closet door swung open, the light of the hallways shining on my face. I stepped back further into the closet, Seungho's warmth disappearing.

“Uuuh." Mir's voice was more than tinged with shock. When the bright lights weren't quite so bright, his eyes emphasized that shock, "Sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt anything." He moved to shut the door but Seungho placed a foot between the door and the wall.

"Mir. What do you want?"

"I-I- nothing. I needed a broom. Thunder dropped some cereal in the kitchen."

Seungho turned his head, raising an eyebrow at me before stepping sideways to let Mir inside. I side stepped away from the group, Seungho's wink announcing the plan in action. I knew I had to keep cool. The more I brought attention to myself, the more I knew that Joon would be brought aware of my activities.

I stepped into my room, my footsteps quiet as I grabbed my purse. The commotion in the kitchen ("Hey! Don't throw cereal at me. It’s your , you clean it up." "Hyung you made the mess, you clean it up." "You guys? Can't you just both clean it up? "No!") gave me enough time to head towards the back door and escape before either of them noticed I was gone.

Holding on to my purse tightly, I went through the back and followed all of Seungho’s directions. Sure enough, in no time, I had reached the streets. I quickly took out my cell phone and dialed Jiyoung’s number.

He came to where I told him to meet me and we began our friendly date. Trust me; I didn’t like him like that. Sure, he was undeniably cute and very caring, but he was my best friend. No romance love there. We went out for an early dinner (the sun was still up) and then went walking through the park. That’s when I started thinking about what Seungho had done for me. What if Joon found out? I looked at Jiyoung. What if he did something like that to me…helped someone we barely knew go against a rule I had put up…?

I was a horrible person.

“Jiyoung, this was an awesome day, but I have to get back home,” I couldn’t stay out here any longer. I couldn’t be having fun out here while Seungho was trying his best to keep it a secret.

“Why? We were just getting started!” Jiyoung exclaimed with a smile on his face.

“I know, and I’m sorry, but I really have to go,” I said, hoping that he wouldn’t ask any questions and just let me go back.

“Okay, then. I hope nothing’s wrong,” he said and stopped walking.

I turned to him and gave him a smile.

“Of course nothing’s wrong. I just need to get home, that’s all. It was really great to hang out with you again. We’ll definitely do this more often,” I gave him a quick hug before I turned to walk back home. I couldn’t bear to look at him again. The minute we started having fun, the thought of Joon killed it and I felt guilty for just leaving so suddenly.

Jiyoung held my hand and turned me around.

“Don’t feel guilty about leaving me here, okay? I understand what you’re going through,” he smiled, patted my head and then began walking away.

I knew he would understand. He wasn’t my best friend for no reason.

While walking back to the house, I felt uneasy. Should I have texted Seungho to tell him that I was okay? Should I text him now to tell him that I was coming back? No, I couldn’t do that; the others might be by his phone and knowing them, they didn’t have much care for each other’s privacy. We’d be caught in no time. I reached the white fence again and got through to the back yard. The place was unusually quiet and my stomach began to churn. This was not a good sign at all. I began walking through the back yard hoping to reach the back door quickly. I hadn’t noticed the trees there until now. There were so many. How did I miss all this?

“Welcome back, Chaerin.”

The voice was too cold to be Seungho’s. I felt a chill down my spine as I realized who it was. He had found out. Joon had found out. I felt my body heat up and a sudden fear came over me. I had never heard him use that voice before. I had gone too far this time.

“Turn around,” he commanded and I did so, taking in a deep breath.

He was going to kill me. I kept my head down; if I was going to die I’d rather not look into his smug eyes or look down that same damn barrel of his gun one last time. I think I’d rather have my lost sight be the leaves on the floor and the dirty on my chucks.

“Look at me,” he ordered.

I couldn’t bring myself to. I was too afraid to. I heard him walking towards me and closed my eyes, biting the inside of my bottom lip.

“When I tell you to look at me, you look at me,” he held my chin roughly and forced me to face him.

The anger I saw in his eyes that moment was nothing I had ever seen in anyone before. He seemed ready to kill me, to make me pay for not listening to his orders. Fear had taken over my body. Flight or fight didn’t even have a chance to win. I was frozen in place, ready to die.

I felt my eyes burning. Oh no, no, I couldn’t cry now, not in front of him. It was too late though. I felt the tears falling down my face and began sniffling. My breathing became heavier as I tried to keep in the tears in.

“Don’t you start crying now. It won’t save you this time,” he said through gritted teeth, fiercely pushed my face away and turned his back to me.

My legs were weak and I had to step out to balance myself from the push. I didn’t know what to do. Was I allowed to speak? I was going to die anyway; I took my chances.

“I-I’m s-s –,” I whispered, trying to keep my words comprehensible.

“You’re what? Sorry?” he turned and began laughing, “’Sorry’ is what you say when you bump into someone. ‘Sorry’ is what you say when you give someone the wrong directions,” he took a breath, walking closer to me, “You deliberately disobeyed my orders and pulled Seungho into it. And what got him to agree? A kiss? A night together? What? Because last time I was heard, he was working under me. Not some cheap wannabe gangsta. Do you even know what you’ve done? ‘Sorry’ doesn’t cut it here, babe. You understand that?” he was inches from me again.

I kept my head down, still sniffling, but nodded lightly. He held my chin again and made me look up at him.

“Yes, I understand,” he glared into my eyes and I almost flinched back.

“Y-yes, I u-understand,” I said and began biting the inside of my bottom lip again.

“We’re gonna deal with you the way we do with all the other hard heads. Maybe you’ll realize now that this isn’t a joke or a game,” he had a sadistic smile on his lips.

Until that day, I had never seen a look like that on Joon’s face. I had heard some of the lower ranking men talk about witnessing his cold-hearted cruelty but never believed it.

“We’ll start your punishment right here,” he whispered into my ear and pushed my face away again, this time with so much force that I fell to the ground.

“Don’t say I never warned you.”