I was in deep trouble. How in world could I not make that connection: my father, a criminal detective, and me, a new gang member. My father had always warned me about gangs, always gave me ways to try and fight them off if I was ever put into a position with them and he wasn’t around to protect me. What was I even going to tell him? He would have a heart attack if I told him that I had joined a gang, even if it was forced. And then there was my mother…

                Good thing they lived in America. I could try to lie to them as best as possible. My father’s work was serious and he wouldn’t be able to fly out to Korea as often anyway. My heart seemed to calm down a bit after this thought. I began to think about telling Bom unnie though, just in case I need her in any way.

                I walked to her room and took a breath. I really hoped she would help me. I put up my hand to knock on the door and before my knuckles hit the wood, the door swung out in front of me with G.O standing, glaring more of, asking me what I was doing. I looked around the hall; this was definitely Bom unnie’s room.

                “I came here to talk to Bom unnie…this is her room…” I was still confused.

                “Chaerin?” Bom unnie appeared behind G.O. This was her room. I was right!

                “Oh hi…um…I wanted to talk to you about something…” I said, hoping that G.O would get the point and leave. I didn’t want him to hear.

                “Okay sure, honey, come in. G.O…” she said and smiled at him. He rolled his eyes and gave me a small glare before walking away.

                I walked into her room and she offered me to sit on the couch she had and sat down next to me.

                “Is something wrong?” she asked as she studied my face. I looked away.

                “Well, you see…there’s a tad bit of a problem…”

                “Mhmm,” she said and I could tell she wanted me to go on. It should be really easy to tell her that my father was a criminal detective. It should’ve been very easy and yet I was having this much trouble with it. I imagined having to tell the boys and shuddered at the thought. Another reason for G.O to silence me.

                “So, well…um…”

                Why couldn’t I just bring myself to say it? IT WAS NOT THAT HARD!

                “Chaerin…I don’t have all day,” Bom unnie raised an eyebrow and waited for me to finish.

                “Myfathersacriminaldetective,” I said that way too quickly. Dangit, now I had to say it again.

                “Chaerin, seriously, it’s probably not that big of a deal. Say it slowly so I can understand or I will get abusive,” she threatened.

                I sighed. Just tell her, I kept thinking to myself, she’s not going to hurt you for stating the truth.

                “My father is a criminal detective,” I held my breath.

                “That’s it?” she sounded annoyed.

                “Does that mean it’s not really a big deal?”

                Bom unnie sighed and gave me a ‘are you serious?’ look.

                “But…my dad looks for gangsters to put them in jail…that doesn’t bother you at all?” I was relieved but still confused. He could find them through me and lock them all up!

                “Would you really be so low and sell us out?” Bom unnie questioned. I was surprised at the question but quickly shook my head. Of course I wouldn’t sell them out. They’d definitely have me killed.

                “I would never,” I said, just to make sure that she got my answer.

                “Then why are you telling me this? Is it really that important?”

                “Well, you see, my parents live in America right now but they come back to Korea once a year to visit me,” I started and hoped that she would understand where I was going with that information.

                “Okay and so you might need help in covering the fact that you’re in a gang now?” she was a smart one and I liked her. I sighed in relief.

                “Yes, that’s exactly it!”

                “Well, I can’t help you out without our little boys knowing about this as well. Joon would be pissed if I kept anything from him.”

                “You…you mean we have to tell them?” I didn’t want to. I wouldn’t do it. No way in hell was I going to tell them that my dad might be able to put them in jail.

                “Listen, just tell him. He’s mean, but he’s very understanding. He won’t do anything to you unless he thinks you’re a threat. And trust me, you would’ve been gone a long time ago if he thought you were a threat,” she smiled and raised an eyebrow, “now go and tell him.”

                She actually kicked me out of her room. I thought she would help me but nope. Now I had to tell Joon or else she’d probably ask him if I told him and then tell him and then crap. I’m in trouble again.

                I walked to Joon’s room and took a breath. It might’ve been my last one.

                I knocked and held my breath. Please don’t be in your room. Please.

                My hope was crushed when I heard a low “come in” from inside. This was it. I was going to tell him that my father was someone who could potentially arrest him if he ever found out that I was in a gang. Really, it was only a normal life I asked for. Why was that so hard?! Almost everyone else got normal lives! World, I am officially mad at you.

                I opened the door and walked in slowly. Maybe he would tell me that he was busy and didn’t have enough time for me. He was sitting on his bed, reading a book. Gangsters read?

                “What do you want?” he asked, sounding impatient.

                I could’ve just said nothing a left and he wouldn’t care. But I somehow found courage to stay and tell him.

                “I have to talk to you about my family…” I started off. If he said he didn’t care, I was going to leave and never bring it up again. Please tell me you don’t care.

                “What about them?” he put his book down and swung his legs over to the side of his bed, sitting up and raising an eyebrow at me. Dangit.

                “Well, you see, I have to tell you about them because they could be a threat to you down the line…” I continued. Now he was definitely interested. I was going to tell him, it was final.

                “What? Your dad’s a cop or something?” he laughed.

                I was having a crap attack, and he was laughing. Great.

                “Well, he’s actually a criminal detective…but close enough,” I said. What was he going to do now?

                “And why do you seem so scared to tell me this? It ain’t like I’m going to kill you ‘cause of your dad’s job,” he seemed amused now. So all of my freaking out was for nothing? How annoying…

                “But…I thought you might find that threatening…or something…” was he really this nice? He actually thought about situations? I mean, sure, he was in a gang, but they actually thought things through before they did it? That’s not what I had seen in movies…

                “I’ll only find it threatening if you go and tell him about us. Now, you wouldn’t do that, would you? I have people that you’ll probably never know and once I’m in jail, they’ll know to get you. You value your life, don’t you Chaerin?”

                What. An. . I mean, really? I was trying to be nice and tell him about some things that he might want to know about me, and he threatens me?!

                “Of course I value my life. That’s why I chose to join this stupid, good for nothing gang,” I spat. Hah, that’d show him to threaten me again when I try to open up.

                “Good, so now that you’re done, leave. I’m starting to get annoyed just by looking at you,” he went back to his original position and began reading again.

                Then I realized: I was here to tell him about my father so that he could help me if my parents ever came to visit. Well, I threw that part down the drain. I still stood there, trying to figure out if I should ask him for help anyway. It’d be kind of two-faced, but I didn’t care anymore.

                “I’m not done yet,” I stated and he sighed, looking back at me.

                “What?”

                “I told you about my father because I’m going to need your help,” I crossed my arms across my chest.

“Really? And what kind of help could I give you?” he asked. Dangit, why did he sound amused again? Was I saying something weird?

                “My parents can’t know that I’m in this gang,” I said. If he said he didn’t care, I would go to pleading. At this point, I needed him to help me out no matter what. My father scared me and my mother was too young to have a heart attack.

                “So what do you want me to do? Call them up and say that you’re not? Just live with it and if they ask about anything, then come to me for help, otherwise this conversation is pointless.”

                And like that, he kicked me out of his room. Well, at least I knew that he’d help me out if I needed it.

                I wanted some air after staying in this house for the past few days. I needed to go out for a walk. So naturally, I got out without any of them noticing and headed for my walk.

                The fresh air was definitely better than staying in that hell hole. I mean, sure, I could go to the back yard, but it was still a confined place full of gangsters. I needed normal people. The sun was going down and the air was getting cooler. My time of the day: night.

                My peaceful walk was interrupted when I bumped into someone. Of course, I was angry and glared at the person.

                Wait…this face was way too familiar…

                Couldn’t be…

                “Chaerin? Wow, is that really you?” he asked with a surprised tone.

                It couldn’t be…the last time I had seen him was in junior high…

                “Jiyong?” I couldn’t believe my eyes.

                “It is you! How’ve you been?” he pulled me into a big hug.

                Oh, how I had missed his hugs.

                “Jiyong! It’s really you! Wow, where have you been these past few years?” I asked but continued to hug him. This had to be a dream.

                Okay, let me back up. Jiyong was my best friend since kindergarten and he had suddenly disappeared once we started high school. I had always wondered what happened to him. His phone had been disconnected and none of his emails worked. But he was finally back!

                “I had some family stuff to do, but what have you been up to?” he asked when we finally pulled apart. He had a smile on his face and I smiled back.

                “Nothing really; summer break now so I’m just out and about,” I replied. I still couldn’t believe that he was in front of me.

                “Let me treat you to lunch; you eaten yet?”

                “That would be great! I’m starving!” I said and we walked to a restaurant.

                At this point, I had forgotten who MBLAQ even were. They were the last people I wanted to think about. My best friend was back and I was going to spend my time with him and they weren’t going to stop me.

                We got our food and began talking about all we had missed out on each other. I never mentioned MBLAQ, of course. He didn’t have to know that side just yet.

                “So you’ve been doing family business?” I asked. I didn’t even know his family had a business.

                “Yeah, something like that. Hey, kind of a random question, but do you know Lee Joon?”

                Oh no, oh no, oh no. Did he know something? Oh crap.

                “Um…yeah, I think he was in one of my classes at my university this past semester…why?” I hoped he didn’t know Joon at all…‘cause if he did, he’d know that I was lying. Joon didn’t go to school. At least, I didn’t think he did.

                “Really? Okay, I was just wondering,” he smiled and took a bite out of his dinner.

                I definitely didn’t want to question him more about it. I would soon expose myself if I did and that wouldn’t be good at all.

                Before I left to go back to the hell hole, Jiyong and I exchanged phone numbers so that we could stay in contact with each other.

                “You better not randomly change it this time or I will find you and hit you,” I threatened.

                He laughed and hugged me again.

                “I won’t. Don’t worry about that. I’m here to stay this time,” he said and with that we departed.

                “Where were you?”

                Not only was Joon angry with me but so were the rest of the boys and Bom unnie.

                “I just went out for a walk. I can’t do that?” I didn’t see what the problem was. Everything I had was in this house; I wouldn’t just take off without them.

                “It’s 11 o’clock. You could have told us you were going to leave and come back late,” Bom unnie placed her hands on her hips.

                “I didn’t know I was going to stay out late. I met a friend while I was walking and we hung out. I hadn’t seen him in years,” I tried to explain.

                “Don’t you have a phone? You couldn’t call?” G.O asked in a stern voice.

                Almost as if on cue, a phone rang. I saw Joon dig through his pocket and pulled out his cell phone. He didn’t even speak into it; just held it up to his ear, glared at me and when he was done listening, slapped the phone shut and put it back into his pocket. What, had I angered him somehow with that phone call?

                “Everyone leave. I need to talk to her alone,” his glare deepened as he took a seat on the couch and everyone else left.  Really? What the heck did I do now?!

                “Sit down,” he said and motioned with his head to the couch in front of his.

                I sat down and sighed.

                “Okay, what did I do now?” I asked him.

                “Why do you think you did something wrong?” he seemed to be testing me.

                “I don’t know. You look pissed off and you want to talk to me alone, kinda proves that I did something wrong in your eyes,” I stated. Better be the right answer ‘cause I was not going to give another one.

                “Very good observation. Now tell me the name of this friend of yours that you got so caught up with you forgot about everything else,” he leaned back into the couch.

                Why did he want Jiyong’s name?

                “Kwon Jiyong…why?” if I didn’t tell him the name, I think he would have made me regret it. I still asked for a reason though.

                “Kwon Jiyong? I don’t want you hanging around him.”

                Excuse me, what? He didn’t want me to hang around my best friend? Who did he think he was? He couldn’t run my life the way he wanted to. I wasn’t going to let him.

                “That’s not going to happen,” I said, trying not let the anger in me come out.

                “What?”

                “I said ‘that’s not going to happen.’ You can’t stop me from hanging out with my best friend. You can force me to be here but you cannot run my life exactly the way that you want to. I won’t let you,” now it was my turn to glare.

                “Listen, if I tell you not to be around someone, you listen to me. It’s for your own good,” he sounded angry. Good.

                “I don’t trust you enough to listen to you. He’s my best friend and I’ve known him ever since we were both in diapers. Our parents are even friends so just don’t in.”

                I knew that he was fuming from the words I was saying. I bet he always had the people around him listen to his every word. Well, this was a good change for him. Stupid commanding man.

                “Then it ain’t my damn fault if you get screwed over.”

                I had noticed a small thing about him: when he got overly angry, he would start talking all “gangster-ish.” But that wasn’t the point at all. The point was that I didn’t need his approval in the friends that I had.

                “Well, I’m glad you understand that,” I stated and stood up, “And I won’t get screwed over. I know how to choose my friends,” I didn’t even wait for him to tell me he was done before I stormed out of the room and walked straight to mine.

                That morning I was woken up by an angry Bom unnie. She shook me and muttered something under her breath. I woke up and rubbed my eyes. What was the fuss?

                “Unnie?” I asked, still trying to figure out what was going on.

                “Did you forget something, Chaerin?” she asked.

                She seemed a bit annoyed and I couldn’t figure out why. Was it something I did? I know I got home late last night but that shouldn’t have been bothering her that much.

                “I don’t know…did I?”

                She sighed loudly.

                “You don’t train for one day and be done with it all. You have training today, same time as yesterday and you have 15 minutes to be ready for it.”

                With that, she walked out of my room.

                Training…?

                Oh crap! Training!

                I hurried to get dressed and even cut my gums when brushing my teeth too hard and fast. I looked at my watch: 7:56am. I could make it to the basement in four minutes. Hopefully.

                I got to the door and opened it quickly, running inside.

                “You’re late,” I heard G.O’s voice behind me.

                I jumped and turned around, holding my chest where my heart was.

                “It’s only by a minute. I’m sorry?”

                He was probably very close to punching me and I wouldn’t be surprised if he did.

                We continued with the lesson for that day and Bom unnie taught me a bit more about stance and then went into a bit of technique. This time, training was an hour and I only had a 15 minute break. I thought Joon had said that the breaks would be lowered every week. Guess you could never trust gangsters. Oh wait, I already knew that.

                Training got to Seungho and I was relieved. Sure, Thunder and Mir were adorable, but they didn’t mind torturing me at all. They seemed to enjoy it…a little too much. I knew that I could trust Seungho to treat me like a human yet train me the way that he needed to.

                “Did you get to learn how to get the knife to stick on the wall?” he asked when I had gone inside the room and picked up the knife he had ready for me.

                Embarrassed, I shook my head no. He laughed and placed a hand on my shoulder.

                “Don’t worry about it then. We’ll perfect it today,” he smiled at me and flung the knife into the wall. Yup, I was definitely in good hands with this one. He wouldn’t try to kill me and was very understanding to my slow learning.

                A half hour had passed and I still couldn’t get the knife to stick into the freaking wall. And you know what was the most annoying? Seungho teaching me everything, every small detail and I still couldn’t get it right.

                “Maybe I’m just not cut out to learn this,” I whined as the knife hit the ground again.

                “Don’t be so pessimistic. You’re gonna get it by the end of today…even though we have 25 minutes left before we’re done…” he picked up the knife and handed it to me, stepping back and crossing his arms across his chest.

                “See? It’s not enough time. No matter how hard I try, I fail,” I said, throwing the knife against the wall, frustrated with my inability to make it stick. I looked away and rolled my eyes at Seungho. After a few seconds, I expected the “clinging” noise of the knife falling to the ground again but it was taking too long. I looked at the wall to see my knife perfectly in the wall. I couldn’t believe my eyes and stared at Seungho trying to understand how I did it.

               “So it’s when you’re angry, huh?” he smiled and it seemed as though he was commenting to himself and not to me. At that moment, I could’ve cared less what anyone thought. I jumped for joy at being able to get the knife to stick into the wall. I ran to it and pulled it out giving Seungho a big smile.

                “I did it!” I exclaimed, knowing all too well that he saw it anyway.

                He smiled and clapped at my victory. I felt my heart flutter but decided to ignore it. It was only because I had finally succeeded…not because of his smile. I swear.

                “I’m very proud of you. Now do it again,” he stated, the smile still on his lips.

                That was when mine disappeared. How in the world was I supposed to do it again? It wasn’t like I had planned for it to go in. It was luck. Curse luck for giving me happiness and then crushing it!

                “Um…okay. I’ll try to…”

                I held the knife again took a deep breath. I could do this again. It wasn’t hard at all. I concentrated all I had into getting the knife into the wall and flung it. It went into the wall again. What the heck? I did it one time and now I could just do it? Amazing!

                “Very good, Chaerin. You’re learning how to focus your concentration and putting all your mind and soul into accomplishing a task. I knew you had it in you,” he ruffled my hair and gave me the smile again. Damn that smile.

                The session with Seungho was over and I was heading to the next room to meet Joon. Why did Joon have to come after Seungho? I would have been happier if Joon was before him, leaving Seungho to be my last instructor. That way I could end off these training sessions in a brighter mood.

                But of course, when had life ever listened to me? It always thought it knew best, didn’t it?

                I opened the door and walked inside, looking around to see if Joon was waiting. He was, well, sort of. It was silent one moment and then all I heard were gunshots. I couldn’t help the scream that escaped from me and I covered my mouth with my hands. What the hell, man?!

                The gunshots stopped and I heard footsteps, knowing all too well that they were Joon’s. I held my heart and when I saw him, I gave him a glare. Was he trying to scare me, knowing all too well that I was scared of guns? What a jerk…

                “Did I scare you?” he smirked and walked closer to me, holding out a gun to me.

                I didn’t answer back, not wanting him to know just how scared I actually was. I had to show him that I was strong enough and not afraid of everything these gangsters did.

                “Let’s just start and get this session over with,” I said and took the gun from his hand.

                He was teaching me how to shoot at targets, first starting off with the slower moving targets. Almost everything I did, he would either yell at me or glare because I was somehow doing it wrong. My wrist wasn’t straight, my foot-placement was wrong, I was holding it too tightly, yada yada yada. Did he really think I’d be able to perfect it all in one hour? And seriously, holding a gun too tight was a problem? This guy was out to make me suffer and it was not fun.

                “Why can’t you do anything right?” his voice was rising and I knew he was going to yell soon…again.

                “Because I’m an idiot and shouldn’t be having to learn these things,” I said, hoping he caught the sarcasm in my voice. By his glare, I knew that he did and didn’t enjoy it.

                “Don’t get cocky because you’re somewhat accepted by the others. I still don’t like you and with our training, I can ‘accidently’ shoot you between your eyes.”

                That shut me up. For those few minutes, of course. I mean, really, was it too much to ask this guy to not threaten to kill me? I was of no danger to him and he knew that. Jerk.

                “Listen, I’m not here to be an enemy to you. You want me to be gone that badly, take me to one of those gangster fights and I’ll be killed in an instant or just let me go. Don’t just threaten me every damn day and hope that I’ll stop talking back because I won’t. Freaking jerk.”

               I was tired of him. Sure, I valued my life quite a bit but breaking down all my pride and dignity was going way too far. He needed to watch out because sooner or later, he was going to get another slap from me.

                “I’ll ignore that comment. Now keep practicing.”

                I got to my room after practice and flopped down on my bed. Joon’s sessions always tired me out more than they should have. It was only handling a gun but having Joon as the trainer was horrible. He found fault in every small detail and insulted like no other. He even made me do pushups every time I got it wrong 5 times in a row…which meant that after 5 times of trying, I would have to do pushups.

                I started thinking of ways to make his life miserable without putting my life in danger when I heard my phone ringing. I picked it up and looked at the caller-id.

                Kwon Jiyong.

                I smiled and quickly answered it.

                “Hi,” I said, hoping that he would ask to hang out. I needed to get out of the house again. These sessions were killing me and the house, scratch that, mansion was suffocating me.

                “Hey, Chaerin. Do you wanna hang out tonight?”

                “Sure. I’ve got nothing to do,” I replied, glad that he had read my mind.

                “Great, let’s meet up at Gangnam Shopping District. Is that good for you?”

                “No problem! What time?”

                “In about an hour?”

                “See you there!”

                We hung up and I immediately went to shower and get ready. Getting out of here as soon as possible was my goal. I grabbed my purse and happily went downstairs but then quieted down. I wasn’t about to tell them that I was going out. They would definitely follow me. I could leave and then call Bom unnie to tell her that I was out and would be back soon. Good plan.

                I opened the front door slowly but was suddenly pushed into it, the door slamming shut. I felt a body behind me and saw a hand on the door next to my head.

                “Going somewhere?”

                Damn this man.