What did he just tell me? Whose nickname was G-Dragon?

                “Chaerin, did you hear me?” Joon’s voice broke me out of my thoughts and I turned my attention back to him.

                “I did…but I don’t see why the nickname G-Dragon matters.”

                “Chaerin, your friend, Jiyong’s nickname is G-Dragon. G-Dragon is the gangster that your father is looking for. Should I dumb it down even more?”

                I knew he insulted me but I didn’t care to acknowledge it. Jiyong was in a gang? No, he couldn’t be. Not my best friend Jiyong. He wasn’t that kind of a guy.

                I felt my hand fly across Joon’s face and I definitely didn’t regret slapping him. I was angry now.

                “How dare you. You’d go this low just to make me stop seeing my best friend? My father was right, gangsters are the worst. Cunning and terrible people; I should’ve never let my guard down with you,” I gave him a glare before I my heel and stomped away.

                I felt him hold onto my wrist. Of course he wouldn’t let it down now. He turned me around and somehow had me pinned against the outside wall of the house.

                “Chaerin, this isn’t a damn joke. G-Dragon’s a long time enemy of MBLAQ. Don’t you think it’s odd that once you joined, he decided to come back into your life? Use your brain here, Chaerin,” he sounded desperate now. The look in his eyes almost seemed to be pleading with me to believe him. I didn’t want to. No, I had to get to Jiyong. He wanted my help. He needed me.

                “Let me go. I’m leaving,” I tried to get away from him, tried to move but he held on tighter.

                “Please, I’ll tell you everything you wanna know, everything. Just don’t go to him today. Give me time to explain myself before you think I’m lying.”

He leaned in closer and I suddenly felt my heart skip a beat. Looking into Joon’s eyes, I almost forgot what we were even fighting about. I gave in. Why was it getting harder to fight him?

                “Fine, but make it quick.”

                We were all sitting in living room once again. I had texted Jiyong telling him that I couldn’t make it today and how sorry I was. He understood, replying with “I really wanted to see you, but okay.” I felt guilty for leaving him alone at a time that he needed me, but I wanted to give Joon a chance to explain.

The rest of the boys all looked at each other oddly before turning their attention to Joon.

                “I think it’s time Chaerin knew everything about us; including enemies and allies.”

                Joon’s words shocked the rest of them. I guess this wasn’t the way Joon normally handled telling someone everything about the gang.

                “Joon, did you…?” Seungho started and Joon nodded his head.

                “Chaerin knows why I don’t want her hanging out with GD and that he might eventually do something to her,” I saw him glance towards me before returning his attention to the rest of them.

                Bom unnie sighed and sat back, her attitude was telling the rest of us she wanted no part in the conversation. It was clear to me that Joon’s plan was to keep me in the dark about Jiyong for as long as possible, until the last minute.

                “Hyung, is it really necessary to tell her now?” Thunder asked, confirming my suspicions.

                “She needs to know. She’s a part of this gang now and she needs to know what’s happened with us,” Joon was stern but it wasn’t very convincing for the rest of the group.

                “Joon, she doesn’t have to know everything just yet. Give it a bit more time,” G.O spoke up. Even he seemed like he didn’t want to talk about what happened between them and Jiyong.

                “So what, you want her to live this life thinking that she’s safe? That she can just walk out anywhere alone and not be afraid of what might happen to her? This is G-Dragon we’re talking about. The enemy we’ve been fighting for years. You think Mir was just accident? That those guys were just pissed that they didn’t get Chaerin? It was a trap and we fell right into it. Who do you think the bullet was aiming for? If Mir hadn’t stepped in, I was dead. Their plan failed and you think Chaerin’s safe not knowing that GD’s out to kill us?”

                I held my breath trying to take it all in. Seungho sighed and I looked to him, hoping that he would somehow say that Joon was wrong; that my best friend wasn’t just using me. I knew it was denial, but I couldn’t help feeling it.

                “Joon, you should sit down before we start telling her about anything.”

                Joon turned around and looked at Seungho before sitting back down on the couch. He wrung his hands together and stayed silent.

                I patiently waited for them to be ready enough to let me know what in the world was going on.                “To make it short, there were problems, then misunderstandings and finally, hate between Joon and GD. Some went down and now GD’s out to kill Joon and anyone associated with him. It ain’t no coincidence that GD came back to you right after you joined MBLAQ.”

I liked G.O. He made things short and simple and got his facts straight.

I looked around to the others and they looked as if a weight was lifted off their shoulders. Weren’t they glad G.O didn’t care for my feelings? He had finished up what would probably take a while for the rest of them to say.

                “He's out to kill all of us? But how is that possible? How would he know I'm a part of you guys? I took every precaution so that he wouldn't know,” I looked to all their faces and they all seemed to have the same expression of doubt. I continued on trying to reassure them, “Nobody knows. They know I'm not that type of person that would join something like this willingly. Like you said, it’s a family business and I'm not family. Why would Jiyong come after me?”

I didn’t want to doubt my best friend, but after being with MBLAQ I knew that just being associated with anyone made me an automatic target.  And that’s why I was in danger, Joon wanted me to be prepared for anything and this was coming out of some place I didn’t ever expect.

I thought about Jiyong and his knowledge about MBLAQ, and I began to wonder whether or not whispers had gotten out whether or not I was a part of MBLAQ or simply that I was associated with them but I shook my head. I had taken every precaution and not even my father had noticed a thing. Sure I seemed a bit unusual but that was normal for me, wasn't it?

                “Chaerin, he won’t kill you.” Thunder said it reassuringly, “Even he has a little bit of heart and won’t kill his former best friend. But he will take any opportunity to use you. Eventually, when you don’t give him the information he wants, he’ll take you and he’ll torture you. He only wants you because he knows you’re a connection to us. It’s something no one wants to hear but you’re bait to him. And the second he takes you, he’ll make you regret the day you ever met him,” he spoke softly.

“Listen, I know it’s hard to believe, but that’s the truth. It’s your choice if you wanna go to him. You know what might happen and if anything does, it ain’t our fault,” Joon sat back and looked away from me.

              “Chaerin, really, we just want the best for you. You’re part of MBLAQ now and we’re always gonna have your back,” Bom unnie said.

                “Then…what do I do now?” I asked, looking around, “Now that I know he wants to use me, what do I do?”

                I felt hopeless. What does a person do after finding out that she’s being used by someone she trusted? I looked at them but Joon caught my eye. His expression was unreadable but he sat back and said “Sit and wait. You’re our bait as much as you are his.”

                “So I’m just bait for you guys?”  I stared at them all in shock. Was I really only bait to them? They had taught me so much and it had come down to using me?

                Bom unnie punched him on the arm and I could tell from Joon’s flinch that it actually hurt.

                “You moron! Why in the world would you say something like that?! Chaerin, hon, he’s just being an as usual. Don’t mind him.” She gave him a glare and pushed him a little, muttering something under her breath.

They all shook their heads furiously, but something told me that as usual, Joon was going to be right. And I was going to find myself playing both sides. It was a lot to take in at that moment, and sitting in the room, I was left with a situation where I didn’t know the answer to. I needed some air.

                “I have to go,” I said quickly and grabbed my purse. I left the room as fast as I could and walked to the door. I reached for the doorknob but stopped when I heard Bom unnie start to speak.

                “Good job, is that what you wanted? And you ask why she doesn’t trust you; you’re always saying stupid like that to her –”

                 I heard her continue to yell at Joon but I didn’t stay to hear what she would say next.

                I got to the house and went straight to the couch, flopping face down. What was I going to do now? My best friend was out to get me, my new friends, no, my new family wanted to help but I didn’t know what to do just yet and my parents didn’t even know the half of the half of it.

                I was no stranger to life being confusing but this...this was just simply too much.

                I sat up. There was only one person I could talk to that could give me good advice and not ask questions: Jeremy.

                I reached his front door and hesitated knocking. I hadn’t seen him in forever. Jeremy had moved from England to Korea to get in touch with his roots and well, enjoyed being here after some time and so he decided to stay. I finally brought myself to knock on his door and waited.

                He opened the door and then next thing I knew, I was being bear hugged and pulled into his house.

                “CHAERIN, WHY HAVEN’T I SEEN YOU IN A LONG TIME?!” he yelled after pushing me onto the comfy couch.

                “It’s great to see you too, Jeremy,” I muttered, sitting up.

“Yah, it’s your own fault. WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?!” he pulled me into another hug.

                I had forgotten about this side of Jeremy. Not only was he the best person to talk to, but he loved hugs and skinship. People normally felt awkward around him because of it, but I loved it. Something about his hugs just me happy. Maybe it was his attitude too. And that he was like my brother.

                “I’ve been around, you know…doing things,” I answered his question vaguely, my mind drifting back to the reason I had come to him.

                “What is it? Something’s wrong and you need help.”

                Damn, how’d he know?

                “It’s…it’s nothing big, just…” I couldn’t my words straight. How do I ask for help on a gang related problem without saying that I was in a gang?

                “Okay, who is he? Who is this jerk that’s making your life difficult??” Jeremy stood up and held up a fist. I laughed.

                “Jerm, there’s no boy problem, I promise.”

                “Are you sure? Because the last time you made that face, we found out that Jiyong had left without saying anything to you and you were heartbroken. Don’t think you can lie to me Chaerin. I know you,” he moved to sit on the table in front of me and narrowed his eyes.

                “Okay, so it might be a little bit of a boy problem but it’s more than that. I…kind of, I think, ruined a family…”

                “YOU’RE A HOME WRECKER?? CHAERIN, WHERE DID I GO WRONG???” Jeremy held his head with his hands.

                Of course this is how he would react. This was Jeremy I was talking to. I should try to be more specific.

                “No, Jeremy, I am not a home wrecker. It’s not that kind of boy problem.”

                And so, I explained to him everything that had been going on with me. Of course, not the part that I was forced to join a gang or that I had been tortured by them but the other parts where I was living with them now because of some “unfortunate” circumstances. And throughout the whole thing, he never once said a word and just listened to me ranting on about all that I had gone through in the past months.

                “So basically, you’ve lost all hope and don’t know what to do anymore,” he summarized and I nodded with a small pout.

                “Help, please?” I gave him my most innocent look.

                “Let’s see…I don’t know if I want to – oh, fine. I can’t refuse you. What do you need the most help with? The whole problem part or the falling in love with this Joon character part?”

                I was appalled. Me in love with Joon? This man had lost his touch. For sure.

                “Chaerin, my dear Chaerin. Did you come here to me for help to tell me that I have lost my touch? What? Now you're wondering how I knew what you were thinking? I can see it in your eyes, Chaerin. Like I said before, you can’t lie to me. And, no, before you think about it, I am in fact, not psychic. Just purely dazzling." He winked and smirked at my awe-stricken face.

                “I…” he didn’t let me finish.

“Quiet, it’s my turn to speak and help you out. Now, you are in love with this Joon and from what I can tell, the guy likes you too. So I say, try to find a way to make him confess first and BUHBAM! he’s yours. Finally…” he smiled to himself in success and sat down on the couch, crossing his arms across his chest.

                “I’m sorry, did you say ‘finally’? That’s mean, Jerm!! You know I’ve never had a boyfriend because my dad and brother would scare him away anyway,” I sat on the couch in front of him and pouted again, “You’re not helping me at all.”

                “So basically, you just proved me right that you’re in love with the man.”

                He always won. Wait, what was I thinking? I wasn’t in love with Joon. I couldn’t be. I mean, sure, he made my heart beat faster when I saw him. When I would see him caring for Mir; the way he always thought deeply about what the others had to say; the way that he showed his love to them all, keeping them close to his heart as if they were his real brothers. But who wouldn’t find that a little attractive? It didn’t always have to be love to appreciate his family orientated actions. Jeremy was definitely wrong on this one. He had to be.

                “Whatever Jeremy, just help me with the other problem I have. Please and thank you.”

                I got home from Jeremy’s house and immediately flopped on the couch again. This was too much for me to handle. I heard noises coming from my room and stood up. My father wasn’t home; his car wasn’t in the driveway. I grabbed the gun Joon had shoved into my purse when we had planned for me to live in this house. It terrified me to think that I might have to use it, but I walked slowly to my room and opened the door, holding the gun up to shoot at whoever was in there.

Before I could figure out what happened, I was on the floor, gun knocked out of my hand, and a man on top of me with his hand on my mouth to keep me from screaming.

“I thought I told you to never point a gun at me ever again.”

I was relieved that it was Joon and not someone trying to break in and kill me. I felt his breath on my neck and a shiver ran through my body. He still had his hand on my mouth and when he pulled back from my ear, I saw smirk on his lips.

“Get off,” I mumbled through his hand. I was still mad at him for calling me bait and wanted to show it.

“I’m sorry? I didn’t catch that.”

I glared at him and tried to push him off with no success. I tried again but this time he pinned my wrists on each side of my head.

“Got off of me,” I said clearly this time.

“I don’t think you have that kind of power. We may not be living under the same roof anymore but I’m still your boss and I make the demands. Now shut up,” he whispered quietly, his voice low and stern.

I felt a shiver run down my spine and I felt my cheeks pinken under his strong gaze. In an instant, I lost the bravery that had built up in me while living away. He had gone from joking to serious in a second. Scary gangster boss was definitely scary.

He got up at my silence and dusted himself off.

“What-what do you want?” I tried to brush the slight fear that had developed in me again, getting up as well, rubbing my wrists. What exactly was he doing here in the middle of the night?

“I just want you to answer a question that I’ve been thinking about recently,” he swallowed with a nervous look in his eyes. His voice was stern and powerful but his face was saying he was just as nervous to ask the question as I was to hear it, but he opened his mouth and asked “Why don’t you trust me?”

I knew I shouldn’t have done it the second it happened and that it was a bad idea, but I couldn’t help myself, I burst out laughing. He looked at me, disheartened. I knew that if I didn’t stop he would get angrier, but it was too funny.

“Are you serious? What have you even done for me to trust you? All you’ve done is torment and scare me. You think you’ll earn my trust that way? I don’t think so, Joon. It doesn’t work like that.”

He seemed surprised. Good. Someone would have to let him know that fear did not equal trust and if I had to be the one to break it to him, then better yet.

“You’re telling me that in all this time you’ve been with us, there was not one thing that happened between us that would make you trust me.”

I had to stop and think at that. Of course there were a few times, but I didn’t want to tell him. My pride wouldn’t let me tell him that after he had tortured me, he was still the person I would have rather been with. That when those men were hitting on me, he was the one I wanted to save me from them. That when Mir was shot…I had been a little relieved that it wasn’t Joon. And that’s when it hit me, like a ton of bricks on my chest. My heart flipped as Joon stepped closer. I had fallen for him. Damn, Damn it all. Jeremy had been right. I didn’t want to; I knew it wasn’t going to work. Joon was a gangster and I was thrown into an unfortunate situation but when Joon wasn’t intimidating or threatening me or being a complete jerk, there was that side of him that no one was really allowed to see and it made me miss home. It made me realize that Joon was more than what he showed everyone, what he tried to show me.

I cleared my throat, trying to push my thoughts away, “Probably once or twice but they, no doubt, meant nothing for you so it really doesn’t matter. I simply don’t trust you,” I had to be mean. If there was one thing I wanted Joon never to know he had power over, it would be my heart.

Joon walked closer and I started backing away from him and even though I yelled at myself to stand against him, that he was proving nothing from his actions, I continued backing away until I was touching the wall. He continued closer to me and it was eventually like before: him blocking me from getting away from him.

“W-what are you doing?”

“I’m sick of being the bad guy to you.” He said softly, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear,  “Just because you don’t trust me doesn’t mean that I’m the bad guy. Quit fighting me.”

It wasn’t that I fought him on purpose; it wasn’t that I wanted to hold anything against him but it was defense.

He lifted his hand and lightly held my chin, moving closer. I wanted to move, to tell him to stop messing around with me, but I couldn’t help wanting to kiss him. Even if he was going to stop and laugh at me, I wanted the kiss. For that small moment, to think that he actually felt the same way about me.

His gaze never left mine and eventually, our lips met. His hand moved to the back of my neck, pulling me into a deeper kiss. The room began to feel warmer and I felt his hand move down my spine, to the small of my back, leaving a trail of goose bumps on the way.

He slowly pulled away and moved far enough to look at my face but still close that I could hear him breathing softly.

“Confused?” he whispered and I felt the smile on his lips. Speechless, I opened my eyes and looked at him and nodded. Who wouldn’t be? I was sure he hated me but now everything that I thought I knew was turned upside down.

“Scared?”

 “No,” this time I found my voice; a confident one, at that.

“Good. That means I made the right choice,” he scanned my face and grinned. No doubt he read the confusion because his smile widened.

“And what is that supposed to mean?”

“It means I chose the right girl to be with. Confused, but not scared.”

That did it. I wasn’t just confused now, I was irritated. What was he trying to tell me? He had a line of girls to choose from and because I stopped fighting, he takes what he can get?

“Would you care to explain yourself? This “right girl” you speak of doesn’t understand where you’re going with all this,” I got my kiss, but damn he was making an out of himself very quickly.

“Chaerin, be my girlfriend.”

I was dumbfounded. He was kidding. He had to be. This was Joon we were talking about and all he ever did was make me feel like a fool.

“I’m not falling for that, Joon. You think its okay for you to just mess with a person’s heart and mind? Just stop it now.”

“It’s no joke. Chaerin, I want you to be my girlfriend,” his eyes told me he was sincere but I didn’t know what to believe.

Lee Joon, the man who didn’t trust anyone but his family wanted me as his girlfriend. The man that I fell in love with no matter how many times he hurt me liked me back.

“Chaerin, I don’t know when it happened and I don’t know what to do either but…I like you. I want to be with you.”