It all started out as a casual Christmas party at So Nyuh Shi Dae’s dormitory. Nine excited girls ran around the dorm, fixing up holiday decorations, making sure that last batch of kimchi hadn’t already been eaten by Sooyoung and just goofing around. They were waiting for their oppas in Super Junior and DBSK as they had been invited to the party as well.

Yoona couldn’t have been more relieved when SM gave them a much-needed break in activities. The promotions for “Gee” were so exhausting that one time, as soon as the girls walked into the dorm, they all collapsed in the lounge together and when they woke up the next morning, all nine of them were still in the lounge. Yoona loved the high voltage of energy from the fans wherever they performed and adored the pleasuring rush of satisfaction from a performance well done. But their schedules were becoming more and more packed everyday, what with requests to be on reality shows and special events, not to mention rehearsals and filming for the dramas that she was in.

She had just taken a shower and was in her room, drying her hair and humming along to her iPod’s speakers playing some Christmas songs. There was this one song Yoona absolutely loved- it was one of the few English songs she knew and really liked. Even now, she only knew that the band who sang it had a very strange name. But the one Christmas song they had released was playing on her iPod and Yoona couldn’t help but sing along, in the best English she could manage.

“A face on a lover with a fire in his heart.

A man undercover but you tore him apart.

Ooh hoo, now I’ve found a real love,

You’ll never fool me again…”

Just then, there was a knock on her bedroom door. Yoona quickly paused her iPod and was just about to open the door, expecting one of her unnies or Seohyun, when she suddenly heard a masculine voice on the other side of the door that she knew she could recognize anywhere.

“Yoona? Is that you singing? You’re pretty good. Come on, everyone’s downstairs, Sooyoung and Changmin are going to eat everything in sight!”

Heart pounding in her ears, Yoona opened the door and managed a radiant smile that efficiently covered up that all-too familiar feeling of nervousness and excitement that washed over her whenever she was near him. Lee Donghae. Donghae with his heart-melting grins like the ones he gave her when they first met, when he just debuted and she was just a trainee. Donghae with those smooth, killer dance moves that drove fans crazy. Donghae with his charm and modesty that made him so popular. Lee Donghae in all his presence and being was standing right in front of her outside her bedroom and all Yoona could think of to say was:

“H-Hey Donghae-sunbaenim! When did you guys get here?”

“Just now. Aish Yoona, call me oppa!”

Needless to say, Yoona had always had something more than a little “fiery crush” (as Leeteuk-oppa put it) for Donghae ever since they met and when he told her to call her oppa, she had to keep her head down so he couldn’t see her face turn bright red.

“Alright, Donghae-oppa."

Together they went into the lounge where everyone had already gathered. Music streamed through the group of idols and various conversations spread through before the noise finally settled down and Taeyeon suggested they play truth or dare. It would be meaningless to describe how free and at ease the idols felt playing childish games and not having to worry about putting a front for the press and the fans. Everyone listened intently as Hyukjae told this intriguing story from his high school years and roared with laughter when Tiffany had to eat a piece of cream pie using only her face.

It was Donghae’s turn and when he picked truth, Yunho and Heechul put their heads together to confer and decide what he should be asked. When they finished, Yunho asked:

“Do you like someone and if so, what would you want to tell them if they were here?”

Donghae took a while to think about his answer and as he did, his eyes happened to rest on her. Yoona dismissed it, noting that he was known to be extremely spacey (she had figured that out when doing broadcast sessions with him, Hyukjae-oppa and Leeteuk-oppa on Sukira). Still she thought nothing of it when his eyes didn’t look away and he finally said:

“Yes, I do like someone…and if they were here and if they were willing to listen, I’d say that I’ve admired them and liked them for a really long time and if they would notice and like me back, I would make sure they would never regret it.”

Siwon clapped him on the back approvingly and Leeteuk fake-cried, commenting jokingly on how his “son” was finally growing up. Yoona wondered who this person was when Yuri burst into the room and shouted, “Omo, you guys! I checked my phone and our team is winning so far in the soccer game!” Several sports enthusiasts in the room immediately got up and swarmed Yuri, badgering her for more information. Everyone began to disperse and soon the party returned to its normal flow.

Yoona was in the kitchen getting another drink for herself when she felt someone’s presence startlingly near. She turned around and found herself face to face with Donghae.

“Hey Yoona.” There was a soft, dreamy tone to his voice that had Yoona mesmerized. It took all of her will to make herself snap out of it and say, “Hi, Donghae-oppa.” They made small talk while they poured each other some more of the drink. After laughing at his joke, there was a comfortable silence as they sipped their drinks and enjoyed the other’s presence.

Donghae’s eyes wandered up, then looked straight back down and unless Yoona was hallucinating, his face was starting to turn a shade of red. She followed his previous gaze up- and she saw it. Hanging on the ledge, above the counter they were both leaning on, was a ribbon of green with two bright red holly berries perched between the leaves. Yoona’s heartbeat sped up as she wondered when on earth her unnies had put that decoration up.

“…Do you follow holiday tradition, Donghae?” He stared at her and she mentally cursed herself, futilely wishing she could stuff the words back into .  This time, there was a moment of awkward silence until Donghae said, “…Not really.” Trying her hardest to hide her disappointed reaction, Yoona looked away and said, “Oh.

Another silence followed. It seemed to stifle the room and Yoona was planning on making a graceful albeit awkward exit from the kitchen when Donghae then said:

“…But I suppose I could make an exception.”

Yoona’s eyes widened and Donghae smiled at her surprised expression. Slowly, ever so slowly, he leaned closer to her until their noses were touching.  It was at this point that her brain went on autopilot and her heart took over as Donghae touched her quivering lips with his.

It was a sweet, pleasurable feeling, like floating through a dream- yet with a force, small but strong, a flickering flame of passion smoldering underneath the kiss. When she finally got over the shock, Yoona finally began to kiss him back, holding onto his broad shoulders while feeling his strong arms encircle her waist.

When they finally broke apart, they couldn’t take their eyes off each other, but they didn’t speak a word. Yoona spoke first, her voice soft and low:

“I’ve…liked you for a long time, Donghae-oppa. Ever since we first met. Does…does Oppa feel the same?”

There was a pause and Yoona felt an anxious tug in her stomach.

Then, Donghae leaned in so close, his breath tickled her ear as he said:

“Yeah…I’ve liked you for just as long. You…you’re beautiful, Yoong.”

And with that, he took her hand and led her back into the lounge.

The months passed by and Yoona was happier than she had ever been in her life. Each day, she awoke to find a new text message from him almost daily. Every chance they got, they spent it together.

However, they soon found it difficult to be together as “Sorry, Sorry” became an international hit and SNSD came out with “Genie.” Both groups were becoming immensely popular and their fans adored them- but it also brought much more pressure on them to put up indifferent facades in order to avoid the media. Several times, Yoona found Jessica simply staring into space, not responding to anybody and occasionally heard Seohyun crying to herself when they were in the dorm.

Her relationship with Donghae had not been immune to the pressure and drama either. She could still remember one time getting into an argument with him over how revealing her “marine girl” costume was and how pissed he was whenever they mentioned her performances of “Genie.”

“Oppa…I have to wear this costume, it’s part of my job…"

“How can you stand it, Yoong? All those men, you know they don’t care about your voice or your dance moves, they only want to see your legs…”

“I don’t know, Donghae-oppa. I don’t know how I stand it. I hate it but I have to…” Just thinking about it brought Yoona towards the verge of tears. Donghae realized this and immediately embraced her.

“I’m sorry, Yoong,” he said, his voice muffled as his head was buried in her neck. “…It drives me crazy, the thought of all those other guys thinking dirty thoughts about you…you’re the purest angel I’ve ever known…please…stay that way.”

Yoona flopped down on her bed and stared at her phone listlessly. Lately, Donghae hadn’t text messaged her or called her. In fact, the last message she had received from him was congratulating her and SNSD on their wins in awards for the umpteenth time and that had been, what, a week ago? She had texted him a few times, asking him whether he was there or not.

She had just been about to send Donghae another message when her phone vibrated and her eyes lit up as bright as the screen.

“Yoong, meet me in the park @ 7pm k?”

Yoona read the message over. She still found it extremely strange- for one thing, he hadn’t bothered to add in an emoticon like he usually did and second of all, he hadn’t even apologized or explained why he hadn’t replied to her calls and messages for a week.

Nevertheless, Yoona found herself donning an outfit so as to conceal her identity as much as possible and headed out into the cold. When she arrived at the park, Donghae was already there. As she approached him, she noticed something different about him- he smiled a bit when he saw her, but closer up, Yoona could see the strain behind the smile. And there was something cold about his aura- something much colder than the weather was outside, which contrasted hugely with his normally warm demeanor.

“You’re late, Yoona.” A remark with no feeling, no meaning. Just a statement. Yoona, a bit caught off guard, told him, “Sorry oppa, I had to dress carefully so I wouldn’t be spotted in public. “ She hesitated before asking, “Donghae-oppa…why haven’t you been answering my calls and messages?”

There was a long pause that seemed to stretch to eternity until Donghae finally said:

“Yoong…I don’t think we should see each other anymore.”

Yoona stood still, frozen in stunned silence. What? “Oppa?...What…what are you talking about?”

“You heard me.” This time there was definitely a hint of a cold edge to his voice.

“Wh-Why? Why, oppa? Have I done something wrong?” Hysteria was starting to line the tone of her voice. “Donghae…please…tell me, I’ll correct myself, whatever it is…”

Donghae said, “I…the feeling’s been lost, Yoona.” He tried to look cool and collected when saying this but Yoona caught a flicker of uncertainty and despair in his eyes.

“You’re lying,” she said in a low voice, desperately trying to keep it even. “I can hear it in your voice, I can see it in your eyes. What about…what about last Christmas? When you told me your feelings? What about all those times you kissed me and you said you cared about me, that you loved me?!”

Donghae then said, “Well, if you have such a good memory, Yoong, don’t you remember that time you said I should try to be an actor? I could kiss anybody I want and not feel a thing about it.” He stepped forward, grabbed Yoona’s arm and kissed her forcefully, nothing at all like the first time they kissed. Yoona shook herself out of his grip, tears pooling in her eyes and hysteria bubbling just below the surface and ran off from Donghae. If she had bothered to look back, she would have noticed the pained expression that was on his face and how he walked away abruptly, but her heart had already broken into a thousand fragile pieces for her to even care.

Yoona found a park bench and collapsed onto it, out of breath. She then fell apart and began to sob her heart out. How stupid I was, she lamented as the tears kept falling. What a fool I am. How could I even think for a second to give him my heart that easily.

She felt a warm hand on her shoulder and she looked up to find Leeteuk-oppa standing by her. One look at his expression told her he knew exactly what happened. Words weren’t needed for the two best friends and Yoona all but jumped into his arms, crying hysterically.

“Why? WHY?!”

“It’s alright, Yoona,” Leeteuk said, paining at the sight of his dongsaeng in this much grief. “Cry. Let it out.” Yoona suddenly looked up, tears still pouring down her face and said accusingly:

“You KNOW about this. There’s something you’re not telling me. Why. Why. I thought- I thought Donghae loved me. He-He was the best person I had ever met. He can’t just do that all of a sudden- LEETEUK-OPPA. TELL ME. PLEASE.”

When Leeteuk gave her no answer and only gave her a pained look, she buried her face in his chest again and cried once more.

That night, her unnies and Seohyun halted all their activities and sat by her, doing their best to comfort Yoona. None of them could figure out why Donghae would suddenly dump her like this.

As the days passed, Yoona only seemed to be getting worse and worse. As soon as she came back to the dorm, she shut herself up in her room, playing music and not responding to anything or anyone, not even for food. The holidays were nearing, and Yoona found herself playing that English Christmas song over and over on repeat.

Finally, Yuri could take it no longer and literally dragged Yoona out to go party with some friends. Curiously, Yoona didn’t put up much of a fight. When they reached the club, Yuri led her to a table where six guys she vaguely remembered seeing before were seated. They all greeted them warmly and Yoona happened to sit down next to a boy who didn’t look quite Korean.

He turned to her and said, “You friends with Yuri?”

Yoona responded, “Yeah…I’m Yoona…aren’t you guys 2PM?”

“Yeah…wait, YOU’RE Im Yoona? Oh my god, I’m so sorry, I didn’t even realize, forgive me!”

“No, no it’s fine! I dressed like this on purpose…”

“Oh…well that explains it.” The boy chuckled and said, “I’m Nichkhun by the way- and I am a HUGE fan of yours, Yoona-ssi.”

Yoona blushed and  thanked him.

Hanging out with 2PM was a lot more fun than Yoona anticipated would be. She met the other members like Taecyeon, Chansung and Wooyoung. Nichkhun sat with her while the others went off elsewhere and told her intriguing stories about his life. By the time she had to leave, she felt a deep sense of liking for Nichkhun and genuinely smiled for the first time in days.

SNSD, Super Junior and DBSK were all busy during the holidays- and it was just as well. Yoona hadn’t the faintest idea of what she would do if she encountered Donghae again. On Christmas day, she had no activities while the other girls were all out and she had planned on just watching movies and listening music. This was why she was so surprised when she got a call from Nichkhun, essentially inviting her on a date. Yoona was slightly hesitant at first, but after Nichkhun’s determined persistence, she finally agreed.

Nichkhun picked her up outside the dorm, handing her a bouquet of flowers. Touched, she accepted them and they walked to the nearby restaurant down the block. Funny stories and cautious glances were exchanged throughout the date, but all the while, Yoona couldn’t help realizing how similar it was back when she used to be with him.

Eventually, Nichkhun noticed her slight lack of willingness to make conversation and said, “Yoona-ssi? What’s wrong? You don’t seem very comfortable- am I bothering you?” Yoona, startled, said, “Oh no, no it’s not you, Nichkhun-oppa. It’s…it’s nothing.”

“It’s not exactly nothing if you keep acting like it’s really something,” he said. Yoona opened in rebuttal but closed it as she was suddenly washed over with memories, those figments of the once happy past of when he took her out on dates and how he used to be so concerned about her. Without warning, a single tear slipped out of the corner of her eye.

“Ah,” she gasped, but before she could quickly wipe it away, Nichkhun had leaned over and gently dried it from her eyes. “I’m not forcing you,” he said quietly. “But maybe it would help if you told me what was wrong, Yoona-ssi.”

Crying a bit now, Yoona told Nichkhun about how Donghae had recently broken up with her and how happy she had been and how he had crushed her sense of feeling any sort of joy in the world. The whole time, Nichkhun simply sat there, absorbed in her story, never interrupting her once. When Yoona was finished, she took a deep breath.

Nichkhun took her hand into his, looked her straight in the eyes and said, “Yoona…you will be so much better off without him. I would never, never do that to you. Ever.” Yoona sniffled and said, “How can you be so sure, Nichkhun? I’m sorry, I think you’re a charming person and I like you, but I don’t think I can trust anyone anymore, Nichkhun. I just can’t.”

Suddenly, Yoona felt herself become enveloped in his arms and heard him say, “Never, Yoona, never. Yoona….I…I believe when I first saw you…I found out what the meaning of true love really was.” He gazed at her again and asked, “Be my girlfriend?”

Some tears still pooling in the corner of her eyes, Yoona didn’t know what to say. She liked Nichkhun…but part of her, the part still in the past, loved Donghae. Then, she recalled the lyrics of her favorite English Christmas song:

“Last Christmas, I gave you my heart,

But the very next day, you gave it away.

This year, to save me from tears,

I’ll give it to someone special.”

Yoona smiled through her tears and nodded to Nichkhun. “Yes…I’ll be your girlfriend, Nichkhun.” 

A/N: hello everyone! cee-cee here and thank GOODNESS midterms are over! this here is the first part of an insanely long yoonhae christmas oneshot i wrote. its not christmas now, but i still felt like i should post this up :]