Kyuhyun stood under the gushing water. Letting it sooth him. He closed his eyes, rolling his head and shoulders. Paying no attention to the creaks and cracking off his tired bones. He placed a hand on the wall and let the tears he'd been holding back fall free. He cried for Hankyung, for Super Junior but mostly for Heechul, the person that meant the world to him. Everyone had been careful with the cat like diva over the last few days. Ryeowook made his favourite food, Donghae gave him his Nemo plushie to sleep with and Siwon had stayed with him for a while so he wasn't left alone. It didn't stop Kyuhyun from worrying about the feminine man. All he did was sleep and barely eat for the last fours days. Even when you were talking to him, he'd smile and laugh, but him joining a conversation was out of the question. He just stared into space, a tired look on his face with glassy eyes that held an emotion too deep for Kyuhyun to understand. He hated it. Seeing Heechul so lost and venerable. And there was nothing Kyuhyun could do; he'd locked himself far away where he couldn't reach him.

           Kyuhyun stepped out of the shower, drying himself off slowly. He rubbed at his eyes, gazing into the mirror, trying to rid them of their swollen look. His finger absentmindedly trace the scars that marred his torso. Kyuhyun winced at his reflection. He hated those scars, the reminders. He hated the pain he felt when he overworked himself in order to get better at. He touched his cheek, tracing the faint pink scar that became visible without make up. ' Damaged', he whispered to himself, 'you're damaged goods Kyu'. He still didn't remember that day well. Just the pain, the feeling of slipping into a numb slumber. Then that voice, that angelic voice when he was finally about to give in. His voice, Heechul’s. Begging him not to give up and telling him that he was a fighter, that he could do it. A hand in his, squeezing his and urging him to come back. He remembered squeezing Heechuls fingers weakly, just to hear his angel’s excitement as he told Hankyung that Kyuhyun was responding. Kyuhyun sighed. Turning away from the mirror, he didn't want to remember anymore, he wanted check on Heechul. Kyuhyun gripped the handle of the door, closing his eyes; he put on his best smile.

             Heechul lent against the wall opposite the bathroom. He had woken up that morning to Donghae wrapped around. Heechul could see that he was crying, and when he asked why, Donghae had simply replied 'Because Hyung is sad, I don't want Hyung to cry alone'. Heechul had been touched by his words and hugged the boy, promising him that he wouldn't cry anymore if Donghae had stopped. Donghae had stopped, giving Heechul that adorable smile before laughing and saying, 'Yah, Hyung? Do us all a favour and shower? You're starting to smell like Hyukjae on a good day'. Heechul had playfully smacked his arm and scolded him, threatening to tell Eunhyuk that his precious Donghae was making fun of him. But Heechul couldn't deny that he needed a shower, maybe it'd wash away the way he felt inside if he was clean. That and he really needed to shave. That's how he ended up outside the bathroom door, waiting for Kyuhyun to emerge. Heechul became lost in his thoughts, something he'd been doing a lot over the last four days. The fantasy world in his head was better. He'd always been fond of fairytales. In his head his fairytale ended a lot happier then it had in real life. He'd waited and waited for his prince to return and once he did, he had a happy ending. One that involved Heechul becoming Tan Heechul, some adopted children and growing old together, not being left someone else, not with his prince leaving for good. Heechul thought his world in his head was a lot kinder then the one in real life. No heartbreak. No waking up to an empty bed to be reminded that he'd never wake up to hear that beautiful voice whisper to him in broken Korean or to feel those soft hands on his skin. Heechul was pulled out of his dream world by the sudden stopping of the shower. He left the wall, knowing Kyuhyun wouldn't take long. As he stepped closer to the door, he heard something that caused his heart to drop further then it already had if possible

           'Damaged. You're damaged goods Kyu'. Heechul stared at the door, wishing he cold see just what the maknae was thinking as he uttered those words. Heechul presumed that they'd only been uttered from the assumption that no one would ever hear them, much like the words he whispered when the others were asleep and it was just him and the monster in the dark. When no one was around to protect him. The door opened and steam curled out slowly as Kyuhyun was revealed. Heechul found his eyes darting over Kyuhyun’s bare chest. His heart clenching again as his eyes softly traced the scars that covered Kyuhyun’s torso. To Heechul, they proved that Kyuhyun had survived, and it only made him more beautiful then he was. Kyuhyun quickly pulled his shirt on when he saw Heechul staring at him. 'Great..now..now he thinks I'm disgusting..He could never love someone like me..damaged...' Kyuhyun thought gulping. He smiled at his Hyung, ' Hyung! You're up. Are you feeling better?’ Heechul forced a smile, gazing up at Kyuhyun, 'I'm feeling better Kyu-ah. I just need a shower and then maybe we'll watch another DVD since I slept through the last one and we have that conference tomorrow'. Heechul gazed at Kyuhyun face noticing his eyes. The dark circles under then, how they were red and puffy.'Yah, Kyuhyun-ah? Have you been crying?' Heechul asked worriedly, placing a hand on the maknae's shoulder. Kyuhyun laughed 'I just..stayed up late playing Starcraft again, you how it is Hyung. You should shower Heechul, you smell like Eunhyukie'. Kyuhyun smirked as Heechul glared at him, smacking his head softly. 'Yah! Where's the Hyung? Aish is that anyway to treat your elders! Aish, Cho Kyuhyun, you really are an evil Maknae aren't you? And stop staying up late or I'll get Teukie-Hyung to take away your laptop!' Heechul scolded, pushing past the maknae, going to close the door. The last thing he saw was Kyuhyun smirk as he laughed, heading towards is and Sungmins room.

             Heechul slide down against the door once he'd locked it. His smile dropped. Kyuhyun was lying to him. His eyes had been puffy and swollen; there was no way that was from staying up late. He'd been crying and for some unknown reason, that made Heechul sad. Over the last few days Kyuhyun had been his rock. Playing computer games with him, helping take care of Heebum when Heechul was too tired to get out of bed. Kyuhyun had been the one to wake him from his nightmare when Heechul had fallen asleep in the sitting room, the shoulder he'd cried on. The one hold his hand. Heechul knew he was hiding something. He'd called himself damaged, and that worried Heechul. He wanted to know what was going through the maknae’s head that he'd be thinking that. He wanted to return the comfort Kyuhyun had provided him with but as Heechul met his own eyes in the mirror. He knew he couldn't. Why would Kyuhyun want the help of someone so pathetic like him? 'He's better off without you. You're worthless. Pathetic. You can't even help yourself. How could you help someone else? You don't deserve his kindness. You don't deserve Kim Heechul. You're useless. Super Junior would be better off if you left; Hankyung sure as hell figured that out. All you do is bring them down. You brought him down; he was disgusted by you, that’s why he found someone else. Someone perfect. Perfect Heechul, something you aren't' the voice was back. Digging its claws into him once again. Heechul jumped, turn the shower on, making sure no one could hear him as he threw up everything. He hadn't eaten much over the last few days but whatever he had eaten came back up. Heechul met his eyes in the mirror once again. Seeing his pale face, his lips visibly shaking, tears streaming down his face. Pathetic. You're pathetic Kim Heechul.

       *****************************************************************************************************************************

                     Kyuhyun sat in the corner of the living room. The members were all laughing and joking, some drinking, sharing stories. Leeteuk had said they needed to heal, to talk about all the good times they had without Hankyung. It's to get them use to not having him around. It seemed to be working; even Heechul seemed to be laughing with the others. Kyuhyun noticed what no one else did, that Heechul's smile didn't reach those gorgeous brown eyes. That even though he was smiling, even joking like he normally would, as if nothing had happened. There was no light in those brown eyes. No sparkle of amusement or happiness. They were blank, empty. Kyuhyun turned his attention away from his object of affection when he caught Sungmin staring at him, giving him a knowing look. Kyuhyun rolled his eyes at Sungmin as he smirked at him. He placed his headset back over his ear and returned to his game. No matter how hard Kyuhyun tried, he couldn't focuse on the game. He still didn't lose but the victory was good. It was empty. Too many things were clogging up his mind for him to take joy in his favourite hobby. His phone lit up beside him, a text from Minho, which he ignored. He didn't feel like talking to his friend. He knew it was a conversation about how his and Taemins date night had gone and it'd only make Kyuhyun wish he had that. The conversation would only end with Minho trying to get Kyuhyun to forget Heechul and give another guy a chance instead of waiting on a man that may never return his feelings.

       Kyuhyun sighed. Removing his headset and shutting down his laptop. Tucking it under his arm carefully, he rose to his feet, heading towards his room. 'Kyuhyun-ah, are you not going to join us?' Leeteuk asked the younger. Kyuhyun shook his head tiredly, 'I'm a bit tired Hyung, I'm just going to go sleep if that's alright?’ Leeteuk was surprised b y Kyuhyun's politeness, something the maknae didn't use often, 'Of course Kyuhyun, get some sleep, we start work in the morning'. Kyuhyun nodded. Not noticing the worried glances Sungmin was giving him or how Heechuls eyes followed him. Sungmin rose to his feet, 'I'm going to go get some water'. He simply stated, excusing himself to the kitchen. Heechul followed him, making sure the others had gone back to their conversations. 'Sungmin-ah, is Kyu doing ok?' Heechul asked softly, sitting down at the table. Sungmin took a drink of his water. He sighed, gazing at his Hyung, 'He's..Ok. Kyuhyun's just under a lot of pressure. His injuries still hurt him, like yours does. He's been worried about you'. That surprised Heechul, 'He has?’ That earned him a glare from Sungmin, 'Yes, he has. And if you haven't noticed it, then I'm sorry but I can't help you Heechul Hyung'. Sungmin place his glass down and left a confused Heechul sitting at the table. His mind was wandering in two directions. One told him that he should pay more attention to the world around him, to Kyuhyun, to pay attention to the younger man. The other half was telling him to remember the mirror. Remember that no one, nobody wanted someone like him in there life. 

                          After all the members had gone to bed, Heechul found himself staring in to the mirror once again. This time the voice had a face. Hankyung face. Hankyung voice and his smirk as it ripped into him. Destroying every shred of confidence the cat like diva held. Torturing him until Heechul found himself on the floor. Whimpering and begging quietly for someone to come save him. He knew though, deep down, that no one was coming. No one cared enough to rescue him. Not now. Not when he needed them. They had each other, what was Heechul to them? 'Nothing. You are nothing to them. You never will be. They hate you, they pity, and don’t you see it? They don't need you, why are you even still here? Even I didn't want you. After the way you've treated them in the past do you really expect them to love you? To protect you? They're laughing Heechul, at you. You're a joke'. Heechul didn't have the strength to fight against the voice. He could only rock back and forth, trying to hold himself together when he was breaking into a million pieces. His quiet sobs echoing off the tiled walls of what became his new prison. A place where the monsters could eat him alive. Where no one could hear him cry for help. No one was coming to help him.  Heechul had never felt more alone in his life, and he knew, knew it was his entire fault. All because he wasn't perfect