After my initial buzz of confidence from the public auditions, I wandered to the cafeteria while I was waiting for the singing and dancing judges to set up the room – the tests were taken separately.

I felt strange though, and it was like I could feel people’s gazes on me. At first I thought I was just imagining it, but now that I had seen several people pointing and whispering to their friends, glancing at me, I realised it wasn’t just a figment of my imagination.

They were talking about me.

I wondered if this was a good or bad thing, but at least I could garner the attention of trainees. It was much better than being invisible. I grabbed a quick lunch and then went in for my dancing test, in which I received some really good praise.

“I was listening to the trainee’s before I came in here,” the dance instructor said, “and they were talking about a new trainee who was a great dancer. I guess that’s you.”

I blushed a deep red and spluttered thank you, bowing over and over, before leaving. I was feeling really good – right up until the singing audition. The lady holding the private singing auditions looked like she’d tasted something sour, and her eyebrows were drawn down in anger – and that was before I even started.

I doubted I’d be able to put her in a better mood. She instructed me to sing, and I did so, horribly. It was even worse than usual, and it made me cringe myself. I wondered what she was thinking.

She rubbed her forehead and muttered, “they’ll let anyone in these days.”

 I felt a stab of pain in my stomach. “I’m sorry, I-“

She waved her hand and cut me off. “I’ll be frank. You’re not going to make it as a singer – not with that voice. There’s nothing special about it, it doesn’t even stand out. It’s just bad. Plain bad. You’re still a new trainee, and I’m telling you this to be nice, but you should give up now before it’s too late. You’ll never make it, kid. Unless you can improve, I’d be looking at my other options if I were you.”

Her words crumbled my previous confidence and stamped on it.

I mean, I knew I was bad, but I didn’t think I was that horrible.

Holding back my tears, I left. I couldn’t stand being in the building anymore, so I took the bus home and sulked in my room, feeling dejected. Maybe this wasn’t the path for me. Maybe they were all right and the only reason I got to where I did was because of my connections. Maybe I was just that talentless.

I let out a few tears – then I really started crying.

It was so hard.

Everything was so difficult, and now that I was so close to my dad, suddenly I’ve got someone telling me I shouldn’t even bother becoming an idol. Maybe she’s right. Maybe they’re all right and this life just isn’t for me. I couldn’t stop the negative thoughts slamming through me, leeching my confidence. Just like that, from being totally confident, I slipped into depression.

I just needed this so badly…

Later that night, after I’d finished crying, I decided to head downstairs for some coffee at the small coffee bar in the foyer of the hotel. I needed something to perk me up a little, since I hadn’t even been out of my bed the whole day, just ruminating in my thoughts, and I knew that wasn’t good for me.

I was bringing my drink back to my table when I bumped into someone, and the warm liquid sloshed over the side and onto the floor. I widened my eyes and looked up, “oh my god, I’m so sorry!”

I recognised her from the first day I came into the hotel. She had a recognizable face. She had dark, sharp eyes and a round face, her hair dyed light brown. It was only after I looked up did I realise that she’d spilled her coffee also.

“Oh, look, I’ll buy us both another, all right?” I offered, seeing as it was my fault and I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going.

“Oh, no, it’s fine, I’ll just-“

“Wait there,” I cut her off, going to grab two new drinks. I realised I didn’t know what she liked, so I just went for a cappuccino for the both of us. I handed her the drink, and she looked flustered.

“Um,” I said, uncertainly, “Do you want to just have a drink together, uh, as an apology?” I really wanted someone to talk to. I didn’t have any friends in this time, and everyone else that I was in close quarters with, I knew in the past, and it made me feel a bit awkward. I just wanted someone to talk to who I didn’t already know.

She accepted, and I breathed a sigh of relief.

“I’m Hyomin,” she introduced, smiling, her plum lipstick stretching.

“My name’s Shin, nice to meet you.”