Today was the day we were going to be introduced as the new round of trainees in front of the sunbaes. I was nervous as hell, but I attempted to keep my cool on the exterior. I didn’t want to be seen as another shaking trainee who was terrified of just seeing a few sunbaes. I needed to look like I at least had guts, but that was easier said than done.

I couldn’t hide the slight tremor in my hand.

My body was overflowing with emotions—I was going to be entering the company with my father in it and I was finally taking a step forwards. I wasn’t going to be the Park Shin who was shacked up in his hotel anymore. I was a celebrity, and now was the best chance to show that.

I walked until I reached the right destination, taking in a deep breath before I entered the room that was buzzing with conversation. I craned my neck as I walked to join the bundle of nervous new trainees, trying to find someone I knew, but I couldn’t see anything through the hoards of unfamiliar faces.

I bowed to everyone and lined up with the trainees, following the orders of an instructor. One by one, we started to introduce myself. I gulped as I stood forward and took a deep bow.  

“Hello. I’m Park Shin, seventeen years old.” This garnered a bit of attention, but still mostly everyone was just chatting to their friends. I scouted out the crowd and looked for my father, but there were just so many people. They still weren’t paying much attention to me – and I wanted to say something gutsy, but I was too nervous too. It was never really in my nature to speak out.

“My specialty is dancing. It’s nice to meet all of you.” I bowed again and stood back, berating myself internally. I should’ve said something a bit more interesting, but it was too late now.

“Doesn’t he look like you? That’s kind of freaky.”

From the corner, my ears picked up this tidbit of conversation. I snapped my neck around and, right there, was my father. I blanched. It took everything I had to not just run over there and pull him into a hug. I wanted to cry into his chest and tell him how much I missed him – how much I needed him with me.

I wanted to scream at him for leaving me and my mum alone. Didn’t he realised how it would affect us? Tears sprang to my eyes and I had to look away almost as quickly as I looked at him. It wouldn’t do to burst out into tears. Yes, I wanted to stand out, but not by looking like a crybaby.

I breathed in and out and controlled my emotions, but I knew that as soon as I was alone I would break down in tears.

I felt completely out of place with the other trainees; they were so much younger than I. The oldest, besides me, was fifteen. After the introductions, the instructor asked if anyone would like to stay behind to show us trainees around. I doubted anyone would like that job – it must’ve been a pain.

“I’ll do it.”

My breath hitched. No way, no way my dad had just offered to show us around. His friends nudged him playfully and I saw one point at me. I shrank back.

“I swear he’s like a carbon copy of you!” one laughed, looking back and forth between us.

Dad, no, Leeteuk, stood and laughed—I would have to get used to the fact that, right now, he wasn’t my father, only a sunbae, and I had to treat him as such. He approached us and stared at me for a few moments.

“You look like me,” he said, eyeing me up and down.

“Oh,” I said dumbly. How was I supposed to reply to that? He looked at me for a moment, as if he expecting something else. Flustered, I bowed. “Nice to meet you, Sunbae-nim.”

“Your name?”

“Shin. Park Shin.”

He furrowed his eyebrows and turned his lips down. “This just gets weirder. We have the same last name.”

Oh god, did he know? I couldn’t help but thinking somehow he just knew. But how could he? It was silly of me to think so. “Lots of people have the same last name,” I said, hoping I didn’t sound disrespectful. “Sunbae-nim,” I tacked on.

He shrugged and motioned for us to follow, obviously not so interested in me anymore for the moment. Which was good, because my heart was beating out of my chest. My arms were aching with need to just… feel that he was real.

This was my father, this was him. This was the person that I thought I’d never be able to see again after his death. Oh god, I just wanted to cry. But, to him, I was a nobody. Just another trainee, and that made my chest ache like nothing else. I was his son, but he would never know.

Leeteuk led us through the halls and I struggled to pay attention. I knew the building anyway; this was just a recap for me. He explained about contracts and dorms, but I was only half listening. Most of me was just trying to not faint on the spot. He looked a bit annoyed, like he was frustrated that he volunteered to do this job after he had questions fired at him almost everywhere he went.

I felt a bit bad for him, but I was glad.

Even if I couldn’t look at him properly, he was here. I didn’t want to stare too long and freak him out – burning the bridge between us so early would be a bad, bad move. After he was almost finished touring us around, showing us how to behave, what to do after using a practice room, and where to go, someone called Leeteuk’s name.

I recognised him as Eunhyuk from his gummy smile. Eunhyuk leaned on his shoulder and started a casual conversation with him while I just stared, transfixed. Eunhyuk turned to me.

“Hey.”

I jumped in surprise, then bowed.

“You look exactly like him, that’s so weird.” His face was scrunched up in confusion.

“His last name’s Park, too,” Leeteuk added.

Eunhyuk shrugged. “Weird. Hey, can you buy me lunch?” he asked, grinning at the older male.

I hid my smile. His attention span was still the same. Dad - Leeteuk always joked about him and Donghae.

Dad put an arm around Eunhyuk’s shoulders and they starting leaving. Reflexively, I shot my arm out as if to stop him, but then pulled it back and formed a fist, remembering my position.

A new kind of determination filled my chest. He saw me as just another trainee, but soon I would prove them wrong. I would show them that I was worth being a star – being his friend. I could do this. I was going to make myself noticed. I was going to become someone that would be worthy of his attention.

I would make him notice me.   

A/N: Um, unedited and probably , but I really just wanted to update this after having a bit of writing hiatus. No I haven't abandoned this! I've just been sick. But thank you for your loveliness and comments/subs! <3<3