My good mood didn’t fade in the slightest for the next few days up until the next audition. Kang pointed my good mood out when I came into work and I told him the news, remembering to tell him I used him as my emergency contact. When I told him this, I could’ve sworn I saw his eyes tear up a little, but when I called him out on it he just grunted out that dust landed in his eyes.

I attended the second round, and as I thought, we all had to gather in a room together and dance as well as sing. The first thing we had to do was dance freestyle for two minutes, judges moving around and making notes next to the numbers we had stuck on our shirts.

There were forty two of us there, and I knew that maybe only fifteen or so would get through this round. After the dancing was finished, the real challenge came. We had to sing the Korean national anthem and then after, a song of our choice individually to the judges, in front of everyone.

The first few people went and any shred of confidence I may have had was shattered when I heard them sing. They were all fantastic. How in the world was I supposed to beat them? One or two of them rapped, but I couldn’t rap either. I groaned, putting my head in my hands.

Finally, it was my turn. The judge stood in front of me and instructed me to sing. I took a deep breath in, determined to put every ounce of emotion I had towards my Dad into this song. It was a song he wrote, after all. It was titled, ‘My Angels,’ after his fans. I closed my eyes, thinking of my Dad, playing the memories of us in my head.

I remembered the way he waved at his fans, treasuring them all, the way he would hug my Mum and I after he was away because of work. I thought of his funeral, his suicide, and his letter to me. I took one last deep breath in and sung every single word from the bottom of my heart, for a moment even forgetting where I was.

I finished up my bit and re opened my eyes, seeing the judge write down something against my number. He didn’t look impressed and I felt my stomach drop.

Make it or break it.

 Everyone who auditioned sat in the waiting room, some making idle conversation with those next to them. The judges were reviewing the notes and would come back within an hour or two to eliminate before the third stage of auditions. I could almost hear what they were thinking behind the closed doors.

He’s too old, and he’s not good at singing either. His background is too shady, he can’t be a solo singer. It isn’t worth letting him pass. 

Someone walked into the room and we all perked up, ready to hear the news. He read out a list of names, calling out who would be eliminated. I gripped the sides of my chair, praying that my number wouldn’t be called. The eliminated filtered out one by one, some even bursting out into tears. I wanted to feel sympathetic towards them, but I could only feel glad as I watched the numbers go down.

“The rest of you pass,” He said, looking over his half moon glasses and gesturing to everyone in the room. I felt light headed from the relief. “The final audition will be held with Lee Soo Man and his staff. We’ll be starting the auditions straight away. Number seven.”  

I looked down at the front of my shirt, hoping that I had read the number stuck to the front of my shirt wrong. However, it appeared that I hadn’t read it wrong in the slightest, and that I had to go first.

I groaned, cursing my luck, and followed the man into the audition room. I wished they would’ve at least given us time to mentally prepare. I took deep breaths in an attempt to calm myself to some degree, but it didn’t help the pounding in my chest and the pressure. I was trying to remind myself that this would be the only chance I would have, but at the same time trying not to let myself get too worked up over the situation.

In the end, I just ended up a nervous wreck.

I thought of the stage, and how I had to put up an act even if I was sick, even if I was so nervous I wanted to cry. I had to act for the audience. Putting on the most confident persona I could, I stood in the middle of the room, hands behind my back and faced the judges. The boss Lee Soo Man, although sitting down, almost oozed power and intimidation.    

I bowed and introduced myself, eyeing them with worry. I could almost hear what they were thinking. I was too old, no good at singing—there was no point at entering the entertainment industry as a trainee at this age, even if I’d put myself down as seventeen. My dodgy background wasn’t going to make a good impression on the SM staff who hated scandals with a passion.

They needed to maintain their reputation if they wanted to expand, and after the praise they gained with idols like H.O.T, Shinhwa and DBSK, they were looking for only the best of the best.

Lee Soo Man eyed me with a frightening intensity and asked me to display my talents.

I did what I could, but I wasn’t sure if it was enough.

I bowed and left, dejected. I wasn’t sure what to think. Would they accept me, or leave me for dead in this world where I belonged nowhere. Did I really never have any talent—was I accepted purely because of my connections rather than my talents?  I supposed I would find out soon enough, but right now every little bit of me was screaming in fear and anticipation. My life was practically weighing on this. If I didn’t get in, what would I do? Roam the streets and restart my life as a nobody?

What would I do…?
 

A/N: Omg I'm so sorry for abandoning this story for like three months. I just lost my inspiration for this and was burned out, but I randomly felt like writing this again, so here it is. Thanks for sticking around!