Himchan woke up to the sound of clanging from a distance.

He sat up straight, realizing with mild horror that this bed wasn't his. He studied the unfamiliar surroundings of the bedroom as he rubbed the sleep off his eyes but as much as he tried to push his memory he didn't seem to remember being here before. He clutched on the blue sheets that were covering his body and was on the verge of freaking out when he came to saw that he wasn't wearing his own clothes where the heck was he.

He noticed the door of the bedroom was half open, and the vague clanging sound continued to be heard through it from outside. He sniffed in the delicious aroma of eggs and hotdogs. Someone had been cooking.

Himchan struggled to recall the series of events before his unconsciousness. The incident back at the airport. He drew in a breath as he slowly felt the heaviness in his chest coming back to him. He became aware of how tired he had been, how dizzy he was still feeling, and the lingering pain.

He remembered falling into someone's arms when weakness came over him.

"You're awake."

Himchan looked up toward the direction of the voice. And just as he had expected, Daehyun was there, leaning sideways to the doorframe, expression shifting into a look that showed the purest of symphaties as soon as their gazes met.

Himchan didn't smile at Daehyun like he usually would. "You should have brought me home instead."

Daehyun shifted from foot to foot hesitantly, scratching the back of his neck. "I've got breakfast ready."

"Or you could've left me alone, what were you doing in the airport anyway?"

"I said I've got breakfast ready."

"I'm not hungry," Himchan mumbled grimly.

"I was not asking whether you're hungry or not, Himchan." Daehyun reeled toward the bed, stopping just beside Himchan and lending out an arm, beckoning for him to take his hand. "Come on, let's eat."

Himchan looked at him with reluctance. Daehyun was just being a really great friend, even disregarding Himchan's spitefulness, but Himchan didn't feel like himself and felt like instead (because Yongguk was gone. Yongguk was gone and Himchan felt miserable because he hadn't done anything to save what could've been left of them.)

Himchan gripped at Daehyun's hand anyway, allowing himself to be pulled up and tugged toward the kitchen.

"How are you feeling?" Daehyun asked as they both sat across the dining table, nibbling on the food Daehyun had prepared. But Himchan was more like the living dead.

Himchan shook his head without thinking as he stared at his plate, as if in a trance, lost in his own thoughts.

Daehyun knitted his eyebrows, eyes b with concern.

Himchan took notice of what he was doing and immediately looked up to Daehyun with a sigh. "I'm fine."

(And even if Himchan was answering a question about his physical state, it was still in all ways a blatant lie.

He wasn't fine.)

"I've got some medicine in the bathroom cabinet if you need some," said Daehyun.

"You should have brought me home instead," Himchan reiterated with exasperation.

Daehyun shrugged. "I don't mind you here."

"I can take care of myself."

"You can't."

"You shouldn't have done any of this."

"Well, I'm sorry that I'm just trying to help, Himchan. I knew you'd be there in the airport so I came to find you. And when I did you were almost unconscious so I brought you here because you needed to lie down and rest as soon as possible." Daehyun's voice rose, attempting to knock some sense into Himchan. Then he sighed, knowing that he could only make things worse. "I know you want to be alone right now, I understand that. I'm just not the kind of friend who would stand aside and watch you break. I know you can't handle this alone."

Himchan felt his chest tightening. His grips shook savagely before he decided to drop his spoon and fork―eliciting a clang that echoed in the otherwise silent room at its contact with the platter. Himchan stood up and left the kitchen, becoming fully conscious once again of the harrowing ache of his broken heart.

"So, how many kids are we going to have?" Yongguk asked with a grin that showed all his top teeth and gums one particularly late and windy afternoon in the balcony. Yongguk had his arms around from Himchan's behind as they gazed at the orange sky; planting pecks on his boyfriend's shoulder lovingly every once in a while.

"We can't have kids," Himchan said with a pout, intertwining his fingers with Yongguk's.

"Why not? We can adopt. There are a bunch of cute babies in the orphanage. If not, then, we'll find another way," Yongguk suggested enthusiastically. "Imagine a baby Himchan jumping around and calling me daddy," Yongguk giggled. "Isn't that cute?"

Himchan couldn't help but to eventually smile along. "I didn't know you want to be a dad."

"I don't know." Yongguk shrugged. "I think I just really want a family with you, you know? We can run somewhere else and get married then because―like―I know you'd make a really great mom," he teased, poking the side of Himchan's cheek with a finger.

Himchan grumbled something about Yongguk being a and Yongguk spun him around, hands landing on the other's waist. "Aw come on," he drawled, pressing his forehead against his boyfriend. "Cooking, cleaning, all those mommy duties you're great at?"

Himchan scoffed. "How about you then? You know, the only thing you aren't amazing at other than reality is doing house chores. It's like your human abilities are listed downhill."

"Hey!" Yongguk protested. "I wash the dishes!"

"Okay, so?"

"That's a lot of work!"

Himchan raised a brow, daring Yongguk to say anything else which more or less would be nothing against his pile of home tasks.

Yongguk dropped his gaze and pouted, giving up. "Fine," he muttered.

And Himchan laughed a little bit heartily than he usually would because he still couldn't believe Yongguk who had the voice of a trucker could also be a huge adorable teddy bear at the same time.

Yongguk smiled (because he could see the hearts in Himchan's eyes) and muttered an almost inaudible oh god I'm so in love with you that Himchan's ears didn't miss.

Himchan stood by the veranda of Daehyun's apartment. With closed his eyes, he savored the delicate rush of the wind on his face, rustling through his hair. He imagined Yongguk behind him once more, warm against his back, smiling against his ear, arms wrapped around him in the most loving manner. He longed to be touched again, he longed for Yongguk's sweet words, longed for the smallest kisses.

The fantasy was so strong, Himchan could almost feel it. Himchan could almost hear Yongguk whispering his name from a distance.

Himchan, I love you.

But the warmth vanished as soon as it materialized, ousted by the coldness that had never really left. And from there came the feeling of emptiness―emptiness that hurt in more ways than one.

The once held-back tears cascaded as soon as Himchan opened his eyes again. The fullness in his heart was long gone and it felt like the mere withdrawal from Yongguk's presence was draining all of what's left of his own strength.

He didn't want to believe this was all happening. That Yongguk had heedlessly walked away from his life as if everything they've been through together meant nothing to him.

Even if the pain would linger for much much longer, until the day Himchan could finally get through all anguish, he knew he would never forget.

Even if it hurt.

Even if it was killing him.

Himchan heard the sliding door open from behind him before a series of slow steps arrived to a halt by his side. Himchan didn't turn to face the other's appearance, mortified for someone else to see him so miserable. But before he knew it Daehyun had pulled him to his chest.

Himchan hadn't realized how much he wanted an embrace so instead of pulling away, Himchan immediately wrapped his arms around Daehyun's waist and began to sob at the comfort and gentleness that he felt.

Daehyun had his arms around him as Himchan cried against his neck, desperate for consolation, for warmth and care that no one had been there to offer just as much as Yongguk did. Himchan clung on tightly―as if afraid that Daehyun too might abruptly disappear.

Daehyun allowed Himchan to stay a little bit longer in his arms if that was what would take for him to slowly let out all the pain, if that was what would help in his recovery, if he found solace in the simplest deed.

Himchan continued to weep and as the minutes ticked the more Daehyun felt his own heart break. He knew Himchan didn't deserve this.

Himchan's crying gradually turned into tired sniffles and Daehyun kissed his forehead affectionately as further attempt of alleviation.

"Do you want to go home?"

It took a few more seconds before Himchan decided to shake his head.

"Do you want to stay here with me?"

Himchan bit his lip.

Himchan knew no one else would be open minded enough to understand him, no one else knew him just enough the way Daehyun did. And because he knew he needed this kind of comfort, because he needed this kind of time alone, he nodded and clung much closer to Daehyun's chest.

Himchan stayed in Daehyun's apartment.

Daehyun let Himchan curl up next to him whenever he wanted to, whenever needed to. And Daehyun didn't ask, Daehyun never questioned his actions that would have been too intimate to be comfortable with under a different situation.

They stayed on the sofa huddled next to each other on nearly all mornings, never conversing, with Himchan mostly just staring in the ceiling or out to the window―immersed in his own musing―as Daehyun watched TV or listened to music. Daehyun would brush the hair out of the other's eyes from time to time in a worrying manner, letting Himchan know that he was there for him through the slightest actions.

Himchan would spend his time in the veranda whenever Daehyun wouldn't be able to stay by his side, gazing over the horizon, reminscing and recalling and never being able to move on. Other than that, Himchan stuck close to Daehyun as much as possible, seeking for ease.

Daehyun would catch Himchan smiling to himself sometimes, knowing he was relishing a beautiful memory of him and Yongguk, and then he would freeze as if the pretty scenery just turned horrid. Daehyun would tear his eyes off his friend before Himchan could lower down his head in dismay and tears could start to pool in his eyelids.

There were even a few circumstances when Himchan would walk and hug Daehyun from behind while he's on the sink washing the dishes and lean his cheek on the nape of his neck.

Daehyun would hold his breath as he felt Himchan's heartbeat against his back. It was slow―too slow for it to be even normal that Daehyun worried it might suddenly stop beating.

Himchan missed Yongguk so bad that he felt like the desperation was eating him up from the inside.

The nights were particularly the longest, it's when Himchan's silence would finally settle aside and he would nestle himself on Daehyun's neck in bed as he would start to become torn again by the memories. Himchan cried himself to sleep, murmuring Yongguk's name, asking him to come back, and as much as it hurt Daehyun to just helplessly watch Himchan beyond melancholy, he always kept a secure arm around his shoulder.

Daehyun felt like he was hugging a broken doll.

It took two weeks for Daehyun to finally attempt in starting a real conversation again.

"Summer break's over next week, Himchan, we need to get ready," Daehyun said one evening as he stirred the soup on the stove whilst Himchan sat by the dining table, drawing circles on the surface with his finger. "Remember we're incoming seniors?"

Daehyun expected him not to answer, only to shrug or nod, but surprisingly, "Okay, Daehyun."

The response made Daehyun somewhat reassured. "Don't worry, I'll help you prepare."

"Okay," Himchan said with the same lifeless voice.

Daehyun sighed. "Your mom called again last night, Himchan, maybe you should talk to your parents and let them know you're fine. You haven't been home since you came here."

Himchan pursed his lips for a while. "You've already told them that. I just couldn't talk to them yet. Or to anyone, actually."

Daehyun acknowledged that. He settled the stove and turned around, walking toward the back of Himchan's seat to place his chin on top of Himchan's shoulder. "I'm here for you. You'll be fine."

And for the first time in a long while in his nostalgia, Himchan gave off a small halfhearted smile.

Himchan's first week back in school was a disaster.

The sudden exposure to a surrounding large crowd after a long time of being desolate intimidated him, the buzzing noise made him feel nauseous. Daehyun didn't share most of his classes with him which only made Himchan feel worse.

Yongguk's disappearance must have started rumors here and there because no one bothered to talk to Himchan but people kept throwing glances his way, it felt like how it was during his first time in the campus, but this time everyone seemed to be whispering maliciously at each other whenever Himchan came across them. This time, people were pushing him aside whenever he was walking too slowly. This time, there was no Yongguk to appear out of the open during random intervals to give him a friendly smile.

Himchan tried to ignore it, tried to focus on his studies instead, but the situation only added to his miseries. Being bad mouthed and degraded behind his back was more difficult than having everyone give him appraisal like how it was during the previous school year.

By the end of the week Daehyun found Himchan crying alone in a bathroom stall during class hours. Daehyun had cradled him in his chest and promised him he'll take care of him better.

After a few small talks and convincing with the managing director Daehyun started sharing all classes with Himchan.

Three months later, Daehyun came home late from school after what he told Himchan was an after school event. But that wasn't what made Himchan's pulse start racing. It was the evident black eye, swollen lips and purplish bruises and cuts on Daehyun's arms and fists.

Himchan proceeded to stand up from the couch almost immediately, sauntering after Daehyun as soon as he made way to the kitchen to grab some ice in the fridge. Himchan tried tugging on his arm, trying to make him explain, but Daehyun shoved him away and told him it was not a big deal.

Himchan snatched a kitchen cloth and the ice in Daehyun's hand, using all his force to yank the other and to corner him against the kitchen counter. He wrapped the ice with the cloth and attempted to put it in contact with Daehyun's eye but the other recoiled with a hiss. "I can do it myself, Himchan."

Himchan frowned and pressed the cloth on the corner of his eye anyway, ignoring Daehyun's complaints and wincing.

"You should have just walked away," Himchan said.

Daehyun huffed. "I would never go down without a fight."

"Don't be stupid, Daehyun."

"I didn't like what they said." Daehyun stressed out the words through gritted teeth.

Himchan pursed his lips.

Although no name was referred to, Himchan could already tell exactly who Daehyun was talking about just by judging from the tone of his voice. Yongguk and Daehyun's once gang of friends. They had started to keep away from Daehyun since the time Yongguk left, probably wavered by the spreading rumors in the campus because they had no idea about the situation on hand as well. And with this they must have assumed something incredibly false with how Himchan could always be seen with Daehyun.

Himchan gulped down his guilt. "Still it probably wasn't worth the fight. They're your friends, Daehyun."

"Not anymore," Daehyun replied coldly.

Himchan tried to ignore the apparent resentment he could observe in Daehyun's eyes as he moved the cloth he was holding down to Daehyun's cheek. "What did they say?"

Daehyun inhaled, as if controlling his own temper, and looked away from Himchan's eyes. "They said that... that you were a and―" Daehyun cut himself off as Himchan's whole body became rigid against his own, he decided not to say any more. He grabbed both of Himchan's hands and held it in between their chests. "They're wrong. It's not true."

Himchan's assumptions did not prove him mistaken. "I'm sorry," he said, "If it wasn't for me, you still would've been―"

"Shh." Daehyun shook his head, voice lowering down to a faint whisper. "Don't say that, don't blame yourself. It was never your fault."

Himchan's breathing hitched. "You don't have to stand up for me, Daehyun, I don't want you hurt like this."

"I don't want you hurt like this either, Himchan," Daehyun retorted. "But you know what makes us different? It's how I can't help you with the pain you're feeling." He allowed Himchan's hands to drop by his sides as he cupped Himchan's face with his palms. "I want to continue taking care of you, Himchan. I want you to stop being miserable. I want you to be happy again and if I can be the reason then I'll try―really hard―until that happens. Because you don't deserve to be miserable."

Himchan found himself leaning to Daehyun's hold as a small familiar, but apparent fullness began to build up in his chest again.

Himchan looked back to all the months he had spent with Daehyun―with all his words of encouragement, all the affectionate embraces. Daehyun had been the one to see him in his worst, the one who had been there when everyone turned their backs on him, the one who always assured him that everything will be alright. And Himchan came to realize that maybe―maybe―he will be okay.

They lock gazes as if building up a tacit agreement through it.

Daehyun leaned in―feeling acceptance with the warmth of Himchan's gaze―and pressed his lips against the latter's soft ones.

Himchan didn't pull away.