Sometimes, love could be unrequited.

Sometimes, it wouldn't make you feel dizzy with happiness, or full with affection. Sometimes, it'd feel as if a thorn's stuck somewhere in your chest, and tears would brim your eyes because that's how much it hurts. Sometimes, love wouldn't give you a reason to smile. Sometimes, you'd run out of reasons to keep holding on.

But maybe love didn't always have to be requited. Maybe love didn't always have to be returned to be recognized. Maybe love meant deserving what would be best for you in the end of it all.

Maybe it's about losing yourself and learning to find yourself again.

Nights in Seoul had always been a buzz of busy streets and heavy traffic, crossings filled with pedestrians on the way to their next parties, their work shifts, their dates. Shadows clash and bend underneath the colorful and flashy lights emitted from buildings and street lamps, drowning out the natural flicker of the stars in the sky.

Yongguk had always loved silence, always loved stars—both of which couldn't be found in the suburban streets of Seoul. In the hillside cliff was where he'd found serenity for the first time in quite a long while.

And with Himchan's eyes holding him in place, he could conclude that he had never been so satisfied in years.

Yongguk didn't know if it was the glint in Himchan's eyes that made his heart beat faster than it already had been beating, but it made him feel like he was thrown back to his teenage years again. Back to this exact moment, exact same place, four years ago when Himchan admitted his feelings and Yongguk had suddenly been so sure about what they could be.

Himchan phased across the asphalt and stopped next to Yongguk, facing the view of the city spread beyond them in an array of yellow and orange lights. Yongguk managed to crook his neck, watching the flicker of light bounce off Himchan's irises.

"It's been a really long time, hasn't it?" Himchan said, words carried out by a rush of the wind. "A lot of things had changed."

The moment was making Yongguk breathless because Himchan was beautiful and he wanted to touch him, wanted to kiss him, wanted to hear the words he'd been wanting to hear for so long, wanted to call him his own again, wanted to be worth his affection. "Not everything."

Himchan pondered for a moment, unable to find the words he wanted to say. He met Yongguk's gaze and held it, pulse beginning to race. "Why here?"

The wind picked up, and for a moment there was only the sound of the trees rustling, of their unmatched breathing. "I still feel the same way I did that night, Himchan," Yongguk said, anxiousness edging his voice. "I don't think it's going to change."

Himchan sighed, eyes drifting back to the overview, expression hardening. "Is it really that worth it? Trying to gain me back?"

"My biggest regret had been letting you go." Yongguk his side, hip leaning against the fence barriers, struggling not to break his voice. "Everything is worth the try."

Himchan's shoulders tensed. "You've been making it so hard for me, Yongguk."

Yongguk's gaze dropped. "I know that. And I'm sorry. You have every reason to hate me but—"

"It's not that I hate you, no. I don't hate you, I never did. I just act like I do because it's easier than admitting that I miss you." Himchan turned to amble closer to Yongguk, reaching out his fingers to push the hair off the other's eyes. "Sometimes it just bothers me because I'm dying to know what's it about you that got me so emotionally attached."

Yongguk's piercing gaze remained on Himchan's facial features, relishing the moment that Himchan's finally returning the ardor, that Himchan was now just a kiss away.

"Do you know how much I cried when you left?" Himchan's eyes were sad. "I think I might have cried enough to fill the Han river." He laughed humorlessly, fingers travelling behind Yongguk's ear. "It had just been to early to lose you."

The words stung like icicles. That was the hardest part. The knowledge that Himchan had cried over him, that he went through a broken heart where Yongguk couldn't be around mend because of his selfishness. And he wanted to prove to Himchan so bad that he could make up for all the pain no matter how long it had to take, this time no promises would be broken, this time he'd be Himchan's strongest pillar. This time he'd hold Himchan tight, kiss the back of his ear and tell him that his heart belonged to no one else but him.

Yongguk caught Himchan's wrist. "Let's start over, Channie."

Himchan minutely gazed at Yongguk almost a little too pitifully. The bitterness of the moment hung low in the air and it's petrifying as to how Yongguk could perceive love, but couldn't feel it. "I'm not ready."

Yongguk was not expecting the answer. "Why?"

"I came here to ask you for a little bit more time, Guk, I still have another set of scars to heal."

Yongguk's heart rate slowed. Time had always been an enemy, waiting was never easy, but waiting for something that would never come back was much worse—it was the kind of waiting Himchan had done and eventually gave up on doing.

Yongguk realized, as he momentarily watched the tears threatening to fall from Himchan's eyes, that maybe this time, it was his turn to wait, to allow the things he broke to mend on their own.

***

Yongguk's phone rang just as he stood up from the living room table, sorting out sheets upon sheets of music and lyrics and notes and phrases and Himchan's name in varying fonts and sizes—which, much to Yongguk's divided attention, had he written completely out of unconsciousness. A kick of inspiration, maybe. Or was he just counting the days in his head through sudden thoughts of him? It's been a year after all. A year void of all forms of communication other than eye contact when they happen to come across each other in the university grounds. But Yongguk couldn't be one to complain. He promised himself he would give Himchan the time he needed alone, he promised himself that he'd wait.

He paced across his apartment toward the kitchen counter where his phone was but it jumped into voice mail just as he reached it.

"Hey, uh—Yongguk—it's me! How have you been doing? Haven't seen you in forever! Okay, that one could mainly be my fault because I shifted to night classes but I—I just called to remind you about the high school reunion get-together tomorrow morning, and, you should come, if you don't have other plans that is. And—uh—if you're wondering how I got your number, I had asked Youngjae, he's a great kid. So, see you there, I guess. I miss you, by the way."

It took time for Yongguk's brain to fully register what was happening but before he could grab his phone to connect the call, it had ended. And Yongguk stood there wondering if he had been hallucinating. He promptly checked the phone and saw the unregistered number and couldn't help the smile tugging at the corners of his lips.

Well that was an immediate progression.

Spring had arrived earlier than everyone had expected and the green landscapes and cherry blossoms could only add brightness to the sunny, cloudless sky. The weather was just right, the breeze was of enough amount and Daehyun had been one to enjoy marvelling at the fact that he no longer had to wear seven layers of clothes.

He padded along the steps of his old school, steps careful as relished certain moments that seemed to be forever ago. He had just entered high school yesterday, how was he graduating college now?

Daehyun almost closed to a halt when he heard a familiar voice from a distance and scanned the place to see Kim Himchan yelling across the school greenery giving instructions to everyone to get the area up and presentable for their reunion. His stomach flipped and really, it didn't surprise him that he still felt a sense of inclination toward Himchan, with how he could admittedly say that over the span of the previous year Himchan would still arrive in his train of thought, he had fully recovered from the pain of being left behind but Daehyun knew that he was still pretty much in love.

With the divided attention, by the time Daehyun realized he'd be bumping against someone it was too late and with an oof, two medium sized boxes had now toppled off from the other's arms down to the ground.

"Oh god," Daehyun muttered absently, reaching down to pick up a box on the ground and stood up to meet a pair of really distracting apologetic brown eyes that distracted him from all his distractions that he completely forgot about apologizing. "Um—"

The familiar stranger smiled at him sheepishly, hugging the only box left in his arms. "I wasn't looking," he said. "Sorry."

Daehyun blinked. "Uh—were you from my batch?" The question had slipped of Daehyun's tongue before he could stop himself.

"Yeah," the other replied.

"Yeah," Daehyun repeated intelligently. "I remember seeing you a couple of times but... Ugh... I swear I know your name."

"We once became impromptu Chemistry lab partners during second year because both of our supposed partners weren't very interested in dissecting frogs so that'd make sense." He grinned as Daehyun narrowed his eyes in a struggle to recall. "Still not ringing a bell?"

Daehyun face lit up. "You're—"

"Youngjae!" Himchan bounced next to them, looking a bit sweaty and worn out with all the organizing he had been doing (still the century's student council vice president.) "What in the world is taking you so—oh—Daehyun." There was momentary surprise in Himchan's expression which he obliterated with a grin as soon as it came, placing a lazy arm across the stranger—Youngjae's—shoulder. "You're here, this is great. How have you been?"

Daehyun attempted to keep himself from staring because Himchan looked happy and a year's worth of tears and hurting and Himchan why did you leave me suddenly flashed before his eyes and Daehyun realized—being the masochist he always was—that it probably was worth it and they really weren't meant to be and it was possible that the both of them could be happy about that and what they had been was the extent of what they could be. "Saying that I've been great would be a lie, but, right now, I've never been better."

"I'm glad." Himchan smiled softly at him—different from the smiles he used to give him but genuine. Daehyun couldn't ask for more. "You look good."

"You too."

Himchan turned to eye the both of Daehyun and Youngjae in a somewhat scrutinizing manner before crouching to pick up the third fallen box on the grass. He dropped it on top of the box Daehyun was holding quite unceremoniously and clapped his hands once. "Alright, now that you seem to remember each other—Daehyun this is Youngjae—Youngjae, Daehyun—you may now proceed to the cafeteria to get the kitchen utensils." He patted both of them by the shoulder and bounced back toward where the tables were.

Daehyun gaped at Himchan's leaving figure and pouted at Youngjae.

"Apparently, coming early meant you've got to do work, too," Youngjae laughed, slowly ambling toward the direction of the campus cafeteria with Daehyun by his side and with the boxes on their arms.

"Well, lucky late comers they'd only get to enjoy the buffet. The food is what I came for."

"They're going to make you sing, though, you're on the performance list. I would air quote performance if I ain't holdin this box."

"What? But I don't sing!"

"Uh huh. Sorry but I'm not clueless about you taking specialization in voice performance during high school."

"Wait I think I remember the whole chemistry lab partner thing now."

"Yeah. And, oh, you were almost going to puke all over the frog then, ."

"Wait hey, you had taken voice performance in high school too!"

"What. Wait. Okay, can you stop changing the subject?"

"You need to sing with me."

"Um, that would be a no."

"Do you perhaps like Jessie J?"

Himchan stared at his watch, drowning out the chatter of the crowd around him as he made a face at the second hand which seemed to be moving slower the longer he looked at it. It's been a few hours since the reunion started—there'd been a round of speeches and words of thanks and recalling and flashbacks and jamming and How have you beens and Haven't seen you in forevers—and he was sitting alone in one of the tables.

Where the heck was Yongguk.

He fished his phone out of his side pocket, debating as to whether he should give the guy a call or should he just wait and try not be a nuisance slash privacy intruder (although he really wanted to intrude Yongguk's privacy for a while, he'd been dying to know how he was doing—maybe playing the I'll Be Avoiding You At All Cost role wasn't completely a genius move and didn't do him much good.) He sighed and stood up walking away from the activity that is their high school reunion, swearing to the deities that if Yongguk ditched him (or his phone call, whatever—although it was still a one sided agreement) he'd be punching a wall.

The school garden was wrapping around the campus building, all the cherry blossoms giving emphasis to springtime and Himchan stepped under one particular cherry blossom tree and sat there cross legged. He looked around the campus area, the lack of activity and silent breeze making everything seem peaceful, he's almost going to think, wow time sure flies fast but that'd pretty be ironic given how irritable he had been feeling waiting for Yongguk.

He pulled out his earphones. Plugging it in his ears and playing a song that although made him scrunch up his nose for being so sentimental, made the moment relatively calmer.

The past year consisted of reminiscing. In Himchan's case, a lot of it. There had been a pile of regrets, mistakes he wished he hadn't done, things he wished hadn't happened, love he didn't know if he should continue to give. But time healed the wounds, time made him realize that oh, maybe I did the right thing after all.

Himchan gazed up at the clouds. This was the perfect season to start over again. Spring, after all, was a time for new beginnings.

He felt someone sit next to him, too immersed in his sudden musing to notice and he looked over to his side. A smile (with too much gums) that were both foreign and familiar at the same time greeted him.

Himchan scoffed, pulling off his earphones, trying to suppress the smile and the blush creeping up to his cheeks down to his neck. "—Yongguk—we're not eighteen anymore you're making the both of us look stupid."

Yongguk leaned his elbows on his thighs in a slight crouch, trying to hide the stretch of his own lips behind a fist as his fixed his gaze on Himchan. "You're pretty when you do that."

"Do what?" Himchan could swear his heart was doing aerobics at the moment.

"Daydream, I think," Yongguk drawled. "When your eyes become unfocused and your lips part just slightly. But who am I kidding, you've always been pretty." He shrugged.

Himchan wanted to punch himself for not being able to offer Yongguk a glare for the awareness of the possibility of himself melting in Yongguk's gaze. He snorted. "Guess the Shakespeare in you only grew stronger over the past year."

Yongguk chuckled, effectively tugging at Himchan's heartstrings. He turned to look away for awhile, eyes dragging along the expansion of the school gardens. "By starting over I meant just manually picking ourselves up, not literally starting from the very beginning."

Himchan furrowed his eyebrows. "What do you mean?"

"You don't remember this place?" Yongguk cocked his head back at Himchan. "Well isn't this a whole new level of coincidental then."

Himchan narrowed his eyes. "Can we talk about something not only you could understand?"

Yongguk laughed yet again (tugged at Himchan's heartstrings yet again) and lifted himself up from the ground, standing up straight. "Watch."

Yongguk walked off a few steps away from under the cherry blossom tree, stretching and pretending to look around initially and Himchan rolled his eyes and shook his head, clueless as to what the other was actually up to. But that was before Yongguk turned around again, looking at Himchan like he was surprised that he was there and he hadn't seen him in a week. Yongguk sauntered back to where Himchan's seated and squatted down to his eye level, face plastered with the same all-too-happy grin that took up half of his face.

"Hi," Yongguk slowly said. "Your name's Himchan, right?"

Himchan realized what was happening fought the urge to squeak right at Yongguk's face. "Yongguk—ing stop—I am not playing along with this—"

Himchan shut himself up when Yongguk reached out a finger to poke the other's cheek. Their gazes met and Himchan whimpered just a tiny bit because his heart was racing faster than a cheetah could run (that he could swear Yongguk was hearing it too) and it was probably registering in his face because he could feel himself burning (and Yongguk was giving him that look—goddamit—he felt so vulnerable.)

"I'm Yongguk," Yongguk proceeded.

"I know," Himchan retaliated, somehow breathless.

"You know?"

"You told me I spelled literature wrong? Returned me my history notebook? What else—let's see—made me fall in love with you during my sophomore year, kissed me under the stars on the top a ing hill, made love to me at seventeen, told me you wanted to make a family with me while you're hugging me from behind in a stupid veranda, broke my heart inside an airport, became my flat mate after three ing years without communication, chased after me because you thought I'm worth it, and now I'm saying these things and realizing that I've never really stopped loving you from the beginning after all so yeah, I've been aware of who you are and what you mean to me for quite a time now."

Yongguk smiled. The kind of smile that reached his eyes and made them twinkle like stars in broad daylight and he crept closer to Himchan who backed up the bark of the cherry blossom tree on impulse.

"We are not making out in the grass beneath cherry blossoms like this is the ending of some sick as hell cheesy flick, Yongguk," Himchan taunted. "You are being a disgusting adult and this is a learning institute we are in, symbolizing innocence and purity—"

"You're saying this after what I deem to be a grand essay of your immense amity, which is directed to me, by the way."

"No that is a list of arguable reasons as to why you should let me freeload into your apartment because I don't think my event organizing skills will be paid today and I don't think I can pay my rent this month either."

"So you're saying we should make out in my apartment instead?"

"No I'm just allowing you to legally kidnap me."

"And the benefits of doing that would be?"

Himchan considered it for a minute. "A bedroom hallway free of dirty clothes, actual food other than instant noodles, personal alarm clock and massages in the evening. That is if you let me sleep in your bed."

Yongguk smirked. "Why would I let a stranger in my bed?"

"Because I'm hot. And you need something warm and fuzzy beside you since it's not summer yet anyway."

"You have a deal."

"Okay, you may now get off me. My back hurts."

"Oh but the agreement's void until one make out session. Like a contract with a signature."

"Yongguk no, n-n-no, no—"

Yongguk had his hands on Himchan's waists, one loosely grabbing to latch Himchan's leg on his thigh as he deepened the kiss. Grinning just slightly when Himchan's weak protests eventually died down and his fingers were making their way up behind Yongguk's neck within seconds, enthusiastic with the kiss just as Yongguk was after all.

And the fact that they had made up making out during spring in a place where they first started talking during high school under a stupid tree in the greenery because Himchan's world had now momentarily narrowed to Yongguk and Yongguk only and the fact that he's the best kisser in the world and whoop—his fingers are making their way up underneath Himchan's shirt.

Oh well, the wait was worth it.

Himchan started to have a crush on Yongguk back during high school.

He expected—he believed—that those feelings would never develop into something even deeper but here he was anyway, past his teenage years and the phase of self conflicts, almost about to be leaving his twenty's and had somehow ended up currently running after a tiny Jongup because he wasn't done putting on the kid's other sock and the two-year-old's bouncing toward the door because his Daddy—who's smiling down at him ready to scoop his baby up to his arms—had arrived home from work.

END.

A/N: for an ending and a final chapter that took 2 months to be over with, this is so lackluster i am sorry. TTTTT

A/N 1: i understand you guys would rather not read author notes (and you don't have to i just really have a lot to say i am so sorry) so i'll try to make this as short as possible and not put out my life story here so here it goes

A/N 2: for the last time (for this story at least) i would like to express my gratitude to all the readers here (to those who have been with me in the long run and continued to cheer me on, to those who just finished this fic, to those who would come to read for the coming days and to the friends ive made)! i can never thank you enough for putting up with the flaws of this story (inconsistent plotting, random encounters, grammatical errors, misuse of terms and words, excessive detailing, and those occurrences in which where youd go what the is happening, how the did that happen, i don't understand—honestly, ive seen them all when i reread this and theyre humiliatin and on the seventh level of cringe worthy) (i made a point to reedit and correct all the wrong in this before i published this final chapter sighs). this is the first fanfic (and not the last one i hope) ive ever had the courage to keep going on until the end and as much as i had trouble (with everyone's prying eyes for the past 11 months featuring a 3 month and another 2 month hiatus—thats how long it took for me to finish a sixteen chaptered fanfic omg 11 months) trying to keep up with your expectations and being pressured for it, it was a really fun time writing this and expressing my thoughts and most of all, learning where i lack and how to improve my writing skills so someday i can write something i can be proud of (help a bro out im just 15). i didn't expect this to even hit more than 20 subscribers and 500 views but it did and i'm so thankful my heart is bursting with love and joy!

A/N 3: thank you for being my jury, my helpful critics, and somehow being an appreciative audience and i hope you enjoyed reading this as much as its cliche and lacking! until we meet again in the next fics i would get to write! thank you thank you thank you, really if i could name all the people in this fic's views count.

so much for making this as short as possible, much love, becca {if my name is familiar im not someone u kno i promise} (mightymischief boohoo)♡