"Daehyun."

Himchan emerged from the bedroom, calling out to the figure sitting in front of the dining table. Himchan stood up from bed after realizing that Daehyun wasn't next to him when he tried to reach out for the other. Clearly, Daehyun had been staying up once again, cramming over university work that he had been choosing to ignore during the weekends.

Himchan leaned over behind Daehyun, a chin on his shoulder and sliding a hand down the other's arm to intertwine their fingers together, causing Daehyun to lose his grip on the pen he was holding.

"I've been pestering you to do this since yesterday," Himchan whined sleepily.

Daehyun didn't respond for a moment, lost in thought as he only stared at Himchan's fingers laced on his.

"Daehyun?"

"Hm?" Daehyun slowly turned his head to look up at his boyfriend like he had only been aware of his presence a second ago.

Himchan gazed over his half-finished paperwork on the table. "Is something distracting you?"

Daehyun shook his head. "I'm just sleepy, I guess."

Himchan clicked his tongue in disapproval, withdrawing from their back hug and ascending toward their small kitchen counter. "I'll make coffee."

Daehyun silently groaned to himself now that he was out of Himchan's sight, running a hand up his face through his already messed up hair because yes, he was indeed distracted.

"So, how does it feel like, being the third wheel?"

Daehyun had apparently said that with much more sharpness than he intended to, causing much more offense than needed.

When Yongguk called him up yesterday night asking if they could meet up, Daehyun had a hard time agreeing. Firstly, he wondered what the other could be up to, Secondly, he felt like he did know. The latter reason making him purse his lips and tighten his clenched fist because how could he be so stupid all this time? And so there they were on an early evening, sitting across each other on a table outside a deserted coffee shop, both facing the highway because they couldn't face one another, Daehyun breaking the silence that was almost impossible to bear.

He saw Yongguk flinch from the corner of his eye. "Daehyun, you know that I—"

"I know," Daehyun said firmly. "I just thought we've all passed the mourning-over-breakup stage and with how you've made Himchan so miserable, I'm quite surprised you still have the nerve to do this. I'm thinking you might have something to explain."

Yongguk scowls at particularly nothing. "I am not going to explain anything to you."

Daehyun exerted a dry laugh. "Then, tell me, what are we doing here right now, Yongguk? Are you going to be on your knees begging me to give Himchan back to you?"

"No." Yongguk stressed through gritted teeth.

"Good." Daehyun craned his neck toward Yongguk, scrutinizing his translucent defense. "You really need to stop playing the victim here, Yongguk, it's not you. It's not even Himchan. It's me."

Yongguk, taken aback, returned Daehyun's lingering gaze with confused eyes.

"I've taken care of Himchan when he was in pain, which was for months. I've grown affection for him, probably so much more than you've ever had. I knew things about him that you don't because you weren't there long enough to find out. If it wasn't easy for you to leave him like that, imagine how much more it'd be for me if you take him away. I wouldn't know how to pick myself up the way I became Himchan's pillar during his downfall. You never thought about this?"

Yongguk scanned Daehyun's face for any hint of emotional expression, but he was deadpanned. Daehyun had said his words like his life depended on it—and maybe it did—but Yongguk took the hint that Daehyun was making an effort to patch himself up when he was barely to his breaking point.

"I'm sorry," was all that came through Yongguk's lips. And he meant it, even if it could be the most pathetic thing he could've said at that moment.

Daehyun averted his eyes. "I'm not asking for pity. Nor am I requesting anything. I just want you to know that all of us had been hurting since the day you came around again, it's not just you." He exerted a humorless chuckle. "But then again, love is a battlefield."

Yongguk stood up fast, the thin legs of the chair he was sitting on scraping against the cemented pavement. He turned to leave, Daehyun trying not to look at him.

Yongguk hesitated on his next step. "I'm sorry Daehyun, I know this will be the most selfish thing you'll ever hear from me. But if Himchan at the least bit takes one more step closer to me for one last time, I'm never going to let him go again."

A startling March rain greeted Himchan as he skipped outside his university premises, rain splattering on the asphalt, cold rain adding up on the even colder weather. He held his parasol above him, glad it was with him at this hour, smiling as he recalled Daehyun who had once nagged him to bring an umbrella because the weather had been crazy unpredictable and he didn't want Himchan to get sick.

He skidded into a halt on the sidewalk, sighing at the roadway. Daehyun had been picking up Himchan from school once again when they moved in back together. And now, as per usual, his boyfriend was late again.

His mobile phone buzzed inside his pocket. He fished it out, assuming he was right with who he thought the caller was.

"Daehyun you—"

"Himchan."

He froze. Smile leaving his lips. That was not the voice Himchan had been expecting to hear.

"Yongguk," Himchan seethed. "Why are you—I don't want to—I can't talk to you right now."

"It's important." There was urgency audible in Yongguk's deep voice.

"What is?" Himchan's brows knitted, forming a tiny crease in between. "I don't have time for this. I don't have time for you anymore."

"Just listen, please."

Himchan tried to even out his breathing as he listened to Yongguk's on the other line. He pressed his lips together as he contemplated on dropping the call or not. But he wasn't making a move.

"Meet me," Yongguk said slowly, as if right then he's defying all dangerous risks. "By the hilltop restaurant. Tomorrow night."

Himchan almost loses his grip on his phone. "Yongguk, you need to stop—"

"No, I'm not going to let you stop me this time, Himchan."

Himchan sighed, his guard slipping. "I'm tired of hearing you out."

"I'm tired of you pretending you don't want to hear me out."

"What part of I don't want to see you again can't you understand?" Himchan's voice was starting to raise as the downpour of rain doubled. From the sound of the other line, Yongguk seemed like he was somewhere under the rain too.

"This will be the last time I will try to approach you, Himchan. Meet me, think it over and meet me. If you don't come, if you don't show yourself I..." Yongguk paused, choking on his own words. "I won't go after you anymore. I promise I'll try to forget you and everything about us will be over. You won't see me again, I won't come anywhere near you." Yongguk's voice was strong, and Himchan knew right then Yongguk was sincere, yet he was regretting the vows as he was saying them. "But right now, right now, I want to try again for the last time. I'm still very much in love with you, Himchan, I know you feel the same way for me. I just need to hear you say it. I want you to think about it—"

Himchan dropped the call, unable to take any more.

Yongguk watched Himchan from a distance as the latter placed a hand on his mouth, trying to muffle out his cries and frantically wiping off the sudden overflowing tears.

Yongguk shoved his mobile back to his pocket and with a tight grip on the handle of his umbrella, turned back to enter the university gates with a heaving chest before he could run to Himchan and take him to his arms.

He had to be strong. He had to prepare himself because Himchan was about to make a decision that would meant chosing him or choosing Daehyun.

Because in the end it's not just about losing the one you love, it's losing yourself when the one you love leaves.

Daehyun was right, love really is a battlefield.

Himchan was torn.

One way or another, Himchan could always find himself being torn apart by a certain incident that he couldn't even find himself settled with any present situation at any point in his life ever since.

Maybe that's just how his life works.

But although all problems have their solutions, sometimes there are things to be sacrificed to get things solved, and it wasn't usually easy.

And for Himchan's case, someone had to get hurt.

Himchan scrutinized Daehyun's sleeping face as they both lay side-by-side on their shared bed, wondering what he could've done in his past life to deserve to be loved by such an amazing person.

He reached out a finger, wanting to trace the side of Daehyun's face until the other opened his eyes and spoke with an amused smile, "Why are you starin' at me like that?"

Himchan pulled his finger back, too wary to look back at Daehyun.

Daehyun chuckled, the duvet rustling as he pulled his boyfriend close by the waist and nuzzled his soft cheek. "I love you, Channie."

Himchan waited for the surge inside his chest, the tickle on his navel, the quiver of his toes—anything from those that indicated his excitement through his body's usual response to Daehyun's verbalized affections.

It didn't come.

"I... I..." Himchan struggled, but he couldn't lie to himself, he couldn't lie to Daehyun. "I'm sorry."

Daehyun winced—Himchan had felt it—but for one thing, Daehyun was stubborn, for another thing, he knew. (But he was yet to understand why.) He stretched his fingers to grab Himchan's before settling it between their chests. This way, the back of Himchan's hand could feel Daehyun's heartbeat, and Daehyun's with Himchan's.

Just like they once did many nights before. Only the difference this time, their beating hearts weren't in unison.

Daehyun assumed Himchan didn't notice his falling tear. But Himchan did.

Himchan did.

The rush of the departing winter winds slapped Yongguk in the face like a wet hand, and the said man promptly adjusted his scarf on his neck as he stood by the hilltop, hands on his pockets, gazing up on the starless night.

He hadn't come to this place since the night of Himchan's confession, but the memory lingered in his mind everyday, each detail etched so profoundly that he could almost see the moment happening again if he closes his eyes.

Not everything can be forgotten by the passing time.

Yongguk never wanted to force Himchan into anything, but if he had to wait until the next day comes, he wouldl. For one last chance. It was a risk he could take. Because if he was sure of one thing, it's Himchan's feelings for him.

Yongguk was convinced that it's still there.

And for another time, it's like everything flashed in front of him again.

"Baby, time to wake up!" Himchan's distinct voice was audible from somewhere and Yongguk groaned into consciousness, rolling around in bed to lie on his stomach. Nope, he wasn't ready to wake up yet.

That is until something heavy straddled his backside and Yongguk's brain only realized it's his boyfriend when Himchan was already leaning forward to tickle Yongguk's neck with his nose. And right then Yongguk's wasn't sure if it really was Himchan or a giggling angel.

"I love you," Himchan whispered against his ear after a series of melodic chuckles. "Wake up now."

Yongguk crouched beside a towering bookshelf, trying not to get noticed as he peeked through the spaces to look at Himchan who was about to head and sit down on his usual library table across the room.

But Himchan paused when he saw a bouquet of roses on the desk. Slowly, his cheeks started to color and Yongguk started to grin wide. He loved seeing Himchan like that, flourished and red and truly irresistible. It made his heart beat twice as fast.

Himchan buried his nose on the bouquet, biting on his lower lip to suppress a smile. Yongguk almost hit his nose on a hard bounded book's spine trying to look closer.

He didn't want to look back.

He had to go on. Go forward. Forget everything for now, maybe regret it all later.

But he turned his head back anyway, and what he saw almost changed his mind on leaving, almost made him drop his luggages and run back to Himchan.

Himchan's eyes were lost, unfocused and he was frozen just as where Yongguk left him. His eyes brimmed with fresh tears, hands shaking. He was miserable and all Yongguk could do was run away from the sight and leave everything behind.

He had broken Himchan's heart and as much as he wanted to fix it back, he should go.

"Himchan please," Yongguk whispered at nothing, his words carried away by the wind, "Give me another chance."

Himchan didn't expect to see Daehyun arrive through the apartment door when he made way outside his bedroom.

But there they were, both hesitating on their next step. Himchan could see Daehyun's inquiry through his eyes, could hear the question coming to form into words when Daehyun saw him fully dressed, Where are you going? But Daehyun's face dropped and he averted his eyes, and Himchan knew it clicked.

Himchan walked toward Daehyun, slowly, carefully, eyeing the downturn of the latter's lips. He reached out to place his hand on Daehyun's cheek, it's welcoming warmth making Daehyun's eyes water. (You said you don't want me to let you go anywhere else, How am I supposed to stop you? How am I supposed to show you that I'm okay? How am I supposed to let you go?)

Daehyun returned Himchan's gaze, offering a determined yet bitter smile.

And that's when Himchan knew he had made his decision.

The swing creaked underneath Yongguk's weight as he pushed himself back and forth, feet grazing against the soil. He had been waiting for four hours and the temperature had only decreased since.

He probably isn't coming, Yongguk's head told him.

He shook the thought off. What if he comes at the last minute? Yongguk tried to convince himself, still keeping up with the optimism even in such a situation. He sighed to himself anyway, under a different circumstance he would've outright proclaimed himself as a total idiot.

The sound of distinct flickering made Yongguk turn his head around. The restaurant's lights had shut off, indicating its closing time. The area was now a hundred times dimmer save for the lamp post around the corner and the city lights in the overview.

Yongguk bit his lower lip.

Time to leave.

He stood up from the swing, drawing out an exasperated sigh. The try was worth the wait.

Yongguk turned to head toward the clearing—

—only to find Himchan walking toward where he was.

Their eyes had fixated on each other, emotions entangled with perplexity and anxiety, both vivid in their expressions.

And once again after a long long time, Yongguk's heart plummeted down his toes.