All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on.

Havelock Ellis
 

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Jieun’s POV

            It was a slow day at the hotel today, and I had no reason to stay in my office pretending to work when there was no work to be done. I sat at my desk, quietly spinning my antique fountain pen between my fingers and sighed. No matter how quiet the hotel got, not once had it seemed like there was so little to do. My pen dropped back onto my desk, a splotch of blue ink landed on a beige folder. I tapped my computer mouse, watching my monitor come back to life and quickly checked my e-mail. Just as I thought, my inbox was empty.

            “Would you like more coffee?” My personal secretary, Hyosung asked as she patiently waited by my bookshelf. She probably had one of the slackest jobs available in our hotel, but she took on her role passionately. Sometimes I’d forget that she were my secretary and mistook her as a close friend, not that it was a bad thing.

            “No thank you, I’m not thirsty.” I smiled, shutting off my monitor again. The bright sunlight seeping through the cracks of the window blinds bounced off the darkened screen, creating a small rainbow from the angle I was staring. There had to be something I could do.

            Then, I remembered Yongguk. My eyes darted to the clock on the wall. He was probably already on his lunch break, so I should be able to find him if I wandered. That was his job after all; wandering and greeting.

            “Hyosung you can go on your lunch break now.” I suggested, noticing how her hands here covering her stomach for the past few minutes as if she was hiding her stomach from growling. She smiled at me and bowed, exiting my office first. I waited a while for her to completely leave the lobby before I too left my office. The door shut silently behind me, and the receptionist nodded at me with her welcoming smile. She had the smile that most people couldn’t help but respond to, but after having her as the receptionist for so many years I began to wonder whether she was capable of any other facial expressions. After greeting her briefly, I began my search efforts.

            I walked down a few hallways, getting ready to search the next floor when I got a better idea. If he was on his lunch break, he’d probably be somewhere outside the hotel like last time. The weather was beautiful and the sun was beating down. I could imagine him leaning against the hotel wall in a small section of shade. It was probably a better guess than searching every hallway of this huge hotel. With my cell phone clutched tightly on my left palm, I retraced back to the lobby and then pushed through the rotating glass doors only to be greeted with an unexpected gust of wind. My bangs flew to the side, strands poking at my eyes. I had to take a moment to tame me hair again before I could look around.

            Suddenly, I heard B.A.P’s Warrior playing in the background followed by a ticklish vibration in my hand. I picked up my ringing cell phone and held it close to me ear as I turned the corner, curious as to whether Yongguk or the homeless man from yesterday were there again, and they weren’t.

            “Yeoboseyo?” I answered with my professional, having forgotten to look at the caller ID.

            “You’re finally answering my calls?” A strict and unwavering voice replied in Korean, causing my eyes to pop open in shock. It was none other than my father. For weeks I’d been purposely ignoring his calls, and my momentary carelessness ruined my immature ploy. It wasn’t that I wanted to be a rude and disrespectful daughter, but that I knew that every time the two of us spoke we’d get into an unnecessary argument. I was honestly sick of it, and it grew to the point where just hearing his voice made me irritated.

            “Jieun? Jieun!” He sounded angrier, agitated by my sudden silence. I could already feel that the conversation was going in a wrong direction.

            “What is it? I’m here.” I sighed, brushing my bangs back with my free hand as I let the sunrays bounce off my face. The warmth calmed me down a little.

            “It’s been a long time since I brought this up, but since you stormed away that night I couldn’t  fin—“

            “Can you not bring this back up again?” I almost pleaded, already knowing what he wanted to say. It was rude of me to interrupt him, but I didn’t want to remember that night not so long ago.

            “You’re an adult now! How can you talk back to me like a rebellious teenager?!” He scolded with a roaring voice, causing me to flinch and hold my phone at a distance from my ear. Yes, I was an adult. So why was he still treating me like a helpless daughter who was unable of making her own decisions? It was about time that I lived my own life. Even with the Pacific Ocean separating us he still felt a need to be in control!

            “I won’t ask why you suddenly left the moment you saw Daehyun, and I’m sick of beating around the bush. You already knew what I and you mother wanted to say, so now I’m just going to say it. Listen carefully.” He demanded. I heard him slam his hands on his desk as he spoke to intimidate me. That was just the kind of father he was—demanding and dictatorial.

            “You’re engaged to Jung Daehyun. We’re aiming for your wedding to be next summer.” He announced quickly, slurring a few words as if he himself were scared of how I’d respond to this news. Truthfully, I had already seen it coming way before I returned to Korea, but I’d been holding him off and ignoring him so that I could drag out my own plea for freedom. There was a huge difference between just thinking about it and having it become an actual reality. I was only 22! But even if I wanted to get married, I didn’t want it to be to Daehyun. Did he forget that we promised to be best friends forever? How did he let my parents manipulate him into agreeing to this? For a moment I just wanted to sink into the deepest darkest put of Earth and cry, but then I remembered my father was still on the other line, waiting for a response.

            “Why are you doing this?” I asked; feeling like my whole world was crashing down on me. I knew that my father was traditional, always wishing that I’d never gotten myself wrapped up in his company. I thought that he had gotten over it though, but why was he using this method to make me drop everything I’d work towards? Sometimes I really hated him, and his reactionary perspectives on life.

            “Don’t ask me why! It’s for your own good!” He shut me up again with his impulsive yelling. I had forgotten that he hated when people questioned anything he said or did. Usually people didn’t have the guts to.

            “If that’s all you have to say, I’m hanging up.” With that, he slammed his phone on the receiver and all I could hear was an earsplitting beeping sound followed by an automated voice telling me to hang up. I slowly lowered my phone from my ear to my side, feeling my knees give out as I felt them fall onto the cement. At this moment I didn’t care that I was the head of this hotel branch, or if anyone had seen or could see me. I just wished that it was all a dream, and that at any moment I would just wake up screaming and things would be okay. After what felt like an eternity of motionless kneeling, I had submitted to the fact that this wasn’t a dream. Warm tears began gathering at my tear ducts, overflowing as the salty droplets slid down my cheek.

Yongguk’s POV

            It was time for my lunch break again, and after grabbing some food from the kitchen and slipping out before Junior spotted me in time for some small talk, I headed back to the lobby as I wondered whether the homeless man, who introduced himself as Derek, would be loitering by the hotel again. Out of curiosity, I brought my lunch and my box of orange juice outside. Turning the corner, I could hear footsteps pacing in somewhat of a circle and I paused at the edge of the wall. My head peeked out and saw not Derek, but Jieun with her back faced towards me and a cell phone clenched tightly next to her ear. There was a long moment of silence, and suddenly, she collapsed. I watched as her knees banged painfully onto the floor, her cell phone almost falling out of her hands and they fell back to her side. I had never seen her so helpless before, and I wasn’t sure of what to do. What could I possibly do? Was I even in a position to help her? Perhaps she was suffering from a sudden break up, and maybe it wasn’t an emergency worth getting me into.

            But I remembered the words her grandfather left me. For a brief moment in time I wondered how Song Jihoon was doing by himself, enclosed within those four walls with no one to look forward to seeing.

            “I want you to be her guardian angel.”

            Perhaps it was finally my time to do something—anything. After a few minutes of contemplating, I threw all consideration of positions aside and rushed to her side. She hid her face from me, her long hair covering her eyes from my sight as I helped her up. She neither gave in nor resisted. Instead, her whole body felt like dead weight as I pulled her back into a standing position. I was scared to let go of her arm in case she’d tumble back onto the floor. There was blood dripping from her knees from the initial impact, and I knew that whatever had gotten into her would have to wait.

            “We need to get your knee cleaned, okay?” I informed her, trying to pull her gently back towards the front entrance. It was then that she resisted.

            “Just give me a minute.” She said in no louder than a whisper, her voice shaky from her crying. She shot a dead stare at the floor below and I caught sight of her eyes for the first time today. Respecting her request, I held her up without forcing her to move anywhere for a minute. That minute grew to minutes. I stood there with her, quietly watching her try to hold back her tears. As curious as I was, I knew that right now wasn’t a good time to ask.

            “Is this all my life amounts to?” She turned to me, her eyes suddenly coming back to life. She stared desperately into mine, and I could tell that there was an ineffable despair eating her from the inside. I wanted to help her, but what could I possibly do?

A/N: I promised I'd update today!! I'm pretty good at keeping promises, right? I want to update again today but I have to go do something right now. I'll see if I can find the time later today ^^ Even though this day is about to end (not like I care I stay up til 4 writing sometimes anyway). THe plot is starting to get good (as in I'm getting to the part of my planning that actually has detail to work with!) Leave some thoughts below?(: I love reading comments but I don't like responding in ways that give spoilers haha.