Yongguk’s POV

            I tried my best to focus on what Jieun was saying to me, but it didn’t quite feel like we were the only ones here. I glanced over my shoulder; just as I thought, no one was at the front desk. All the hallways were dark except for the bright red exit lights at the end of the halls. I felt rude to be looking around when I should be giving Jieun my full attention, but I couldn’t shake off this suspicious feeling. I felt a light gust of wind from the direction of the front doors, though there were no signs of it being opened. Just then, one of the security staff on his night shift passed by from the outside and shone his flashlight through the glass door, temporarily blinding me before continuing his rounds. Then, I saw something black flash by.

I found myself trembling terribly as I sat across Jieun in the hotel lobby.  She leaned against the brown cushion comfortably, mentioning something about her next visit to Seoul as my eyes traced a familiar silhouette pacing back and forth behind her. There was no one else in the lobby, just us and… him. He stopped just behind Jieun’s head and I could see his pearly white teeth as he smirked in the shadows, pulling out a switchblade from god-knows where. There were security patrolling outside the hotel and I couldn’t understand how he got in here, yet I didn’t need to ask to know why he was.

                “Kill her, or I will.” He breathed heavily, face leaning closer to Jieun’s neck as she spoke to me with an oblivious smile. He lifted the sharp switchblade closer to her neck and sneered, then hesitated for a moment, looking for me to react to his command. My entire body felt stiffened with fear but I knew that if I didn’t do something soon, Jieun would surely die.

                “I’m giving you one more chance before I dig this blade into her neck,” he grimaced and held the blade so close that I could see it make contact with her soft skin. I didn’t understand how she didn’t notice, let alone react. Instead, she was adjusting her feet on the sofa and laughing at her own corny joke that I was too preoccupied to hear.

                “Kill her.” He whispered into her ear as his hateful red pupils stared directly into my dilating eyes. I twitched once as he moved the switchblade back, readying the angle to stab her right in the jugular vein. I felt at that instant that this was more than just a game, and I couldn’t let this happen—at least not today.

            “Get away from her!” I shrieked before launching myself forward over the tiny coffee table that separated us. Just before my shoulders made contact with Jieun’s jaw, I saw her eyes grow wide with an emotion I found shamefully difficult to admit to. She had fear written in her eyes, and I was the one she was scared of. The weight of my body fell completely on her and the two of us tumbled onto the ground.

            “Yongguk?!” Jieun’s voice was panicking and her breath was uneven. I held most of my weight up with my arms so that I wouldn’t crush her lungs, and she choked desperately for air.

            “Do you see yourself, now?” Himchan snarled from behind the sofa, eyeing the two of us with spite. I glared at him with all that I had left, and then noticed that he had put his switch blade away. My knees felt weak and I couldn’t find the energy to pull myself back up.

            “You always were a monster.” He laughed, leaning forward. His pupils were black pearls, filled with his hate for me. My head was getting lighter, and suddenly before me, I could see three Himchans. He was spinning around me, multiplying. He lifted a finger, and all his replicas did the same, pointing to the same thing. I turned around to see what it was, and I froze. Jieun pushed herself away from me and slid herself away, her back bent against the side of the coffee table. She bore that same look of fear in her eyes, the same fear I imagined I’d had in my own. But she wasn’t looking at Himchan, who stood triumphantly mocking me. Her eyes were stuck on me, her shoulders trembling. Did I look like a monster to her?

Jieun’s POV

            Yongguk pounced at me suddenly, his shoulder colliding with my jaw and knocking my head to the ground. I felt my neck nearly snap as we made contact with the old rug, and I could barely breathe under Yongguk’s weight. I didn’t understand what had just happened. Was someone else here? I pushed away from Yongguk with all my might and followed his gaze, just above the sofa I had sat on as I coughed violently. There was no one there, not even a speck of dust had fallen, yet his eyes were glued to that empty space. It was as if he was having a conversation with thin air, and it terrified me. My legs were sore from falling in such an awkward position, so with them sprawled painfully on the ground I manoeuvred myself against the side of the coffee table, watching Yongguk in despair. His hair was tussled and he was sweating uncontrollably, his face red enough to be noticed under such dim lighting. I wanted to sympathize with him, but I was scared.

            “Yongguk please, tell me what’s going on!” I begged, tears now pouring down from my eyes as I kept my distance. He wasn’t himself right now. I wanted to just run away, I could’ve called security on the spot, but I could feel that he was more miserable than I in this state and I couldn’t bring myself to do anything but wait. He showed no signs of hearing me, but suddenly shot his head in my direction. I couldn’t read the expression he had on his face. Was he confused? Angry? His body was still facing the sofa, but his head was anchored almost ninety degrees, just looking at me.

            “…Yongguk…?” I whispered. He wasn’t blinking. Suddenly, he collapsed onto the floor and immediately, I found my voice to scream. I didn’t know what to make of the situation. I felt fear mixed with confusion, and I could only sit here helplessly as the security burst through the front doors, immediately tending to Yongguk. I watched as it took two of the scrawny men to arch Yongguk upright and drag him off somewhere; to the hospital? To the police station? To his room? I didn’t know or have the energy to ask. My head was still throbbing and I just wanted to lie down and think.

            “Jieun-sshi?” One of the security personnel was calling me, but by then I had already closed my eyes. I just wanted to sleep and dream, so that when I woke up things would be back to normal. I wanted to take everything that had just happened and force it into the deepest corner of my mind, far enough that I’d only remember it as a bad dream.

            “Is she unconscious?” Another voice, much more nasally than the first inquired.

            “I-I don’t really know, but she’s breathing.”

            “We better bring her to the hospital, too.” My ears were sharp and awake, and I heard every sound they made as they brought me to the ambulance. I pretended I had been asleep the whole time, just like I wanted to be. But I couldn’t fall asleep. My head didn’t hurt any less than when I was still sitting up. I wondered whether it hurt more because of my collision with the ground, or whether it hurt because I couldn’t comprehend what happened no matter how many times I replayed it in my mind. Yongguk was fine, and we were talking like we always did. It took just seconds for him to change, and suddenly become someone I would regard as dangerous. Still I trusted that he would never intentionally hurt me, I was more scared that he’d hurt himself. Where was he now?

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            I woke up in a hospital bed with movable curtains drawn around me to isolate me from everyone else who might’ve been in the room. How long had I been unconscious? Through a crack in the curtains, I could see sunlight seep in, drawing a crooked line through my blanket. My head hurt a lot less now. I yawned, taking a moment to remember how I’d gotten here. After recalling the image of Yongguk last night, I felt a chill shoot down my spine, and though the blanket was warm, I felt unreasonably cold. Where was Yongguk? Had he been brought to the hospital too? Without thinking, I pushed one of the curtains aside, ready to jump out of the bed and sprint down the hallway to find the closest nurse who could fill me in, but the person I saw waiting just on the other side stopped me with one stare. He was slouching on his stool, his elbows perched on top of his thighs and his hands were clasped together like a prayer, his chin rested at the top.

            “Are you feeling okay?” He asked, his eyes looked at me but he didn’t smile. I’d never seen Daehyun so sullen, as if a lion had eaten all his pride and made off with all the confidence he’d spent his life building up. He still looked and sounded like Daehyun, but his charm had worn off. I wondered if my father sent him here, or whether he came here on his own accord.

            “Where’s…” I struggled with my question. There was immeasurable pain in Daehyun’s eyes, and I felt that if I mentioned another man in front of him he’d suffer even more. I figured it was like that with all guys; they just hated hearing about other men from women they cared about. It was like that the other way around too.

            “He left.” Daehyun said. He was no longer looking at me, but it didn’t seem like he was trying to hide his guilt for anything. He was just the messenger, but what did he mean by leave? Yongguk left the hospital? Or did he leave me entirely? I was scared to know the answer to that, to I nodded and sank back down onto my bed.

            “I know you don’t want to hear this from me of all people, and especially not now.” Daehyun muttered. I wanted to cry, but why did he look even more fragile than I?

            “It doesn’t matter who you choose in the end, Jieun. It just can’t be Yongguk.”

            “I’ve already chosen him.” I felt a small pang of anger build up inside of me.

            “Then please, if you can, choose again…”

            “Why can’t it be Yongguk?” No one ever explained to me why. I heard these complaints again and again, these proclamations of Yongguk’s inadequacy, and yet there was never any support to convince me that I should feel any different. There was something everyone had been hiding from me since the beginning, including Yongguk. Until when would I get to find out?!

            “Yongguk has Schizophrenia.” Daehyun finally admitted, scared to look me in the eye as he said it. Schizophrenia? Yongguk was suffering from it this whole time and I hadn’t known.

            “Since when?”

            “A really long time.”

            “How?!”

            “Even science has no known cause for it, Jieun. I can’t answer that.” I didn’t know much about Schizophrenia, I’d only heard about a few times in my life. There was a beginner psychology course I’d taken once in university, and it brushed up on mental disorders for one lecture. All I remembered from that was that Schizophrenia is a psychological disorder that causes the patient to suffer from auditory and sometimes optical hallucinations. I’d never actually met anyone who had it. I recalled all the time I’d spent with Yongguk since he came to Vancouver to work at the hotel, and he never showed any symptoms of abnormality. I would have never guessed he struggled with a mental disorder, he hid it so well. I couldn’t understand why he snapped yesterday? Why did he start acting up again?

            “How long did you know about this?” I was weeping silently with my bangs covering my eyes. I was scared to know the entire truth, but I felt like it was my right to finally hear it, no matter how painful it was.

            “After I’d met him at the hotel, I was jealous.” Daehyun’s voice was low, and I could tell it was hard for him to tell me. “I performed a full background check on him.”

            “What else?”

            “I don’t know if he ever told you anything about his youth, but in High school he dropped out after getting hooked on various drugs—I suppose that could’ve been triggers for Schizophrenia—and his mother, with a new chaebol status couldn’t bear to have a son who dragged down her reputation, so she disowned him and sent him to a special care facility, paying his housing fees in secret until he was discharged.” I knew about his mom’s rise in economic status, but I didn’t know the full effect it had on him. He worked so hard to clean himself up while he was at the care facility, and was able to find a new life here in Vancouver. I was proud of him for that, and he didn’t deserve to be reverted back to square one. The special care facility he lived in must have been the same one as my grandfather’s. Suddenly the pieces of the puzzle were starting to fit themselves together.

            “Where is he now?”

            “He left.” Daehyun repeated with the same tone he had said before. Was I really never going to see him again? Did he think he could just leave, after slipping up once? Disappear without another word? I could forgive him for bumping into my jaw, knocking my head against the floor and sitting on my lungs, but I didn’t want to forgive him for breaking his promise of never leaving me. He was in Vancouver, Canada. He didn’t know anyone here except for the staff at the hotel. Where could he have gone? Was it even my right anymore to go look for him? I started to think that he didn’t want me to find him. Perhaps I shouldn’t even try.

            I was crying to myself, but I couldn’t make a sound. Embarrassed to have Daehyun here, despite all the hurt I’d inflicted on him, I pulled my blanket over my head and rolled myself into a tight ball. This was probably my punishment for being so selfish, for wanting to live a life where I made my own choices. It all started with wanderlust—my desire to understand my own existence. With Yongguk, I’d thought I had found it, but now that he left it feels like I don’t even know myself anymore.

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Daehyun’s POV

            Late in the night I received a call from a nurse at the local hospital that Jieun had just checked in as a patient. I was hesitant to go, already knowing that she probably already had Yongguk by her side. We were forced to be wed in less than a week, showing my face in front of her would probably make her hate me more than she already did and would after that day. They told me she was unconscious and had fallen asleep during her ambulance ride there. If I just visited for a short while, I could confirm that she was okay and disappear before she saw me. Having this resolve in mind, I quickly drove to the hospital with her room number written messily on a sticky pad. I’ve rarely ever been in a hospital so late, and from what I saw from the outside, most of the lights were switched off. It was well past visiting hours, but the nurses made an exception for me.

            “This is her room.” A nurse guided me to a wooden door with Jieun’s name tagged on the door under her room number. When I pushed it open just a crack, I noticed she was the only one occupying such a large room. There was an uneasy expression on her face, and I remembered that she had fallen asleep with a painful headache. The nurses informed me she suffered a mild concussion but was recovering quickly. The moment I stepped into the room, I felt unwelcomed, though she wasn’t awake to make me feel this way. I hesitated to take any step closer, and then a firm hand touched my shoulder. I turned around, and he motioned for me to follow him out into the hallway, I let Jieun’s door close quietly before walking away.

            “Thanks for coming here. It saved me the problem of finding you later on.” Yongguk said. I was confused. Why would he have any reason to see me? He should be furious at my presence? He should have punched me to help me cope with the sin of stealing his girlfriend’s hand in marriage. He looked at me with solemn eyes, and there was no hint of anger in his tone.

            “You were right all along. Aren’t you glad to hear that?” He sounded sarcastic at first, but then his eyes depressed and a sorrowful frown took its place on his face. Such a pitiful expression did not suit him, and standing here with him so vulnerable made me uncomfortable.

            “You knew all along, didn’t you? About my diagnosis?” I couldn’t bear to look at his miserable eyes, so I turned away.

            “Yes.”

            “Good, I don’t have to explain anything.” He sighed in relief, but his face was still distraught with pain. “After I’m gone, and after Jieun wakes up, I want you to tell her everything.”

            “Just like this, you’re going to leave her?” I couldn’t believe him right now. Where did his grandeur confidence go? When he stood next to Jieun he looked as if he could move mountains, but now here he was, more pathetic than a cat being sprayed by a garden hose.

            “You were right, Daehyun. I’m not right for her. If I stay I’ll only hurt her.” As he stepped forward, the dim hallway light reflected on his face and I could see that he had just finished a long round of crying before confronting me here.

            “She loves you.” I argued, realizing how much more he’d hurt Jieun in his absence. They were a good couple, they could’ve persevered together.

            “She loves you too.” He argued back, like a playground child reiterating the other person’s words and twisting them to be his own.

            “Not in the same way.”

            “Please, Daehyun.” This was the first time Yongguk had ever politely asked me like this. I froze as he slipped a box in my hand and whispered. “I don’t want to be a monster.”

            “She doesn’t see you as one!” I don’t know why I was trying so hard to prevent him from leaving, when it was what I’d wanted right from the start. Having him surrender this way just made everything feel wrong. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

            “If only you’d been there to see the way she looked at me.” He muttered under his breath. Without turning back to face me again, he said,

            “Take good care of that. It was saved specially for Song Jihoon’s grandson-in-law.” He continued walking down the hallway, his black shirt blending in with the darkness until I couldn’t see his silhouette anymore. I looked down at the small, navy box in my palms and opened the lid gently. Inside was a beautiful golden pocket watch with Jieun’s grandfather’s signature neatly engraved on the back. 

A/N: We've hit the , folks! This is probably the longest chapter I've ever written for Wanderlust. I hope you all enjoy it. Actually, a few of you readers have guessed Schizophrenia from the earlier chapters, and i'd like to applaud you for your cunning deduction. Yes, Yongguk has Schizophrenia! I tried to make the hints as subtle as I could so that it'd be worth the suspense. Daehyun has returned! You can bet that you'll be hearing from Youngjae again soon as well. Please leave your thoughts below in a comment! Thank you for reading!